LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Breaks and Breaking Up

How to move on from the past once and for all?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Like Tree8Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 14th January 2019, 3:03 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 244
How to move on from the past once and for all?

Hello Everyone,

Iíve come back to this forum in hope of finding some guidance and/or understanding for my current situation, as at this point, it seems I have stumped everyone (psychologists, friends, family members) including myself. Iíll try to keep it as brief as possible, but I think it might end up being quite long. Sorry about that!

Currently, I am 29 years old. I was in a very serious long term relationship from the age of 18 until 25. I loved this partner dearly, and he adored me, but I felt from the very beginning that there was no spark or passion on my end. I chose to date this person anyway for two reasons, 1) I knew my family and friends would approve of him, and 2) I hoped that the attraction on my end would come in time. I was correct with the former, and incorrect in the latter. I tried for many years to suppress the feeling that something was missing in my relationship and therefore life, but eventually I could not. It was a very traumatic breakup, not because there was animosity between us, but because we had to detangle our lives from one another, including saying goodbye to our beautiful house we had purchased together, separating our dogs, and friends and family members. Unfortunately, at the time, I donít think I was able to fully process this loss, and because of that, I dove into a new relationship with an older man that had been interested in me since I was 16. I now believe this man had been grooming me for years, but at the time, I thought it was ďtrue loveĒ and believed all his promises to love me in ways my previous partner never could.

I tried to propel myself into a new life with this new partner, but in a few short months the illusion faded, and I did not feel for this new person as I thought I did. He was extremely angry at me and called me horrible names for ending the relationship, and once again I propelled myself into dating someone new. Unfortunately, this cycle repeated for many years as I desperately tried to find someone to build a life with once again. I became painfully aware of my age (my younger sister became engaged and married) and my bumpy relationship history. From the age of 25 until I would say 28 (when I met my current partner), I experienced horrible and soul-crushing (I donít say that lightly) heartbreaks over and over. I believe at present, I have processed and healed from most of those breakups, however, one has lingered and even though now over 2 years have passed, I simply cannot rid myself of the horrible emotions and thoughts that this relationship triggered.

I met this person in the new year of 2016 when I was just about 27. Looking back, it was an odd time to try and meet someone and date, as my mother had received a terminal cancer diagnosis and was in the process of getting a stem cell transplant in the hopes that it would save her. I think I was both trying to distract myself from this horrible reality as well as trying to have her know if she did pass away, that I was happy and with someone. My family had been particularly worried at this point with my personal life and lack of a partner. Anyway, I met this person at a very vulnerable point in my life, with my motherís health in a precarious situation, and professionally I was completing a gruelling residency. He became my coping mechanism of sorts, I always felt better around him. However, when we were apart I always worried. You see, he was separated from his wife, not fully divorced yet. He told me this on the first date, but I decided to proceed anyway as he reassured me that he was totally over that relationship, and our chemistry was so strong-something that doesnít happen often for me.

I think looking back it was a terrible choice to continue to see this person after he told me his situation with his ex. The relationship was full of extreme highs and devastating lows, usually centred around him staying in contact with his ex and his inability to fully commit to me. From January until May of 2016, we dated on and off. In May, when he did not finalize his divorce even though the legal separation of one year had passed, I decided to end the relationship myself. I travelled to Europe (I am from Canada) on my own, and in this period I believe truly moved on from him. I could see the duration clearly with some space, and realized that he had never really picked me, shows me how important I was. Instead, I was more of an option, someone he enjoyed to spend time with but did not feel the need to commit too. I had a short but wonderful fling with a lawyer in Paris, and at this point wondered what I had ever seen in the previous man.

When I got back home in July, he was keen to see me again. He told me he had finally finalized his divorce, and he felt closer than ever to move forward with someone. We met a few times after that, but again it seemed clear he was not ready to settle down, at least not with me. We stayed in contact here and there until September, when I told him I could no longer see or speak to him anymore as I had met someone that was ready to date me exclusively. To my surprise, he told me that he had been immature before, and didnít want to let me go without a fight. He assured me that he would date me exclusively as well, and delete all his dating apps. I was very wary of all this, as before this was never an option. However, I followed my heart and decided to give us one last shot.

Us being ďofficiallyĒ together was very short-lived, however. This is where I think I get stuck, specifically for thoughts on how it was all my fault it ended. Basically, a couple nights after we were officially together, we went out on a date. The night went at first very well, I remember being so happy since that was what I had wanted for so long. However, at the end of dinner, he asked me what my friends were up to so we could go out with them. I remember thinking I would rather just go home and be together, but I didnít want to let him down. I texted my friends at the time, they told me they were at a club that was known for having raves and drugs readily available. I wasnít keen on going, but he seemed like he wanted to, so we went. It was a very bad decision to go, let alone partake in the substances I did. I was already taking prescription stimulants for ADHD (I am no longer taking this medication), and it did not interact well with alcohol or any other recreational substance. Long story short, my new partner at the time and I got into an argument (I perceived him caring more about being with my friends and impressing them than being with me and going home when I wanted to), and I exploded in an angry tirade. I donít remember much of what I said, but what I do was not kind. The next day, after I profusely apologized for my behaviour, he said he was unsure if he could continue to date me and be vulnerable as I had hurt him so much that night. I tried for months after that night to redeem myself, to show him that he could trust me again, but in November he said he felt his feelings change for me that night. We continued to date until before Christmas, after which he decided that he wanted to be single and that he didnít think I was The One, even though he had said the opposite so many times before. I was absolutely devastated. After working for so long to have a true relationship with this person, I simply could not cope that in one night, I managed to destroy everything beyond repair. I still have trouble coping with this.

After a week or so of no contact, we began seeing each other again. However, it was not the same, and he was going on dates with other women. I followed suit and went on dates with other men, but I did not ever feel the spark I did with him. However, a couple weeks ago he began seeing a younger woman more consistently and became intimate with her. He has wanted to keep seeing me as a friend and continued to initiate contact time with me, however, I told him I could not be his platonic friend. I have reimplemented no contact since. However, I did break it once about 6 months ago (a year or so of not speaking at all) to once again apologize for some of the mistakes I believe I had made in our relationship as well as after it ended, but not only did he not reply, he blocked me and I donít think we will ever speak again.

I am have now dealt with strong negative emotions about this breakup for over two years, specifically feeling used, like a bridge between his ex-wife and this new relationship. Before implementing no contact, he let me know various things about this new relationship that he was unwilling to do with me, such as setting boundaries with his ex and other women, prioritizing her over his friends, turning his read receipts on his phone so she knew when he read her messages, etc. Deep down, I feel this new woman is reaping the rewards of all the hard work I gave to my ex. Whatís worse, and I do feel horrible for thinking this, is that in my opinion, the new woman is far less attractive, educated, and/or successful as me. For some reason, I find this to be a particularly difficult pill to swallow. Itís as if my subconscious would have an easier time understanding and dealing with him replacing me with a woman that was far superior to me either in attractiveness or some other standard. However, from what I can see, she seems average in most ways which I find so perplexing. ďWhy her and not me?Ē thoughts wander in my head frequently.

This is what I struggle with most, as I know I shouldnít care at this point. So much time has passed, he clearly didnít value or respect me, and most importantly, I am in a new relationship now. What really worries me is that these intrusive thoughts come into my head constantly, usually when I am drifting off to sleep or when my mind wanders. It seems if I am not constantly distracting myself, the horrible thoughts and emotions of shame and humiliation over what happened in this past relationship haunt me. I even dream nightly of this person and what happened. And worst of all, and I absolutely HATE admitting this, is that I do not feel the same chemistry with my current partner as I did with my ex. Not even close. However, it is as though they are polar opposites. Where my ex was laid back and relaxed about most things, maybe to a fault, my new partner is diligent and disciplined. Where my ex and I had explosive chemistry and got along so well, my current partner and I donít as much but I am far more comfortable with him, physically and emotionally. I feel that I should be very grateful for my current partner, and I truly, truly am, but I canít understand why these negative thoughts and emotions about a relationship that ended so long ago keep entering in my mind, and it makes me worry that this says something about my current relationship- that if it was a good match I wouldnít be having these negative thoughts and emotions about the past anymore. However, I am just not sure anymore.

Another aspect that makes everything very complicated, is that my current relationship (1.5 years) is long distance. Very long distance in fact, as I live in Canada and he lives in Switzerland. I have always wanted to live abroad, particularly in Europe, but I had not originally thought of moving to Switzerland as I do not speak either German or French. In addition, I have just opened up my own private practice in my hometown, and it has been doing very well. It would be difficult for me to leave my business (some clients I could continue to see virtually, but most of the clientele I would lose in a move), my friends and my family for a relationship. That being said, I think I would feel 100% happy to do it if I had the same chemistry and connection with my previous partner as I do with my current partner. Iím trying to look on the bright side, that it is very good that I feel as comfortable and safe with my current partner as I do, and that perhaps strong chemistry isnít important in the longevity of a relationship in the long term. But I am confused and torn, and at this point in my life, Iím not sure what I need to be doing to get myself on a healthy path. I really donít know how to stop these horrible intrusive and at this point obsessive thoughts about this previous partner, blaming myself for it ending, and feeling like Iíve lost something truly special. I feel immensely guilty about having these thoughts and feelings while in my current relationship, and I desperately want them to stop so I can move forward in my life. At this point, I canít tell if my current relationship isnít right for me and thatís why these thoughts are intruding my mind or is it the other way around and because of these intrusive thoughts, I canít be present in my relationship enough to truly enjoy it?

Thank you for reading, any insight would be helpful!
-L
laelithia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th January 2019, 6:50 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 1,834
Just my thoughts, so take them as you choose:

The very strong chemistry you felt with this man probably has something to do with your emotional state when you met him. Him not being fully available also probably had something to do with it, the insecurity of the situation made you hold on to him even tighter.

It sounds like you may have served as a transitional person for him between his marriage and his current girlfriend. You were a soft place to land while he healed and worked through the adjustment. It sucks, but it's a clear risk of getting involved with someone so recently out of a relationship (and it sounds like in your case he wasn't even really out of it yet).

Whatever you said to him on the night of the rave was enough to convince him it was time to move on. It likely would have happened anyway, this just sped up the process.

It takes a long time to really get over losing someone you felt such a strong unhealthy attachment to. Going right into another relationship just temporarily pushed your unresolved feelings to the back of your mind, but now they are back front and center. They won't go away until you deal with them directly. That means a lot of introspection and willingness to be honest with yourself about him, about you, and about the relationship.

It sounds like you haven't ever given yourself time to just be alone and single to get to know yourself and what you need and want in a relationship. Jumping from one relationship right into another one is a recipe for disappointment and heartache.
Finding my way is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th January 2019, 7:54 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 562
Man, that is tough. I can sympathize and I think a lot of people here can identify with the thoughts that the person that broke up with them is having such a great relationship with someone else now. I know I think these thoughts ALL THE TIME. So that makes you very normal. Is it true? I don't know. I tend to doubt that most people change that quickly but I guess anything is possible.

I would advise you, as @findingmyway said, that you might be better served being single for a while and working on moving on from this lost relationship. It doesn't sound like this new relationship is all that good for you and I wonder if it serves a purpose of trying to distract you from your feelings of loss over your ex (in a sense you're doing what you feared your ex was doing to you). Another thing that came to my mind was that it might be anger at yourself that is keeping you stuck. You are blaming yourself for ending the relationship with your outbursts. You can't undo that. It happened and it changed how this man saw you. But you don't have to beat yourself up forever about it.

People's feelings tend to soften over time. By that, I mean that people don't tend to remember the angry things they said or the arguments. They tend to look back on things with fondness as time passes by. So it's possible that at some point you may be able to talk to this person again. For now, though, I think you are going to have to try to accept that he is going on a different path. Acceptance is the HARDEST thing about all this. Our brains will refuse this at all costs. We don't want to accept that our exes are moving on. Or that our relationship is over. It hurts too much. So we will do anything to keep from doing that.

Hugs to you. I'm sorry. Let time do its work. My worst breakup took years for me to get over. And you know what? After five years of NC, after I had released so much anger and sadness, he finally apologized to me.
nolanola is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th January 2019, 9:08 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 966
One of the problems I've spotted from your post is the fact that your new relationship is long distance...very long distance. I find when people engage in these types of relationships they are robbing themselves of some very important needs, physical closeness being one of them.

I had a previous relationship in my life with someone I was very close to. I was very much in love with her and wanted to be with her. The problem is she hurt me terribly so I had to break it off. There are days I still think of her and miss her, but I also love who I am with now. I know the person I'm with is better for me, she might not possess some of the things the other woman did, but she has other intangibles that are also what I want and need. I know it's difficult to move forward from someone who has touched our lives at times, but sometimes it's better to live with the thoughts of them rather than actually being with them because in the end they just weren't good for you.
loversquarrel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th January 2019, 8:48 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 244
Hi everyone,

In the last few days, I have faced my darkest feelings about this ex. For a long time, I did not want to admit that I yearned for this person, or at least who he was before all the horrible fights happened, but I see now that I do. As painful as it is to admit, I miss him. I feel like this is twofold. In one way, it is about the validation and acknowledgment I so desperately seek, and in another way, itís solely about him.

For instance, I have never met someone before or since him that I found physically, emotionally, and intellectually attractive. He was funny, kind-hearted, upbeat and easy going. I loved his name, his family, most of his friends, and his outlook on life. I truly believe had I been working on my internal wounds, seeing a psychologist more regularly to tackle these deep-seated insecurities and negative beliefs about myself, I wouldnít have strained the relationship to the point I did. He was open and honest with me about needing time to take the relationship slowly, and I consistently didnít listen and forced it forward at an unhealthy pace, as I had done with most relationships since my 6-year relationship ended.

I believe there were mistakes he made that caused me pain, but unfortunately, I believe the vast majority of the issues in our relationship were caused by me. My subconscious was hurting so badly from my past, that any time I drank too much or tried any other substance, the wounded subconscious would come to the surface and damage myself and those around me. I am so, so sad about this. I have so many regrets. I truly think this person and I could have been happy, if I had just listened to what he was asking of me, to take a healthy pace and to challenge some of my negative thoughts. I donít know how to forgive myself now, for hurting myself as badly as I did in losing this person, and in dating the wrong people since then, for the last 2 years.

Even now, in my current relationship, I believe it is a shadow of what I could have had with my ex. Every day I think about how my current life could have been so much better with him in it, with us together. I was so happy every time we were together, it was only when we were apart that my mind would play tricks on me and make me believe he didnít care about me and that he wanted someone else. I tested him constantly, started arguments just so that I could witness him trying to win me back, all of it a symptom of my bleeding core wounds from the past. I so desperately wish I could go back in time, work on myself, and see what would happen then. Iím so sad Iíve caused all of this, and Iím so scared that I will be forever haunted by it, and what Iíve done since.

I really hope I can move past this, see this break up in a positive light, but I feel I never will. I truly cannot see any fault with this ex that could not have been worked through in time. He was as patient as he could be, he tried his best to be with me while I didnít love myself, while I tested him, questioned him. My current partner has low to no tolerance at all for this. In fact, today he said he didnít want to be with me anymore because heís sick of answering questions about who heís talking to online all the time. I know he would never do anything inappropriate, and yet I still find myself asking. I donít think Iíll ever find anyone as patient and understanding with this as my ex had been, and I should have been more grateful for him at the time.

Also, I deeply regret letting my parents get involved with that past relationship. They did not want me to be with him from the start, because of his past marriage, but I donít think they should have judged him for that (my mother herself had been divorced twice before meeting my father). Even worse, I listened to their advice, started to pull away from my ex even though I so desperately wanted to be with him. I should have been stronger, I should have been brave enough to be with him even if my parents didnít approve. He made me happy. They quite simply, donít. I donít know why I listened, and I have this to add to my list of regrets.
laelithia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th January 2019, 9:00 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 966
Look, I say this to a lot of guys on here...there is no such thing as the one but rather many good matches. If you don't feel connected with someone it's time to move on because every minute you spend with that person is a minute taken away from someone else.

I know how hard it can be, the girl I wrote about touched me on so many different levels. I have news for you though...the girl I chose also touches me in different ways and ADDS to my life which is more important than just touching you on every level.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 15th January 2019 at 9:17 PM.. Reason: removed quote
loversquarrel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th January 2019, 9:10 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 562
I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this. Forgiving ourselves is so hard. I do think you are most likely idealizing this person (your ex). If he really did use you as a bridge between his divorce and his new relationship (which I doubt it's that simple), what kind of person does that? That is cruel behavior. He was dating other women and trying to keep you on the side as his "friend". Not cool. What kind of person would block you when you try to reach out to apologize? I don't think your ex is everything you're making him out to be. Now, he may be a really great guy. But I think the bigger issue is that you can't forgive yourself for how you acted, so you are making things very black and white in your mind. In your re-writing of the past, he was perfect and wonderful and you were the one that screwed everything up. I SERIOUSLY doubt it is that simple, but it serves a narrative in which you can sit in that place and feel horrible.

You screwed up. You're a human being. We all screw up and hurt other people from time to time. You did what you could to try to apologize and he didn't want to hear it. It is entirely possible that at some point he will be willing and you can make amends. In the meantime, you have to try to work towards letting this go. I know it's so hard. And it's ok that you're still dealing with this 2 years later. Don't berate yourself for hurting and having a hard time. It took me years to get over my worst breakup. And it's still affecting me to some extent, 8 years after the last time I saw him.

I think it might be a blessing in disguise that your new relationship is on the rocks. You need to focus on healing yourself. I think you still have some work to do if you're questioning your new partner so much. And it's ok that you're still dealing with this stuff.
nolanola is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th January 2019, 9:18 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 1,834
It sounds like you are doing some difficult work on finding answers and facing the ugly and scary truths. That's a very important first step.

Don't get stuck there though - the next step is figuring out how you are going to use your past experiences to improve things moving forward. Learn from the past and don't repeat what doesn't work. Working with a counselor might be very helpful and enlightening for you.

I think some time alone without having a partner would be a very good thing for you right now. You need to focus on you and not distract yourself with attention to and from someone else.

You WILL get over this guy if you give it some time and keep working on gaining clarity. Right now you are romanticizing him and only thinking of the good things about him. Be honest and remember what it was really like while you were in the relationship - I bet you'll find he really wasn't all you're building him up to be in your mind.
Finding my way is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th January 2019, 8:35 AM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 177
Quote:
Originally Posted by laelithia View Post
Hello Everyone,

I’ve come back to this forum in hope of finding some guidance and/or understanding for my current situation, as at this point, it seems I have stumped everyone (psychologists, friends, family members) including myself.
Hello, laelithia. Sorry for the pain and confusion.

Having read your posts about your relationships, past and present, and your current predicament, I can't help developing a particular impression.

Of course, it is entirely possible that I am wrong, but I get the sense that, when you are in a relationship, you tend to look for reasons to push your relationship partner away. When the relationship ends, you tend to idealize the person somewhat, especially if he is the one who rejected you.

You seem to feel like this particular guy is the one that got away and you would have made this relationship work if you hadn't had that outburst on that night. But, based solely on your description of your relationship before that night, it seems to me that he was sitting on the fence, not really committed to your relationship. I actually think he would have eventually broken up with you. Your outburst just made it happen sooner and more dramatically. It also made it easier for him to place 100% of the blame for your relationship not working out on you. If anything, it sounds like the main reason the guy wanted to make a go of things with you was your determination to date someone else. It's not so much that he didn't want to lose you. It's more that he didn't want another guy to beat him in a competition (for your heart).

In that sense, I think you and he may be similar. Just like him, you seem to find partners or ex-partners more attractive when they are out of reach. It's not really about the partner. It's about the sense that you're being rejected and somebody else is beating you in a competition. Is it possible that you had a difficult relationship with the folks who raised you? Were they negligent or abusive? Did you feel like you had to earn their love/almost beg them to love you? Did they make you compete with your sibling(s) for their affection? If yes, your relationship experiences may be a reflection of your early relationships with your family members.

You seem to have a fear of being alone (hence, your rush to jump into a new relationship once one ends), but you seem to have a fear of true intimacy too (hence, your tendency to date people you can't/won't connect with). I think that suggests that you have issues with emotional intimacy going back a very long time. And I agree with everyone who says you should take a break from dating. Be single for a significant stretch of time. Try and work on yourself during that period.
Acacia98 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th January 2019, 5:22 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 244
Thank you, everyone, for your replies. It was difficult to read them, but I think you all made very good points. It's hard to admit that I have been making the same mistakes over and over for a long time, but I suppose the only thing to do now is to make sure I don't continue making them. I think jumping from relationship to relationship desperately trying to find one that stuck has really hurt me in the long run.

When I think about it, I believe that my current relationship has actually made me miss my ex more, because they are polar opposites. My ex was kind and easy going and fun, my current partner is harsh, serious, and disciplined. I suppose each has their pros and cons, but if I were to choose a personality compatible with mine, I would choose the former. I miss being able to be relaxed with someone I'm with and enjoying our time together. I just can't seem to find that balance anymore.

I feel so lost at the current moment. I agree that I need time to myself, to sort out these issues, but at the same time, I feel torn about this because I invested so much in my current relationship so I could go abroad to be with him. I did recently start my own private practice here in Canada, but I believe I would be able to take quite a few of those clients with me by working with them virtually or over the phone. I've wanted to live abroad for a long time, but even now with everything I'm hearing in the news lately and having had a visit to Switzerland a couple weeks ago, I just don't know anymore. I'm currently living in an apartment owned by my parents, and that creates a bad dual relationship I feel, where I let them become too involved in my personal life because I feel guilty for them providing me the apartment for lowered rent.

To make matters worse, I am turning 30 in March, and I am so sad at where I am in my personal life. When my long, long term relationship ended when I was 24/25, I was certain by now I would be married or close to it. I am proud of where I am professionally at this point in my life, but I feel I am getting too old to be in such an early stage of dating again. I don't know that I've learned enough in this time of being in a relationship/dating/single in the last few years that I trust myself to date someone new, but at the same time, I feel like the clock is ticking on so loudly. In many ways, I feel trapped.
laelithia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd February 2019, 2:04 AM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 244
Pervasive thoughts of "ex" 2 years later

Hi Everyone,

I've posted about this particular "ex" before, but somehow even after a few weeks or months of relief of pervasive thoughts of him and what transpired between us, my thoughts of him always return.

I find this both equally frustrating as mind-boggling. I think my close friends and family would be shocked that after so much time has passed, so much has changed in my life, that I still have regular (borderline obsessive) thoughts about this person. Truly, he is not that special. I myself can't understand it.

The reason I use quotes around the word ex is that technically (or for the vast majority) of our 1 year, 2-month relationship, we were not "official". Perhaps this itself is a clue to why the thoughts persist so long after? That I never truly "had" this person? And yet we shared so much, emotionally, physically, psychologically. We spent more time together than most of my relationships that were much longer in duration. Maybe this also has to do with why the thoughts persist.

I wondered also if the way in which the relationship ended has also kept me from removing him from my mind. An intense betrayal, after we had been through so much together (him: a divorce I supported him through, me: a parent's cancer diagnosis and treatment he supported me through), and a replacement that seemed less attractive (and yet seemed to receive so much more than I had from him). And, to make matters worse, a year or so after NC, I reached out him to apologize over what I believe I did wrong in the relationship (rather than to voice my truth, I never once told him how his actions affected me, never spoke up for myself) and was swiftly blocked without a response. The very same person that promised that no matter what happened between us, he would always remain a friend. I know it was silly to believe such a thing, but I in fact did.

Anyway, I am truly disgusted on how much of my time is spent reminiscing/obsessing/processing over this person. I have had several relationships before and after him, yet those don't seem to resurface much. Why is it that this particular person will not leave my psyche? Part of me wonders, very reluctantly, that perhaps I view this person as an ideal mate, despite the trauma he has inflicted on me. Perhaps it is the silencing, the fact I never expressed how I felt about what he had done, or perhaps it's nothing related to him at all. Perhaps my brain is so used to the "uncomfortable comfortable" that it must find something negative to focus on.

I really don't know, and I'm not sure you will be able to answer for me, but I suppose it's worth a shot! Does anyone else have experience with something like this?

Last edited by laelithia; 3rd February 2019 at 2:06 AM..
laelithia is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
How can I move past it all ? negritaultra Breaks and Breaking Up 23 16th November 2016 5:58 PM
How do I move past the guilt and move on with my life? May72 Coping 9 23rd September 2013 4:51 AM
How do I get past this once and for all? scaredandalone1223 Marriage & Life Partnerships 4 19th July 2011 1:24 AM
Trying to move past all this Amanda726 Infidelity 4 24th June 2006 12:46 AM
When will he make his move? Will it move past friendship? mynameisluca Friends and Lovers 1 13th April 2004 8:10 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 6:34 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.