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boyfriend being distant after saying I love you **Updated**


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 5th February 2019, 11:34 AM   #16
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Distance yourself from him then. Being all happy to him, makes him feel safe....time to let him feel he could lose you.
I was thinking this, but I'm worried that that will scare him more and cause him to pull away further.
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Old 5th February 2019, 11:38 AM   #17
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No it will not. We fear what we could lose...you are feeling it now with him being distant right? It's going to happen to him too. Let him come to you. If he doesn't then it wasn't meant to be, and all the energy and effort you put into this won't do a damn thing. If a man doesn't fight for you, He isn't worth anything to you.
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Old 5th February 2019, 12:11 PM   #18
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I'm just terrified of creating issues where there may not be any, in his head right now everything could be totally fine and he's acting different without even realizing it, after all he does still put effort into seeing me and it's the little things that have changed but maybe because he's a guy he doesn't think those are as big of a deal as I do? For example saying goodnight/good morning means a lot more to a girl than it does a guy.

I don't know, I'm just throwing thoughts out there. I really don't know what's going on but I don't want to make the situation worse and then have regrets like "I should have just left it alone". I think for right now I'm going to distance myself in a sense that I'll let him be the one to initiate conversations, ask to hangout etc. and if that doesn't happen then I'll talk to him or if his behavior doesn't go back to normal over the next couple of days I will. If he's truly just overwhelmed from this weekend then he may just need some space, but I really don't know. He isn't being outwardly cold or mean or anything like that, it's more like he's been acting as though I'm more of a friend than his girlfriend? (aside from the cuddling and such) That's the best way I can describe it.

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Old 5th February 2019, 1:12 PM   #19
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I'm just terrified of creating issues where there may not be any,. I don't know, I'm just throwing thoughts out there. I really don't know what's going on
This is the time when you stop investing energy and you sit back and watch and wait---and observe. Your right mind is telling you something is foul---but the side of you that is terrified of losing this particular guy is trying to tell you that nothing is wrong---and that is the aspect of you that will lead you straight into avoidable heartache. This is where self discipline will guide you through this minefield.

When you get a moment, look up Derrick Jaxn on YouTube and give a listen to his advice.
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Old 5th February 2019, 2:12 PM   #20
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Stop coddling him, he's a grown man. He needs to harden up. It's not like his mother died, or he caught you cheating...he's being a nelly.
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Old 5th February 2019, 2:18 PM   #21
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I'm just terrified of creating issues where there may not be any
That sounds like exactly what you're doing.

Accept the possibility that he may be in the process of dumping you and have enough self respect, self esteem and be secure enough with yourself that you know you'll be fine. You've invested way too much in this guy already and it's not really about him it's about you.

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Old 5th February 2019, 2:26 PM   #22
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This^^^^
You should never let your partner get the upper hand, making you live in fear. You will earn respect if you respect your self worth.

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Old 5th February 2019, 3:14 PM   #23
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That sounds like exactly what you're doing.

Accept the possibility that he may be in the process of dumping you and have enough self respect, self esteem and be secure enough with yourself that you know you'll be fine. You've invested way too much in this guy already and it's not really about him it's about you.
I just don't understand if he were breaking up with me why he would initiate a conversation less than two days ago and specifically say he doesn't want to breakup without me even prompting him to say that. If he were breaking up with me I feel like he would have done it instead of telling me he meant it when he said he loves me and putting energy into a really long and serious talk about the relationship, where it's headed, what his fears are etc, I feel like it would have been easier for him to just cut it off there. If I had prompted the conversation in any way I can see why he would put it off, but he's the one who initiated everything and even the last few days when we do hangout he's the one who asks, it's just that the way he is around me is different lately.

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Old 5th February 2019, 3:17 PM   #24
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You're still doing it. Go live your live. Stop making him the center of your universe.
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Old 5th February 2019, 3:26 PM   #25
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Yes I'm still doing it because we share a life together and have for 6 months now and any person who isn't scared of losing someone who has become that important to them has problems... I am living my life, I'm not sitting in my room waiting on him. But that doesn't stop the anxiety and fear and worry that comes from the unknown and the possibility of losing someone you love.

It's easy for people to sit behind a computer screen and say "stop obsessing, go live your life" but if this situation was suddenly dropped on anyone else I can guarantee that unless they have the ability to turn off their emotions they would be just as anxious and stressed as I am right now.

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Old 5th February 2019, 3:32 PM   #26
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He doesn't want a commitment to you or to anyone yet. He's not ready. I love you is not a commitment. And it's a fleeting thing, sadly. You need to date other people if you're wanting a serious relationship this young. He wants to keep his options open, and honestly, at his age, he should. If you are living together, you need to move out separately and each have some freedom.
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Old 5th February 2019, 3:36 PM   #27
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That sounds like exactly what you're doing.

Accept the possibility that he may be in the process of dumping you and have enough self respect, self esteem and be secure enough with yourself that you know you'll be fine. You've invested way too much in this guy already and it's not really about him it's about you.
This is what seems to be happening to me. He wants to break up.

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Old 5th February 2019, 3:46 PM   #28
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He doesn't want a commitment to you or to anyone yet. He's not ready. I love you is not a commitment. And it's a fleeting thing, sadly. You need to date other people if you're wanting a serious relationship this young. He wants to keep his options open, and honestly, at his age, he should. If you are living together, you need to move out separately and each have some freedom.
If that was true though he's an honest guy (when he finally opens up) and he would have ended things the other night. He's not the kind of guy to beat around the bush. He also wouldn't lie to me and directly say "I don't want to break up" on his own. If I had said "do you want to break up?" and he said no then I would be more suspicious of his intentions because that situation would more likely be him trying to protect my feelings.

I specifically told him that night that if he ever has anything on his mind when it comes to us then to just be honest with me because I would rather know than wonder and he said that he would tell me if anything ever came up, so that would have given him the perfect opportunity to end things over the last two days. We aren't living together, but we (usually) spend all of our free time together and he usually asks me to stay over at his place a few times a week.
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Old 5th February 2019, 3:48 PM   #29
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if this situation was suddenly dropped on anyone else I can guarantee that unless they have the ability to turn off their emotions they would be just as anxious and stressed as I am right now.

I guarantee you'd be wrong. You levels of insecurity, stress and anxiety are not normal.
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Old 5th February 2019, 3:52 PM   #30
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This is what seems to be happening to me. He wants to break up.
I would also like to reiterate that he's still hanging out with me, asking me to grab breakfast between classes, coming over last night etc. He still laughs and stuff in person and will lay on my shoulder or something physical like that it's just that he's not as affectionate in the way he used to be, especially when we aren't physically together. I feel like if he were trying to break up he would be avoiding seeing me, let alone being the one to initiate every time we hangout.
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