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Boyfriend was admitted to psych ward


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 13th March 2019, 10:23 PM   #1
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Boyfriend was admitted to psych ward

Hi everyone,

I have recently been thinking about ending things with my boyfriend of 2 years. Before I sound like a monster, I just want to let everyone know how much I love him and really do care about what happens to him. We have been together for 2 years and have been living together for about a month. Last week my boyfriend was admitted to psych ward because he was having severe anxiety and was hurting himself (cutting). He was taken in for about 4 days. Once he got out he was on meds, but has slowly shown progress on being himself again. Mind you, this occurred due to stress from work. He also feels stress from his son (not ours) and baby mama situation. The reason why I feel like breaking up is because, I picture myself in the future having to go through this again. His baby mama and his son are a constant issue in our lives. And now, he is on meds for stress(anxiety). And this will be the second time he was admitted to psych ward. I love him so much because of everything he does for me but I worry about our future and the instability I will have to face. I feel that this will occur again in the future and it will be a nonstop cycle of stress for me. Mind you I donít have any issues that he is affected by. Let me know what you guys think !
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Old 13th March 2019, 10:34 PM   #2
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Well, I wouldnít do anything until he is discharged and more stable.

But, I doubt I would have stayed in this situation for two years. You are right to be concerned, if past behavior is any indicator of future behavior, you would be signing on for years of ups and down, worry and fear. It would not be something I would ever want for my life... although, I do have great sympathy for his struggle. Good luck.
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Old 13th March 2019, 10:46 PM   #3
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About 15 years ago, I was dating someone who was admitted to the Psych ward. She tried to commit suicide. A lot had gone wrong in her life but the main catalyst was the loss of her mother. I didn't break up with her while she was confined at the Psych ward.

I tried to fix the other problems in her life, so when she got out; she could attempt some normalcy.

First I went and saw her landlord, he was about to evict her apartment. I explained the situation and he took pity on her and "stayed" the eviction for $200, which I gladly paid. Then I went to her employer, who had just fired her, again explained the situation and begged her boss to give her another chance, reluctantly he agreed. She had totaled her car and let her insurance lapse, I couldn't buy her another car, but I did buy her a 30 day bus pass, which was the best I could do for that problem. I went and saw her everyday, took her favorite junk food kettle potato chips & snickers chocolate bars (fun size).

When she was released, we went back to her apartment, gave it a good cleaning and I explained what all I had done. She healed and her life got back to normal, at that point I said "good bye". She thanked me for all that I had done, paid me back the money I had extended and we parted ways in a friendly manner.

You have good reasons to break up with this gentleman, but perhaps you could wait until he is back on his feet and out of the ward.
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Old 13th March 2019, 10:54 PM   #4
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Mental illness is a challage, attempted suicide or hurting self is a deal breaker.
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Old 13th March 2019, 10:56 PM   #5
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I was admitted to a psych ward and never had one visitor. I struggled with mental health for years before I found treatment. I stil struggle but am considered normal. Through my years of mental health challenges, I've never had anyone really care. It was hard, it was extremely painful, and I suffered, I'd tell him the truth and be his friend if you love him. If you are strong enough. If anyone was just honest with me, I would have appreciated it but a lot of people ignored me.
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Old 13th March 2019, 11:09 PM   #6
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in oz they have support groups for family and significant others who live with people who have mental health problems...i suggest really like your bf is..... you seek professional advice and help and support to deal with the issues you have due to his mental instability...its a rough slog dealing with mental instability for two years on your own with no professional support...and dealing with mental illness can also give you mental health problems of your own...i have seen it happen...anxiety and depression because you will struggle...with knowing how to go forward....and the enormity of the pressure mental instability places on those who surround a mentally ill person....

its well and good for people such as me to offer advice on what you should do by basing it on personal experience......but you really need more stable and non bias help....from a caring and compassionate mental health advisor who will advise on whats best for you and for him...personally honesty when dealing with mental health issues is huge......i wish you well...deb
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Old 13th March 2019, 11:28 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Realitysux View Post
I was admitted to a psych ward and never had one visitor. I struggled with mental health for years before I found treatment. I stil struggle but am considered normal. Through my years of mental health challenges, I've never had anyone really care. It was hard, it was extremely painful, and I suffered, I'd tell him the truth and be his friend if you love him. If you are strong enough. If anyone was just honest with me, I would have appreciated it but a lot of people ignored me.
Definitely can relate! Hope you are doing better!

In my situation, honesty at least in the short term had a bad effect. I wish I was just lied to more in order to get over some of the early hurdles, at least until my mood stabilised.

Looking back, I had one nurse who would lie to me all the time - but about nothing serious, just topics she knew would cause me more stress. I actually appreciate what she did now.
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Old 13th March 2019, 11:29 PM   #8
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Mental illness is a challage, attempted suicide or hurting self is a deal breaker.
Understood!

Just know that it can happen to literally anyone. Everybody has a limit, and when that limit is reached, it can get unpredictable.

PTSD is a real and statistically backed example of this.

Last edited by Bloke; 13th March 2019 at 11:32 PM..
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Old 14th March 2019, 12:55 PM   #9
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Not every SO can deal with their partner's illnesses. Anxiety to this level is a disease & you are correct that it will last a lifetime. Many people can manage it with therapy & meds but it will always be there. It doesn't get cured; it just gets managed.

If you can't or don't want to deal with a lifetime of this you are free to walk away. Better now then later but have some compassion. Reach out to his treating mental health professionals to tell him you just gave his fragile psyche another body blow so they can keep him safe.
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Old 14th March 2019, 1:49 PM   #10
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You're right that you would have to deal with his instability since the two stressors are not gong away- working and co-parenting his child. It sounds as though he is stabilizing now that he is out of the ward but the triggers remain. No, you are not on the hook for life and you are not a monster- or even a bad person- to realistically assess whether you want the kind of life that you're experiencing with him.

The key question is whether he realizes that he needs to develop ways to manage stress before he hits a wall. Since he's been in the psych ward twice now, I'd hope that this second visit made it clear that he needs to do that. Is he acknowledging that he needs to learn methods to manage the stress triggers?
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Old 14th March 2019, 1:51 PM   #11
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Look, he has severe coping issues and he's just blaming it on everything happening, but cutting is rooted much deeper. One example of the beginning of cutting would be say if you had a parent who wouldn't allow you to express negative emotions and just poo-poo'd you when you did. You learn to express yourself silently like that. It's not just from his job and baby mama, though the latter would be enough to see me out the door.

He shouldn't be in a relationship until he fixes himself. Relationships just add complications. He needs to get in and stay in therapy and work on himself. You don't need to go forward and end up like his baby mama, with a man who cuts himself instead of learning how to cope and with children in the household!

Get out. Decomplicate his life. He will be sad, but on one hand, he may feel it as a release of one source of pressure too. It's OKAY to have standards for yourself when choosing who you stay with. There are many, many people you can love but not stay or live with, such as alcoholics, addicts, people with rage outbursts. You can love them and understand them and STILL not be expected to choose to say with them. It's your life. Make decisions for your own welfare first.
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Old 14th March 2019, 6:07 PM   #12
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Update

Hi everyone!

Thanks for the support. I want to let all of you know that I went to visit a psychotherapist for a free consult. She also told me to get out of the relationship. She mentioned that the mental illness will always remain, and I will never be able to change him. Iím glad it was a therapist that told me straight up instead of beating around the bush. I love him very much but will unfortunately have to break up with him when he is better. My therapist actually suggested breaking up infront of his therapist to be able to control him.
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Old 14th March 2019, 6:11 PM   #13
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Therapists don't control people.
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Old 14th March 2019, 6:30 PM   #14
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It's a good idea to break up with the therapist there so she can deal with any fallout and see for herself how he takes it. Hope you get through this okay. I know it's sad.
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Old 17th March 2019, 12:41 PM   #15
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Second update

Hi everyone!

Want to let everyone know that my boyfriend is at his mothers house recovering and doing very good . I also wanted to let you guys know that, yesterday I was finally able to end things with my boyfriend. It was very heartbreaking and painful but the entire week for everyone in his life was a nightmare. I tried to stay, but my emotions could not take it any longer. I kept thinking about how there are other people out there who will love him unconditionally, be with him in these situations, and be able to love his child and want to be the stepmom of his child. I felt that it was very unfair for him to be with someone like me. I let him know this, and he was able to understand more of why I was leaving him. I know it will be a hard journey moving on forward, especially due to the fact that I could not deal with his mental illness. I will miss all the great memories we had, and the loving and most kind things he would do for me. I know I will never meet someone like him again, but I could not imagine what my future would have been like if we stayed together. I am very young and need to continue living my life. And I refuse someone to take me down with them in a miserable life.
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