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GF broke up because she doesnt trust me **Updated**


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So a few months back i commented on one of her friends that is hot, and she heard it and got mad. We talked and we went past it. The relationship was still good and we had an awesome time for the last two months after that, everything was perfect, but yesterday she broke up with me because that incident has been playing in her head since it happened. She tried to forget it and thought that time will heal it but she just can't cope with it and now she finally snapped and can not take it anymore. She said that she tried but just cant trust me and will never be able to trust me again and we have to break up. She is always worried when i go somewhere with friends because of that day and is scared i will do something to hurt her. I even showed her messages with my friend where i said that i would never cheat on her and how awesome she is but it did not help, she will never trust me and that is final. She talked to all her friends and her mother even and they all told her to talk to me and share her feelings but she lost trust and is afraid that i will hurt her if we continue, even though i will not. I feel strange. I know i ****ed up by commenting on her friend but i mean, is it all on me or does she have some deep rooted issues, or is she lying? We had an honest relationship and if there was anything else she would have told me, she is the type of person that will tell it all in your face, no matter how hurting it is.

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I know i ****ed up by commenting on her friend but i mean, is it all on me or does she have some deep rooted issues, or is she lying?

 

It's not all on you & she's probably not lying. She is overreacting to one unfortunate comment but she truly believes that she can't trust you. It does not mean you are untrustworthy; it means her comfort level plummeted. That doesn't mean she has deep rooted issues. It means she's young & insecure. I could understand her carrying this around & not being able to trust if you cheated on her with the friend but 1 comment, oh puh-leeze.

 

Let her go. There is no action you can take to undo this or to earn her trust back. She will always think you are secretly lusting after her friend, waiting to make your move. Of course you aren't but she has her wires so crossed there is no telling her anything on this score at this point. She has convinced herself that her deepest fears are true.

 

In your next relationship, when you think your GF's friends are attractive, keep that info to yourself.

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So a few months back i commented on one of her friends that is hot, and she heard it and got mad. We talked and we went past it.

NO you didn't.

It ruined things for her. This was her friend, she was probably reminded of it every time she saw her.

She tried to get past it, couldn't and broke up with you.

 

People in relationships like to think that are important, hot and sexy to their loved one and that they are the "only one".

By showing your lust for her friend, you betrayed and humiliated her.

Trust disappeared in that instant and trust once lost rarely returns.

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NO you didn't.

It ruined things for her. This was her friend, she was probably reminded of it every time she saw her.

She tried to get past it, couldn't and broke up with you.

 

People in relationships like to think that are important, hot and sexy to their loved one and that they are the "only one".

By showing your lust for her friend, you betrayed and humiliated her.

Trust disappeared in that instant and trust once lost rarely returns.

 

Tbh, she commented on other guys all the time, even before i did that. I am not a jealous person so i did not bring it up, but this was the same case, i simply commented how cute that girl was with my best buddy. Isn't that a bit hypocritical from her? She can comment other people, but i cant?

 

Everything was perfectly fine after our talk. The sex was still amazing, she talked about me constantly to her friends, introduced me to her friends etc., and then suddenly **** hit the fan.

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Isn't that a bit hypocritical from her? She can comment other people, but i cant?.

 

It's totally hypocritical.

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ExpatInItaly

Did you call her friend hot, or did you say she looked cute with your best friend?

 

I'm a little confused as to what the comment actually was.

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devilish innocent

I know a lot of people can be really sensitive about their partner being attracted to other people. You need to be careful about what you say, especially early on when you don't know your partner's take on these issues.

 

But, really?! You made one comment about a girl being attractive, stopped doing it after you found it bothered her, and she thinks you are going to cheat because of that? That's completely irrational.

 

I really don't think the problem is with you. I suspect she is distrustful and/or emotional for other reasons. She thinks it's because of you since she hasn't done the work to figure out what's actually going on with her. However, no other guy would meet her standards either.

 

You're better off without her. Until she works through her issues, she's not going to be ready for a relationship.

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Did you call her friend hot, or did you say she looked cute with your best friend?

 

I'm a little confused as to what the comment actually was.

 

Told my best buddy who was standing beside me how cute the girl was and since he was free and recently broke up i tried making him feel better by telling him to grab her number etc. we commented for a bit but nothing too major. It was 3 months ago and since then everything was fine as i said.

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ExpatInItaly
Told my best buddy who was standing beside me how cute the girl was and since he was free and recently broke up i tried making him feel better by telling him to grab her number etc. we commented for a bit but nothing too major. It was 3 months ago and since then everything was fine as i said.

 

And what were those comments?

 

If I understand correctly, this was your ex's friend?

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I know a lot of people can be really sensitive about their partner being attracted to other people. You need to be careful about what you say, especially early on when you don't know your partner's take on these issues.

 

But, really?! You made one comment about a girl being attractive, stopped doing it after you found it bothered her, and she thinks you are going to cheat because of that? That's completely irrational.

 

I really don't think the problem is with you. I suspect she is distrustful and/or emotional for other reasons. She thinks it's because of you since she hasn't done the work to figure out what's actually going on with her. However, no other guy would meet her standards either.

 

You're better off without her. Until she works through her issues, she's not going to be ready for a relationship.

 

She is a person who does not give second chances and as soon as something is wrong with another person she breaks it off. A very honest and direct person too. She told me if we continue she will fall in love even more and then is afraid because of what happened that i will cheat and hurt her feelings. More that i look at it, the more i don't get it because i even showed her the messages where i said that i would never cheat, and it still was not enough.

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Sorry, but unless you are his girl, you will not know that an invisible arrow was shot, happened to me. If you are looking for love, and/or expecting it

 

 

You want no arrows, for hurt ensues

 

 

She did not start this, OP did - - you need to do more than show her some text/s, try romancing her all over again until she sees you mean it, roses, ad infinitum, maybe

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And what were those comments?

 

If I understand correctly, this was your ex's friend?

 

I told him that she is sexy and is a girl just for him and told him to ask for her number. I never said: "I would **** her" or anything that would indicate me wanting to cheat on her. Note also that her father is a difficult man and she has a few problems with him, so trust issues could come from that.

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ExpatInItaly

I don't think it's as complicated as daddy issues.

 

I think she is young and insecure. If this is a girl she was friends with, she would remember that comment every time she saw her. I am not saying either of you was right or wrong, but to the insecure and jealous mind, that is probably what was happening with her. It certainly was a huge leap to be afraid you'd cheat on her, though, to be clear.

 

Did you also tell your now-ex that she was sexy? Not in that moment, but in general. You say she sometimes commented on hot guys too, so I am curious if any of those guys were your friends.

 

At the end of the day, this could have little to do with that specific comment and much more to do with other reasons she hasn't shared. There is not much you can do if she's unwilling to hear it.

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I don't think it's as complicated as daddy issues.

 

I think she is young and insecure. If this is a girl she was friends with, she would remember that comment every time she saw her. I am not saying either of you was right or wrong, but to the insecure and jealous mind, that is probably what was happening with her. It certainly was a huge leap to be afraid you'd cheat on her, though, to be clear.

 

Did you also tell your now-ex that she was sexy? Not in that moment, but in general. You say she sometimes commented on hot guys too, so I am curious if any of those guys were your friends.

 

At the end of the day, this could have little to do with that specific comment and much more to do with other reasons she hasn't shared. There is not much you can do if she's unwilling to hear it.

 

Yeah of course i did, a lot of times. She is a 10, one of the most beautiful girls you will ever see, but even if she is, she does not have the confidence like she is. She thinks that she is ugly, always wears make up because she hates how she looks without it, hides her face in photos even though it is completely unreasonable, and in her social circle, she is the hottest one of them and i am not saying it because i am in love with her but other people have said the same thing, she just does not have enough confidence to believe in it. I always treated her good, but was not a door mat, i was a leader etc. been long enough in the game to know how it works. The guys were not my friends. Some of them were, most of them were random guys.

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Oh and, even before we broke up, like a week ago i mentioned how i will go to a popular beach in my country with my friends this year (huge parties and drinking) to which she replied: "I know what goes on there, if you go there i will break up instantly with you" which was not a joke. That was the first signal that she does not trust me.

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ExpatInItaly

Well, without trust, there really is no point in continuing a relationship.

 

Whether or not her suspicion was unwarranted, she is suspicious. That would render a healthy relationship just about impossible because you'd forever be sidestepping accusations and trying to to handle her fragile self-esteem with kid gloves.

 

I would let this relationship remain over.

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bathtub-row

Your comment didn’t seem out of line, especially since she has made similar comments in the past. She has her rules and there’s not much you can do about it. She’ll either eventually learn not to be so inflexible, or she’ll keep breaking up with people.

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The OP managed to bag a genuine 10 and he messes it all up by saying how hot his gfs friend was and by saying he was going to some Spring Break type of event where getting drunk and sleeping with all and sundry is the main purpose of going.

 

He needs to decide if he is bf material or just some single guy playing the field.

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Your comment didn’t seem out of line, especially since she has made similar comments in the past. She has her rules and there’s not much you can do about it. She’ll either eventually learn not to be so inflexible, or she’ll keep breaking up with people.

 

Even if it was out of the line, why not break up with me then and there instead of letting it go, continue going out for three months, introduce me to all of her friends, and putting up an Instagram story of me three days ago lol?

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The OP managed to bag a genuine 10 and he messes it all up by saying how hot his gfs friend was and by saying he was going to some Spring Break type of event where getting drunk and sleeping with all and sundry is the main purpose of going.

 

He needs to decide if he is bf material or just some single guy playing the field.

It is a party beach, it does not mean i would sleep with anyone lol. Using that logic, i am not supposed to go out in clubs either. It is a party which i am going to with a bunch of friends, 90% of them being male. We would have fun and come home. Same thing as every weekend, except a bit further away from her.

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ExpatInItaly
Even if it was out of the line, why not break up with me then and there instead of letting it go, continue going out for three months, introduce me to all of her friends, and putting up an Instagram story of me three days ago lol?

 

Probably because it wasn't the only reason she ended it, is my guess.

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She's insecure. Based upon your comment about her friend & your planned trip to this party beach without her she concluded that you were not BF material. Again, since most of this is in her head you can't fix it with facts. She's not interested in those.

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ExpatInItaly
Yea, which she kept secret i guess.

 

It seems so.

 

I don't doubt that your comments bugged her, but my gut would tell me there's more to this break-up than she opted to share.

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It’s not about the comment you made about the other girl. If she liked you it wouldn't have been a deal breaker. She was going to dump you anyway.

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