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We were dating for 2 months, then after our first argument she deleted me.


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 12th April 2019, 11:09 AM   #16
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@elaine567

Nobody knows what the real reason is and even if that were true, it doesn't excuse the course of action she took. If she had a problem or wanted out, that's fine..but then put on those big girl pants, be an adult, and owe the guy an explanation. Don't bail like a coward. It's weak.

A move like this generates distrust, disloyalty in an already difficult dating community and ends up making the few remaining decent people, colder..more detached.
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Last edited by Beachead; 12th April 2019 at 12:22 PM..
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Old 12th April 2019, 1:38 PM   #17
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You sounds young.

I want space = break up.

In case you didnít get the memo...
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Old 12th April 2019, 7:20 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Mike Phelan View Post
Thank you...

It's my first time being ghosted like this, it does feel a lot worse than other rejections in the past because I reached out to her a few times after the argument, and to just ghost out like this after 1 argument rather than a quick chat telling me how she feels is mind blowing.
Ghosting really sucks. I had a guy do this to me after 2 months. It was very upsetting, esp since we seemed to get along so well in so many areas.

A few months later he texted me w the "it's not you it's me" bs. "I thought I was ready but I wasn't."

ok dude, whatever, grow up.

Consider it a blessing. Anyone who would pull that game on you, is not worth even being friends with.
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Old 12th April 2019, 7:21 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by S2B View Post
You sounds young.

I want space = break up.

In case you didnít get the memo...
um, that's kind of insulting and dismissive.

Someone wanting space doesn't mean they want to break up.

If you wanna break up, SAY IT.

"space" means, let's not talk or hang out for a little while. Sometimes people need distance so the can think. Or they might have PTSD, like my most recent ex, and need to get away from people for a while.
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Old 12th April 2019, 9:48 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
You see each other once a week and in her allotted time slot you got drunk with friends, I guess that did not endear you to her and the next weekly slot she used an excuse to go home early.

I guess the real damage was done by you taking her for granted and making your friends your priority, no woman likes that...

I agree with Elaine. This was definitely not a good move on your part. It isn't an excuse for her to ghost you, but she may have also had the impression that you don't really care either. If that's the case she may have felt somewhat justified... "If he doesn't really care, why should I."

Apologies are good and all, but sometimes situations happen that can cause a new relationship to turn sour real quick. Even though you were talking for 2 months, you had only seen each other a handful of times. Why weren't you two seeing each other more?
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Old 12th April 2019, 9:52 PM   #21
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The truth is heís just bothered because he wasnít expecting it and it caught him of guard

It happens, happens to the best of us
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Old 13th April 2019, 1:25 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by Beachead View Post
You know why. As you can see by her actions..she is a rotten, selfish, unaccountable person. You're just not ready to accept it yet because it's too painful at the moment. But, she's not who she led you to believe. The pain you feel comes from the embarrassment and humiliation for being played for a fool and you're currently mourning the person you thought she was...not who she really was. Over time, your heart will catch up to this. But for now..I now how painful it is.

I know you're going to feel like you want to blame yourself but you really shouldn't because it's not you. It's her. It wasn't about the job interview. She had other problems regarding the relationship that she willingly kept from you simply because she wanted out. She didn't want to feel like the bad guy so she picked a fight with you over something meaningless to create an excuse to leave. It's all avoidant, cowardly behaviour. I've had to deal with stupid personalities like this for much of my life.

It screwed me up for a long time.

For one, I used to blame myself. "Maybe if I had been more like this. Maybe if I had worded my sentences like that. Maybe if I didn't get upset here." I was convinced that maybe if I had done everything the way they wanted, when they wanted. Said all the right things, acted the right way etc. ..it all would have worked out. It's lunacy. Because relationships aren't a one sided, self-serving transaction. They have to be 100/100 on both ends. She needs to give you 100% just as she expects in return. Needs to meet your needs as well.

The other thing that happened was every new person I met, I began to wonder if they'd go ahead and do something just as messed up to me. So you end up subconsciously building walls to protect yourself which might end up being the very reason you lose out on something great. In the end, the cowardly actions of someone else screw you over and make it that much harder to keep the heart open for someone new.

And having gone through such a agonizing process is why I have zero sympathy for people like this. In one simple reckless action, they could potentially screw your life up for years before you find your way back..if you ever do. Unfortunately there are a lot of people like this in the dating scene and often, no way to know what kind of a piece of trash they are until they pull this kind of stunt on you. I just hope you stay optimistic regardless of that. Take my advice and take some time off from the dating scene which is tragedy today because of people like your ex. Instead, spend time with people who are healthy for you. A friend or two. Family. People that love you. And focus on your goals and yourself for awhile. You need remind yourself that you're loved, you're a good person that and a good person that's doing some real good out there. Works wonders.

Stay Strong

- Beach
thanks alot my friend for these words. Made me feel a whole lot better.

The maybe if I had done this and that differently questions are the ones going through my head the most. But as you said, its lunacy expecting everything to be exactly as the other person wants it.

If she can't have 1 decent conversation with me about how she feels, then she isn't someone to think about anymore
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Old 13th April 2019, 1:30 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
You see each other once a week and in her allotted time slot you got drunk with friends, I guess that did not endear you to her and the next weekly slot she used an excuse to go home early.

I guess the real damage was done by you taking her for granted and making your friends your priority, no woman likes that...
lol

her allotted time slot?! What is this, a doctor's appointment??? If she wanted to spend more time with me, she could've at any time.

and just to clear this up, she knew my plans that day from a few days before. If you actually read the post properly I said "She said she wanted to come drink more with me that night when I got home."
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Old 13th April 2019, 1:33 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by S2B View Post
You sounds young.

I want space = break up.

In case you didn’t get the memo...
hahaha there just always has to be 1 like you in these comments

Last edited by Mike Phelan; 13th April 2019 at 1:36 AM..
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Old 13th April 2019, 1:45 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by Inspire View Post
I agree with Elaine. This was definitely not a good move on your part. It isn't an excuse for her to ghost you, but she may have also had the impression that you don't really care either. If that's the case she may have felt somewhat justified... "If he doesn't really care, why should I."

Apologies are good and all, but sometimes situations happen that can cause a new relationship to turn sour real quick. Even though you were talking for 2 months, you had only seen each other a handful of times. Why weren't you two seeing each other more?
No I think you got that part wrong cos we have drank at my house a few times before that night, she enjoys it too. The plan that day was that I was hanging with my friends drinking during the day, and then in the evening when I head home she'd come over and we'd drink and hang out at my house, just the 2 of us. That's exactly what happened. She also messaged me when she got home that night to say sorry for going home early.

We both very chilled, non pressuring people, so we both happy with how much we were seeing each other. It wasn't always just once a week though, there were a couple times it was twice a week. Sometimes a couple days in a row too.
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Old 13th April 2019, 1:48 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by Purepony View Post
The truth is heís just bothered because he wasnít expecting it and it caught him of guard

It happens, happens to the best of us
THIS....

There were no signs she was distancing herself from me, even chatting the day before the final time I saw her she was still saying she couldn't wait to see me after the interview....

Thanks for listening and helping. Just talking about it has helped me get over this more the last couple days
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Old 14th April 2019, 12:06 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Mike Phelan View Post
thanks alot my friend for these words. Made me feel a whole lot better.

The maybe if I had done this and that differently questions are the ones going through my head the most. But as you said, its lunacy expecting everything to be exactly as the other person wants it.

If she can't have 1 decent conversation with me about how she feels, then she isn't someone to think about anymore
I'm glad man. Keep your head up. This isn't your fault. I know it's easy for others to advise but a tough pill to swallow when you're in it yourself. She meant something to you even if she turned out to be a turd. So take your time with it and grieve it out. It's alright to hurt. You can post up on here or on the coping threads if you have trouble dealing with it or require some advice on how to effectively grieve. I and quite a few others can certainly help you with that if need be.

- Beach
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Old 14th April 2019, 1:21 PM   #28
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I guess between seeing you drunk and not liking the drunk you and then her needing you to respect her own schedule, she just decided to move on because you are not the guy for her. Sorry.
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Old 21st April 2019, 10:13 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by Mike Phelan View Post
The maybe if I had done this and that differently questions are the ones going through my head the most. But as you said, its lunacy expecting everything to be exactly as the other person wants it.

If she can't have 1 decent conversation with me about how she feels, then she isn't someone to think about anymore
Its perfectly normal to look back and try to make sense. As they say, "hindsight is 20/20". While the outcome may have been the same, self-reflection is healthy. It helps us to become a better person.
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Old 25th April 2019, 3:46 PM   #30
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Hi Mike,


I know that the natural tendency in your case is to over-analyze everything trying to think what you did wrong. Please don't do this, its a pointless excessive.



She didn't find what she was looking for in you, so she just found a pretext to break up. You can take it as a given, that she was planning well ahead for this moment. Most probably ghosted you because she couldn't confront you. She is 100% responsible here.



For whatever reason these things randomly happen, especially in the first 6 months to a year of a relationship, mostly initiated by women. That's why at such early stage investing too much is not advised.


Regards
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