leftout Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 since my ex broke up with me, we were together for about 8.5 years. shes been just do different and cold and distant. ive been so depressed since she did this. she hasnt really shown any signs of missing me at all. we had maybe 2 sleep overs together since she broke up with me months ago. but when i was over she wouldnt touch me, but she let me touch her, we even had sex months ago. but the next morning she was cold and back to the same. all this happened over arguing. she just started starting fights. over anything and everything. and i never fought back i found that the moment i said anything she found away to turn it against me. so i just listened and hoped her "phase" would end. everytime i see her now she just acts like im another person she walks by on the street, like we never even were in a relationship. she hasnt shown any tears , she hasnt shown any signs of missing me. now shes going on vacation to cuba, which was our planned vacation before she broke up. but shes going with her GF's. it really hurts because i feel left behind, i feel like she is doing everything we dreampt of doing, but not wih me, with other people. i got tossed aside like im no body. for a while i thought there may have been someone else. but theres not.\ ive come down to the conclusion that she had a quarter/one third life crisis where everyone was single but her and so she want off with her single friends. she knew i didnt want the break up and she knew i was heart broken. at one point she even wanted me back. but that didnt happen. she only said it then kept me chasing her. ive been lonley as hell and all though my ex was not perfect. she wasnt the nicest, and alot of people dont like her because of her attitiude, she was still my best friend and i loved her alot. we still have contact because of our daughter. but just seeing how she erased any and all emotion for me so fast. and i stuck by her side through everything, i feel cheated, like its not fair, i even asked her this, i said , i stuck by you through all the crap you put me threw, and im still here and im not going , why are you leaving , and she said , were different people, i dont need to feel the same as you, which is true, i just thought we were i n till the end. i still help her , i support her with financial things and i have our daughter almost half time, she wont let me have her half time. i just cant believe shes throwing everything away to do all the things that we were planning on doing regardless, does being in a relationship hold you back or something? maybe she never loved me:( Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 Sorry you're feeling bad and this is hard. But do yourself a favor and move forward. She is your EX, let her remain your EX forever, have nothing to do with her and start meeting new people. Your legs are healed, so stop using crutches and start walking so you can run again! Link to post Share on other sites
Author leftout Posted March 22, 2019 Author Share Posted March 22, 2019 Sorry you're feeling bad and this is hard. But do yourself a favor and move forward. She is your EX, let her remain your EX forever, have nothing to do with her and start meeting new people. Your legs are healed, so stop using crutches and start walking so you can run again! i feel like moving on is me betraying her though, i know were not together and maybe it sounds stupid, but i dont even want to hang out with women or anything because it feels like cheating to me. even though shes probably hanging out with every guy. man some times having good traits like loyalty and commitment isnt that good. it makes me feel like im not alpha at all. maybe i just need to leave my heart broken so that i can never feel emotional pain again. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 She's done and moving on with her life and you need to do the same. Stop wasting time trying to think up some scenario under which she might come to her senses and return. She was cold even when you had sex. She probably just didn't want to have a big confrontation of telling you no. When you're the one unhappy in the relationship, you may still have some care for the person, but you're relieved when it's over, so leave her along and stop looking at her social media or whatever or trying to contact her and let it go and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 i still help her , i support her with financial things and i have our daughter almost half time, she wont let me have her half time.( So stop. Interact with her only as necessary to discuss your daughter. Let her be & build your own life. You moving on is NOT betraying her. You are already broken up. There is nothing to betray. You are betraying yourself by not acknowledging that this is over 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author leftout Posted March 22, 2019 Author Share Posted March 22, 2019 So stop. Interact with her only as necessary to discuss your daughter. Let her be & build your own life. You moving on is NOT betraying her. You are already broken up. There is nothing to betray. You are betraying yourself by not acknowledging that this is over i get that, and i know that, its not that im not trying to move on, but i dont get why she would tell me that she wanted to get back together, just to run, and i dont get why she would invite me over to sleep. these are her initiating it. it puts me in limbo because part of me wants to just confront her and be like wtf? do you want to work on things, but i dont want to get rejected again so i dont ask, and the other part just wants to let her die emotionally in my mind/ heart Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 If you don't have a legal custody and visitation arrangement get one asap. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 Women can be "just friends" after a breakup, especially if they have to raise a kid with you. If she wanted you back, you'd know it. Accept that that is over and start dating. And I agree that if you don't have a court mandated joint custody agreement, get one. You can indeed have joint custody and have your child half the time as long as you are able to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 So when she invites you say no. Be there for your daughter but let your EX sink or swim on her own. Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 i still help her , i support her with financial things and i have our daughter almost half time, she wont let me have her half time. ... maybe she never loved me:( The notion that she never loved you does not have to be a dark sinister thing. She may simply be too shallow to make truly deep meaningful connections with other people. This would explain why other people take issue with her attitudes, and how she can so easily move on. Have you ever considered the possibility that you were convenient? That she has been using you? A connection of convenience rather than one rooted in life-time goals is much easier to break. She is correct about the two of you each being separate people - and right now you are behaving and thinking like an extension of her. That is not healthy. You have to claim your own identity independent of her and this would be true even if you were still together. Get yourself to a perspective of "new beginning" and make you someone who knows he can exist without needing her. You can't love and need at the same time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 i still help her , i support her with financial things and i have our daughter almost half time, she wont let me have her half time. i just cant believe shes throwing everything away to do all the things that we were planning on doing regardless, does being in a relationship hold you back or something? maybe she never loved me:( If you feel like you're with the wrong person, then yes, you can feel like it's holding you back. I am sure she did love you in the past, but for whatever reason, her feelings have changed. Staying out of a sense of guilt because you stayed with her during tough times would have been foolish, as the resentment would have grown (on her end) and you would have felt a hell of a lot more lonely being "together" but living your own lives and knowing she didn't really want to be there. She likely came to you for company and sex because you're familiar and she was feeling in need of some attention. She really shouldn't have done that, knowing how you felt about her, but this is why you can't let it happen again. What sort of financial support have you been providing, and why? You need to see a lawyer regarding custody/visitation rights, and a formal child support arrangement. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 The only one who is keeping you in limbo unable to move on is yourself. She doesn't have any feelings for you now and has moved on. Stop being an orbiter living on hopium. Or stay where you are. This is your choice Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts