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My gf dumped me, and I'm unsure if it's my fault.


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 10th March 2019, 6:39 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by Simple Logic View Post
What is sad is she didnít feel at ease with just telling you she was going out and having fun. Lesson for the future, She is not a pet on your leash.
She had no leash, I swear. I NEVER previously asked her who she was with or what she was doing before this incident, and after it, I still gave her full confidence and was not at all untrusting or controlling. As I mentioned above, I encouraged her to have her "own life" (in those words), travel with friends, have fun, and see friends on her own -- even when she was visiting me in my own city! That's why it's mind boggling to me why she would hide going to that dinner->concert. I feared the simplest explanation was the most likely.
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Old 10th March 2019, 7:19 PM   #17
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As an aside, I cross posted this on reddit/relationships, and I unanimously got ripped for snooping her public social media and not confessing to her how I found out she was lying to me.
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Old 10th March 2019, 7:27 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Citrus1 View Post
When she called back, she told me she was upset in how I approached her with this information instead of being more direct.

You were clearly afraid of her. A woman wants her guy to be strong and protective. It's instinctive. Weakness is unattractive and you reek of it.


A guy like me, if found in the same situation would have been like "WTF were you doing going to a club and lying to me about it? You got one chance to lay it out exactly as it happened or I am gone. I might be gone anyway depending on what you have to say but we'll get to that."
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Old 10th March 2019, 8:25 PM   #19
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She's a liar and a cheater. And, looking at her public social media account isn't stalking or doing anything wrong. If you took her phone or logged into her computer that would be something totally different.

Rather than make up some elaborate lie about how you found out, you should have just told her what you saw on her account. If she got an attitude you say "are you freaking kidding me? I'm your boyfriend, yet I'm not supposed to look at your social media?"
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Old 10th March 2019, 8:27 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by Normm View Post
You were clearly afraid of her. A woman wants her guy to be strong and protective. It's instinctive. Weakness is unattractive and you reek of it.


A guy like me, if found in the same situation would have been like "WTF were you doing going to a club and lying to me about it? You got one chance to lay it out exactly as it happened or I am gone. I might be gone anyway depending on what you have to say but we'll get to that."
I hear you. When I confronted her, I was not ready to lose her, and I wasn't (and still not) 100% sure she was lying. Her explanation, as ridiculous as it was, isn't impossible. There's other situations where I can prove my ability to be strong and provide protection -- this wasn't the best time, IMO.
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Old 10th March 2019, 8:32 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by Highndry View Post
Rather than make up some elaborate lie about how you found out, you should have just told her what you saw on her account. If she got an attitude you say "are you freaking kidding me? I'm your boyfriend, yet I'm not supposed to look at your social media?"
I thought about this. I was ashamed of myself for checking on it -- although it's public. It would have immediately raised the issue if I didn't trust her... and I do trust her, but she was being sketch that night (e.g., preemptively calling me to tell me she wouldn't be available to talk that night ... coming home TOO late past midnight)

Do you think she was cheating on me when she went to the concert? She had to be hiding something because I created a very easy-going relationship in which she should have had no issue volunteering her plans to me... early on the relationship was partied on a guy's boat and traveled overseas with female friends -- I never pressed her or anything -- I trusted her!

Last edited by Citrus1; 10th March 2019 at 8:40 PM..
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Old 10th March 2019, 8:57 PM   #22
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I thought about this. I was ashamed of myself for checking on it -- although it's public. It would have immediately raised the issue if I didn't trust her... and I do trust her, but she was being sketch that night (e.g., preemptively calling me to tell me she wouldn't be available to talk that night ... coming home TOO late past midnight)

Do you think she was cheating on me when she went to the concert? She had to be hiding something because I created a very easy-going relationship in which she should have had no issue volunteering her plans to me... early on the relationship was partied on a guy's boat and traveled overseas with female friends -- I never pressed her or anything -- I trusted her!
From what you've posted she was out on a planned date. She put some effort into hiding it as well. It just didn't happen.

I wouldn't waste any more time on this.

You weren't snooping as much as questioning your gut feelings. Which turned out to be correct.

Snooping for the truth is a good thing. If it is impacting you which it was.

Dating is a tryout. She failed. Don't look back on this. You've probably saved yourself a lot of future pain.
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Old 10th March 2019, 9:02 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by Citrus1 View Post
I thought about this. I was ashamed of myself for checking on it -- although it's public. It would have immediately raised the issue if I didn't trust her... and I do trust her, but she was being sketch that night (e.g., preemptively calling me to tell me she wouldn't be available to talk that night ... coming home TOO late past midnight)

Do you think she was cheating on me when she went to the concert? She had to be hiding something because I created a very easy-going relationship in which she should have had no issue volunteering her plans to me... early on the relationship was partied on a guy's boat and traveled overseas with female friends -- I never pressed her or anything -- I trusted her!
Why? It's never a good idea to trust 100%.

Snooping is bad when you have a reason to? Very doormatish behavior.

Be glad you found out early
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Old 10th March 2019, 9:17 PM   #24
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Dating is a tryout. She failed. Don't look back on this. You've probably saved yourself a lot of future pain.
Thanks.. I thought about this being the silver lining to the cloud. I'm getting older now (33), and I want kids and a family soon. I would have pushed to get engaged within half a year living together (sometime this year, after her work situation sorted out). God forbid she would have abandoned me at a later time, she would have destroyed me in divorce. I would have been the archetypal divorced doctor
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Old 10th March 2019, 9:28 PM   #25
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My friend, there is absolutely NO HURRY for you at age 33. You don't have a biological clock ticking, so speeding through a relationship with an end goal rather than carefully proceeding with your eyes wide open and a healthy dose of skepticism is going to end in bitter disappointment. Further, have a good prenup if you have any assets. It's ugly out there.
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Old 10th March 2019, 10:35 PM   #26
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Thanks.. I thought about this being the silver lining to the cloud. I'm getting older now (33), and I want kids and a family soon. I would have pushed to get engaged within half a year living together (sometime this year, after her work situation sorted out). God forbid she would have abandoned me at a later time, she would have destroyed me in divorce. I would have been the archetypal divorced doctor
Do not ever settle. That is what you were doing.
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