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Breakup after lots of red flags


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Old 6th March 2019, 11:26 AM   #1
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Breakup after lots of red flags

I had a very confusing situation happen to me a few weeks ago.
Admittedly I made some mistakes looking back at the situation but saw a bunch of red flags so maybe I'm better out of the situation.
I went on a first (online) date with a 9/10 25 year old from California last December. Couldn't have gone better and while I was in Scotland for Christmas she was texting me asking when we were going to meet up when we were both back in NY.
We went on a second date the Saturday I got back (drinks and then quick dinner). We ended up at hers and I stayed over night.
During the day on Monday she asked me to come round to hers that night to hang out. I met a bunch of her friends while there and talked / made out till quite late once they had left.
She was reaching out to me that week about random things and also about a cinema date she wanted to go on. I forgot to follow up about a specific time (I must have been busy and it slipped my mind).
She then reached out again about going out to dinner with three of her friends on Saturday and then staying over at hers.
That night after dinner we go back to hers and here's where it starts going wrong...we're in bed and the following conversation takes place:

Me - "Do you have a condom"
Her - "I don't use them, I have a bladder problem and they make it worse"
Me - "Are you on birth control"
Her - "No"
Me - "Well, are we going to be ok?"
Her - "Yes what's going to happen?"
Me - "Can I run down and get a condom from a store next door?"
Her - "No".
Her - "If we don't have sex tonight then I won't have sex at your place in the future".

I said no and we just did other stuff that night. In the morning however I caved and we did have sex. I had a long dry spell before this.
That morning everything seemed fine. She was texting one of her friends about me (I saw because she was doing right in front of my face).
We talked a bit more about nicknames for each other, played some music and talked about a surprise party for her roommate the following weekend. She also started talking about how all her friends see her as the single girl and she's doing just fine and doesn't need a guy. Weird thing to say in front of me right?

As a result of the totally unprotected sex I was in a fearful state while she was totally chill. I maybe came off as a little panicked when I left hers. I said "text me" she said nothing.
The following night I asked if she wanted to get dinner on the Wednesday night. I realize now I should have waited for her to get in contact with me but I was mainly doing it so I could ask her if she took the morning after pill. (Why I just didn't text her that question I don't know).
She said she was busy all week planning for the party that weekend (bull**** right)? I said "no worries have fun".
8 days of no contact goes by and she reaches out to me asking how my weekend was. A couple texts later I say "looking forward to seeing you, when are you free to get together?".
I get the "been thinking about where things can go between us and I'm just not ready" speech.
I gave her the no friends / let me know if you change your mind response and left it at that.

I don't know what to think at this point. Just trying to improve my dating life but struggling.

Did that little over pursuit really end things?
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Old 6th March 2019, 11:32 AM   #2
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I would be less worried about over pursuit and more worried about having caught yourself an STI or a baby.
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Old 6th March 2019, 11:34 AM   #3
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Do people not worry about STD's and pregnancy in 2019? I do not understand the complete fluffing off of unprotected sex with a practical stranger. Why put yourself at risk like that?
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Old 6th March 2019, 11:55 AM   #4
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I think she's trying to have a baby, obviously, and isn't a very responsible person. There are 101 ways to do birth control now. And condoms aren't bad for your bladder. Geez. She's a nut. I sure hope she's not pregnant, or you'll be shelling out money for the next 18 years. Look, there are women who just want to get pregnant and don't care who and there are women who just want to get pregnant to get money from the father and/or from now being eligible for welfare and quit their jobs. There's a girl at my work that say aloud every so often to herself, I want to have a baby. You can bet she will, too.
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Old 7th March 2019, 4:08 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PinkPampies View Post
I would be less worried about over pursuit and more worried about having caught yourself an STI or a baby.
This.

OP, please get yourself tested for STIs and HIV. You have no clue who this girl has been with before of what she might have exposed you to.

You will know soon enough whether she is pregnant.

You really need to make smarter choices in the future. All you can do now is hope she isn't pregnant and that you haven't contracted something.
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Old 7th March 2019, 4:11 PM   #6
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Do I have this correctly?


You had unprotected sex with a girl you barely know because she wanted to? Or are you somehow justifying the incredibly irresponsible and reckless behavior by your words to the effect of "I had a long dry spell prior to this"?

Any reason you didn't at least, pull out?

There are red flags here alright but she's the least of it.
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Old 13th March 2019, 3:02 AM   #7
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I'm still stuck on how he had to describe her a "9/10"

??
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Old 13th March 2019, 1:36 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by sandrawg View Post
I'm still stuck on how he had to describe her a "9/10"

??

I'm thinking she's in between as in a 9.5. I've seen women like that, just shy of a 10 because of a displaced nipple or whatever.
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