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Having a nervous breakdown

Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 9th March 2019, 5:11 PM   #1
Kristi can't sleep's Avatar
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Having a nervous breakdown

I can't seem to get it together. We have been together 4 years. We've gotten back together and broken up 3 or 4 times. Every breakup was preceeded with him dissapearing - just suddenly mia, a night a week. If I picked up an overnight shift. I would question where he was and he would get defensive and angry. Everytime we were apart, I'm home alone, he's out. This last break lasted longer. It was different. I knew it. He kept telling me he didn't want to see me because he was depressed. Started talking again telling me he missed me. An aquaintance who works with him told me he was seeing someone else. I felt electrocuted when she told me. When I questioned him he was furious. It was ridiculous, the girl was a liar, just loved drama, etc. I questioned him a lot, but I believed him. I went all in, fresh start. He was talking about getting married. Then last nigjt a woman pulls up to his apartment at 2am. He was rude, said she was a friend of his sister's and drunk told her to go away. She did but found me on facebook and sent me screenshots of their messages. I feel like I am on fire. I forwarded one to him, no reply, blocked me. Almost 4yrs, not even a response, no apology, nothing. I cannot function, I can't sleep, I am beside myself. I don't have any family and he was my friend. I feel like I cannot get through this and I don't know what to do
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Old 9th March 2019, 11:08 PM   #2
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This is horrible. I am so sorry this has happened. Deceit and lies are the worst, ESPECIALLY after being with someone for so long thinking we really knew who the person was.

I have learned the hard way, repeatedly with different women, that my instincts are usually right. I always chalk it up to being paranoid because I've been lied to and cheated on by women before this girl (and before this girl... and this one... and this one... and the next one I haven't met yet...)

It's called repetition compulsion, and it really sucks.

Trust your instincts. You questioned his answers about this girl for good reason.

You aren't crazy.

That rat bastard is.

Take it from a guy who has been there, too. He isn't worth it, and you deserve someone who is honest, available, and loving.

Check out this woman's blog. I'd bet that you'll find pertinent information here. She has many, many blog entries to read that I have found enlightening over the years.

One of my favorite quotes by her: "Mourning the loss of someone who mistreated you is like mourning the loss of trash."

Maybe you can make friends with this girl and the two of you can be future buddies. She found YOU on facebook and screen shot messages between them to you? That's pretty big.

Sometimes having a person that has been "involved" with someone either emotionally or physically with a person you have too can really help a lot. Trash talk the **** out of him with each other.

Be easy on yourself.

He's clearly a piece of ****.

It may take a long time, but you'll move past this. (you will)

Take with you the lessons and don't forget them.

And trust your instincts.

You aren't crazy.
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Old 9th March 2019, 11:31 PM   #3
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I’m sorry that you are having such a difficult time Kristi.

It’s importantly at times like this to take some deep breaths. This too shall pass. It’s difficult now, but it will pass and it will get better.

This was most definitely not a healthy relationship for you. It’s not what you want to hear, but you would be much better to let this guy go. Wishing you strength and comfort... you will get through this and you will be stronger because of it. Take care.
If they love you, you will know. If they don't, you will wonder all the time if they do...
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Old 10th March 2019, 12:41 AM   #4
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I have to say at least now you know! I wasnít so lucky and wasted 27 years chasing evidence. Glad you didnít marry him.

I think youíve dodged a HUGE bullet!

Try staying busy doing some things you enjoy. It helps... so does artistic outlets that help you get those emotions out of your head and placed somewhere else (even sidewalk chalk).

Have you considered seeing a counselor? I hope you will.

Hugs. Keep posting.
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Old 10th March 2019, 8:42 AM   #5
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You are going to get through this but you have to accept that this break up is final. I know that is scary because you feel isolated having lost him, somebody you thought was your only friend. However, the merry go round of dysfunction has to stop. Now there is another woman involved. Really let it be over.

Once the acute phase of grief & pain passes, you will be on the road progressing toward a healthier happier life & new fulfilling relationship with a guy who doesn't treat you like this.
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Old 10th March 2019, 8:51 AM   #6
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Kristi, I'm so sorry you're going through this. You are learning the friend you thought you had wasn't really your friend.

Once this is behind you, from all you've written, I believe he will be back. Now is the time to fully grieve and put this guy behind you for good so that when he comes back the door will be closed to him.

Find a counselor and if you can't afford one go to a large church in your area to inquire if they have a counselor on staff. They will often work with you for free.
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Old 10th March 2019, 12:16 PM   #7
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THANK YOU!! I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. You are right about the *other* woman. I owe her.
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Old 10th March 2019, 12:25 PM   #8
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Thank you all. I am really isolated, I didn't think anyone was going to reply. Still a mess. Can't find the motivation to even shower, haven't slept. Trying to take all of your words and advice to heart. Thank you again.
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Old 10th March 2019, 2:21 PM   #9
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Hello dear Kristi.

I'm sorry you are going through this, I really am. It's okay if you can't even get out of bad it's completely normal. But you are not alone in this, we are all interconnected. We all share a heart, we all suffer in this life, worries, trouble, wishes, desire for happiness. You, your ex, this whole forum, the admins, me, just how many beings made this moment possible so we can communicate, lay in bed or sit in a chair just to be where we are.

Your nervous system is heavily disturbed and that is okay. When you will feel ready there can be few things you can do if you want that had helped me on my journey.

You can take in your diet: Ashwagandha, b-complex, Magnesium, Vitamin D3, Turmeric,(htp5 - but be sure not to abuse this one for long term ) this will sooth your body and help you balance your emotions.

Move, you gotta move. To release all the toxins, maybe do some joga, dance, jog all good for that, but be sure to find something you enjoy doing.

Maybe even find yourself a therapist. It can be a tremendous help in such times. You don't have to go through this alone.

May you be well happy and peaceful.
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Old 10th March 2019, 3:16 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by Kristi can't sleep View Post
I forwarded one to him

Not understanding why you would forward him a screenshot of the messages between him and the other girl? He's already seen them. If by chance you did it because you wanted him to know that you know, clearly he doesn't care what you think or feel so what do you hope to accomplish by doing that? All that happens is he gets some sort of satisfaction that you care so much about what he does whereas he clearly doesn't feel the same way about you.
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