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boyfriend being distant after saying I love you **Updated**


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 19th March 2019, 9:42 PM   #211
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This boy is high maintenance, immature and plain rude. Not sure who’s willing to be his gf, besides you.
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Old 19th March 2019, 10:29 PM   #212
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OP, can I suggest something to you? This is something that I have had to wait many years to figure out: Put yourself first. Boundaries come when you think of what is best for you and not what is best for the other person. Many times in relationships I worried so much about whether the other person loved me, whether they respected me, whether they were happy with me, what they thought, what they wanted. I only paid lip service to what I wanted or whether I was happy with what they were doing or how they were treating me. I've had several relationships that I accepted less than what I deserved because I didn't want to lose the other person. I never stopped to consider whether I was happy and whether what I was getting was enough. It's a total shift to think about the relationship from your perspective than from his.

Your focus in this situation is all about what this guy wants or is asking you for. You worry about how he feels because of his grandmother or his attachment issues. Or he's scared. Or whatever. That stuff is out of your control. What you should think about is what do you want? How does his behavior make you feel? I would guess not very good or you wouldn't be on here posting about it. Don't you deserve to feel good? Don't you deserve to feel wanted and appreciated?

My advice to you would be to let him go work on his issues. If he is really serious about any of the stuff he has said to you, he will come back and make an effort. That will tell you all you need to know.
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Old 25th March 2019, 1:08 PM   #213
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ended it

I ended things on Friday. I hadn't heard from him in a week since he told me to wait so I told him I can't wait for him if he's not giving me any reason to or communicating with me at all. I told him I need to move on, and that means I can't be his friend this time and I can't have him in my life. I told him if he truly wanted to be with me eventually he would show it, and I deserve someone who fights just as hard for me as I do for them. So that's it I guess. I no longer have him on social media and I've been avoiding seeing him.

He's texted a couple of my friends saying to "please make sure she's safe, I know she doesn't want to be friends but I still care about her." I just couldn't do it anymore, he's drained me and destroyed my mental health and I need to build myself back up again. Walking away was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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Old 25th March 2019, 2:33 PM   #214
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Glad you left. Anyone who is hard on your mental health is not a good person to keep in your life. A good bf or gf enhances your life and feeling of wellbeing, not the opposite. He's putting on a show for the friends, trying to get their sympathy and act like it's all your fault and that he had nothing to do with it.
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Old 25th March 2019, 5:06 PM   #215
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You made the right choice, OP.

This is just not boyfriend material for you. Dating does not have to be this complicated or draining on you. When it is, you're with the wrong person.

I would advise you to block his number as well, simply because I think you will find it very difficult to stay away if he calls or messages you with a breadcrumb.
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Old 25th March 2019, 7:19 PM   #216
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I even think the way he contacted your mutual friends “make sure she’s safe” was patronising to say the least. Very out of taste for someone who has been the cause of all your hurt. He portrayed you as the one who’s going crazy over him and he’s the good guy “making sure you’re ok”. That’s a crappy thing to do. Just shows he doesn’t deserve to be in your life.

I hope you truly give up on this and don’t keep hanging on that he’ll contact you. He will, but certainly not for the reasons you want him to. Stay strong.
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Old 25th March 2019, 7:58 PM   #217
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I even think the way he contacted your mutual friends “make sure she’s safe” was patronising to say the least. Very out of taste for someone who has been the cause of all your hurt.
I agree it was patronizing, but he was genuinely worried because I'm not a big drinker, I actually don't usually drink at all. But this weekend all I did was party and he knows that's not like me but I just didn't want to feel anything even if it was only for a few hours.

Part of me is always going to hope he'll contact me, but I don't think I could ever move past this. He said he never wanted to hurt me and that I've done nothing wrong, but that doesn't change the fact that he hurt me -repeatedly- for the way he handled things.
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Old 25th March 2019, 7:59 PM   #218
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Originally Posted by ExpatInItaly View Post
You made the right choice, OP.

This is just not boyfriend material for you. Dating does not have to be this complicated or draining on you. When it is, you're with the wrong person.

I would advise you to block his number as well, simply because I think you will find it very difficult to stay away if he calls or messages you with a breadcrumb.
yeah I blocked his number a few hours ago, I haven't seen him yet around campus which has been nice and I want to avoid him for as long as possible. I can't have him in my life anymore.
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Old 27th March 2019, 3:01 PM   #219
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yeah I blocked his number a few hours ago, I haven't seen him yet around campus which has been nice and I want to avoid him for as long as possible. I can't have him in my life anymore.
Smart choice Hope. Love should not be that difficult at your age. Take some time to heal before moving on to someone new. And if he comes back and asks if you still love him, tell him no, he killed that with all his immature games.

Good luck!!!
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