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Getting cold and disrespectful to get me to break up first? **Updated**


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 5th March 2019, 12:06 AM   #61
hp1
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Struggling a lot today with not talking with her and the fact she isn't reaching out. It's been 4 days since she says can't be in relationship anymore with me. I imagine she is just happily going on with her day and glad to be rid of me. Not even thinking of me. While im bombarded with thoughts and images and thoughts about what I could have done differently, how I could have saved this and the regret I didn't take action sooner.

I know she isn't mad at me or we didn't have fight. I know can't be friends with her. I just can't bear thought of her being with someone else who she is happier with and thinking she is so glad to be done with me.
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Old 5th March 2019, 3:13 AM   #62
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Rejection hurts. It's happened to us all. You WILL get through this. As bad as it feels right now, there's light at the end of the tunnel. Be thankful you didn't live with her for years. It could be worse, I promise you.
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Old 5th March 2019, 3:36 AM   #63
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Chin up, my friend. I know it hurts. Push through and try to find enjoyable things to do to occupy your mind.
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Old 5th March 2019, 7:23 AM   #64
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Op you Awill Get through this. It will get easier and in time when your rose colored glasses come off, you will start to see all the dirty details and things you didnít notice before.

Trust the process of nc. Just take it day by day or even hour by hour. It works.
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Old 5th March 2019, 8:26 AM   #65
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Thanks everyone. Want to contact so bad today. I feel so betrayed by her. I mean I know my part in causing the rift (needy,smothering, lost purpose) but she didn't let me know things were this bad for her, even I asked months ago why being distant. She turned it around and made me feel crazy for asking while it was so obvious!

The worst part is I'm idealizing her and depressed so much that I do agree with her negative assessment of some of my qualities. I can't seem to forgive myself for blowing this by being needy and not being myself. And this was my second chance with her that I was determined not to ruin!

Feeling like no woman would want me with no career path at this age, especially such a hot one, so maybe that's why was hanging on so hard. Feels like blew my last chance at this type of independent, charismatic, confident, sexy woman. those women can have the best and I'm at the lowest point right now.
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Old 5th March 2019, 10:21 AM   #66
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Feeling like no woman would want me with no career path at this age, especially such a hot one, so maybe that's why was hanging on so hard. Feels like blew my last chance at this type of independent, charismatic, confident, sexy woman. those women can have the best and I'm at the lowest point right now.
You're probably right! No "hot one" is going to just throw herself at you without you being something special. This ain't the movies, brother. So what do you do? GO FIX YOURSELF. The rest will take care of itself after doing that.

I have been where you're at where you're just convinced the best is behind you and what awaits is terrible emptiness. But it doesn't have to be that way and won't be that way if you put the effort forth. If you don't put the effort forth, you have just created yourself a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Now get on it!
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Old 5th March 2019, 2:57 PM   #67
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Want to contact so bad today. I feel so betrayed by her. I mean I know my part in causing the rift (needy,smothering, lost purpose) but she didn't let me know things were this bad for her, even I asked months ago why being distant. She turned it around and made me feel crazy for asking while it was so obvious!
Contact her to what, lash out and punish her? Beg? Show her the error of her ways? Try to use logic to change her mind? There is NOTHING she can do for you, or that contacting her will help. Every time you have these urges, go back and read this entire thread. All the information you need is here. The reasons she gave, why she did what she did, etc. are IRRELEVANT. She wanted to leave you. That's all you need to know.

I can tell you this: Every single guy who got weak and needy, emotional, etc. at the end of a relationship has lived to deeply regret it. They all wish they would have gone strict no contact and not said and did the things they did. You are in a weak state right now. In time, you will look back and think "geez, what was I thinking?"
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Old 5th March 2019, 10:54 PM   #68
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Thank you. I guess reason is important only in that if she did fall for someone else than I'll know i was right in my suspicions and that she is indeed that kind of person. If she went with this guy who is mutual aquintance of ours and i know him then that's another level of low. I can't prove but various things suggest that. Having trouble shaking that desire to know the truth and if she was with him before she left me or is doing now. I have no way to know for certain.


As for wanting to contact it's not to argue or beg, just to get some kind of proof that I do matter to her I'm done way or she is missing me by giving s reply. But I know it won't stop there I'll want to keep talking and have contact daily to feel she still cares on some level. I know I shouldn't care it's just what I'm experiencing. I talked to her everyday for a year, so it's not easy. I don't get how can be so easy for her

Last edited by hp1; 5th March 2019 at 10:58 PM..
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Old 5th March 2019, 11:11 PM   #69
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You already have all the proof that you need. Also, just because somebody breaks up with another person does not mean they never cared or don't care, it's just that they lost interest in having a romantic relationship and are moving on. You are way overthinking all of this. In fact, you're obsessing about details that don't matter in the least.


You have to just go through the pain to get through the other side. There is nothing she can provide you that is going to make it any easier. You would be reaching out to the wrong person. Only time is going to heal, and in time you will start to see how wrong some of your thinking was, that she isn't the key to your happiness, and that you're better off without her.
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Old 7th March 2019, 8:34 AM   #70
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5th day no contact. Urges strong as missing the daily connection we had about our day and lives etc. keep having flashes and images of her with someone else, laughing,kissing etc. These thoughts of her are still consuming me. Saw therapist today but didn't help much. Just want to know is she with someone and happy and relieved while I'm gutted? Could she care so little about what we had? Was she faking her feelings for me and was 2 timing me the whole time? I won't get answers but the questions keep arising. I guess the mind wants answers to make sense of the pain.

I know what I'm doing. I want so send 1 text to announce my existence and get her reply as a validation hit. Which lasts 1 second. And the time waiting for a reply will be torture. Then if reply is short, of course will want to send another and turn into conversation. At which point she will prob end the chat or reply days later and I'm feeling rejected again.

Or say I lie to myself and think well I'll just have sex with her no feelings. I can do that. Why not? If she even agreed to that I know in my mind i would feel attracted to her again even if she could do with no feeling. And knowing she likely seeing others at same time? More torture. This is how I'm playing out these urges to see likely conclusions.

Still having tough time with self care and self love. Just still obsessing over what happened and how to make sense of all of it. Waste of time I know. I guess makes me feel still connected to her in some way. I'm obsessed and need to find way to stop taking this so personally and that it's wrong for her to leave someone who was nothing but giving to her. I know it's BS just that's the thought.
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Old 7th March 2019, 9:31 AM   #71
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I know what I'm doing. I want so send 1 text to announce my existence and get her reply as a validation hit. Which lasts 1 second. And the time waiting for a reply will be torture. Then if reply is short, of course will want to send another and turn into conversation. At which point she will prob end the chat or reply days later and I'm feeling rejected again.

Or say I lie to myself and think well I'll just have sex with her no feelings. I can do that. Why not? If she even agreed to that I know in my mind i would feel attracted to her again even if she could do with no feeling. And knowing she likely seeing others at same time? More torture. This is how I'm playing out these urges to see likely conclusions.
.
Op STOP!
Contacting her will make it worse no matter what the outcome!!

Fact is, you need to keep nc. Block her so she canít contact you. The WORST feeling is being with someone who doesnít want to be with you! Why would you want that? You want her to want to be with you, but sheís made it clear she doesnít. You doing desperate things to let her know you exist will NOT make your pain better. It will make it worse.

Stay non contact and heal. You reaching out to her in any way makes you look more weak to her and more turned off. Heal and move on so you can eventually be with someone who wants to be with you equally.

Itís hard but you will be stronger for it and better for it down the road. Seriously just stop.
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Old 7th March 2019, 8:34 PM   #72
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Thank you for the support. I haven't done. I guess it's like i want her to know I'm not mad at her or playing a game so I thought sending a message like "hi hope you are having a good week" was ok. Just that what thoughts seem to be saying. I still care about her a lot despite all that happened. Or I'm just so used to having her to talk to and interact with everyday. I don't have close friends or family or even coworkers to be a social support. She was mostly it so it's like whole connection and mirror is cut off. To get a reply I thought make me feel she still has some care for me. Is she happy and not think or miss me st all?

I always contacted first our texts so maybe she waiting for me to reach out and thinks I'm mad or something? Then will think ok if that's how we wants to be I won't chase him.

Imagining her with guys and laughing and happy and affectionate is making me panic

These are just thoughts arising like .
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Old 8th March 2019, 11:22 AM   #73
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So today after reading hundreds of stories of guys who got dumped for someone else and the signs leading up to that plus my gut instinct she has lied about the reasons and lined up guys and cheated before leaving (again no proof just sign and reading similar stories), I've decided proof or not this is true. I gave this woman care, attention, did all I could to make her feel loved (albeit mixed with fear and neediness which I take responsibility for) and for her to treat me like garbage at the end and me picking up the tab for it? Well as close as I was to texting tonight I no longer have the urge. Self preservation mode engaged. This woman is a plague. A virus. I'm going to focus solely on fun, betting myself, and meeting sane women insread of broken ones who can't be fixed. My radar has been improved 1000% from here on out. Article reading time about getting your ex back or if you were dumped is over. Now it's how to improve a skill or be a better man, or something to better my life. Done

Last edited by hp1; 8th March 2019 at 11:24 AM..
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Old 8th March 2019, 9:52 PM   #74
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good for you. Now don't look back or slip up. Focus on YOU brother.
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Old 8th March 2019, 11:24 PM   #75
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Good for you, pal. Stay strong, focus on yourself and take the lessons learnt from this by not placing your happiness in the hands others.
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