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Heartbroken tht i couldn't completely love the man who loved me


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Old 13th March 2019, 9:18 PM   #1
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Unhappy Heartbroken tht i couldn't completely love the man who loved me

Hi,

I was going through a bad period of my life when my now ex came into my life. He was my classmate in university and he helped me a lot to to overcome my personal problems by his love amd consideration, showing his affection through texts as he was in a different country. Slowly we started to text frequently. He used to communicate a lot, express his love well, saw me as his life. I knew he loved me deeply. But i could never reciprocate the love and make him happy. He always used to encourage me to talk more and do more in the relationship and be the best version of myself. I never could do tht. I always hid behind my fears and insecurities. Atlast, we broke up as he felt we wanted different things from life. I know tht he was the best person i could ever get, and i loved him deeply but never expressed it, because of my shy nature and insecurity to communicate. Now i feel gulity and hopeless tht i wud never be able to love anyone and tht i dont deserve love.
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Old 13th March 2019, 9:25 PM   #2
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For how much of the relationship was he long-distance? Because LDRs rarely survive.
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Old 13th March 2019, 9:25 PM   #3
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i got the same treatment from my ex that you gave him. I will say that you shouldn't beat yourself up for that. My ex has security issues that went hand in hand with her other problems she faced but no matter how much i stood by her she grew further and further from me.

Its how some people are that the more they love someone the more they push them away to either protect them or yourself from future heartache. I went through the same thing when her and i first met as i grew up in abusive households and made me scared to love as the loss would hurt so much.

But if he loves you he will understand as i did. But you can get help with that feeling through various means. But never say you don't deserve love as everyone does.
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Old 13th March 2019, 9:32 PM   #4
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Hi peraph,

It was a long distance for almost a year and then he came for me to where i live. He was the best and i still cant believe i pushed him away. In my inner heart i know i love him and can never forget him.
Thank you for your reply.
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Old 13th March 2019, 9:34 PM   #5
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i got the same treatment from my ex that you gave him. I will say that you shouldn't beat yourself up for that. My ex has security issues that went hand in hand with her other problems she faced but no matter how much i stood by her she grew further and further from me.

Its how some people are that the more they love someone the more they push them away to either protect them or yourself from future heartache. I went through the same thing when her and i first met as i grew up in abusive households and made me scared to love as the loss would hurt so much.

But if he loves you he will understand as i did. But you can get help with that feeling through various means. But never say you don't deserve love as everyone does.
Thank you for your reply and xonsideration. I just know that he is my soulmate and i let him slip away. It hurts so badly and it feels i will never be the same.
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Old 13th March 2019, 9:50 PM   #6
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For how much of the relationship was he long-distance? Because LDRs rarely survive.
Hi preraph,

The relationship was an ldr for the first year. He came to where i lived for me. We dated for a year and a half after that. He was the best man anyone could wish for. I know it in my heart and soul tht i would miss him forever and never feel love. I cant imagine how heartbroken he would be after all he did and how terrible a human being i am.
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Old 14th March 2019, 1:36 PM   #7
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Hi,

My ex texted me yesterday night and today morning. He is sending me forwards and videos with contents that would help me learn my mistakes. I don't understand why he is doing this.i am trying to accept the fact tht we are seperate. But while he texts i start to long for him more and more and i feel overwhelmed. What should i do?
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Old 14th March 2019, 3:08 PM   #8
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It sounds like you want him back.

Are you willing to work on your shyness & insecurity? Are you willing to be brave & tell him how you feel? If you are, then open up to him & this can be repaired. If you are unwilling to take the risk, then this break up is solely your own doing & you have no one but yourself to blame for your unhappiness. If he is as good as you say, & it sounds like he's willing to take you despite your best efforts to get rid of him, you should open up. You will probably be very happy if you do. So go for it already.
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Old 14th March 2019, 3:25 PM   #9
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Why donít you try to work it out ?
I mean maybe you both can take counseling together and work on this

Good people are hard to find so I donít understand why you hurt but are willing to lose him ?

Please help me understand that ?
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Old 14th March 2019, 3:43 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
It sounds like you want him back.

Are you willing to work on your shyness & insecurity? Are you willing to be brave & tell him how you feel? If you are, then open up to him & this can be repaired. If you are unwilling to take the risk, then this break up is solely your own doing & you have no one but yourself to blame for your unhappiness. If he is as good as you say, & it sounds like he's willing to take you despite your best efforts to get rid of him, you should open up. You will probably be very happy if you do. So go for it already.
I know you are right. I want him and only him and only he can complete me. I am ready to tale this risk and open up to him. Because i know it well that if i don't let go of my fears and weaknesses now, it would never happen.
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Old 14th March 2019, 3:46 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Purepony View Post
Why donít you try to work it out ?
I mean maybe you both can take counseling together and work on this

Good people are hard to find so I donít understand why you hurt but are willing to lose him ?

Please help me understand that ?

I do love him and i never even felt attracted to anyone else after i met this gem of a person. I just feel i am weak in communication and opening up. And i am a shy person. All this are the reasons tht held me back. Love was never a priority for me because i was never open to it. I have decided i will give myself into experiencing love and giving more than taking. I want to really work out the problems between us.
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Old 14th March 2019, 4:23 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by Lost_soul in chaos View Post
I know you are right. I want him and only him and only he can complete me. I am ready to tale this risk and open up to him. Because i know it well that if i don't let go of my fears and weaknesses now, it would never happen.
Good for you!

Risk is scary but I think here the rewards will be tremendous. Do make a concerted effort to boost your own self esteem through self help books & exercises or therapy.
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