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GIGS?, cheating, 9 years


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 31st January 2019, 8:09 PM   #1
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GIGS?, cheating, 9 years

Hello All, thanks for taking the time to read. Not sure where to start so I'll give some background. My (ex)lady and I have been dating since just before she turned 18 / just before I turned 21. We lived in a small town and after dating for about a year we decided to move to the big city. Just before moving I found out she messed around with a stripper (no sex) at a bachelor party so I called it off and moved without her in June that year. I had ended it then as an excuse to move on to a new city and start fresh.. Over the course of 9 months we began seeing each other and she ended up moving in on Feb 1, 2011 the following year. Its our now anniversary we celebrate every year.

Since then things have been wonderful the past 8 years. She went to school to become a nurse while Ive worked in film supporting her the way through. The past year she has been hinting at marriage and I am keen on the idea. Been looking at rings and decided I was going to propose on Thanksgiving when both our families would be there since we host at our house every year.

Now to the sinking ship.

She started a new job this year and had to fly out of town for two weeks. Everything seemed normal. We would talk and FaceTime. She sent me some nudies and talked about how she couldn't wait to get back to **** or how homesick she was. Her two girlfriends (mutual friends of mine) flew out to meet her during MLK weekend. They both texted me about how much she talked about me and loves me etc... They leave her on Tues and fly back to cali. I notice Wed and Thurs my lady is kinda blowing off my calls. She text me Thursday that she was out with a girl getting a drink she was training with. I don't think anything is wrong at this point.

Friday.
I pick her up at the airport and decide to park and meet her at the baggage claim with some flowers. I'm super giddy to see her as it has been two weeks. She looks pale and is really strange sounding. We get to the car and I half jokingly say that she looks guilty. She says we need to talk but wanted to wait until we get home. I said no say it now while we were driving. Her hesitation told me everything and I told her as much. She said she slept with someone out of town. My heart sank. It was the night before. She lied that it was a girl she was with the night before. We get home an she goes to her dads pad for the night and says she will come back to our place tomorrow and we can talk.

I get wasted that night, and end up sleeping with a friend. (not that my hardware actually worked). This was a mistake on my part but I was torn to shreds and confused.

She comes back the next day to tell me that she needs her space and freedom. She try to tell me things that make it sound like she was deflecting what she did or her reasons. I don't think she really knows.. She did bring up that we have been dating for such a long time and she hasnt had time to be alone.. I'm guessing this means single life etc... She said lets talk in a week.. I've been NC since that night.

Its been a strange few days so far but reading these posts and reading motivational stuff is helping. I'm not eating much but working out is helping. I let myself get out of shape. I guessing this has to do with her feelings. She's probably out of love and got a taste of something exciting.

I've been stagnant at writing music the past few years but this kicked my mojo into overdrive. Wrote her a song and don't know if I should share it with her.

Part of me knows I need to stay NC but that won't work for now. We have rent coming up tomorrow. We have a house full of **** and I'm so stressed out thinking about moving out and getting rid of stuff. The possibility of seeing her this weekend is giving me anxiety. I love her so much and would want her back..I can look past the cheating.. but I know I can't make her want to be with me.. Im trying so hard to accept and move on.
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Old 31st January 2019, 8:15 PM   #2
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Chasing (writing her songs), crying, begging or pleading is the worst thing you can do in These situations. Don't write her a stupid letter pouring your heart out.

Dating is a tryout. She failed and now wants her space to try out her other man.

She's not the only girl in the world and this isn't the end.

Let her go and move on
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Old 31st January 2019, 8:36 PM   #3
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Going to try for sure. I guess I'm still in denial that someone can leave with no warning like that. The song isn't trying to get her back, I guess I wrote it more to explain to myself what has happened. Heres the link if you wanna peep it.

https://soundcloud.com/user-785254540/brittany-kay-1
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Old 1st February 2019, 12:09 AM   #4
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I agree with Marc - write this one off, man. She's cheated on you twice now. Do you really want a cheating heart to spend your life with? Dump her.

PS - I like the song, but I think it would sound even better if you slowed the strumming down just a bit. But yeah, don't send her the song or anything.
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Old 1st February 2019, 12:38 AM   #5
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Nice work on the song. Don't waste it on her.

Cheaters cheat. How many times you want to go through this senario?

You should have cut it off the first time
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Old 1st February 2019, 1:37 AM   #6
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Not sure she is leaving you in her mind, I would bet she is really running away from taking responsibility for her actions. Good chance in a few days or weeks she will start dropping you crumbs and trying to worm herself back into your life.

I would suggest you text her to come get her stuff asap and that you plan to move on without her. This is already her second time, with people like her there is usually a third and fourth.
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Old 1st February 2019, 3:54 PM   #7
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Just got a text today where she said she was going to come by this weekend to write out a rent check for this month. She said maybe we can talk sometime next week to talk and figure out the next steps.. I'm sure that implies moving out details / bills etc. I'm going to push her to cover her portion the next two months of rent so I have time to get situated at a new place. I think its the least she can do after forcing me to uproot my life like this on a whim. I might even keep the apartment and look for a roommate if I can stand still living in that space.

Thanks for the feedback on the song. I'm going to record it with more instrumentation as that was just a phone memo recording.

Time to look forward even though all I see is black.
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