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Getting cold and disrespectful to get me to break up first? **Updated**


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 15th March 2019, 9:33 PM   #121
hp1
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Struggling a bit today to be positive but trying. Appreciate the support on this board from everyone. I welcome your thoughts and experience. Still NC. Thoughts and feelings all over the place today. Any help is great, thanks!
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Old 15th March 2019, 11:22 PM   #122
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You'll get thru it ok.

Only NC and time will help you.
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Old 16th March 2019, 12:03 AM   #123
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Thank you, I'm doing both. What's most troubling is the massive regret I didn't work harder on addressing my side of the issues that led to her losing attraction. I can't seem to accept what I did and that I don't get another chance. I was needy and placed too much burden on her for my happiness. I wish she could know that I realize this but she can't because I'm not talking to her now.
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Old 16th March 2019, 7:57 AM   #124
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its amazing how much the mind will create stories and images and keeps pulling me back into trying to analyze what happened, why she couldn't tell me about it earlier, not try to work it out.,etc etc.

Still havent contacted. its been 1 week since last contact and BU was 2 weeks ago. Feels like she died or part of me died. Huge hole in my life and she received so much of my attention (one reason why it didnt work). Now sitting alone in cafes and imagining her out laughing and being physical with new guys. Poor me, I know. Feel so damn lonely. But Im. not contacting.

Starting to feel angry but not sure towards her. For sure towards her for giving me BS excuses to break up, for treating me like **** to try to get me to break up (I should have but was too attached), or for dumping me and now leaving me to deal with all this. After how well I treated her. Seeing people laugh and having light fun times time makes me mad. I can feel getting bitter. this isn't good.

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Old 16th March 2019, 9:52 AM   #125
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Op, youíre doing great. Congratulations on reaching the one week.

However youíre hurting like hell! I get it completely! Heartbreak can feel unbearable but you are doing all the right things.

The constant thinking about her in everything you do will go in time. As will that physical longing and the persistent weight in the pit of your stomach. All of it will go. Youíve just got to hang in there.

Carry on Op. Youíve got this!
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Old 16th March 2019, 9:55 AM   #126
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Ps. You are going through a grieving process which goes hand in hand with interchangeable up and down emotions. Donít be too hard on yourself about this and allow it to happen. She didnít treat you well. Youíre allowed to feel angry. Itís part of your healing journey
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Old 16th March 2019, 9:55 PM   #127
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Could use some words of wisdom today, not feeling so strong this morning. Strange urge to contact her With rationalizations coming up like "well maybe she is just waiting for me to contact her since she never did anyway even before" and "if I hear back from her than I can stop thinking and wondering so much". Or " if met and just fooled around then could feel good a bit" etc etc. I haven't reached out but these thoughts really strong today.

I guess one of reasons is I'm mostly alone every day with not much contact or friends to do things with.i did mostly everything with her.

Can someone help talk me down? Highndry?

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Old 16th March 2019, 11:53 PM   #128
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She didn't leave anything to the imagination when she said she does not want a relationship with you anymore, so why would you think she's "waiting for you to contact her?" Makes no sense.

All contacting her would do is set you back to square one. I'm sure if you texted her she'd respond back with some small talk, maybe even say "hope you're well," or something, but then what? Nothing. She doesn't want a relationship with you. You're not going to get anything you want from her anymore.

Worse, if you continued to contact her with texts and small talk, etc., she would probably at a certain point have to ask you to please stop contacting her. How would that feel? Bad, I'm sure. If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that you leave women alone who aren't interested in you. Otherwise, you're just making a bad situation worse.
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Old 17th March 2019, 12:07 AM   #129
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thank you for that. Rationalizations that come up are "well she didnt say didnt want relationship with ME, said wasn't avail or one right now, wish she was but isnt'. Then that text a week ago saying 'she misses the park" (we used to go). She hasn't interacted all with my social media but I can see that she still checks my posts. Her last text also said" things are still not good (In her life) and she is very busy, but hope will be better soon."

I guess since even during good phase of relationship I usually initiated that I thought maybe she just waiting me to reach out like always. I know i'm looking for excuses. She wasn't cold or off putting in her last reply. In fact she used lots of exclamation points and seemed much more happy that in texts before the breakup. Maybe thats because I left her alone for a week. or she just happy to be free from me. And she replied with minutes of getting my text. I guess those give me false hope.

The time we met before the breakup, she did infer she would be open to meeting fo sex, but not for relationship. I probably couldn't handle that even if she still felt that way. That offer may have changed after we officially broke up too. Thats the other thing, she never came out and said we broken up. She just said she cant have relationship right now because of her kid. She also said in previous conversations that her feelings changed. I guess having hard time accepting that that happened.

She used to be so happy to see me. Without friends to hang out with, i'm alone most of the time. She was my main social connection I had and would be only time I went to restaurants etc. Going alone now would just depress me more. Ive asked some people I know to invite me out, but as said before ive been kind of shunned since they know my situation.

Last edited by hp1; 17th March 2019 at 12:14 AM..
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Old 18th March 2019, 2:04 AM   #130
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She liked one of my posts on social media, first time in like 5 weeks. I'm not looking at hers and have not contacted. I guess means nothing like friendly gesture or trying to force me to keep her in mind. Anyway, still working on sorting my situation


Really tough part is the friends in my class pulling away and ignoring me. I've apologized twice for burdening them with the never ending story and have not mentioned it in few weeks. I just try make small talk but still getting cold shoulder. Sucks because they were the few people that I enjoyed chatting with daily in class. Closest thing to friends I have here.
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Old 18th March 2019, 10:16 PM   #131
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Day 10 NC/Day 18 Post BU

Was able to focus on things needed to do yesterday and got a lot done. Still surprised she hasn't reached out at all, except for that one like on social media. Still in semi Anger phase both at her and myself for the way I acted and behavior I allowed, as well as how she treated me to try to get out. I can see she was never really committed but she KNEW I thought she was and played along. That makes me angry. I listened to words not actions.

Trying to rebuild by reputation with clients and colleques from the fallout of talking about this so much and oversharing my issue with them. Was in panic mode and reaching out to anyone who would listen. Lesson learned. Do that with therapist or come to site like this one.

Not out the woods. Not sure how would react if she texted me. must get prepared in case happens
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Old 20th March 2019, 3:41 AM   #132
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tough day today. Still NC. Just saw the guy who I imagine she may be dating now and left me for (no confirm) and had thought to go up to him and say "so she told me you are dating now" to see if he confesses. If he did, then I would text to her that her reason she gave for breakup was BS and she is a horrible person for dating one of my clients and setting it up during our relationship. I want to know, but I don't. Having trouble letting the desire to know if she cheated with him the whole time or is dating now. I know this is pointless but its what is coming up right now. I did do it, but had urge to when I saw him.

Please tell me how stupid and pointless this is so I can let go it.
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Old 21st March 2019, 5:16 AM   #133
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anyone? still NC but having trouble letting go of thinking if she is with that guy and/or was with him before we broke up. I know, doesn't matter, but how to let go of it? She hasn't reached out either.
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Old 21st March 2019, 12:44 PM   #134
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I would sever the social media ties. That she can still see your posts suggests you can still see hers. You two shouldn't have any idea what the other is doing.

It's normal to wonder when or if they'll reach out, but at a certain point, that thinking can become detrimental to you moving on.

Also, it's not unusual to think about what things we could've done to make things change. The harsh truth is, a lot of the time, those things wouldn't have mattered. We have to remember that they weren't perfect either and the onus shouldn't be entirely on one person to do all the right things all the time. That takes any of the ownership of the breakup off of one person, when really, both people play some degree in the demise of the relationship.
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Old 22nd March 2019, 12:54 AM   #135
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I guess you are right. I have not looked once at her posts and dont plan to because I know I cant handle it. I just dont want to unfriend her yet. Im staying NC. I guess all it means is she can see mine stuff, but she isn't checking for last few days. I am hoping as time goes on this will get easier. Some part of me just wants to know how she looks at this (happy, relief, sad, regret, nothing,..) and I dont know WHY. want to know this.

She could contact me if she wanted. But she isn't so that is telling me all I need to know. I guess is just a slow realization that the person I thought she was is not the person she is anymore or ever even was.

I am feeing a bit more like myself and gettin some sense of me back. Its slow but happening. Not having constant worries about where we stand, etc. has helped since was under constant daily stress for months worrying about what would happen with us and why she pulling away.
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