Letting go but it hurt

[lenreyi]

Hi

Me and my ex have been together for about 1 year and a half, we are still very young and this is our last year in high school, we broke up about 1 month ago. He told me he coulnd't anymore, it was getting harder and harder for him to see a future with me and he remind me that he was not going to be always with me and that hurt deep.

These last 6 months have been horrible, we continue to fight, we do not understand each other anymore, he told me he was tired but when I asked him if we had to break up he always respond me that no he still loved me.

So he propose a break but I refused,fool i am so 2 days later he broke with me by message. I took it as a huge disrespect, I told him said that I accepted his decision the next day face to face and that I wished him the best but that I did not want to be his friend.

Subsequently he seemed sad after. He said when I ask him about his feeling for me that He doesn’t think he loved me anymore, he think he love our memories together only. He was very hesitant and was on an optic to move foward so I understant and I know for real that I have a special place in his heart anyways beacause I'm his first love.

The days went on he was getting better and better, he is enjoying his friends and the class but he is very naive. He has fun with other girls in front of my eyes but know that some girl were flirting with him,take advantage of his euphoria and like hug him randomly. It has annoys him after he realize that, mutuals friends haved told him to be careful, still he don’t see people true intentions.

 

Today the signs that he does not want me are more present, I do not see anything by looking him in the eyes, when we are alone it is very embarrassing, he is distant, it’s being a while that I am not his priority anymore. Although he knows that I am not going well and I know he wants to enjoy his youth I understand that.

At the end of our relationship he still like force himself I felt like, chase after me when I couldn’t wait for him, i was already abandoning, I couldn’t belive him when he told me I love you.I had become bitter, mean and so cold with him because I knew deep inside this was the end. I feel betrayed and lost because I still miss him, i remember when he used to tell me he will always loves me. We had an amazing chemistry, but I was always afraid it was only deep friendship in reality because he has no experience before me. I hope It was true love at least. I do think it's because we can let go of each other now that we truely know it's the best fot us that this is the proof we care about the hapiness of the other and mean we sincerely loved each other. Even if it's hurt so bad to admit your love one doesn't need you in their life anymore. Still I remember he was told me he needed me when I asking him just 1 day before the breakup. This whole situation is too hesitant.

 

And he has accept that we are friends after that I haved change my mind for fear of losing a good person in my life but nothing we can’t be around each others it’s too awkward for me. I feel guilty for making him suffer, for having extinguished his feelings when I was his first girlfriend it should have been better. I do not necessarily want to go back with him, signs are negative, we are certainly not made for each other but I would like so much to be forgive before leaving.

One day I say to myself, he will return when the year finish and he finish playing with his friends and one day I say to myself look he doesn't care anymore, he just can't he told you, leave it like this stop hoping it won't work. I try to keep my strongest goals in life but seem like my life is going to be short anyway. For as long as I live I think I will always think about him, there's no way I could ever forget.

 

We have a party next week for a friend birthday but I feel like it’s going to be painful for me even if i try my best to just have fun.I don't know what to do?

 

The painful part is that I see him everyday. Nothing go well in my life now, I migth have an horrible disesase, I'm scared and still he will never know, I feel like I can't talk anymore that I really need to stop bothering my friends and family about my all fail love story. And if I discover that i'm gonna die soon I won't be able to admit it to him because I won't get him back by pity, I would rather die alone.

So here I am today heartbroken, try to run for my dreams when my life falls appart...

I'm so sorry this seem so tragic.I just need hope and a little support to overcome this, I really want to be brave enough so please help me...

Edited April 6, 2019 by lenreyi

[preraph]

First, I can take some pressure off you. I wouldn't worry about his feelings. He's moved on and seems happy with the decision.

 

You can't be friends with him because you still want him and that doesn't work.

 

You are still scrutinizing what you see that he does, and it's no longer your concern. You're trying to demonize the women he talks to or him for talking to him. It's over, and you have to accept it.

 

If it's any consolation, it is very rare that a high school romance lasts past first year of college. It's a time when people outgrow each other and move in different directions in every way. Most people want to be single and unencumbered once they are college age and single and be free to date whoever they can date.

 

You can't make someone want to stay with you. He's ready for his freedom, and he is right that he knows you are not who he'd be with for the rest of his life. Why? Because neither of you are even fully bloomed adults yet and both of you have a lot of discovery left before you have any idea what you even want your lives to look like. It will be probably 10 years before anyone is mature enough to try to choose a life mate.

 

I know it hurts. And I know it left a void. But don't fill that void by watching him. You need to see as little of him as possible (graduating soon, I hope) and totally stay off his social media and block him from yours so you're not torturing yourself and staying involved without his permission, basically.

 

You need to go out with friends and socialize places where he isn't and with people who are as remotely connected to him as possible and not even talk about him. And just rebuild your life by being social and doing fun things. Yes, you can still mourn but give yourself time out for fun and socializing, and if you don't learn to do that sometime soon, life will be harder than it needs to be.

 

I bet there's some guy waiting in the wings wanting to date you, but he's not going to do it if you appear to just be watching your ex. So stop. It's simple self-discipline. Good luck.

[lenreyi]

Thank you so much for your response. Yeah I agree, I know he is sure about that decision and I am too I'm not going to return to him or let him came back, our future is right here now.

I totally accept it in fact it has been more than 6 months that i knew it was over and began to fade away.

Yeah sure, I can't really help it when it's rigth near me but I will try to disconnect and focus on my work when that happen. I don't really care now I just hope He will do well.

We cannot be friend for sure, I decide to just be polite for the sake of our friends group honnesly that's the first reason why I couldn't be his friend first. Now nothing change we are stil walking away and that's okay. I don't think I want him back througth, it's just attachement and love that are still alive but i hope they are going to become memories fast.

 

In fact not really, he has a lot of girl friends but there were just one, a girl I know from long time ago who is very manipulative and she began to come closer to him it was rigth after the break up so i guess i freak out. But now it's a lot better even if he date another girl, I wish they are gonna be happy together truely I will endure the pain. So i don't think I demonize all the womens near him, that's a relief!

 

I agree it will take time anyway so I'm gonna be patient, yes I needed space and not see him everywhere, I knew it was toxic so block him from social media was my first reflex after the break up and i feel the less i see him the more i heal. Sure I will not involve myself in any way in his life now it's just about respect and I respect him.

 

Haha sure I know there's over mens out there and it confort me because I also want freedom and discover new thing with new persons right now.I wish him the same he deserve to experience too and that's something I had told him from the beggening of our relationship even if it was sometimes great to dream as if we were the right ones for each others.

 

Graduations are in 3 months with exams and party's i swear i'm gonna be really busy and try my best to stop looking and thinking about him!

I just hope that my health will not stop me from getting even stronger from this ordeal and showing myself in my best light ever.

Thank you again I needed honesty.

Edited April 6, 2019 by lenreyi

[preraph]

Three months will seem like forever, but it will be better after that at least. Take a break from thinking about it. Don't let yourself think about it all the time. It's fine to give some time to thinking about it, but limit that time and you're going to find yourself going around in circles anyway and get stuck in a thought rut.

 

As far as that other manipulative girl, men always fall for them, but take solace that they then get what they deserve. It will be a good lesson for him for the future!

[lenreyi]

I really want to move on and I will keep all that in mind thank you so much!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

. Nothing go well in my life now, I migth have an horrible disesase,

 

What makes you think this?

[lenreyi]

Oh it's been a while, 3 or 4 months ago, I have a really weak health, I'm already sick, I've had lupus for a long time now but the doctors are afraid of complications in my organs. But they reassured me and the fact that I am having a difficult time emotionally is maybe the cause so I keep hope anyway I will never stop fighting do not worry!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm very sorry to hear that about your health, lenreyi. Try not to get too emotional or stressed because I'm sure that will aggravate your symptoms. I know, easy for me to say! My daughter is a senior in high school, so I know this is a really stressful time. I think your break up is going to get a lot easier for you to deal with after graduation when you don't have to see him every day! That would be hard for anybody, even a full-grown adult.

 

It sounds like you two had a pretty decent relationship and I bet you will look back on it with fondness someday. It will just take time. <3 I am 46 years old and had a great relationship a boy my senior year of high school. We amicably split when I went off to college (he was younger), but I still think very fondly of him to this day. We are Facebook friends now. I don't talk to him (I've heard his wife is very much the jealous type), but I enjoy seeing his family and have nothing but positive thoughts and memories of that time in my life.

 

Hang in there!

[lenreyi]

Thank you very much, yes it is very stressful honnesly. I will focus more on my studies or other work when I think too much or care too much about him. I need rest and everyone told me that it was fine, I am strong enough, everything will be fine!

It will reassure me anyway if only my emotional state is a problem for me now. I know it's only temporary.

 

These 3 months will be long for me, but I will endure it i have no choice and I will really focus on my future and my exams. I try not to cross him too much, I avoid him at best because in addition we have many friends in common.

Of course, it will be easier after that's confort me too.

Oh really? That's really good for you two, I hope I will be able to do the same in the future, I will always respect him. We had a great time together so why not being friend one day? At least we are going to finish in good terms for sure unlike other couples here who end up in total drama haha!

 

Thank you for your understanding, I really appreciate!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

At least we are going to finish in good terms for sure unlike other couples here who end up in total drama haha!

 

Exactly. You're going to be just fine.

[lenreyi]

Thank you for all your answers.

I have a little worry again and your advice would help me a lot.

So here I am afraid of having spoiled everything, I do not know where I am and I can not bother my friends about it.

There are still two and a half months before the end of classes, but it is more and more difficult to bear. We are in the same class I meet him often enough, I hear him constantly laugh having the same delusions he had with me with others as if it meant nothing. It hurt me constantly. Sometimes our eyes are crossed and I catch him looking at me but I do not interpret anything this probably mean nothing. My friends talk to him as before but as soon as he trails with us I can not I hurt too much, I feel helpless as if he were trying to take my place. It's like every day it's a competition between us who's going to be the happiest and I'm exhausted from it. I do not know what to do anymore.

He was never very social network unlike me, since the break he suddenly starts to post full of pictures of him that I have seen by chance. Yesterday were two different parties my friends are common so I knew where he was. To know that he was having fun made me happy because that is what I wished for him and I had fun on my side with a little nostalgia at times.

Only just now he has posted a picture of his party that I could not help but to see so I decided to block it to no longer see this but now I feel that this competition for the continued attention happen also on social networks and I can not really anymore. I feel so weak ...

There are 2 weeks of vacation left, and I am also afraid of having spoiled my chances that he will come back to me because I have told him I will take this separation as definitive ... I have already made the point and I think that this relationship can perhaps be rebuilt but again I'm sure of nothing and he seems to only want to have fun then so too bad for me ...