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Ex Girlfriend broke up with my to fix herself and her emotions **Updated**


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 8th March 2019, 7:04 PM   #1
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Ex Girlfriend broke up with my to fix herself and her emotions **Updated**

Context: Talked for 3 months, Official for 1 month, broke up 1 month ago, and stopped talking 5 days ago.

So I start talking to this girl that I always wanted since high school. I was too nervous to ever talk to her, but the end of last year was when I got the courage to try. In the end it worked out, and had a great relationship with her.

My ex left me a month ago because of her extremely low self-esteem and her many insecurities about her image, and her inability to love herself. She said until she learns to love herself then she’s not ready to love me. We did tell each other we loved each other all the time and meant it. We talked about the future and she is an honest person so I believed her when she said she wanted to have a future with me. It never bothered her when we talked about stuff like marriage and children, even if we shouldn’t have been talking about it

She also says that we’re too young, she needs to focus on school, and she’s just not ready for a relationship. She is very hard to get to open up about her feelings and communicating is extremely hard for her. For example, she does not start a conversation and mostly only speaks when spoken to. It’s because she feels like she is bothering the person if she initiates the conversation.

She said I derserve better, and that she’s just not someone to be with because of her issues. I believe that I can’t love the “someone better” more than I love her.

Even with all that, we were both very happy and we deeply and sincerely loved each other in our relationship.

I still do love her very much. When I asked if she still thinks about us, she said she doesn’t as much as she used to which was every second of everyday.

I know I was happy before her, but now I don’t want to be happy without her anymore. I sincerely love her and we made promises. I intend to keep them. She just doesn’t know what she wants.

I am now giving her space. I asked her if we should keep talking how we did for a little while in between the beginning of the breakup and now, or to give space and not talk. She said we shouldn’t be talking, and me texting her every other week was kind of stressful to her. I have since stopped.

I know that there are plenty of fish in the sea, but I’m sure I found mine already. I thought that I could try to get over this, but I just can’t let her go. I’m sure that we’re soulmates, but things are getting in the way right now.

I just want your opinions, anything that might help to get her back in my life and give me hope, because I don’t want to spend the rest of it without her.

I pray to God every night to tell me what to do to get her back, and I pray that he brings us back together. I love her so much that I’ll do anything to have her again. I’d give up anything to have her in my arms again.

Please give me ideas and hope to maybe get her back. And maybe even someone in the chat to ask me more questions for clarification to maybe get her again.

Last edited by r00b; 8th March 2019 at 7:06 PM.. Reason: Left out details
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Old 8th March 2019, 7:21 PM   #2
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Regardless of what you said, I believe you starting to talk marriage and children with a person after only 3 months scared her off, and here's why. Because she knows you don't really know her well enough to be making those kind of overtures. She has now told you that she has some issues, and that is a part of her you do not know because she doesn't feel she knows you well enough to talk about it or show it to you, but what she does know is that she is not ready for this relationship, so she's called it off. I think you just got too serious too soon and she realize you were in a lot deeper than she was. Sorry. But she knows herself better than you do and she is saying she is not ready to continue. You've been good about respecting her wishes. There is no magic wand to make her come back. Don't put your life on hold waiting.
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Old 8th March 2019, 7:30 PM   #3
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Is there anyway to recover and fix that? Do you think I should tell her that I’m sorry about bringing that stuff up? I feel like I should and also say I’m sorry for assuming I knew her well enough to start speaking about it. I just wish that maybe I can tell her that I want her to know me well enough to try and start opening up and communicate about what went wrong. I know it’s probably gonna make things worse.

And I hope you don’t mind if we talk for a little bit

Last edited by r00b; 8th March 2019 at 7:32 PM.. Reason: left out detail
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Old 8th March 2019, 7:37 PM   #4
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How old are you? How old is she?

That makes a difference in my reply
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Old 8th March 2019, 7:38 PM   #5
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Bud you don't jump in head over heels in 3 months. You come across as needy/clingy.

You most often can't undo what's been done. Learn from it.

No contact and stop pestering her. She's told you and shown you what she wants. Believe her.

We all screw up make mistakes. You're young and immature.

I promise you she isn't the only one in the world for you out there.
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Old 8th March 2019, 7:43 PM   #6
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we’re both 19
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Old 9th March 2019, 4:46 AM   #7
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She’s trying to be gentle, but she’s nowhere near ready for a big commitment. You’re both very young and she doesn’t want to be tied down. While she liked you, she knows she isn’t invested. You can’t take big promises seriously so early on, particularly at your ages. I remember promising things to my then-boyfriend when I was your age, and honestly, I was in no position to do so. I was too young to have any clue which direction my life would take. 20 years later, we’re leading totally different lives and haven’t spoken in well over a decade. No hard feelings, but we moved on from each other ages ago. That was a few relationships ago for me now. I don’t say this to dash your hopes but rather to lend a little perspective.

I think you’re best to begin accepting that this girl wasn’t the one for you.
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Old 9th March 2019, 8:02 AM   #8
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At 19 you are just starting out. You may very well wind up completely different people at 25.

And Iím guessing she wants to focus on college studies. Are you going to college?

Enjoy this part of your life to the fullest - you donít get it back! Travel. See places. Meet lots of people. Take in all you can. Donít worry about the ďlove of your lifeĒ. What you want at 19 and what you want at 23,25,28 are going to change a lot!
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Old 9th March 2019, 8:07 AM   #9
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You are 19. Talking about forever with a girl who is trying to find her place in the world is not a good plan. You came on too strong & she bolted.

Since you know her from HS, I assume you grew up near each other.

The best "hope" I can offer you is to back off for now. Go explore your own world. Figure out who you are as you grow into adult hood. Maybe at your 10 year HS reunion when you are both more stable you can revisit dating. Stranger things have happened

Note: The above plan only works if you actually go out & build a life for yourself in the intervening years . You can't sit around & pine for her.

In your next relationship wait at least a YEAR before you talk about marriage or forever
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Old 20th April 2019, 9:08 PM   #10
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i still donít get how to lose all hope

I just still donít understand how someone can tell you they truly and really love you like no one before, then be able orbit you and not ever talk to you or even check up on you after breaking up with you.

My ex broke up with me in February because she feels sheís not ready to be in a relationship due to her self esteem and her not being good with her emotions. She doesnít know how to fully express herself because she was never taught to. I truly believe this is why because she was completely honest throughout our relationship and through the breakup. There wasnít someone else, or anything I did.

I didnít start NC until a month later because I did try to beg and convince her that we could fix it, but she wants to stick to her decision to learn to love herself before loving another.

I broke it last month to ask if I should move on and she said yes because she wants me to be happy. She said there was no other reason for our breakup besides her not being ready or able to make someone happy.

Iím still in denial after not hearing from her since and iím feeling like an idiot even if I have hope that sheíll come back when sheís ready. I only think this because if someone told you how lucky they are to have you and they tell you how truly in love you are then why wouldnít she.

Iím pretty sure sheís moved on. Not because she didnít really love me and lied, but because it doesnít matter how she feels and she needs to fix herself first.

I know NC is more for me to move on and everybody has been telling me to move on, but I canít help but feel that if itís real love, that sheíll come back when sheís ready.

I just wish either things would start to show us getting together again, or I wish that I could just stop clinging on.
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Old 21st April 2019, 4:06 AM   #11
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How old are you both.
Can never believe people rarely put that in because hth is anyone suppose to know if they're dealing with 16yr old or 40yr olds , and it's all a totally different ball game.

Anyway, and again with age , using love can be a flicker , or real , but whatever she is sounds young and a flicker, she doesn't even know what it is.
That's why she can be doing whatever now.
Your telling us right there what the problem is , so now you gotta man up and deal with it and move on.
She doesn't want this.
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Old 21st April 2019, 4:52 AM   #12
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Chillii, a quick check on the OP's history would have told you that they are young.

r00b, She's young. She's probably guilty of confusing infatuation with love. Rookie error, far too easy make. It's really tough now, but will pass with time. Lots of gorgeous young things to snog with when you're in college at house parties.
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Old 21st April 2019, 11:29 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
r00b, She's young. She's probably guilty of confusing infatuation with love. Rookie error, far too easy make. It's really tough now, but will pass with time. Lots of gorgeous young things to snog with when you're in college at house parties.
Yes, this. She wasn't (and still isn't) ready for the big promises she was making and she got far too caught up in the honeymoon phase when she talked of the future with you, OP. She doesn't have a mature sense of love yet.

It hurts, of course. But with more time and space away from her, and full No Contact, you will start to yearn less and less for her. One day, when you're healed and ready to meet someone new, you will see how this relationship wasn't the one meant to last a lifetime.
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