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Ex’s new girl is 20 yrs younger. He said he will take me back if they break up


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 8th February 2019, 11:18 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by nolanola View Post
I do understand. I really do. Many, many of us have been in similar situations.

You will see a lot of people on here inferring things or jumping to conclusions about you or your relationship -- clearly none of us know exactly what happened with someone else or is happening. No stranger on the internet knows exactly what you're going through or why things happened. It's all just speculation based on your post. Please don't also read what other people post about how she's better because she's 20. 20 year olds are also immature and can be very annoying to someone who's older.

The best thing I think you can do is walk away with your head high. Stop talking to him. I can almost certainly guarantee this fling will flare out. Don't know how long it will take, but I'd be amazed if it last a year. And that is incredibly tough to take, imaging someone you love in this situation. But there is nothing else you can do. Walk away and let him live with his choice to be with her. I have a feeling he will come to second guess himself, but right now he's being selfish in wanting to sow his oats with her and keep you as an option. And that is NOT good enough for you.
I hope the fling flares out, however I don't think it will.
The girl was living with his mother and who knows how long this has been going on for.
He loves attention and I think being with another woman is boosting his ego too much for his own good.
I gave him a lot of freedom, I trusted him, and whilst I was upset about the whole situation he couldn't wait to sleep with a 20 year old girl.
Thanks for your advice.
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Old 8th February 2019, 11:22 PM   #47
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Originally Posted by stillafool View Post
Whether you consider her cheap and nasty doesn't matter as he wants her. I'm glad you don't consider her competition but you're not acting like it. You have no idea how she feels about her boyfriend as she may be head over heels in love for all you know. Also there are women in their 20s in love and married to 40 year old men. Men typically don't move flings in with them.
She loves him for what he has not who he is.
How come he dosn't have other 20 year old's falling head over heels in love with him?
I bet if he met her randomly there would be no chance that they would be together.
How come he hasn't told his friends about this girl if shes not just a fling?
She would have moved herself in,making sure she makes herself comfortable in case I came back.
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Old 8th February 2019, 11:40 PM   #48
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Originally Posted by Purepony View Post
You deserve better op don’t forget that
Thanks.

I'm not even sure why I told him what I was there for when I came to visit when I saw a 20 year old there. He referred to her as "seeing someone" He didn't call her his girlfriend despite her sleeping and living with him.

Yes even though I feel so hurt about the whole situation I was willing to work together with him to get over this and move on, I must be crazy!!
When I saw him he excitedly commented to me that he his neighbour would be seeing two girls chasing after him now & would wonder what's going on.
It's like he is loving the attention and ego boost of being chased and sleeping with a young girl.

Yes things happen for a reason however if you truly love someone you don't just give up on them like that.He has hurt me many times in the past(not to this degree) however I was loyal and stuck around because we were engaged and I was in love. We weren't just bf and gf. We were in a long term serious relationship.
Despite what has happened I still love him, and if he truly loved me like he said he did, how could someone just move on so easily?

Thanks for your advice.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 9th February 2019 at 8:25 AM..
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Old 8th February 2019, 11:43 PM   #49
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Originally Posted by ElKay View Post
You don't want him back and yet you ask him for kisses after you found out about them? I think you might be in denial as your words don't match your actions.
I didn't say that I didn't want him back.
I went to his place to work things out, I wanted him back, that's why I went there.
I had no idea that he had find someone else. I didn't go there because he had someone else. I didn't know he was sleeping and living with a 20 year old girl.
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Old 8th February 2019, 11:46 PM   #50
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Originally Posted by preraph View Post
I think the very fact you were his first is why he felt he should explore. I wouldn't count on him coming back. He might, but you should date.
I don't feel like dating again.
He has made me feel so dissapointed in men & life.
I thought he had morals and was a decent person, never in my wildest dreams did I even imagine he would find someone 20 years younger. His 40 and she's 20.
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Old 8th February 2019, 11:49 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by preraph View Post
He doesn't care if they have anything in common. 40 year old guys just like chasing 20-somethings if they can get them for mainly sexual purposes. It won't likely last, but she may get pregnant or something like that and bind them together forever. You should ask if he's wearing condoms. Can't trust a 20-something to always do birth control right. Chances are he won't be done even if she leaves. If he got one 20 year old, he will go after another.

I have a great idea! Why don't you just start actively dating? It will drive him crazy and he certainly can't have anything to say about it given what he's doing. Best thing is if he cares about you, it will give him some urgency to make up his mind. Worst case scenario is you find someone else to love! Please take that suggestion seriously. It's the only thing you can do to maintain your dignity in this situation and it's common sense not to sit and wait for him. You're single.
She will probably get pregnant. She is apparently on the pill ( I have doubts) and he is not using protection. So yes that's what will bind them together forever and I think that's her plan
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Old 9th February 2019, 2:05 AM   #52
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Originally Posted by Lostlove11 View Post
I don't feel like dating again.
He has made me feel so dissapointed in men & life.
I thought he had morals and was a decent person, never in my wildest dreams did I even imagine he would find someone 20 years younger. His 40 and she's 20.
Why?

You were part of this break-up too, OP. You didn't want to set a wedding date. This isn't about men in general. It's about the two of you not being a match anymore.
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Old 9th February 2019, 8:27 AM   #53
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Originally Posted by Lostlove11 View Post
She loves him for what he has not who he is.
How come he dosn't have other 20 year old's falling head over heels in love with him?
I bet if he met her randomly there would be no chance that they would be together.
How come he hasn't told his friends about this girl if shes not just a fling?
She would have moved herself in,making sure she makes herself comfortable in case I came back.
Why would she make herself comfortable in case you came back? You came back to him but he didn't accept you and told you he's with her. Doesn't look like she has anything to worry about as it relates to you. It doesn't matter how he got her the point is they are together and she apparently likes it and so does he because she's still there. I didn't realize he was a multi millionaire who is giving her a jet set lifestyle.

You just seem to be jealous and hung up on the fact that he has a 20 year old. Would you feel better and less hurt if she were 35?

Last edited by stillafool; 9th February 2019 at 8:32 AM..
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Old 9th February 2019, 8:32 AM   #54
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Originally Posted by Lostlove11 View Post
She is apparently on the pill ( I have doubts) and he is not using protection.

How do you know that?
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Old 9th February 2019, 8:53 AM   #55
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Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
How do you know that?
He told me.
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Old 9th February 2019, 9:03 AM   #56
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Originally Posted by Lostlove11 View Post
He told me.

Oh dear.
Why on earth are you getting involved to the extent you know he is having bareback sex with her?
...and why is he telling YOU that?
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Old 9th February 2019, 9:13 AM   #57
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Originally Posted by stillafool View Post
Why would she make herself comfortable in case you came back? You came back to him but he didn't accept you and told you he's with her. Doesn't look like she has anything to worry about as it relates to you. It doesn't matter how he got her the point is they are together and she apparently likes it and so does he because she's still there. I didn't realize he was a multi millionaire who is giving her a jet set lifestyle.

You just seem to be jealous and hung up on the fact that he has a 20 year old. Would you feel better and less hurt if she were 35?
Why wouldn’t she make herself comfortable Incase I came back? Of course if I ended up with someone who was engaged and they broke up with their fiancé I would always wonder if the girl would even come back or the couple would ever get back together.

Why would someone of that age move in with a much older older man after being together for around 3 weeks or less? Even older couples don’t really rush things. I understand about staying over but being so desperate to move in so quickly makes me doubt her motives.
In my opinion a 20 year old is far too immature for a 40 yr old. Even at my age I wouldn’t even consider dating a 20 year old guy and I am younger then my ex. When I was 20 years old it didn’t even cross my mind to even think of finding someone double my age (a 40 year old man) someone who is old enough to be my father.

No he isn’t a multi millionaire, however she was living in shared rental accommodation with his mother, he has his own place, has a good job and she’s basically just come there with shoes on her feet.
Yes I am hung up on the fact that he has a 20 year old, someone half his age. He said that when he saw me he thought I looked to young for him and now his gone for someone 11 years younger then me.
Yes I would feel less hurt if she was 35. It would be easier for me to accept.
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Old 9th February 2019, 9:15 AM   #58
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Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
Oh dear.
Why on earth are you getting involved to the extent you know he is having bareback sex with her?
...and why is he telling YOU that?
Exactly why is he telling me?
Probably to hurt me and make me jealous...and it’s working because it does hurt me and now that’s all I can think of them doing.. and really it makes me feel ill.
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Old 9th February 2019, 9:33 AM   #59
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The reason it is best to go No Contact with an ex is because by doing that, you don't drive yourself mad wondering what they are up to every second of the day.
You don't know what they are doing with their life, who they are speaking to, who they are seeing, who they are sleeping with...
You get on with your own life and you forget about them.
Stay out of his life, for your own sake.

Last edited by elaine567; 9th February 2019 at 9:34 AM.. Reason: removed quote
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Old 9th February 2019, 9:51 AM   #60
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Originally Posted by Lostlove11 View Post
Yes I would feel less hurt if she was 35. It would be easier for me to accept.
All of your anger seems to be directed at this young woman. He is the 40 year old who moved her into his home. I'm sure she didn't force her way in there. You don't know what happened between them that made him quickly move her in to his home.

I think it would do you good to just put this behind you and move toward healing. The right guy is out there for you.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 9th February 2019 at 11:15 AM..
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