Kaioken Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 Okay so I’m new to this site but I need someone to talk to. We only went out for 3 months. I really feel like I love this girl. But a day after she breaks up she’s back on tinder.. says she doesn’t trust me. Just wants to co parent.. I am so broken right now idk what to do. She is 24 weeks pregnant now and we barely talk. I just want to enjoy the pregnancy and see my baby girl growing and have a family. I think I got played. I want to be there for her but it’s so hard to want to talk to someone after all this **** happened. How do I get over her? Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 Doesn't the fact that she's carrying your child but actively looking to date other men make you lose respect for her? I think that would go a long way to helping you start to get over her. I hope you can have a cordial and cooperative co-parenting relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaioken Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 It does help with the process but I just can’t get myself to let go. Like I’m hoping it’s just going to get better. Probably not. I want to be cordial and I will coparent. But she expects me to just forget about a relationship and now we’re just friends and I’m supposed to just be happy and act like it’s all good. You don’t tell someone you love them and want a family and then cut them off 3 months in. Am I just that gullible? Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 You sure the kid is yours? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaioken Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 Yeah pretty sure. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Man, that’s really so sad. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Did she give you a reason for not trusting you? Why do you think you were played? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaioken Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 She basically thought I was talking to girls on ig. I deleted them all to show I wasn’t. And early in the relationship I went to have a few drinks with two friends from my gym. Which were girls. But I told her. Not thinking anything if it. And she flipped. A girl came up to me when we were out once and I was polite and told her I was there with someone. She saw me “chatting” with her and assumed I was flirting. Didn’t let me explain. Just stormed out. She was just insecure af. So we ended up arguing about all that stuff all the time. I’ll admit I ended up questioning her too. I had to delete all these ppl so I thought to myself why does it matter and what is she doing then. I check her **** and of course she’s following a ton of dudes. It was just a mess. It’s like her insecurities rubbed off on me. Like if you’re upset that I’m following these ppl then why are you doing the same thing?? Idk. It probably sounds so petty. Ugh..buuuut, when things were good they were really good. And I’m having trouble letting that go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaioken Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 The reason I think I might have been played is she was telling me she loved me and that she wanted a baby and a family with me. Pipe dreams. Then just cuts it off. I want to blame the hormones so bad lol. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 This sounds to me like one of those high drama, high intensity relationships that isn't likely to stand the test of time. Very unfortunate that she got pregnant during it. There are all kinds of reasons why she may have pulled away. I think it's not likely she'll get another man to support her past about the 2nd trimester, but maybe she's ok without + sometimes women can get that. I wish I had better advice and a better feeling about all this, but my thought is to 1) make sure the kids is actually yours just to be 100% sure and 2) beyond that, you're just going to have to come to terms with this. Support your child as much as possible even if you can't support his/her mother. Do your best to be a great Dad and encourage her (gently/carefully) to be a great Mom as much as possible for her. Sometimes you just do what you CAN do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 The jealousy factor can really screw up a relationship. Sounds like she was pretty insecure but you didn’t help matters by going out with girls from the gym. Those kinds of things raise red flags for a partner. I agree that if she expected certain behaviors from you, she should’ve held herself to the same standards. Since it appears that she plans to keep the baby, you could probably use that as a reason to stay in touch with her and even chat every now and then. If she sees that, over time, you haven’t dated anyone else and that you didn’t push her to get back with you, there may be a chance for the two of you to mend things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaioken Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 I really appreciate the help. It was definitely an intense relationship. It’s nice to get advice from an outside source without bias. I will for sure be putting my best foot forward and my little baby girl will definitely be taken care of. I’m sure time will help me get over this. <3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Yeah pretty sure. The reason I think I might have been played is she was telling me she loved me and that she wanted a baby and a family with me. This whole thing . . . 90 days of dating; her desire for a baby; your idea that you all are a family . . . the whole thing screams to me that you are getting played. 1. Are you sure she's even pregnant? I'd demand to see the test results & sonogram 2. Are you sure its yours? This is a lifetime financial commitment to a child. You can't just be pretty sure. You have to know. 3. Are you both ready for parenthood? Do you have a big enough apartment? Are you taking classes? Have you spoken to a lawyer about child support, custody, parenting time etc.? Your head seems to be in the clouds as much as hers is. There is a new life at stake her. Your childhood playtime is over. Time to step up to the plate & be a dad. This is not fun & games nor is it a part time endeavor. Link to post Share on other sites
kalbozo Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 make sure its your before you sign a birth certificate ! looks like she might have cuckolded you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaioken Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 I am fully prepared for a child. I’ve done all of the above. Just looking for encouraging input and people to talk to. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Aww. Here's my best advice. Don't pressure her into agreeing to anything right now. She's no doubt overwhelmed. There's no hurry. Just be supportive and nonjudgmental (don't even mention her being on Tinder anymore -- her dating days are about to be over for awhile anyway), and just be polite and helpful and supportive and let her know you want to coparent. Let her settle down. Don't know why she doesn't trust you, but your actions now are what counts because this is more important. So just be a good reliable guy. As far as you dating, don't pass up any great opportunities, but don't do it just to be doing it and give her a chance to settle down and think and be there when she needs you without being pushy and see if you can just keep a good coparenting friendly relationship. Either way, you're going to need that. Give it maybe three months. Then she'll only be two away from giving birth. If by then she still is sure she can't trust you and doesn't want to be together, nothing you can do. At that time, she will still have to be primary caretaker early days because of nursing, but you can still be invaluable and offer to run errands or go babysit for a couple hours while she takes a nap and be a dad. Once the baby is old enough, you can do joint custody if she is still set on doing it on her own. To be frank, unless she lost her attraction for you, which is kind of a point of no return for women, then my guess is if you live up to your obligations, she may change her mind, but right now, she's too overwhelmed to be making any big decisions, so no pressure. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 I have felt like your girl, wrecked inside, never calm once there is another woman who you enjoy chatting to the remedy is so much romance, for that is just ours, not your female friends' I know how we get told off for being jealous, which just creates a double whammy Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 ^that said, if you get a whiff that she's just either playing you or trapped you into fatherhood, either way, you wait until the child is born and get a DNA test. You said you dated 3 months and she's 24 weeks pregnant, so that means she got pregnant before she knew you, so something is off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 This whole thing . . . 90 days of dating; her desire for a baby; your idea that you all are a family . . . the whole thing screams to me that you are getting played. Yes, agreed. Relationships that start out like this almost never last, OP. It's not built on a foundation of mutual trust and respect because, well, you barely knew each other. The likelihood that you two will reunite and happily raise the baby together as a family unit it just about nil. You will need to officially establish paternity and then get legal counsel regarding a custody arrangement. I too wonder about the timing - how is she 24 weeks pregnant with your child if you only dated 3 months? Unless you broke up a little while ago? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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