Boyfriend broke up with me because he doesnt feel the same way!

[cupycake]

Hi guys,

 

Just wanted to share with everyone here my story ...

 

Me and my ex met back in 2013, we were both in a university here in Bangkok, Thailand. I'm from Vietnam, he from Brazil. I'm 24 and he's 23.

Our relationship last for 3 years and a half. We lived together, we had such amazing years together, been doing lots of thing together. He encouraged me to do lots of activities that I've never tried. We both love wakeboarding and that's something we did almost every week. In return, I'm confident to say that I took really good care for him, we share house chores, I cooked most of the time, made him all the Brazilian dessert dishes that he loves, we support each other, be there for each other, we adopted 2 cats. Took care of them like they were our children.

 

I've been with him since we both got nothing, until today that we both got our own job, make our own money, although he is still in university but he got an online job that he doesn't really like it but the payment was really good and at the same time he was trying to open his business so I encourage him to keep going with that job until his business is stable then quit but whatever it is, I'll be there to support him with everything I could.

 

Until September , 2018 ... he broke up with me because he doesn't feel the same way about us. He wasn't romantically in love anymore. He said that he loves me but that kind of love doesnt right for relationship not the same thing I have for him. He told me he has been thinking about breaking up for awhile but he didn't have the guts to say it. Until he talked to this girl - a friend of him - she was in a similar situation, he told to break up if she doesn't feel like loving her boyfriend anymore. That is when he opened up and talked to me about our situation that he wanted to break up. We both cried so much that night, I remember. But because at that time we couldn't find any apartment, so we were living together until October.

 

During September, even after we broke up, he flirted with the girl that he has been talking to for awhile. Then, he made friends with this teenagers group, all of them are just 17 - 19 years old. There is this 18 yo girl in the group that he likes. Whenever we met, he keeps talking about her like how funny she is and things, he lied to me so many times about her to avoid "hurting me" and they finally are in relationship right now.

 

Since we broke up, he temporarily stopped with his business because he doesn't feel like doing it. So many times I went by his apartment, tried to find a reason why would he stop loving me, why such things like this happened, was it because of me, was I not good enough, etc ... He told me I didn't do anything wrong, I did everything perfect, I did everything for him and he regrets so much for leaving me, he thought about coming back so many times, he thought breaking up would be a mistake, he feels lost, he doesnt know what to do ... and I keep hoping that he would change his mind, would give this relationship another shot...

 

It has been 5 months since we split up and I still cant get over him, I can't move on, I got depression, every time I try to talk to him, chasing after him with the hope that he could think about us again. But it doesnt go anywhere, it doesnt get better and I know clearly that I was just pushing him further away. But for him, he got new girlfriend within 3 - 4 months after we broke up, everything seems like going well for him.

 

Since I know he's interested in someone else. I started to ask him all the questions that I have asked before, why he ended everything with me, he told me he doesnt want to be with me anymore, he wants to try something new. Every time we talk, I always talk about things we had together, how much I did for him and he just doesnt want to try harder. It hurts me so bad seeing him being happy with someone else than me, so I keep blaming him for what happened. He told me tried everything since we broke up to make me feel better but he messed up every time. He knows that himself is throwing away everything he had with out getting it back. He knows that he can't find anyone that truly loves him like the way I did.

 

I talked to so many people about our situation, they told I have got to stop talking to him, block him all possible ways to contact me. I did. When he realized I blocked him on social media, he called me but I didn't pick up. Next day, he sent me long message saying me and the cats are the world to him, it's biggest mistake that he ever made, etc ... and now I just don't know what he wants anymore.

 

I currently moved back to Vietnam already for few months. He cried so much knowing that I'm leaving the country with the cats. On the departure day, he went to my room despite how many times I told him not to show up there. He keep crying and saying that he knows what he lost, he knows he messed up everything, that I dont deserve to be suffered from everything like this ... that he will miss me and the cats so much.

 

I really dont want to give up on a relationship that meant so much to me, a relationship that both of us work so hard, put so much effort and time for. I might be wrong but I feel like all the words he said at that time it was because he just sad and he might not really appreciate what we had the past years. That what I have done for him and what we had the past years are not important anymore.

 

If a person who really treasures you, that they really appreciate what you did for them. They wouldnt leave you for "something new", right?

 

If someone would have gone through similar situation or if you can share any comments to me and I would appreciate so much your help to get me through this tough time.

Edited January 25, 2019 by cindyle

[ExpatInItaly]

If a person who really treasures you, that they really appreciate what you did for them. They wouldnt leave you for "something new", right?

 

Yes, exactly.

 

I know it hurts a lot, but you don't have much choice but to let go. You don't want to give up but he already has. I think he is being honest that you didn't do anything wrong, exactly, but you two started dating when he was only abut 19 or 20. He has outgrown your relationship and knows he cannot commit to you and only you forever.

 

And whomever is telling you that you need to stop talking to him is absolutely correct. He's saying things to try to make you feel better, and perhaps to keep you as his back-up in case he breaks up with his new girlfriend, but his heart and mind are not with you anymore. Trying to beg him to stay with you, plead for answers, and so on doesn't change things. It just makes it harder for you to accept this new stage of your life and close the chapter you had with him.

 

Please, take care of yourself and stop contacting him.

[emeraldgreen]

Xin chào / Sawatdee khrap.

 

Sorry that you are going through this. 3.5 years for a 23-year-old guy is a pretty good run, and it seems like he started getting itchy feet or wanted to look over the fence to see what else is available. It's not a reflection on you. I've also lived in Thailand and, while I don't excuse cheating, there is certainly a lot there for the eyes of young dudes.

 

I'm gonna guess he already had eyes for other girls before breaking up, tried someone else and maybe it didn't work out and he's running back to you out of desperation.

 

From your side, perhaps you put so much of yourself into the relationship that when it was over, you got depressed because you didn't invest in your own heart enough during that time. Loving and missing someone is one thing, but attaching your happiness completely to another person would make anyone depressed when they don't love themselves first and foremost. I've made that mistake when someone left me for something shiny and new.

 

Personally, I think you deserve a guy who doesn't need to lose you to realise what he had. It might be a great time for you to figure out how you can make yourself #1, and then slowly meet other people when you feel strong enough. You are still feeling the gravitational pull of the old relationship because you put so much into it, but that doesn't mean you won't find happiness again with a stronger, more devoted guy.

[cupycake]

Thank you ExpatInItaly.

I some time think so too that he is keeping me as a backup. He kept saying he misses me and the cats. He knows he made lots of mistake and he should have tried harder.

But he didnt take any action since he met new girl.

 

I appreciate your help ... Since I came back to Vietnam, I started going back to gym, catching up with my friends, looking for some meet up groups, meeting new people, ... although it quite a bit hard for me to not thinking about him but I'm doing the best I could.

[cupycake]

Hello emeraldgreen,

 

I must say that you are right. I thought I could love myself and him at the same time while we were in relationship. But from what you said, it actually made me realized that I wasnt loving myself enough. I did attach all my happiness to him completely.

 

I do tell myself lots of time that I deserve better than this and myself is now must be the first priority that I should care about.

 

Thanks a lot for the comment.

[emeraldgreen]

Hello emeraldgreen,

 

I must say that you are right. I thought I could love myself and him at the same time while we were in relationship. But from what you said, it actually made me realized that I wasnt loving myself enough. I did attach all my happiness to him completely.

 

I do tell myself lots of time that I deserve better than this and myself is now must be the first priority that I should care about.

 

Thanks a lot for the comment.

 

You're very welcome, Cindy

[emeraldgreen]

How is everything with a bit more time? Are you staying home or going back to BKK?

[cupycake]

How is everything with a bit more time? Are you staying home or going back to BKK?

 

Hello emeraldgreen!

 

Well yeah I'm currently at home now. Asked my boss for me to work from for few months until I feel better.

But I already planned coming back to Bkk in April. Probably after the Thai New Year.

 

Well, I'm doing a bit better everyday, I gotta say. It takes some time to get used to it, I guess. At least that's the progress.

 

Thanks for checking in

[emeraldgreen]

 

Thanks for checking in

 

No problem at all. Tried to check in via DM but I think our settings are different.

 

The pollution is really crap in BKK right now anyway so you are safer at home for a while. Take care.

[cupycake]

No problem at all. Tried to check in via DM but I think our settings are different.

 

The pollution is really crap in BKK right now anyway so you are safer at home for a while. Take care.

 

My account doesnt have permission to access DM/ PM.

Yeah I left right on time. But trust me, no difference here in Ho Chi Minh, the pollution almost as same as Bangkok. Can't run away from them

[cupycake]

Hey guys,

 

Just ... um ... trying to figure this out what does this mean ... been thinking back for a bit - I just dont understand that, he said he loves me, he knows what he has lost, ... and yes as I said, despite how many chances I have given, expected he would change his mind and give this relationship another shot ... but he chosen to be with the new girl anyway.

Well, he said once that the feeling of love he has for me, it doesn't "suit" for relationship. He confuses, he's lost, ... and his solution is to be with another girl?

 

I just ... dont get it, guys

[emeraldgreen]

Hey guys,

 

Just ... um ... trying to figure this out what does this mean ... been thinking back for a bit - I just dont understand that, he said he loves me, he knows what he has lost, ... and yes as I said, despite how many chances I have given, expected he would change his mind and give this relationship another shot ... but he chosen to be with the new girl anyway.

Well, he said once that the feeling of love he has for me, it doesn't "suit" for relationship. He confuses, he's lost, ... and his solution is to be with another girl?

 

I just ... dont get it, guys

 

He's a silly boy. Judge the actions, not the words. He said those things, but where does he sleep at night? He knows what he lost but gambled it anyway. You can find a stronger man.