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My girlfriend left me for an abusive ex who cheated on her

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Old 29th January 2019, 2:49 PM   #1
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My girlfriend left me for an abusive ex who cheated on her

I met this girl at work three years ago. At the beginning I didn't even picture her as my future girlfriend. She wasn't the most beautiful girl around but I would definitely say she was pretty, my type - tall, slender, ginger hair. But that wasn't enough to fall for her yet. Plus she had a boyfriend. As time went by we came closer and closer together. We became good friends and understood each other well. One time she said I'm the most brilliant man she ever met. I was the one to support her whenever she was in a bad mood or felt abandoned at work. She said one day I am the only one she can count on and she could even swim across an ocean for me (on an inflated unicorn ). This was the turning point for me. At that time I started to look at her not just as my friend. Day by day I was falling for her until I was totally in love. I knew she had a boyfriend but I had suspicion that she may have felt something more for me (later on I learned that this was not the case).

I constantly heard her talking about her boyfriend, I learned that he mistreated her, they quarreled a lot as he had a child with a different woman, until finally he cheated on her and they finally broke up. They were together for one full year. She was heartbroken and depressed. As always I did my best to support her and cheer her up. I could no longer stand the urge and after about three months I told her about my feelings. She was shocked at first but after some time she realized it was worth give me a chance as she knew I was a good guy and she could be sure I would never betray her. We started to spend some time together, going out, travelling. Spent our holiday together. Shortly things started to get more intimate. She said none of her boyfriends ever cared for her so much. I did all I could to make her happy. I was the best time of my life, until...

She changed her job and moved to another place. I turned out that her ex-boyfriend worked nearby so it was inevitable that they would eventually meet. They did. She even told me they met a couple of times on the street. Her ex didn't give up and started to flood her with text messages. He begged her to come back to him, to give him another chance and assured her that he changed completely and is a totally different man now. I was very angry at her as she didn't even mention to him she was in a relationship with me (he doesn’t know me). I told her that I didn't understand her behavior but she only said she waited so long for this moment, she wished he had shown some sign of remorse one day and she wanted to understand what actually happened, why he cheated on her. She assured me that she was not going back to him and I have nothing to worry about.

I was afraid though. I was completely overwhelmed by jealousy and I was mad at her. I hid in my shell and broke any contact with her for one day. She called me a number of times, texted me but I didn't reply. Another day she said that my behavior was childish and that she had no more patience for me. She proposed that we split for some time to calm down, give ourselves some time and then we would decide what to do next. I panicked, I was so mad I told her that we should break up for good and that I don't want to hear from her any more. I regretted what I said the same day. One or two days after breakup (Christmas time) she posted a picture on Instagram saying "Start the week with a happy end...". I knew It was about me and our relationship. Couple of days later I saw their picture together. She was totally in love with him, they were kissing each other. I was devastated. I texted her the same evening asking if she believed he really changed. She said her ex is a totally different man now, the one that she dreamed about, she's happy now and wished me good luck and told me she hoped one day I would find true love. I was shocked and felt as though someone beat me through the head with a hammer. I cannot pull myself together until this day and I'm going through such suffering as if I lost someone close. I don't understand how she could treat me like that. She ensured she will never go back to him. I don't even know what to think about all this and how to cope with the whole situation. Is it possible this man changed 180 degrees in a couple of months? Is It possible she will come back to me admitting she made a mistake?
jerry_d is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th January 2019, 3:01 PM   #2
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I'm not sure if you're leaving something out, but by what you've written it doesn't even seem like she was your girlfriend. Further, you let your emotions get the best of you and acted very poorly by ignoring her calls, etc. Let that be a lesson in how NOT to react or treat women. Regardless, she was always in love with this guy. It's time to go no contact and move on.
Highndry is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th January 2019, 9:40 PM   #3
Join Date: Jul 2017
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Masculinity is awareness and consciousness...

And that is what makes men attractive to women..

This was obvious from the beginning, she was using you, it's so common we have a name for it : "..she was using as an emotional tampon"

She changed her job and moved to another place. I turned out that her ex-boyfriend worked nearby so it was inevitable that they would eventually meet. They did. She even told me they met a couple of times on the street.
OMG, awareness and consciousness, 0% : you do realize she left her job to be closer to her ex, it wasn't a coincident that her ex worked nearby, she designed it that way. She went hunting for ex-alpha while using you as a beta for comfort, security and attention while she pursued her alpha.

All those compliments were not genuine, when women are attracted to a man they don't show it that fact her telling you that her ex was an A-hole and abusive is a genuine sign she was still attracted him...

Mr Nice Guy, attraction has nothing to do with been good or bad, it has everything to do with been alpha or beta...

You need to take the redpill quick...
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Old 1st February 2019, 12:56 PM   #4
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Thanks both for your answers.

We actually were a couple. We slept together, spent holidays and weekends together, met after work at my place or were going out to dinners, cinema etc. I met her parents couple of times and she introduced me as her boyfriend. So yes, officialy we were a couple. She even said she felt safe now once she knew I would be her husband in the future and we would have kids together. We talked about our wedding, what dress she would like to wear, etc. She even asked when I was going to engage to her (yeah, I know how it sounds). Later on, whenever I mentioned one of these things she said she felt smothered and that I was pushing too hard. I was confused.

I know I was blind, I should have seen red flags as they were so obvious. I feel so stupid. Now, I don't want to say she was dishonest, I think even she herself didn't know what she wanted. I don't want her to come back. I only want to know what actually happened. Will she ever regret her decision? I don't believe that a man (specifically her ex) can change in a few months and "become a totally different man". A complete U-turn. He cheated on her, was mean to her, total a-hole. One time she said she didn't want to lose me and she couldn't picture her future without me. Now she goes back to him and says f**k off to me (not literally) and throws me into the dust bin like some piece of s***. She doesn't miss me, she doesn't think about me (I bet) and she's happy with her ex. I want to understand what happened.
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