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When the right one comes back....


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 24th March 2019, 7:20 PM   #1
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When the right one comes back....

So some of you may know that this year has been a whirlwind, I ghosted my long term gf and that was back in October so right away I started dating and had a great fun time without any commitment.

I wasnít leading anyone on and I was just doing me... well I met some great girls but they just werenít for me so I ended up keeping one of the five girls and sheís the total opposite of me but so far so good and I didnít miss my ex at all...!

So fast forward a few days ago my ex texts me and I was up front and told her Iím seeing someone and she gets all bothered and we hang up but fires back with a long text about how she loved me etc etc and donesnt want to ruin what I now have


Now Iím torn between a girl I really like but is wrong for me and an ex of almost ten years that I always loved....!

Weíre supposed to meet Monday which is tomorrow but man I havenít even been able to sleep over this

Any insight ? Any tips ?

Thanks everyone
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Old 24th March 2019, 7:25 PM   #2
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Ghosting a long term partner should be considered unforgivable. My guess is that she's got pretty low self esteem to be reaching out to you. Do the right thing and let her go and start afresh. Allow her to find someone who treat her with respect.
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Old 24th March 2019, 8:56 PM   #3
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You don't ghost someone you truly love
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Old 25th March 2019, 12:55 AM   #4
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It was just unbearable, for 3-4 years I did all the pulling, therapy, effort, trying and doing and it just wasnít enough so I thought why keep this unhealthy cycle going ?

I mean eight years and it didnít change
But now these last few days sheís the person I wanted the whole time but now I have a girl Iím really really into but bad for me on paper.

I think Iím going to stay with the new girl.... we are supposed to meet up tomorrow so weíll see how it goes but right now Iím very happy and impressed with the new girl
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Old 25th March 2019, 1:02 AM   #5
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Uh..... You say you love her? Why is there even a question then...
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Old 25th March 2019, 1:04 AM   #6
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You don't ghost someone you truly love
This.

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Old 25th March 2019, 1:12 AM   #7
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This.

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If it was that easy

If I dudhtbghost her she would have ghosted me
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Old 25th March 2019, 5:09 AM   #8
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But now these last few days she’s the person I wanted the whole time but now I have a girl I’m really really into but bad for me on paper.
The last few days? Dude, you need a reality check.

Firstly, you have no idea how much she has truly changed if your assessment is based on just a few days of communication. You'd be foolish to draw any conclusions about who she is now with such little evidence to back it up.

Secondly, she knows you're with someone else now, right? Of course she's pulling out all the stops and showing you what you want to see. It works to her advantage to perform, if that's what's going on here.

Look, you admit your relationship with her was not good. Years of that should be more than enough to override a few days' worth of positive interaction. You let go of what wasn't working. I think you'd be wise to keep it that way and move on without her.
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Old 25th March 2019, 4:29 PM   #9
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Everyone is on their best behaviour when they want someone to come back. However, unless they've done heaps of therapy, the behaviour is unlikely to stick.

Also, you say she would have ghosted on you if you hadn't ghosted on her? Ghosting a long term partner is a seriously low act - and for that reason, it's pretty rare. Do you really think she would have disappeared without a word? I think it's far more likely she would have broken up with you properly.
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Old 26th March 2019, 5:56 PM   #10
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We tried breaking up with each other but it really was difficult

A few hours later itís almost like nothing happened and everything was back to normal and this pattern went repetitive for several years

I do know she has been dating so maybe that has a part to play in all of this she really could always do better than me as far as physical appearance for some reason she just had a different type

We broke up about 3 to 4 times and most of the time I did all the chasing when she left this time I was finally done with it and she decided to come back I guess I told her I need some time to process things and think about what I want to do or what Iím deciding in the meantime Iím hanging out with the other girl and just play it off to see how things go since she really does mean a lot to me
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Old 28th March 2019, 9:13 AM   #11
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I think you should not date for a while and work on yourself. You sound like you've got some intimacy challenges to work through, and likely some maturation, before you can be available to any girl or be certain.

So, say you go back to your ex? In this situation it not only sounds like things needed to be different with her, but things need to be different with you too.

And that **** takes some. Solo.
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Old 30th March 2019, 2:40 AM   #12
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I think you should not date for a while and work on yourself. You sound like you've got some intimacy challenges to work through, and likely some maturation, before you can be available to any girl or be certain.

So, say you go back to your ex? In this situation it not only sounds like things needed to be different with her, but things need to be different with you too.

And that **** takes some. Solo.


All Good points but already did the time thing.... I traveled did therapy, improved me as a whole and she did the same

So I still feel this guilt because Iím planning to break up with the newer girl
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Old 30th March 2019, 9:58 AM   #13
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All Good points but already did the time thing.... I traveled did therapy, improved me as a whole and she did the same

So I still feel this guilt because Iím planning to break up with the newer girl
You should.
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Old 1st April 2019, 9:17 AM   #14
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Is it just me, or has my ten years on loveshack shown me that modern day men and women are just entirely different than they were ten years ago?

Seriously, I have never even hear of "ghosting" someone after TEN years?

Then dating around 5 girls on the go type of thing...

I really think the dating landscape has changed too much for me to even relate anymore

Please stay alone for a while. Once you get married and have kids you really can't pull this sort of sh*t.

I do with you luck. You know, some people are truly happier alone? It is not the optimal situation for everyone to be married with children in 2019. More and more people are realising that more short lived relations suit them best.

A lot of therapy will likely benefit you. Being alone seems foreign to you, you are clearly grasping at straws here to try and fill some sort of a void with women..... Which is OK if it is casual, but it doesn't sound like the women you are messing with want a short term thing.

This new generation of daters just does whatever they want without repercussions for other people it seems I thought I was the most hedonistic person ever but at least I have self awareness

Poor girls.

Good on you though for knowing you probably need to let them both go, seeing as you are debating on who to pick it is probably a good indication that NEITHER of them is the right answer......
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Old 4th April 2019, 1:11 AM   #15
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Is it just me, or has my ten years on loveshack shown me that modern day men and women are just entirely different than they were ten years ago?
Oh man, you have no idea.

It's nasty out there. Dating-wise, I mean.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 4th April 2019 at 6:50 AM..
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