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6 year relationship, she moved out to "find herself"


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 29th January 2019, 3:43 AM   #16
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I dont believe she cheated on me
Dude, she certainly did.

Whenever anyone says they need to "find themselves" it means "decide whether to stay with Mr Reliable or go off with Mr New And Exciting".

That is what it means. Every single time.

The only sensible reply to hearing that phrase, is to say well go to the bathroom there is a mirror. Look yourself in the eyes and decide what kind of person you are.

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At least she tells me she loves me still.
She is lying. If she loved you then she would not have left, she would have stayed to work on the relationship. But she didn't, she bailed and got herself a new apartment, where she can have all the privacy she needs to work on her relationship with the new guy, whilst keeping you on the line as a backup plan.

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So I just have to believe she does genuinely need some space to figure things out
The only thing she needs to figure out is whether the relationship with the new guy will work out or not. If it does, she'll let you go. If it doesn't, she'll come back to you and say she has found herself.

Don't be her plan B!

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She is going on a trip at the end of February with her friend. They will be gone for a week and she told me when she gets back she should have a fairly good idea of what she wants to do.
Oh my goodness. Does she really need to spell it out to you any more? She is going off on a romantic break for a WEEK with another guy and she expects you to sit around waiting to see if they have a fight in which case she'll be on your doorstep with her PJ's and teddy bear and expect you to welcome her home with loving arms???

You have got to be kidding!!! Dude you are so far in denial. You need to WAKE UP.
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Old 29th January 2019, 10:46 AM   #17
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I agree with you.

The trip however is not with the guy, its with a girlfriend, they had been planning it for months before she left.

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Old 29th January 2019, 10:49 AM   #18
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Brother, it's ALWAYS another guy. It is so obvious she is lying to you and cheating on you. Pics of the guy shirtless, all of a sudden into the same things he is - you know what's going on.

This weak behavior that you're displaying right now has placed you squarely into the doormat category, and will further erode her interest in you. It's time for you to stand up for yourself, call her, tell her you are not waiting around for her like some puppy dog on a chain, and you're done. It's time.

PS - I guarantee you this: If you know what kind of car this guy drives, you could send a friend to do a drive by at her new apartment one evening and it is SURE to be there. Why do you think she wanted her own place?

Ok thanks man.


I do not know what kind of car he drives. I don't really care. I know he is not a good guy, and she will regret her decision.
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Old 29th January 2019, 10:54 AM   #19
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The trip however is not with the guy, its with a girlfriend, they had been planning it for months before she left.
Well. If I had planned a holiday with a friend, and my marriage was in danger of ending, I would cancel the holiday and save the marriage. There's plenty of time to have holidays another time.

I guess she's shown you where her priorities lie.
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Old 29th January 2019, 11:41 AM   #20
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Ya.. She has always been like that. She likes to travel and thinks shes some instagram travel girl. She goes on 2-3 trips a year with her sister. It never really bothered me, I was always too busy working. However her living with me allowed her to do that since she didn't pay for anything. I am now realizing how selfish she really is.

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Old 29th January 2019, 12:50 PM   #21
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[Yes but by always working and taking her for granted and letting her make great memories with her sister and her gf instead of you, there was no great emotional bonding building up between the two of you. It is like the parent who lavishes their child with things, when all the kid wants is time and love.

She wants "more" from a partner, she may be cheating or she may just be on the look out, who knows?
I think the fact she organised an apartment for herself means she is probably done. I don't think she is coming back to you.

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Old 29th January 2019, 12:57 PM   #22
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Yes but by always working and taking her for granted and letting her make great memories with her sister and her gf instead of you, there was no great emotional bonding building up between the two of you. It is like the parent who lavishes their child with things, when all the kid wants is time and love.

She wants "more" from a partner, she may be cheating or she may just be on the look out, who knows?
I think the fact she organised an apartment for herself means she is probably done. I don't think she is coming back to you.

We did a LOT together. We made great memories without traveling. We spent a ton of time together doing many things outdoors, lots of dates, weekend getaways, etc.


It is not that I ALWAYS was working and never did anything with her. I just always felt like it was more important to save money and work hard to build a family and life, and that traveling and vacations would come eventually. I never said I would not go on trips, I was never invited.



I find that people in their 20s these days feel entitled to travel whenever they want and its social media that puts this entitlement in them. Maybe Im just old fashioned and believe more in hard work and family than lavish lifestyles and doing everything for "likes" on instagram.


Like I said. She would never have been able to do what she did if she was paying $1500 a month for rent like she is now.
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Old 29th January 2019, 1:05 PM   #23
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Probably a bit of GIGS going on here. She moves from her parents to you, no time for "finding herself".
Also had you ever asked her to marry you?

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 29th January 2019 at 9:27 PM.. Reason: quote removed
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Old 29th January 2019, 1:13 PM   #24
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We talked multiple times about marriage and it was always the plan. We went and looked at rings and stuff. She told me she wanted to wait a bit until her career going more stable, which it still is not (shes a supply teacher). She wanted to wait until she had a permanent position. I was ready to propose a couple years ago but she wasn't which is why I waited.

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Old 29th January 2019, 1:14 PM   #25
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Have her come by and get her things as soon as possible.

She doesn't get to keep you on the back burner. You need to have more self respect and dignity than that.
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Old 29th January 2019, 1:20 PM   #26
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... She told me she wanted to wait a bit until her career going more stable, which it still is not (shes a supply teacher). She wanted to wait until she had a permanent position. I was ready to propose a couple years ago but she wasn't which is why I waited.
Doesn't sound good, she was unsure even then.
Get your own house in order, assume she is gone.
As Wallysbears says, get her to come pick up her stuff ASAP.
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Old 29th January 2019, 1:24 PM   #27
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Ya. That is my plan. I'm doing things for myself now. Trying to not creep her on social media or anything.

She doesn't have much here except a pair of skis and some pots and pans. She managed to basically clean out my fridge and all my paper towel, toilet paper, basically all the little things.

Her parent's boat is stored on my property, I service it in the fall. Its snowed in and no way for them to come get it now. That will have to wait until Spring.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 29th January 2019 at 9:28 PM.. Reason: quote removed
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Old 29th January 2019, 1:27 PM   #28
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We talked multiple times about marriage and it was always the plan. We went and looked at rings and stuff. She told me she wanted to wait a bit until her career going more stable, which it still is not (shes a supply teacher). She wanted to wait until she had a permanent position. I was ready to propose a couple years ago but she wasn't which is why I waited.
It really sounds like you were a "good enough for now" guy to her. She never seems to have made a commitment to you or the relationship.

She is cheating, but unless you had caught her you will never know. She will likely be dating this other guy soon and will try to convince you it only happened after.
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Old 29th January 2019, 1:56 PM   #29
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Ya. That is my plan. I'm doing things for myself now. Trying to not creep her on social media or anything.



She doesn't have much here except a pair of skis and some pots and pans. She managed to basically clean out my fridge and all my paper towel, toilet paper, basically all the little things.


Her parent's boat is stored on my property, I service it in the fall. Its snowed in and no way for them to come get it now. That will have to wait until Spring.

How nice - she took all of your household essentials. Tell this user that her family needs to pick up their boat asap, that you don't give two f***s if it's snowed in, bring a plow truck to clear a path. Otherwise, you're charging them rent. No hold barred, my friend, it's time to play hardball.
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Old 29th January 2019, 2:14 PM   #30
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Yes I did take her for granted a bit.

But when I am working two jobs, over 12 hours a day and she is working part time serving in the summer and off 3-4 days a week is it too much to ask to have dinner prepared and dishes done?

I mean, I never took her for granted to the point of abuse or slavery lol. And even through all that I was ALWAYS attentive to her needs and showed her love.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 29th January 2019 at 9:31 PM..
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