GF of 3 years left for someone else

[qwert12345]

Hi,

I would really like some help. I am 24M and my GF of 3 years (also 24 y.o.) broke up with me 2 weeks before Christmas. It has been more than 6 weeks now but I am still devastated. She told me that she is in love with someone else and it made her realize that she wasnt happy in our realtionship - that I dont think about the future , that Im selfish etc. The thing is - she had never discussed these issues with me before. I loved her and I would try to resolve these issues. I thought that everything was perfect in our relationship - but the thing was - she hadnt learned to communicate with me in those 3 years. Another thing - one week prior to the breakup - she was at my place and everything seemed fine - we talked about plans in the summer, she seemed happy - but she was already in love with that new guy and was thinking about breaking up with me - I just simply dont get it. That guy she left me for is her colleague from work.

 

 

So when she told me that she wanted to breakup - I could not believe it. I thought it was some kind of weird prank on me. It was totally out of the blue. She was my first love and I thought that she was the one - we shared same hobbys,had great time together, travelled a lot. She cried,thanked me for beatiful 3 years and that was it. I tried to discuss those issues she told me about. I would do anything to save it, but she just wanted to end it and burn all bridges.

 

 

On Christmas I found out that she was already with that new guy and that it is serious (how could that be serious after 2 weeks lol).

 

 

 

What should I do now? I still cant believe what happened. I try to avoid any contact with her,but its really hard. Do you think it is GIGS? Is there any chance that she would contact me and try to sort things out with me in the future? I know it is bad idea,but I still love her.

 

 

 

Sorry for long post and thank you for any help

[traditional]

I know it feels very bad and hard to understand. I am sure however as myself and many other people on this forum will attest that its just a turn in the road where there are many turns.

 

 

Firstly, you say she is your first love-we must assume you should have done several things wrong as a man. I am over forty years of age and still just learning about women. Firstly scrap everything that you think should be what she would want from you like constant smothering attention, total respect, soft approach. No she wants a man that seems does not care with her and only ravages her from time to time. What I am trying to say is for example if she says you are selfish-you would understand it in the normal sense that you do nothing for her, whiles it may mean that you do what you think she wants and you do not study her and notice what makes her tick.

 

 

In general, since you are a very young man remember she is not the one. If she was she would never leave you. I can't say that for sure as I am not a psychologist or some expert, but logic says. It will not be possible to accept her fully if she returns or it will demand too much effort on your part. You will have many questions like-if you are up to task with sex like the other guy, is she comparing. This surely leaves you in a perpetual strive and competition to keep her happy to not leave you again, which will drive her away. If you think about the situation, it may be that as time went you settle in and become less interesting or exciting, the infatuation wears off and she is bored-it happens. She starts to give in to his advances at work. He rides that car like its not his, whiles you ride with care-may be the selfishness, just saying.

 

 

You must decide to rather go through the pain of her dropping you, do two things please- do not chase her, do not contact her, do not stalk her, keep out of situations, places and people that will seem as if you are trying to reach out. It will be very hard-extremely tough at first but you are a man you will overcome. Remember its just a practice run for many more things you will face in different aspects of life, so keep strong-be the alpha man. You will notice if you cut contact she will reach out, I am 100% sure, and you will be tempted to fall back, it means for the rest of your future she knows you are needy and easy and back to square one-not man enough. You are a young man and should conversely not be strapped down with such demanding love labour, If you google world population, there are more women than men of earth and you put all your eggs in one basket at 24. Play the field, talk to different women-find out what makes them tick and this will prepare you for a serious relationship.

Edited January 28, 2019 by traditional
posted before done

[soloman]

Hi,

I would really like some help. I am 24M and my GF of 3 years (also 24 y.o.) broke up with me 2 weeks before Christmas. It has been more than 6 weeks now but I am still devastated. She told me that she is in love with someone else and it made her realize that she wasnt happy in our realtionship - that I dont think about the future , that Im selfish etc. The thing is - she had never discussed these issues with me before. I loved her and I would try to resolve these issues. I thought that everything was perfect in our relationship - but the thing was - she hadnt learned to communicate with me in those 3 years. Another thing - one week prior to the breakup - she was at my place and everything seemed fine - we talked about plans in the summer, she seemed happy - but she was already in love with that new guy and was thinking about breaking up with me - I just simply dont get it. That guy she left me for is her colleague from work.

 

 

So when she told me that she wanted to breakup - I could not believe it. I thought it was some kind of weird prank on me. It was totally out of the blue. She was my first love and I thought that she was the one - we shared same hobbys,had great time together, travelled a lot. She cried,thanked me for beatiful 3 years and that was it. I tried to discuss those issues she told me about. I would do anything to save it, but she just wanted to end it and burn all bridges.

 

 

On Christmas I found out that she was already with that new guy and that it is serious (how could that be serious after 2 weeks lol).

 

 

 

What should I do now? I still cant believe what happened. I try to avoid any contact with her,but its really hard. Do you think it is GIGS? Is there any chance that she would contact me and try to sort things out with me in the future? I know it is bad idea,but I still love her.

 

 

 

Sorry for long post and thank you for any help

 

this happend to me aswell, right on the 3 year mark she left me for a coworker that she had a crush on. i got bread crumbs for a long time. eventually we did get back together. but i kissed ass and was there every second when she replied , even though she ghosted me every time. it took 6 months to get her back.

 

if you ligit want her back, dont chase. dont take every bread crumb. trust me. step out of the picture. completley disappear and take some kind of antidepressant, like medical marijuana the drops, or over the counter antidepressants.

 

just leave her alone. she will come back. and she wont just drop break crumbs. she will drop the entire loaf. you will know. i know its hard to ignore those texts. but do it. trust me, change your number. delete all social media, even change where you live if you can. keep one line of communication open, your hotmail, and thats it, send her one note to tell her how you feel and leave it at that, she will find you. not just half ass try, trust me on this, i chased my ex for 6 months, if i would have vanished for one or 2, she would of came back earlier. but i followed my heart and not my head. you need to do the same

[Marc878]

Hi,

I would really like some help. I am 24M and my GF of 3 years (also 24 y.o.) broke up with me 2 weeks before Christmas. It has been more than 6 weeks now but I am still devastated. She told me that she is in love with someone else and it made her realize that she wasnt happy in our realtionship - that I dont think about the future , that Im selfish etc. The thing is - she had never discussed these issues with me before. I loved her and I would try to resolve these issues. I thought that everything was perfect in our relationship - but the thing was - she hadnt learned to communicate with me in those 3 years. Another thing - one week prior to the breakup - she was at my place and everything seemed fine - we talked about plans in the summer, she seemed happy - but she was already in love with that new guy and was thinking about breaking up with me - I just simply dont get it. That guy she left me for is her colleague from work.

 

 

So when she told me that she wanted to breakup - I could not believe it. I thought it was some kind of weird prank on me. It was totally out of the blue. She was my first love and I thought that she was the one - we shared same hobbys,had great time together, travelled a lot. She cried,thanked me for beatiful 3 years and that was it. I tried to discuss those issues she told me about. I would do anything to save it, but she just wanted to end it and burn all bridges.

 

 

On Christmas I found out that she was already with that new guy and that it is serious (how could that be serious after 2 weeks lol).

 

 

 

What should I do now? I still cant believe what happened. I try to avoid any contact with her,but its really hard. Do you think it is GIGS? Is there any chance that she would contact me and try to sort things out with me in the future? I know it is bad idea,but I still love her.

 

 

 

Sorry for long post and thank you for any help

 

Cmon man, he was already in the picture. She dumped you for him.

 

Cut off any contact and move on. This isn't the end of the world.

 

Don't make the mistake of projecting. I love her so she must love me. You didn't mean enough to her. Everything wasn't perfect.

[ExpatInItaly]

Unfortunately, she didn't try to fix things with you because she didn't want to fix things with you.

 

This new guy has evidently been around a lot longer than you realized. That should tell you a lot; she had been hiding this from you until she knew that he wanted to be with her, too. Remember that when you feel pangs for her. She is not the transparent person you thought she was.

 

I don't buy into GIGS as such. In my experience, it's usually just a case of a younger person growing up and moving on - someone who has not yet had the life experience to feel ready to settle down and exclude all other opportunities for their current partner.

 

Will she get back in touch again? It's hard to say. If things go south with her new boyfriend, she might. But you need to ask yourself if you could ever really trust her with your heart again. A break-up like this would be very hard to move past.

[Occitanie]

Girls like her have absolutely no integrity.

 

On the bright side, you can now move on to better things.

[qwert12345]

Thank you guys. I try to get get over her,but its really hard. Part of me still wants her back. On the other hand I know that its totally stupid idea. We have never had some more serious fight..I really thought that everything was okay. And now this...its really frustrating how fast she got over me and jumped into new relationship. I wouldnt wish this kind of breakup to my worst enemy.

[ExpatInItaly]

Not fighting is not always a reliable indicator that everything is fine. There are ways to address and talk about issues that arise without fighting; here, it seems, your ex was probably more conflict-avoidant and thus never really spoke up when something was eating at her.

 

It can be very difficult to maintain a relationship with someone who doesn't express their concerns because it then seems like a big issue or a breakup comes out of the blue - such as in your case.

 

Either that or her feelings faded a while ago, but she got complacent and coasted along in your relationship until she met this other guy.

 

In any case, it's okay to still want her back, OP. You're still processing this break-up and you're human. With time, that will fade.

[Nnam]

You said this happened before Christmas, that means it has been over a month. Dude the best thing is to pick up what is left of your broken heart and move on. Love hurts i guess. Who knows, you might find someone special before valentine that is if you keep an open kind.

[Nnam]

Girls like her have absolutely no integrity.

 

On the bright side, you can now move on to better things.

 

No need to generalize a single situation to "girls". This type of thing can happen to both gender. Relationships has it's ups and downs, just for one to hope the down side does not end terribly.

[Fekenaws]

First OP, I want to say I'm sorry, breakups suck and I feel for you. But secondly, the best thing you can do is go No Contact. You may hear from her, you may not, but if you get yourself into a rut you will make your own suffering much worse than usual.

 

I recommend watching Corey Wayne's videos or reading his book "How to be 3% man" where he explains what girls are actually attracted to, you'd be surprised that most of what we'd assume is correct is actually dead wrong. This will help you in any future endeavors you might have, as well as help you if your GF ever decides to come back.

 

Secondly, I'm leaving you a link to a wonderful youtube channel called "TheLoveChat". It is filled with videos that will logically, and calmly explain almost every question that you could possibly have. I recommend watching them, they helped me.

 

Lastly, don't listen to anyone who tells you "Your ex will definitely come back". They aren't fortune tellers, no one knows that for sure. My last ex and I have been in NC since the breakup and it's only a week away from being 4 months of silence, I doubt I'll hear from her again.

 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBD4gYSJL2uqV6tnbvVfkOg

Edited January 28, 2019 by Fekenaws

[sfroncz1]

You're not alone, my man. I'm 5 months into basically word for word the same situation, and she even was begging me back a week after she cheated but then left again for him. I have never really broken no contact other than one time drunk, and I have yet to hear from her.

 

Let me tell you the best things you can do:

- join a boxing class (you want to get that anger out and the added plus is you'll get in shape --> more girl attention)

- do not drink. I REPEAT. do not drink. You will do stupid things because you will be miserable

- get a dating app and every day just scroll through like 10 girls and say yes or no depending how you feel. Over time, you will begin to realize very soon that there are other women out there and maybe (just maybe) your ex isn't the only girl you could be attracted to

- however, play it safe. don't just jump into bed with someone else just to do it. the aftermath will just leave you feeling worse (i made that mistake)

- listen to youtube self-love or letting go meditations before bed. they will calm you down

- Xbox, movies, maybe try to read a book a week. If something in a movie is upsetting you turn it off. (this may sound lame, but I had to stop watching shameless because every time something sexual happened I would think of them). Protect yourself and fight to keep your mind off of it

- if you are religious, go to church on sundays. it helps put things in perspective and makes you feel good. makes you feel that the God/the universe will have your back at the end of this because you are the better person. AKA justice.

 

Above all, you will need to realize that this is going to be a marathon and not a sprint. There is no on/off switch for your feelings for her. If anything, it is a dimmer switch where your love will slowly fade out. I still feel the hurt at times 5 months out, but I'm smarter now and I have way more respect for myself. If she walks back into my life, it will be on my terms, and to be quite honest, I was so hurt I probably would not even entertain the idea. Restrain yourself from over-analyzing and realize that sometimes people do really crappy stuff. It's not a reflection of you. It's a reflection of her weak character. You'll get through this, brother. I'm living proof of that. It will just take time.

[qwert12345]

Thank you guys for your advices and support. I really appreciate it. I try to stay busy as much as possible,because when I have nothing to do, it hits me really hard. I wont contact her under no circumstances.