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Ex gf in contact with mom


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So the ex and I split around two weeks ago and shes emailed and called my mom twice aleady and talks at length. So far no mention of me. They've only met twice. Happening to anyone else? Sounds like she's keeping a main line open and her foot in the door if you ask me.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

Need more info. Were you married? If not, how long were you together? Do you have kids?

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Need more info. Were you married? If not, how long were you together? Do you have kids?

Not married, no kids, and dated for a year. Two hours conversation max with mom. The woman Id spent years with and have a child by doesnt contact my mom. Done is done know what I mean?

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Years after the fact I learned that my EX called my mom periodically after we split. I was furious hat my mom kept it from me. your mom probably just feels sorry for her. It's not really a path back in. It does seem odd since they only met 2x. In my case I had lived with my EX for 10 years so he knew my mom pretty well & his mom had passed away 5 years before we split so he didn't have a mom to ask for advice.

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Years after the fact I learned that my EX called my mom periodically after we split. I was furious hat my mom kept it from me. your mom probably just feels sorry for her. It's not really a path back in. It does seem odd since they only met 2x. In my case I had lived with my EX for 10 years so he knew my mom pretty well & his mom had passed away 5 years before we split so he didn't have a mom to ask for advice.

 

Your situation I can understand. I could even understand the ex that I have a child with staying in communication. But when it comes to saying things to my mom like " I love you" or " you've been on my mind all day" is a little over the top.

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. But when it comes to saying things to my mom like " I love you" or " you've been on my mind all day" is a little over the top.

 

I agree with you but your mom has to shut this down. You can't.

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ExpatInItaly
Was an LDR. The break up was mutual and extremely fast.

 

Okay, but what was the reason you mutually decided to end it so quickly?

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Okay, but what was the reason you mutually decided to end it so quickly?

Emails/calls just arent enough. More frequent " hands on" are required or you've just got another chat buddy

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emeraldgreen

Families are a package deal. She doesn't get to keep your mom in the split.

 

Tell your mom it's to ghost her and that it's a breach of boundaries to maintain contact.

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I agree you tell your mom to stop communicating with you, that it's creepy and she's out of your life for good.

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Definitely gonna ask mom to cut her off. Having that much (false) attachment to someone with maybe having 2 hours total interaction with is just a red flag for me.

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She's fishing for information and ways to invade your space. Tell your mom to STOP. If you have to, get on her phone and delete her and block her.

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She's fishing for information and ways to invade your space. Tell your mom to STOP. If you have to, get on her phone and delete her and block her.

Haha. Put mom in a full nelson and make her tell me where her phone is!

 

Seriously though. Like you, I know shes got a hidden agenda. I'll have a talk with mom

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Good luck. I was just thinking since moms are so trusting with their kids, it wouldn't be that hard to get her password and just do it. Moms can't tell their baby boys no about anything, you know.....

 

Cry if you have to.

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ExpatInItaly
Haha. Put mom in a full nelson and make her tell me where her phone is!

 

Seriously though. Like you, I know shes got a hidden agenda. I'll have a talk with mom

 

Do you want her to have a hidden agenda?

 

The impression I'm getting is that you hope her chats with Mom mean she wants to reconcile.

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Do you want her to have a hidden agenda?

 

The impression I'm getting is that you hope her chats with Mom mean she wants to reconcile.

Expat if I wanted her to be the mother of my children, 600+ miles away is no way to have a relationship. I was still getting bi weekly visits even at that distance but....

Edited by Grshpr
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ExpatInItaly
Expat if I wanted her to be the mother of my children, 600+ miles away is no way to have a relationship. I was still getting bi weekly visits even at that distance but....

 

I agree with you.

 

But logistics aside, I am getting a different read on your posts. It sounds, to me, like you are not ready to let go of this relationship, either, and that you are secretly hopeful that she feels the same.

 

Did you want your ex to move closer? Or did she want you to move closer to her? My take is that you were frustrated with the distance but that she wasn't giving you much indication that she was willing or able to remedy that.

 

Just my two cents.

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There is/was no remedy to the mileage gap. Its not a willingness issue, but other concrete factors involved. This leads to trust issues on both parts (paranoia) on both ends combined with arguments/disagreements that couples usually have which is obviously unhealthy. My stance is that once the decision to split was made that a clean break was agreed upon and we would leave it alone.

Its my belief that had the distance gap been closed that the possibilities of a solid relationship definitely could have been explored.

Now, having had bi weekly visits and my mother being older and bored and always willing to talk with somone be it in person, email or phone, I could see a surprise visit from the ex to visit my mother with another motive in mind. And the vicious cycle repeats itself.

Logistics are the problem that cant be fixed any time soon as opposed to incompatibility or some other irreparable issue. Thats my only arguement.

Edited by Grshpr
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  • 2 weeks later...
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If theres anyone who truley leans on this board they will appreciate this post. I havent been very honest. And the morally upright will slam me but.... Im cought up in a love triangle and its been killing me. We talked last night and agreed to part forever. Her husband ended up in the hospital and guilt kicked in and we ended things. I told her to call my mother and that mom was ready to sever ties. I explained to her that I didn't need constant updates on her husbands recovery and mom had told her that niether of us are happy and that mom thinks its best if they stop communicating. Of course she was sorry blah blah but it was more than I could take. And anyone whos had their heart involved knows thats just too much. So... Now you have the truth.

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Then what was the point of your original Q? Your EX was contacting your mom because you told her to. She also probably needed somebody to talk to while her husband was in the hospital.

 

Since you knew why she was reaching out to your mom, why did you ask us but stack our responses by only giving us part of the info?

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Because I was fishing for something I wanted to hear. My situation is totally taboo. Regardless i know that she just couldnt let go completely thus calling mom. I know the answers already. Im 240lb and getting ready for a show and my life is focus. I go to work, eat, train, eat and sleep and do it all over again with a broken heart.ive gotca rich lady in her 50s with the tattoo eyeliner, fake tits, juviderm lips, and blonde hair at 117lbs. Let me just wrap up my own story and go into no contact and let her revisit this relationship when she is a widow. Shes mentioned it many times and will look me up later if im unattached

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