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Damaged ego? Regret? Lonely?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 17th March 2019, 4:17 AM   #1
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Damaged ego? Regret? Lonely?

Broke up with my ex gf last week because I didnít feel we were compatible for a future together and she wanted to get married and have kids and I didnít.
She joined a dating app a few days later (the one I met her on and I noticed she had been logging on while we dating coincidentally, even though she promised and swore she hadnít...
She instigated NC because she said the whole episode of being ďdumpedĒ and arguing about the breakup was too painful...
She wrote me a nice goodbye letter, but also explained that she is lonely and sad and needs to move on quickly because she wants a happy future so she needs me to understand that sheíll always love me but because I canít marry her or I donít want children she has to move on...

This left me feeling like WTF? Because I was the dumper but Iím too upset even to start texting and meeting other people...

Itís been 2 days NC and I miss her like crazy.
I really miss her and Iím wondering if I feel like this because I am lonely or I really regret breaking it off or Iím jealous of the idea of other guys sleeping with her...

Itís so painful and confusing right now...
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Old 17th March 2019, 4:40 AM   #2
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I really miss being with her but I can’t give her what she wants because I’ve already been married and divorced and I already have children. So I don’t want to rush back into these things especially someone who I’ve onky dated 18 months...
Also I never caught her cheating or texting but I always had the gut feeling that there was much that was being hidden from me and she was quite secretive with her phone sometimes. There never was anything though. Just small lies that she admitted to.

Maybe I’m just lonely and don’t know what to do next.
I’m giving her the NC she requested because she says every time she hears my voice she cries, but I’m confused about what I want now.
Do I?
Or is it just ego, jealousy and sadness talking?

Last edited by Thingsfallapart; 17th March 2019 at 4:42 AM..
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Old 17th March 2019, 4:49 AM   #3
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I'm sorry to hear you're hurting. I could have been your ex...my ex left me, because he didn't want to have children and I did.

In a way I understand your ex. She wants to move on and find someone who wants the same things. For me it would be way too early, but I can understand.

I don't think you should contact her unless you're willing to give her what she wants.
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Old 17th March 2019, 4:58 AM   #4
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How can she start messaging and meeting guys already though? I canít even imagine doing it. And she says itís because she is sad and lonely and needs to find someone who will give her what she wants...
It makes me feel like Iím easily replaceable...
She is not just saying that to make me jealous because I can see she has been logged in to the dating app.

I canít give her what she wants and even if I could, I think she has moved on too quickly and for me that would be uncomfortable and unpleasant if I found out sheíd already slept with someone...

I suppose NC is for the best for the dumpers too
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Old 17th March 2019, 5:40 AM   #5
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How can she start messaging and meeting guys already though? I canít even imagine doing it. And she says itís because she is sad and lonely and needs to find someone who will give her what she wants...
It makes me feel like Iím easily replaceable...
She is not just saying that to make me jealous because I can see she has been logged in to the dating app.

I canít give her what she wants and even if I could, I think she has moved on too quickly and for me that would be uncomfortable and unpleasant if I found out sheíd already slept with someone...

I suppose NC is for the best for the dumpers too
Maybe she's just using it as a distraction. You don't know if she's meeting anyone. Maybe she just looks what's outthere. I bet she's grieving, because it's so hard being with someone who doesn't want to marry and have children (just read my thread) and give up on that person. It's you who dumped her. She wanted everything with you.

I bet she's not over you, but she has to do something. If you could decide what do you want her to do? Would it make you happy if she wanted to get you back?
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Old 17th March 2019, 6:17 AM   #6
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I love her and I donít think Iíll ever find someone better than her. However, I donít want to deny her what she wants to make a happy life and future.
Iím really struggling with NC but Iíll keep it because I know itís what she needs. I donít want to hurt her anymore.
The idea of her with someone else really hurts me to my core though.
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Old 17th March 2019, 6:28 AM   #7
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She is on a mission and cannot afford to waste a single second more with some guy who is not capable of giving her what she wants.
Why did you waste 18 months of her time?
Already divorced with kids of your own, you knew it was a no go...

Moral of the story. Stop leading on women who want kids. It is unfair and selfish and cruel.
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Old 17th March 2019, 8:20 AM   #8
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How can she start messaging and meeting guys already though? I canít even imagine doing it. And she says itís because she is sad and lonely and needs to find someone who will give her what she wants...
It makes me feel like Iím easily replaceable...
She is not just saying that to make me jealous because I can see she has been logged in to the dating app.
Because her goal of having a family overrides her pain of losing you.

She is being honest with you, OP. She is sad and hurt and doesn't want to waste any time finding a man who wants the same thing she does.

You need to go No Contact so you can heal. Stop all direct communication with her. Who she dates or sleeps with now is not your issue.
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Old 17th March 2019, 8:53 AM   #9
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Broke NC by sending her the song ďSomeone you lovedĒ. I didnít expect her to reply and she didnít.
I donít regret it because itís a beautiful song that explains exactly how I feel now.

Iíll give her NC and just try to go upwards and onwards.
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Old 17th March 2019, 8:58 AM   #10
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Broke NC by sending her the song ďSomeone you lovedĒ. I didnít expect her to reply and she didnít. .
That sounds manipulative and is emotional blackmail. Ugh!
Leave her alone unless you want to get married and have kids.
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Old 17th March 2019, 9:06 AM   #11
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How so? Itís just a beautiful song about break ups
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Old 17th March 2019, 9:12 AM   #12
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How so? Itís just a beautiful song about break ups
Come on, dude. Have some sensitivity.

You don't send a song about break-ups and feelings to the woman you just dumped. How selfish of you.
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Old 17th March 2019, 9:21 AM   #13
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I broke up with her and she made it final by moving on and going NC. So it feels like I was dumped to be honest.

Thatís just my feeling.
Iím the one at home listening to break up songs, drinking whisky and crying into my hand like a loser while she is out with someone else and having fun.
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Old 17th March 2019, 9:32 AM   #14
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I broke up with her and she made it final by moving on and going NC. So it feels like I was dumped to be honest.

Thatís just my feeling.
Iím the one at home listening to break up songs, drinking whisky and crying into my hand like a loser while she is out with someone else and having fun.
Please, read what we are writing to you. She's NOT having fun. You have no idea what she's doing, so don't make up stories. And by the way....how to you know she had a dating app unless you've one too and seen her there?

It's ok to be sad and grieve even though you dumped her. It's not your fault you don't want to marry again and have more kids. It's also ok you let her know you're sad about it, but now leave her alone.
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Old 17th March 2019, 9:46 AM   #15
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She has a ticking clock to find what she wants and needs. She doesn't have the luxury of staying home and drowning her sorrow in a pint of Ben and Jerry's.

You dumped her, she hurts, she made that clear. But she's dealing with it in her own way - and as has been pointed out, you don't really know what the reality is.

If you care about her you will leave her alone and let her find happiness with someone with whom she's better matched. Reaching out to her in any way is NOT a caring thing to do.

You'll get over the disappointment and hurt in time and move on yourself. The lesson here is to make sure early on in the next relationship that you are compatible with life goals.
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