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Is there a chance or am I just reaching?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

 
 
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Old 30th January 2019, 5:42 PM   #1
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Is there a chance or am I just reaching?

Hi all, I appreciate your responses in advance. My ex broke up with me a few months ago and I begged her to return. Iíve spent hours explaining myself and how much I have changed, and now that I think about it Iím surprised she actually listens to me. Iíve been doing it for so long Iím shocked she hasnít flipped me off. She has also talked to me about things that happened in our relationship and what the problems were. But whenever I ask her if she is willing to come back, she gives me a stern no. She says sheís not interested in me romantically anymore and doesnít see us being together. She says maybe some time in the future but not right now.

I know I should take what she says at face value, but why would she engage in hours of conversation about our relationship if she felt that way?

She asked that we remain friends, which I agreed. We made plans next week for her to come over to my place but Iím not sure if I should even do this. Iím kind of hoping she tells me she canít make it, but if she wants to come should I let her?

Iíve decided today that I want to get into no contact just because every time I speak to her I have a hard time not getting emotional. I want to do this for at least 2-3 months. But I also need to consider the plans we made for next week

Do you think thereís still a chance or maybe Iím just in so deep I canít see the obvious.
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Old 31st January 2019, 12:17 AM   #2
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There is no chance, she's told you so. Do you think she's lying? No. Once a woman tells you she's no longer romantically interested in you, you're done. The best thing you can do is tell her you don't want to be friends, that it's lovers or nothing, and then go no contact, telling her if she changes her mind then to give you a call.

In the future, never ever beg a woman back, or try to "sell" yourself. It repulses them as you look like a weak, groveling loser. You need to appear like you have a hundred options, because that's a man she's not going to want to lose. I'm not saying this to hurt you, it's just reality.
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Old 31st January 2019, 1:54 AM   #3
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I'm sorry to hear about your story. Same situation here. My boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me with the same reason that he's not romantically in love anymore. He's now already found himself another girl after 2 -3 months despite how many chances I gave him, wish he could think it thru. Tried to explain myself, how I feel and stuff but it doesnt work. Trust me, whatever you're doing, did, done ... I went thru them all. Keep texting him, crying literally everyday for 5 months straight ...

But the thing is you have got to put yourself together, go NO CONTACT from now on. If she wants to come over, please say no. You need some times off. Even if you wanted to see her so bad, even if you wanted to text, call her. NO. I have made that mistake myself and things went from bad to worse.

If there is a chance, it will come. But trust me, not now. Think of it this way, this happened for a reason, maybe it is a start of something new.

I know it is difficult but try to keep thing positive as much as you can. There is no way to get over this pain by going thru it.
Look for something that can distract you, go for a sport that you wanted to play, find a new book to read, there are plenty, ... really. Help yourself!

Last edited by cindyle; 31st January 2019 at 1:56 AM..
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Old 31st January 2019, 1:59 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by Highndry View Post
There is no chance, she's told you so. Do you think she's lying? No. Once a woman tells you she's no longer romantically interested in you, you're done. The best thing you can do is tell her you don't want to be friends, that it's lovers or nothing, and then go no contact, telling her if she changes her mind then to give you a call.

In the future, never ever beg a woman back, or try to "sell" yourself. It repulses them as you look like a weak, groveling loser. You need to appear like you have a hundred options, because that's a man she's not going to want to lose. I'm not saying this to hurt you, it's just reality.
Thank you for that. Itís something I know was dumb but I guess I got caught in the moment. But I just texted her and told her if we arenít getting back together then Iím gone for good. Iíll just leave it at that, not even sure if / why I still want her at this point. It really just feels like a bad habit
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Old 31st January 2019, 2:01 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by cindyle View Post
I'm sorry to hear about your story. Same situation here. My boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me with the same reason that he's not romantically in love anymore. He's now already found himself another girl after 2 -3 months despite how many chances I gave him, wish he could think it thru. Tried to explain myself, how I feel and stuff but it doesnt work. Trust me, whatever you're doing, did, done ... I went thru them all. Keep texting him, crying literally everyday for 5 months straight ...

But the thing is you have got to put yourself together, go NO CONTACT from now on. If she wants to come over, please say no. You need some times off. Even if you wanted to see her so bad, even if you wanted to text, call her. NO. I have made that mistake myself and things went from bad to worse.

If there is a chance, it will come. But trust me, not now. Think of it this way, this happened for a reason, maybe it is a start of something new.

I know it is difficult but try to keep thing positive as much as you can. There is no way to get over this pain by going thru it.
Look for something that can distract you, go for a sport that you wanted to play, find a new book to read, there are plenty, ... really. Help yourself!
Thank you for sharing your experience. I also did it for 5 months so itís nice to know Iím not the only one. I just texted her pretty much making my exit. I think youíre right seeing her again will probably just make it worse. Iím just gonna let it go and definitely try to open myself up to all the other great things thst are in store for me. This has been going on too long and youíre right, if it were to happen it definitely wonít happen anytime soon.
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Old 31st January 2019, 4:18 PM   #6
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I agree with the advice and if I may add, just because she wants to talk for hours might mean something different to her than what you are thinking. She might simply value the friendship and want to make sure that you have discussed as much in order not to leave any gaping holes. But no is a no.
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Old 1st February 2019, 5:21 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Goldenheart View Post
Hi all, I appreciate your responses in advance. My ex broke up with me a few months ago and I begged her to return. Iíve spent hours explaining myself and how much I have changed, and now that I think about it Iím surprised she actually listens to me. Iíve been doing it for so long Iím shocked she hasnít flipped me off. She has also talked to me about things that happened in our relationship and what the problems were. But whenever I ask her if she is willing to come back, she gives me a stern no. She says sheís not interested in me romantically anymore and doesnít see us being together. She says maybe some time in the future but not right now.

I know I should take what she says at face value, but why would she engage in hours of conversation about our relationship if she felt that way?

She asked that we remain friends, which I agreed. We made plans next week for her to come over to my place but Iím not sure if I should even do this. Iím kind of hoping she tells me she canít make it, but if she wants to come should I let her?

Iíve decided today that I want to get into no contact just because every time I speak to her I have a hard time not getting emotional. I want to do this for at least 2-3 months. But I also need to consider the plans we made for next week

Do you think thereís still a chance or maybe Iím just in so deep I canít see the obvious.

Never - ever - accept to remain friends with an ex when you still like them and are hoping you can get back together. Itís obviously not what you want, and it puts you in such a weak position.

If you want any chance to get back with her, you must tell her this:

ďI do not want to be just friends with you. I adore you and I want you. If thatís not what you want, give me a call/text if you ever change your mindĒ.

And leave it at that. Walk away, and never look back.

If, when you walk away, she doesnít like it, she will her in touch. If/when she does, then you invite her to come over to *yours* for dinner, or to bring a bottle of red wine to catch up.
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Old 1st February 2019, 8:28 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Highndry View Post
There is no chance, she's told you so. Do you think she's lying? No. Once a woman tells you she's no longer romantically interested in you, you're done. The best thing you can do is tell her you don't want to be friends, that it's lovers or nothing, and then go no contact, telling her if she changes her mind then to give you a call.

In the future, never ever beg a woman back, or try to "sell" yourself. It repulses them as you look like a weak, groveling loser. You need to appear like you have a hundred options, because that's a man she's not going to want to lose. I'm not saying this to hurt you, it's just reality.
This post is literally perfect advice and words to live by.

If you need more, think of it as getting fired from a job and agreeing to show up and continue to work without getting paid.

Itís hard, trust me I know. But itís the only thing you can do.
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Old 2nd February 2019, 2:16 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Peacemaker1 View Post
I agree with the advice and if I may add, just because she wants to talk for hours might mean something different to her than what you are thinking. She might simply value the friendship and want to make sure that you have discussed as much in order not to leave any gaping holes. But no is a no.
Thank you for touching on that. I think youíre right, it clearly means something else to her. I personally wouldnít talk in depth with an ex unless I had some interest but I guess some ppl operate differently

Quote:
Originally Posted by Occitanie View Post
Never - ever - accept to remain friends with an ex when you still like them and are hoping you can get back together. Itís obviously not what you want, and it puts you in such a weak position.

If you want any chance to get back with her, you must tell her this:

ďI do not want to be just friends with you. I adore you and I want you. If thatís not what you want, give me a call/text if you ever change your mindĒ.

And leave it at that. Walk away, and never look back.

If, when you walk away, she doesnít like it, she will her in touch. If/when she does, then you invite her to come over to *yours* for dinner, or to bring a bottle of red wine to catch up.
Yeah I told her if we arenít getting back together letís call it quits. We talked a little more, she says she will think about coming back. But honestly after all my efforts she is going to have to prove something to me at this point. You guys made total sense in that I need to stop trying but I felt like I had to try all my options. But seriously, Iím the catch in this situation and I know that she knows that. Iím honestly okay if she doesnít come back, and if she does I will not be accepting with open arms after all Iíve done
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Old 2nd February 2019, 2:18 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by SevenCity View Post
This post is literally perfect advice and words to live by.

If you need more, think of it as getting fired from a job and agreeing to show up and continue to work without getting paid.

Itís hard, trust me I know. But itís the only thing you can do.
I know it seems like a simple concept to grasp but once youíre in the midst of it itís lkke 1/2 of your brain is dead. I totally get it, and the chase is over. It shouldíve never even happened to begin with
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