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Betrayed for 6 years


confusedaboutlove123

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confusedaboutlove123

I'm ranting so this post is all over the map, I apologize in advance. There's so much more to add to this, but I got sad and tired.

 

 

He was tall, he was handsome. He had a charm and charisma that had me hooked. We met on a dating site, something I never thought I would ever do, but faced my fears and went anyway.

 

 

We clicked. We were compatible. We made each other laugh. And next thing you know, he was staying over and coming around more and more often. He was in between jobs so he had a lot of time on his hands. He quickly met my daughter, my family and was part of my daily routine just like that. I had fallen in love. I was so proud of this man. So proud of how he made me feel. I bragged about him to my anyone that would listen. Pictures of him and I were posted all over social media. Again, I was in love.

 

It was pure bliss. We would go out and do things together all the time. Dinners, shows, hockey games. I would attend his sports events and cheer him on from the sidelines. He introduced me to his mom, and we sat up most of the evening looking at baby pictures of him and his brother. We were the perfect couple. We spoke or texted everyday. It couldn’t have been more perfect.

 

But then things started to change. A few months later I started to notice a pattern. Everywhere we went, I paid for everything. It was almost an expectation. The bill would come and he wouldn’t even look at it. I tried speaking with him about it and he would tell me that he was doing odd jobs here and there and promised to start contributing more. He seemed legitimate with his apology, so I believed him.

 

I’ve never really been a jealous person. I won’t get upset unless you give me a reason to be upset.I’m not one to bombard my partner with texts when they are out for the night. When I trust you, I trust you. When you say you are going somewhere, great! Have a good time. It was the middle of the night and his phone kept going off like crazy. It would vibrate and the screen would light up. It woke me up and I quickly glanced over to see what was happening. There it was, Tinder notifications, and a few text messages from a woman named Megan. My heart sank. Was he unhappy with what we had? Was he looking for someone else? I tried to go back to sleep after but couldn’t. I woke up and had to ask him about it. He didn’t answer any of my questions, he instead asked me why I looked at his phone. The conversation didn’t get anywhere and it just ended with him being upset with me and not speaking to me for a week. What just happened? He showed up a week later, no apologies, acting like nothing happened. Was it worth bringing up again? And like that, I was feeling so insecure. I ignored all the bad because I loved him. I was too far in now. I wanted him to be in my life.

 

A few months later he finally got a job working at his friends marketing firm. He would work in the evenings running focus groups, and would come see me afterwards. Everything was so right again. I was working at an engineering firm and he was in marketing. I could picture us being a power couple. Within a few weeks he was promoted. He was appointed Vice President of Business Development. I was over the moon proud of him. That Friday, I made reservations to a fancy restaurant, picked up a nice fancy watch for him and took him out for the night to celebrate. That night, he introduced me to his boss. We had a lovely evening over cocktails and conversation. The next day, his boss called and he had him on speaker phone, the boss said “we like your girl, she’s pretty amazing” He agreed. I was in love all over again.

 

Next thing you know it was Super Bowl weekend, and him and his boss and two other buddies decided to take a trip to Las Vegas. I was gonna miss him but what an amazing opportunity to go watch the Super Bowl in Sin City. Who would’ve thought, this trip would be the start of something that would change my life forever. He texted me all day the first day of his trip. He was filling me in on what plans were for the day and how he was excited to go on their outings. The next day I missed a few calls from him. I was in a meeting at work so I wasn’t able to call him back immediately. When I finally spoken to him, he had advised me that they had went to a strip club the evening before and they had preauthorized his credit card for $500.00 and it was to be reversed within 24 hours but until then he didn’t have any extra cash to use. He was on a limited budget he claimed, stating it was an impromptu trip that he decided to tag along with last minute. He sounded really upset and stressed out so I e-transferred him the money. Later that evening, I can see on social media that it appeared he was having a good time. That made me feel good. That $500 was part of my house payment, but the date was January 30th and he told me the preauthorization would be reversed within 24 hours so I would get my money back before the 1st. Perfect. I never did get that money in the time he promised.

 

I had to move around some cash but I was able to make my bill payments phew. Luckily I had enough savings and stuff. It was a one off situation. He never did explain to me what happened with that credit card.

 

The next few months, I’m not sure why but he kept pressuring me for money. One moment it was car issues, he was short on bills etc etc. Even though I hesitated, he kept pressuring me. He would text bomb me or sent me emails to work. He had a way of persuading me to give him what he needed. I felt bad for the guy. And he would tell me once he got paid, he would pay it back. I didn’t realize it but I was just forking out the cash to him. Every day it was a different issue. Next thing you know, I was out over $2k in a span of a month and a half. Every second day I was giving him anwhere from $50 to $350 How stupid could I be? He was working but I didn’t get to see a penny. I would keep asking him and asking him but I was now behind on my house payments and my bills. But the requests for money never ended there. I funded a trip for him to go pay his respects to a friend that passed away, I ended up having to pay for his unexpected car repairs when I thought I was going to get his tires changed for him. I was starting to get frustrated now. Because now my way of living was being affected and my bills were being neglected. My cellphone was cut off and I almost lost my house. Nothing like receiving a "notice to vacate" letter couriered to you at the office to scare you ****less. Who was I to turn to? Him? He had no means to help me, I was helping him. I was too embarrassed to ask anyone else. I ended up withdrawing from a investment to catch up on bills. To date, I'm still so upset I was ever in that position. I feel so stupid for falling for it. For feeling bad for him and for helping him out.

 

It was a whirlwind of emotions and I would speak about our relationship. And that’s where it hit me like a train, he said to me “oh did you think we were in a relationship?” “No, I’ve been dating other people and you should too.” What is happening here? That’s where the honeymoon ended. He started to Tinder in bed next to me. He would actively tell me he was going on dates with women and he couldn’t come see me. I was no longer invited to the sports events and I found myself to me more and more alone. The texts started to slow down, the calls to a null. No mention of me on his social media, no trace of me in his life. His lifestyle never changed though, he was still going on vacations to Arizona, golf trip with the boys in Myrtle Beach, trips to Vancouver. What?? Here I am trying to make ends meet and now all of a sudden he had money to life the high life. What just happened here? Was I just duped?

 

This behavior continued on for years...... years. He would come and go in and out of my life whenever he wanted. When we fought, he would give me the silent treatment, and whenever he felt he wanted to come back, he just would. I don’t know why but I didn’t have the strength to tell him to away. . At this point, I am ruined. Self esteem? Gone. Self confidence? What is that? Self worth? Nothing. He actively dated other women and the one moment I decided to date someone else, he sabotaged that date by messaging the guy and telling him he was douche bag and he pulled a dick move taking out a girl he knew that was with him. So many mixed messages. I never dated again. This whole time though, still would end up in my bed at the end of the night. At this point, no was not an acceptable answer to him. I was better off not fighting with him because he would leave and I would feel guilty and invalidated.

 

Fast forward to today, here I am yet once again going through emotional turmoil. He came back from a silent treatment last Wednesday, this time asking about money to pay for car insurance that we shared. Long story long, he had me on his insurance because it would've been cheaper as I have a medical condition that put some restrictions on my license. I would need medical clearance from my doctor to have these restrictions lifted but I am currently still receiving treatment. He offered and insisted on helping as he and I quote "wanted to be sure I had a way to get to and from my appointments and work". I told him to take it off as I was conflicted on being tied to him thru this but he insisted.

 

He stayed over on the Friday night, we had a few drinks and had relations. His plan was to wake up on the Saturday to go over to the registry to renew everything. I'm still conflicted at this point. I was at the crossroads of deciding if I wanted to keep seeing this man. We woke up on the Saturday and I wasn't feeling so well, but I made breakfast for the both of us and was in alot of pain. I was feeling awful but I wanted to discuss the terms and conditions of this car registry. Again still conflicted. He went down to the little store in my condo complex to buy me some painkillers as I was having a thyroid flare up so my muscles and joints were hurting so bad. During his time gone, his phone kept going off. So I answered it. It was this other woman he has been seeing from Vancouver. I dunno what possessed me to answer it but I did. I immediately told him that I did and he was upset and we began the discussions about us. He proceeded to tell me that he could never return the love I had for him and that he could never be the man I wanted him to be. It confirmed everything for me, I had been used this whole time. 6 years and now its over? He tagged me along this whole time. Now that he has a new job, new life, I'm just here just for fun I guess? I think essentially that was the majority of our fights. I was always left feeling insecure and needed to know where I stood with him. I never did find out the answer. He said that he was sick of the drama I brought to him. It really wasn't drama, it was me feeling left out and hurt that I was only part of his life in the bedroom. He'd come and go as he pleased when before we would be out enjoying life together. It was his way of minimizing the legitimate concerns I had about our "situationship" Even after this argument, he still insisted on getting the insurance and registry renewed. He returned with the new paperwork and left shortly after. I started to clean up and get started on dinner for myself. I started to feel light headed and I felt faint. I started to take painkillers, and I just kept going. Next thing you know, I had taken 10-12 of them. I was not doing well and at this point I was in really dark space. I was tired of the pain, tired of the stress, I just wanted to die. It was like a dark cloud came over me. I allowed this man to consume so much of my life that I completely lost myself. I was numb.. I started to feel super dizzy and felt like my heart rate was elevating. I was sweating like crazy....... this was it, I'm done. its over, goodbye world. I then started to throw up. I threw up blood too and it switched from wanting to die to being scared. I checked myself into the hospital. I was high as a kite and spent the next few hours getting the drip and throwing up. I just was delirious, I started messaging him....... I started to feel like i lost control. I became that woman that no woman wants to ever become. I threatened to send picture of me and him in bed to his other girl. I was hurt, and I lashed out. I told him i needed him with me (I don't remember writing these texts to be honest) He never came. Hes was so mad at me. He told me that I guilted him into being my friend and he cant do this anymore.I wanted him there because I was scared , he said he would come. He said he was a man of his word. He never showed. The way he made it sound, that I was doing for attention and he was so annoyed and angry with me. The next day, he blocked me. Again, I feel invalidated and guilty.

 

 

And here I am, sitting at my doctors office, not at work, but waiting for therapy. I was in love with someone that never had any intentions of loving me back. I'm so hurt and confused. Its over now because he says I'm the toxic one and has blocked me out of his life. I have a feeling this silent treatment this time will be forever. Feeling used and ashamed. I've hit a brick wall and I am not shy to say, I need help. I know,I know I did this to myself like he says. May I ask for some words of advice from my readers??

Edited by confusedaboutlove123
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Wow. Be glad he's gone and sad it didn't happen a LOT sooner.

 

Be kind to yourself, nurture yourself, pick up the pieces, and move on.

 

NEVER let this person back into your life and NEVER fall for any **** like this again!

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I'm sorry that you are going through this but you can't put all the blame on him as you stayed 5-1/2 years longer than you should have. I'm glad you are finally getting therapy to help you move on and put this behind you. Block him from contacting you and go No Contact as that is the only way to get over this. You cannot be his friend.

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I honestly have no idea what you saw in this man. It's like you have no standards. It seems he brought nothing to your life, but you were lost in a fantasy of what your life might become with him.

 

I'm sorry you hit rock bottom. I don't think you are ready for a relationship with anybody, let alone this creep. Seeing a doctor and getting yourself sorted out is the biggest priority for you, and it's great you're doing it.

 

I would never, ever, ever talk to this loser again. I wish I could set him up with my ex girlfriend. Their selfishness is a match made in heaven.

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