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Will I ever Love again?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 13th March 2019, 8:12 PM   #1
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Unhappy Will I ever Love again?

Recently broke up with my ex of over 4 years and Its approaching 1 month since I have spoken to her and things are not getting better. I have broken down every single day and cried my eyes out thinking of her and how we could be together and have a life together. We broke up because we had differences in family and values. I was talking with a girl from a different country while we 'stayed together' the past year and now that I brought her over with a k1 visa, we got married and are living together.

I jumped into a marriage right off the bat without giving my self time to heal and I feel like my heart will never heal and I will never love again. My wife is amazing and shes more compatible with me, everything I wanted in a wife, shes perfect. Super gorgeous, amazing body, loves the same things I do (clubbing, raving, gun range, working out, etc...) any guy would be drooling over her instantly! Everytime we go out and I leave her alone for a few minutes, guys constantly try to talk to her and pick her up.

Everything is there exception Love. Love is missing and I cant be affectionate with her, sex is ok and I no longer feel that high dopamine rush I did with my ex. I miss that the most and I dont know what else to do to feel that with my wife. For context, my wife is more attractive than my ex so its not that im not attracted to her, sex just feels like sex. I feel myself fading away as each day passes. I am constantly reminded of my ex through songs we used to listen together and the raves we went to, its impossible to forget about her and im being reminded every minute of every day. I miss her so much and still love her but I know there is no future together with her. What can I do to move on faster, forget about her and focus on my wife?
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Old 14th March 2019, 4:38 AM   #2
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Do you know what your ex is doing now or if she's married or with someone ?
Why couldn't it work with ex , was it positively no good , mind you l do know how this stuff is , just wondering ?
Do you think your blocking yourself with your wife, do you think you could or maybe even do love her but your just blocking.?
Of course l don't really have a solution but your sitch reminds me of mine and there is someone else for me now too that l really couldn't ask for more. The sitch with ex was impossible anyway and not only but we are also 5x more compatible and l'm very lucky to have found her in my 50s.
Butttt, well .
For me l think l am blocking and so l hope in time and it is happening , l unblock enough to allow myself to love her.
l know l do , it's different to ex , but it is there, and l'm 99% sure that if l can let it out and let go of the past , we'd have a very very happy life together.

Might be something like that that you need to do.
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Old 14th March 2019, 12:25 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by chillii View Post
Do you know what your ex is doing now or if she's married or with someone ?
Why couldn't it work with ex , was it positively no good , mind you l do know how this stuff is , just wondering ?
Do you think your blocking yourself with your wife, do you think you could or maybe even do love her but your just blocking.?
Of course l don't really have a solution but your sitch reminds me of mine and there is someone else for me now too that l really couldn't ask for more. The sitch with ex was impossible anyway and not only but we are also 5x more compatible and l'm very lucky to have found her in my 50s.
Butttt, well .
For me l think l am blocking and so l hope in time and it is happening , l unblock enough to allow myself to love her.
l know l do , it's different to ex , but it is there, and l'm 99% sure that if l can let it out and let go of the past , we'd have a very very happy life together.

Might be something like that that you need to do.
Shes definitely not seeing anyone, shes alone just focusing on working and paying off her debt. I know that if we ever got back together, that we can have a great life, just not the life I want. Shes kind of on the lazy side, doesnt cook or clean as often as I would like and likes to party a lot and go drinking where I prefer someone whos a little settled down.

I dont think I am blocking my wife, and if I am, im not doing it on purpose. I want to love her because I know shes perfect for me and way more compatible than my ex.

Question for you: How long did it take you to get over your ex and move on with your current girl? Do you love her as much or more than your ex and do you get that same dopamine high you did with your ex?
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Old 14th March 2019, 5:58 PM   #4
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Yeah right.
We were at it for 2yrs, we met after both going through divorce. We were never smooth for long. but it was mind blowing stuff between us non the less. We were a sort of 50 50 mix, almost identical yet totally different and that part really, made us incompatible because they were big differences . two people open to them could work it but she wasn't , she expected these insane feelings and for everything to be perfect too. Next she'll probably get her perfect but it won't have the insane feeling of us , l tried to tell her.
We only split 12 mths ago but were on and off in the last 6mths of that so it was like longer really and it was only 4mths after the final split l accidentally really , met my gf now. So it hasn't been as long for me as for you.
But nah it's not the same high with gf now, we're a totally different thing. It is a high with her but different, milder , more steady. Ex and l were always fire and water. gf and l are sort of calm and easy , very comfortable., we just fit. ex isn't seeing anyone either.
l don't think we'll ever forget each other though , as weirder mix as we were it was still once in a lifetime stuff or never for many.

The blockings might not be not something you do , it happens inside. lt's like an emotional doorway closed to your w because of the ex. Mine is still only slightly ajar to my gf l've realized. l really need to let that thing open right up and let her in properly.l'm hoping in time it will.

Last edited by chillii; 14th March 2019 at 6:03 PM..
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