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Ex-boyfriend is Stalking Me


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Hello,

 

Obviously you read the title and I’m going to give you a little context and backstory of my relationship with this guy first.

 

I had a relationship with a guy that seemed to be really sweet and he treated me like a princess during the first months. However, as the relationship progressed he started showing his true colors. I realized that he was only interested in sex. Our thoughtful conversations together had disappeared and sex was everything he thought about when he was with me. Although that sex in normal in a relationship I did not like his attitude towards it so I never gave it to him because I thought he did not deserve it. Instead of improving his behavior, he started abusing me, pushing me to do stuff that I did not want and creating insecurities about my body that I had never had, lying and ignoring me afterwards because he was to proud to apologize. After one year of being his girlfriend and two years of loving I had the strength of ending things and I don’t regret my decision.

 

 

It has passed over one year since then. We are both students in the same establishment so we see each other sometimes. A few weeks ago, he followed me to the library and gave me a poem saying how he saw my future with him and a family. Beautiful poem but I had already taken my decision. He follows the people I follow on Instagram and likes the posts I like. I feel like I’m being stalked online. And he sometimes shows up when I’m going to class or leaving on purpose just to stare at me.

 

I have ignoring but I just want this to be over. It’s been one year and he is still interested. Is there anything I can do?

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What was the interaction like when he gave you the poem? Were any words spoken or he just handed it to you and walked away? Did you read it in front of him or acknowledge it in any way to him?

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Block him from your social media, for starters. Ask your friends and family to do the same.

 

How did you respond to him when he handed you the poem?

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What was the interaction like when he gave you the poem? Were any words spoken or he just handed it to you and walked away? Did you read it in front of him or acknowledge it in any way to him?

 

He followed me to the library and he sat on a table next to mine. Before he left he went over to my table and put the two sheets of paper next to me. He didn’t say anything.

 

I read it after he went away.

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Block him from your social media, for starters. Ask your friends and family to do the same.

 

How did you respond to him when he handed you the poem?

 

He put the poem on my table and left without saying a word. I read it and asked over social media what was that for and he said he didn’t know.

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You need to block him on social media. Ask your friends to at least unfollow him because he's using them to get to you.

 

Next time you see him tell him to stop following you, that you don't want any more poems & that he needs to leave you alone.

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He followed me to the library and he sat on a table next to mine. Before he left he went over to my table and put the two sheets of paper next to me. He didn’t say anything.

 

I read it after he went away.

 

He might have "followed" you to the library, but he could say that he wasn't following you; he could say he's a student and he was just going there like anyone else. You need evidence to show that you're being stalked.

 

From now on, I would write down any event, behavior, interaction that makes you feel uncomfortable. Write down the time, date, place, and what happened. Include incidents that happen in person and also online. You could probably do this retroactively if you can recall the details accurately enough.

 

When you confront him, address the specific behaviors you don't like and then ask him to stop. You can contact the authorities if he doesn't.

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Tell him you NEVER want any contact with him again and do it in writing, an email, something you can keep. Then if he keeps it up, report him to the school or police. But if you don't TELL him, you can't get anywhere. "People who can't say no attract people who won't let go." --Alex DeBecker on stalkers.

 

Block him on your phone, on email, on all social media. Ask any close friends or family to do so and not share info with him. He's not love sick. He's just sick. He can't take no for an answer. If your friends won't control him on social media, then stop giving them any photos or any comments from yourself to post so he doesn't know what you're up to and stay focused on you. Stop feeding him indirectly. He's probably delusional enough to think everything you post is for his benefit. So block him and stay off his social media so he can't see you there.

 

Never make up soft let-downs on someone persistent like, I'm just not ready for a relationship, or, I'm not over my ex, because that leaves them hope. Say in plain English, Don't EVER contact me again.

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You need to block him on social media. Ask your friends to at least unfollow him because he's using them to get to you.

 

Next time you see him tell him to stop following you, that you don't want any more poems & that he needs to leave you alone.

 

I honestly don’t know why he is so insistent. I was clear that I didn’t regret my decision and that I was happy this way. He said I didn’t know what I was talking about. I have told him to stop being crazy and stalking online but it has not stopped. I wish he would lose interest.

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He might have "followed" you to the library, but he could say that he wasn't following you; he could say he's a student and he was just going there like anyone else. You need evidence to show that you're being stalked.

 

From now on, I would write down any event, behavior, interaction that makes you feel uncomfortable. Write down the time, date, place, and what happened. Include incidents that happen in person and also online. You could probably do this retroactively if you can recall the details accurately enough.

 

When you confront him, address the specific behaviors you don't like and then ask him to stop. You can contact the authorities if he doesn't.

 

I don’t think he’ll physically harm me. I think he’s just creeping on me. I wonder how can I make him lose interest.

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Tell him you NEVER want any contact with him again and do it in writing, an email, something you can keep. Then if he keeps it up, report him to the school or police. But if you don't TELL him, you can't get anywhere. "People who can't say no attract people who won't let go." --Alex DeBecker on stalkers.

 

Block him on your phone, on email, on all social media. Ask any close friends or family to do so and not share info with him. He's not love sick. He's just sick. He can't take no for an answer. If your friends won't control him on social media, then stop giving them any photos or any comments from yourself to post so he doesn't know what you're up to and stay focused on you. Stop feeding him indirectly. He's probably delusional enough to think everything you post is for his benefit. So block him and stay off his social media so he can't see you there.

 

Never make up soft let-downs on someone persistent like, I'm just not ready for a relationship, or, I'm not over my ex, because that leaves them hope. Say in plain English, Don't EVER contact me again.

 

How am I feeding his behavior? I was clear saying I wanted to be left alone and that I didn’t regret my decision. I’ve been ignoring him. I not sure what I can do more. Can I make him lose interest somehow?

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You can block him. When you saw him in the library you should have said, Stop following me & then you should have moved.

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You can block him. When you saw him in the library you should have said, Stop following me & then you should have moved.

 

Why the heck should I be the one moving? I don’t have to stop doing my things every time he shows up. He’s the one that needs to move.

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He's not going to move.

 

You asked what you can do to make this stop. I gave you a suggestion. If you want to stomp your feet & cry about who was there 1st, then you will be stuck in a room he entered to annoy you. It's your choice.

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He's not going to move.

 

You asked what you can do to make this stop. I gave you a suggestion. If you want to stomp your feet & cry about who was there 1st, then you will be stuck in a room he entered to annoy you. It's your choice.

 

Agreed. U cant control him, u can only control urself

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He's not going to move.

 

You asked what you can do to make this stop. I gave you a suggestion. If you want to stomp your feet & cry about who was there 1st, then you will be stuck in a room he entered to annoy you. It's your choice.

 

Perhaps I needed to study?!

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There is nothing more scary than having someone stalk you... I speak from personal experience of having to deal with a stalker. Do not take stalking lightly. Do you have a home security system? If not get one. Do you know any self defense moves? If not learn some. Not sure about your rights there but are you armed in any way? Taser? Pepper Spray? Handgun? I saw a great suggestion about telling him to stay away from you and that you did not want to have any contact with him. Do this the next time you see him. Good luck.

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There is nothing more scary than having someone stalk you... I speak from personal experience of having to deal with a stalker. Do not take stalking lightly. Do you have a home security system? If not get one. Do you know any self defense moves? If not learn some. Not sure about your rights there but are you armed in any way? Taser? Pepper Spray? Handgun? I saw a great suggestion about telling him to stay away from you and that you did not want to have any contact with him. Do this the next time you see him. Good luck.

 

No home security system and no knowledge about self defense moves. Guns are prohibited where I live unless you have a license which is very unlikely to be given. I’ll see about the pepper spray but we only really use pepper to season our food. ?

 

I’ll do. I’m afraid if I approach him to say it directly to his face he will gain more interest for me reacting to it.

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Put in writing that you want no further contact, and save that in case you need it to report him to the police. Keep a log of times that he does it and what he does. If he should start making threats, write them down.

 

Stalkers are one of the most potentially dangerous groups of people there are. Don't EVER talk to him again and put in writing for him to stop. Maybe you need to contact his parents.

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Perhaps I needed to study?!

 

Every college library I have ever been in has multiple study rooms. Just to do a different one. Study at home or in your dorm.

 

Discretion is the better part of valor. If you rail & make a scene when you see him trying to get him to leave the space where he found you, that will tell him you still care & he'll keep doing it. Freezing him out is the better course of action.

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