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Ex-gf reached out and wished me a happy b-day???


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This is a first for me, but my ex-gf from a few months ago reached out and texted: Hey Jimmy, I just wanted to wish you the greatest birthday ever!!! I hope you are well!!! with a kissy face and b-day cake. She's 40.

 

Background was that she wanted FWB after wanted to be exclusive, I declined and went NC.

 

I do not know if I should respond or not as trust and respect were broken. She went away two weeks on "vacation" by herself without her kids or friends. She actually went away one week, came back, saw me, then left to go back three days later. Then she was back on a dating site the same day with new pics as one of my friends saw her active profile. My gut thinks she was doing something behind my back. Then switch from an exclusive relationship (she suggested) to a FWB so we can date other people.

 

Do I ignore? Do I just say thank you and leave it at that? In my 37+ years on this Earth, I've never had an ex reach out of the blue to wish me a happy birthday, so I am unsure what to do.

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amaysngrace

I’d stay NC.

 

The only reason she did that was because it’s an excuse to contact you and mess with your head. If you were truly that important to her she would’ve been exclusive back. Don’t go there. Just ignore it.

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This is a first for me, but my ex-gf from a few months ago reached out and texted: Hey Jimmy, I just wanted to wish you the greatest birthday ever!!! I hope you are well!!! with a kissy face and b-day cake. She's 40.

 

Background was that she wanted FWB after wanted to be exclusive, I declined and went NC.

 

I do not know if I should respond or not as trust and respect were broken. She went away two weeks on "vacation" by herself without her kids or friends. She actually went away one week, came back, saw me, then left to go back three days later. Then she was back on a dating site the same day with new pics as one of my friends saw her active profile. My gut thinks she was doing something behind my back. Then switch from an exclusive relationship (she suggested) to a FWB so we can date other people.

 

Do I ignore? Do I just say thank you and leave it at that? In my 37+ years on this Earth, I've never had an ex reach out of the blue to wish me a happy birthday, so I am unsure what to do.

 

I’d ignore it. If you do answer, it’s not going to change anything or make a difference. Could be many reasons why she’s reaching out, most likely it’s just in a friendly way because she does care about you. But she didn’t care enough to be with only you and that’s really all you need to know. Keeping in touch with her will just make it harder for you to move forward.

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emeraldgreen

If you both agreed on exclusive and she did all that, don't reply. In fact, block the number so you don't get follow-ups either and go NC for real.

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TheFinalWord

She's trying to re-start communication. But she's your ex for a reason. What are those reasons? Is it reconcilable or a train wreck waiting to happen? Do you really want something from her? If not, I wouldn't respond.

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SunShineAngels
This is a first for me, but my ex-gf from a few months ago reached out and texted: Hey Jimmy, I just wanted to wish you the greatest birthday ever!!! I hope you are well!!! with a kissy face and b-day cake. She's 40.

 

Background was that she wanted FWB after wanted to be exclusive, I declined and went NC.

 

I do not know if I should respond or not as trust and respect were broken. She went away two weeks on "vacation" by herself without her kids or friends. She actually went away one week, came back, saw me, then left to go back three days later. Then she was back on a dating site the same day with new pics as one of my friends saw her active profile. My gut thinks she was doing something behind my back. Then switch from an exclusive relationship (she suggested) to a FWB so we can date other people.

 

Do I ignore? Do I just say thank you and leave it at that? In my 37+ years on this Earth, I've never had an ex reach out of the blue to wish me a happy birthday, so I am unsure what to do.

 

I'd say that's nice of you thank you!

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You can even say "thanks. I wish you well".

 

By saying that you are not leaving a door open.

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She's chumming the waters for you.

 

Do you want to be bothered with her again?

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We did not end on very good terms with the FWB thing and the mysterious trips out of no where. When I said no to the FWB, she didn't understand and wanted to keep things going. I said she ruined it with her actions. Then she said can we still be friends and hang out, I said no reason.

 

She said, well if you change your mind, I am here for you. I said, I won't, take care. She then replied, if you do change your mind, I am here. I then deleted her text.

 

Just very weird to have a text from her. I am not going to lie, it did bring back memories, but the thought of her messing around with others and some other things I was going through was just too much. Once trust and respect is gone, I do not think I could have anything to do with her again. It's a shame as we matched on many levels, but I was always skeptical as she always had men hovering around her who she said wanted to have sex with her and do favors for her. She agreed to stop conversing with them, but something wasn't right. We broke up for a couple of weeks, she apologized and said she was wrong, I accepted it, but two weeks later she wanted the FWB thing; amongst other things. I just said good bye. I couldn't take the see sawing.

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All the more reason to stay dark.

 

You really should block her on everything.

 

You don't need this crap or drama in your life.

 

Why leave the door open and keep dealing with this?

 

Full no contact is your best path

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All the more reason to stay dark.

 

You really should block her on everything.

 

You don't need this crap or drama in your life.

 

Why leave the door open and keep dealing with this?

 

Full no contact is your best path

 

I blocked her on FB as she primarily contacted me on FB. I also deleted messenger. So she reached out via text and she also send me an e-birthday card. WTF?

 

I will not be responding, still stings, as I now have it playing in my head how she acted. I do not think she's a bad person, I just think she is not good in relationships. or, just not good with me I guess. lol.

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I blocked her on FB as she primarily contacted me on FB. I also deleted messenger. So she reached out via text and she also send me an e-birthday card. WTF?

 

I will not be responding, still stings, as I now have it playing in my head how she acted. I do not think she's a bad person, I just think she is not good in relationships. or, just not good with me I guess. lol.

 

 

No, we mean No Contact--that includes phone and email. You left the door open by restricting the blocking to facebook/messenger--you might want to explore why. Make sure your curiosity doesn't lead you somewhere you don't want to be. You two already connect on a lot of levels and it's really easy to think you can handle something that you can't. I seriously doubt she's given up seeking the attention and favors of other men. That's a hard drug for some people to give up. She's probably going through a dry spell and figured kitty triumphed once before... just sayin'...

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I don’t usually block ppl from texts or phones. I never reached out, but was initially leaving the door open to see what happens. It was pretty shocking to see her back on the online dating site the next day with all brand new pics was a big punch to the gut.

 

I guess, she never saw it that way. I didn’t respond and deleted the text

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I was initially leaving the door open to see what happens.

 

 

be careful you don't get hoisted by your own petard...

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I don’t usually block ppl from texts or phones. I never reached out, but was initially leaving the door open to see what happens. It was pretty shocking to see her back on the online dating site the next day with all brand new pics was a big punch to the gut.

 

The reality is you let yourself get hung up anytime you get a text/message.

 

Just like this time. Why waste your time on this?

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The reality is you let yourself get hung up anytime you get a text/message.

 

Just like this time. Why waste your time on this?

 

Just thought it was weird. I was trying to see what the reasoning would be, that is all. I didn't respond and deleted the text. Too many questions and unknowns to jump down this rabbit hole.

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Hey Jimbo,

 

She's messing with your head.

 

I would strongly encourage you not to care what this woman wants and walk away. Don't fool yourself into thinking the Birthday text is her wanting commitment. It's bait to get you to come back and give her what SHE wanted initially from you...FWB. She has clearly demonstrated that her wants are more important than yours so much that she'll ignore your requests of NC to try and reel you back in. She knows what she's doing and she's hoping you'll back down on your own rules and return to her. If you do, she now knows you can't put your foot down on decisions and that she can mess with your head and get what she wants. In the end, she will see you as weak and will never truly respect you as viable partner ever again. Not that you should want a partner like her..because her approach shows she is willing to use insincere tactics to manipulate them into getting what she wants and therefore willing to disrespect someone she supposedly cares about.

 

Regarding FWB, if you were looking for a longterm commitment, FWB is a slap in the face. You're there to serve her as a boyfriend or a friend at her request. It blurs emotional/physical boundaries and eliminates titles meaning she is free to do whatever she wants to do and can absolve herself of any blame if you become upset at any point. There's no commitment and therefore, no pressure. It's a great deal for her. For you..you'll lose your mind. Because you have unresolved feelings and those very feelings will hook you onto her and keep you hoping for a second chance again. You won't date others because of that same hope. But I doubt very much that second chance will arrive because you've given her everything she wants without her having to commit to you. disrespecting yourself in the process and reducing your value to 0 in her eyes. As time passes, you'll get more and more frustrated. Arguments will begin and increase in number. But again..she'll just dismiss it all with "We're not even in a relationship" because you're the one who agreed to such a sh*tty deal.

 

You don't want to learn this the hard way.

 

If you a want a longterm commitment..it'll be found elsewhere.

 

- Beach

Edited by Beachead
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I will not be responding. I could had dealt with the FWB prior to being exclusive. However, I stopped seeing other women because I felt the most connection with her and I wanted to build something. Aside from my ex-wife, and one other woman, I've not had that connection before and so strong. However, I do not change my mind. I felt extremely disrespected from the vacation travels, her on the dating site with new pics the next day, an the FWB offer after being exclusive was the last nail in the coffin. She may reach out again, but I just cannot. I still feel, and again, I can be wrong, she was messing around behind my back. What she has going for her is that she's smart but very attractive. When I 86'd her after the FWB switch, she spent an hour trying to convenience me to stay in contact and hang out. I would be lying to say that she didn't hurt me by that statement. Basically, I was good enough to have sex with, but not good enough to build something with. I am not a piece of meat. My ex-wife reached out as well as the woman prior to her, I never responded and moved on. If I cannot trust a partner, there's no sense in entertaining anything with them.

 

 

I will add, she removed her profile a few days later and hadn't been online since; either have I, but a few of my friends are. In addition, she shown me her profile and messages, and they were blank when she came back. She claimed that she didn't know she was still online, but amazingly, a few days later, all new pics (from Florida). So, who knows what game she's playing. I know she's used to getting her way, but I never gave her that, so maybe that was what kept her around for 7 months. Doesn't really matter, as I just could not trust her after her shenanigans. Those two trips, two weeks apart to the same place in Florida was very suspicious in my eyes. Hard to find a trustworthy partner these days.

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@Jimbo

 

I'm the same way. If I can't trust someone, I'm out. I can't be with someone I'm always going to second guess. It'll erode my well-being.

 

I know this stuff hurts. The disappointment. The realization that another person has let us down. The dating scene is a mess today so I agree with you. There is a big issue of narcissism, ghosting, breaking up via text messaging, numerous social media sites giving multiple avenues for people to have online affairs.

 

Anyway, you seem to have as strong sense of what you want as well self-respect for yourself. I know that's going to be your best defence against people like this. Keep your head up and keep going.

 

- Beach

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