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Just broke up and feeling overwhelm!


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 7th March 2019, 4:49 AM   #1
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Just broke up and feeling overwhelm!

Hey all, could use some reassurance if I did well with my case.

So I just broke up with my 2-2.5 years girlfriend. I'm 37, never married, no kids, and always believed I would never have those, neither are in any way my goals. Just always wanted to end up with a nice girl and be purely happy, and the rest will follow, something deep down I believe I'll never have.

My ex was the cutest, loveliest girlfriend ever had, although never was my type. However, at that time we met, it was after I was doing a lot of disappointing dating and she was really easy to talk to and date, a breath of fresh air. We had many things in common, she loved me deeply, took care of me and the house, I loved her and always happy to take care of her. But in her 30s was not ready to move in, but after one year I put some pressure. She had studies & exams along with a demanding work, and somehow the need to keep visiting and staying at her parents. Me spending most of the time in my life alone I enjoyed the times I was alone and going out with friends. From the first 6 months we started drifting apart and the first year I started questioning our relationship. I always used an excuse for her studies and work and I was giving her time and support, but eventually, sex and excitement started disappearing. Then we moved it together, expecting it will solve everything and after 6months I asked her to stay a couple of weeks at her parents so I can think. We were perfect roommates and two people taking care of each other, but barely had any sex (also my fault as I stopped feeling attracted), and most of the time I was going out alone with friends for food or drinks, she always had a reason she couldn't follow. Plus the fact she was still struggling to get a good job and earn good money so we can feel comfortable to start doing trips, etc. even though I was always happy to cover our expenses.

After the first 'break up' in 1.5 years we decided to give it one last chance. She promised me she will change but after 2 months we started the same. Again, was excusing her due to late hours and weekends at work, her studies, going to her parents, and soon again I found my self living a single life with a great roommate and no sex. The next step moving forward was to either get engaged or break up, so after a few months I decided to end it because I couldn't see myself spending the rest of my life in this situation even though I found most of what I was looking for in this girl, but I was expecting that things will even get worst, not better. Especially since these have been the main issue for us for the last 2 years.

So now she just moved out, but I keep feeling really really guilty. Also because she makes me feel like that as she strongly believes we are right for each other, and loves me and doesn't want to give us up. Very sad for doing this to her, as I find her a really nice supportive and genuinely kind girl, a rare case from my experiences, and I had to give her up as I also think that she deserves to be with one that finds her attractive, has fun with her and wants to be with her for the right reasons and not because she checks most of the boxes. Keep thinking if I did the right thing or not, or if I end up alone, and a lot of mixed feelings. I also ended up with very few friends left, since everyone got married with kids and don't see them anymore, and was one main reason I stayed so long with her cause I felt I will have no one if she leaves.

Anyway, I think I said a lot, excuse my essay. If anyone bothers reading all these, really appreciate taking the time and would love to get your opinion on my case.

Take care all!
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Old 7th March 2019, 8:46 AM   #2
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Why should you feel guilty? Granted you did push but she did agree to moving in, etc. This relationship was not fulfilling your needs. You already had a quasi-break up once when you asked her to move back to her parents house. She didn't have time for you. You weren't having sex. You said it yourself she was a great roommate but you were basically single.

Although change is scary & your life feels empty because she is gone, you are just wiping the slate clean, preparing the way for something better.

For now, purge the mementos & rearrange the furniture. Make the apartment look different, not like it was when she was there. In time you will be ready to open your heart again. I didn't meet my husband until I was 39. You will be OK
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Old 8th March 2019, 5:43 AM   #3
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Thanks so much d0nnivain for the advice! Yeah I just need some time and prep myself for something better! It's still early, but will take some time and start applying some new fresh changes in my life and focus on myself!
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Old 8th March 2019, 6:14 AM   #4
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It does appear you made the right decision, OP.

You two tried, and it wasn't working. Letting her go was ultimately the best thing you could have done for her since you know you didn't want to be with her anymore.

It will take time to get used to living without her, but I think you both be happier with other people in the end.
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Old 9th March 2019, 1:10 PM   #5
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Thanks a lot ExpatInItaly! Yeah, the more time passes the more comfortable and happy I am with my decision.
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