After a crazy year I feel lost

[TheZigzag]

My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me a week before christmas.

 

Rewind 2 years ago, i worked as a grunt in a visual effects company. Over time while there, after a lot of thought and after speaking to some of the artists I decided I wanted to make the career decision of becoming a Concept Artist for the entertainment industry. I moved away to study a masters degree in this subject and while initially making friends from my class, one of them would end up becoming my future girlfriend.

 

We hit it off quite fast, had so much in common and she was smart and beautiful. We hung out in the same circle of friends from our class and studied together. It was a year long course and I was so happy during this time. I loved the people around me and the work I was doing on a daily basis.

 

She practically lived over my place for the 2nd half of the year. Then the end of the course came, I worked as hard as i could during the year but knew id likely still not be quite good enough, it takes years of hard work typically to land a job in this field, most of us knew our portfolios werent quite there yet (its brutal to get into this industry and we needed to keep developing our skills.) My girlfriend and I spoke, we thought it would take us another 6 months tops, we both said we were in the relationship for the long run so lets make it work. You see, shes from Poland and im from the UK, so we had to go back home until we landed jobs. I still remember her saying - im not worried at all because i know how close we are.

"I" was worried cos of the long distance, my parents arent the most stable family and my stepfather had been diagnosed with cancer 2 months before this.

In contrast she was from a wealthy background, her parents own multiple businesses and houses, something i wasnt as aware of at this point.

 

My parents drove up to the city to help me move my stuff, i still remember the day. I was really sad boxing everything up. My girlfriend had slept over that night and was in my house with me helping me pack. We were both really sad but had a plan, plus she was coming down to stay for a week in a month. But i knew this was an end of a part of my life after the studies had finished. Id likely never see some of the friends id made again too since we were all from different places.

Parents arrived, i kissed and waved my girlfriend off, we drove around a corner and hit traffic, as she was walking home we saw her again. This time with tears down her face and we waved at eachother. That was at 1 year into our relationship.

 

And so from this point it became a long-distance relationship. Even with the distance we made sure to see eachother 1 week a month taking it in turns to fly to one another. We spoke on skype and text regular. At first we were talking loads and would watch films or play games together in between working on our portfolios.

 

The months rolled on, i started applying for jobs in this field but wasnt getting any replies. Her parents soon told her she can take as long as she needs to work on her portfolio which was quite a contrast to my situation. I had constant questions from my family. "Whats he doing?" "Hes graduated from a masters how come he hasnt landed a job yet?"

 

I was living back at the house my stepfather and mum were at too and during this time he was getting progressively sick from the cancer. Doctors had told him he had a month or two left, it had spread everywhere which came as a huge shock to us all. My days for a few months consisted of helping to look after him, doing daily work when i could and chatting to my gf online.

 

Most of my friends from my hometown had moved away while i had lived away too and so I did feel quite isolated but i kept reminding myself this is just temporary. I started to feel very down about all these things and would talk to my gf about it, i remember at first she was sympathetic but i started to feel like there was a shift, she found it hard to relate and i did feel a bit more distance from her. (When i look back at this one side of me feels bitter, another feels like i shouldnt of vented to her about this stuff as much but then i think, if the situation was reversed i wouldve been there for her.)

 

I remember we started to bicker more and more, and although we'd sort things out, as the months went on she wanted to talk less and less. In july when she came to see me she said suddenly "I dont think i want to be in this relationship anymore" i was shocked and fought to fix it, we had a day or two where she was unsure, then in the evening in the hotel i decided to leave, she started texting me saying she didnt know what she was thinking. Asked me to come back, i did and we sorted it.

 

A month later my stepdad got worse. A few days left we were told, he was sitting in his chair downstairs, my mum next to him. I was upstairs trying to distract myself with my work. Suddenly i heard a scream and ran downstairs, my mum crying and he died in front of us. I remember how brave he was through it all, they came to collect him that night, family members arrived and i was the only one not to cry, looking back i was in shock. My girlfriend text me, "I love you and im here. Talk to me when your ready." (Looking back, after 2 weeks it felt like she expected me to be over it.)

 

She had asked me to come to her friends wedding in Poland before hand. This was scheduled 1 week after my stepdad passed away. She said she understood if i wasnt able to come but I decided to go, I thought a trip to see her would take my mind off things. We went to the wedding, everyone was speaking polish and i knew just a few words, i could tell the families came from wealthy backgrounds. They sat me next to another british guy who was as clueless as me.

I ended up drinking more than i should have that night. It was free alcohol, looking back i was not 100% there and still in shock. Near the end of the night we danced, i was acting silly and the other british guy was laughing. Then my girlfriend looked a little embarassed and whispered to him "sorry he doesn't get out much". The guy seemingly slightly shocked turned to me and said to me what she said.

I lost my ****. We walked outside and i felt betrayed especially after she knew what had happened a week ago with my stepdad. She didnt understand my point, said i was over reacting and it was a harmless joke. Looking back i did over react cos of the drink but i still think it was heartless of her especially at that moment. We argued for hours over this before bed. Eventually it was sorted but it was brought up by her several times in the months to come, on how i acted like an ass at the wedding..

 

In terms of my work i started receiving some art tests just before xmas and had an interview. Nothing solid yet but from the work over the past almost a year since uni finished my portfolio was getting closer. My girlfriend asked her parents to pay for her to go to another school for 2 months to get trained by some high level teachers. Something i wouldve loved but just could not afford. She made new friends in these classes and i continued to work in isolation at home. On top of this my mum was grieving and mentally all over the place at this point.

 

Fast forward then to december. My gf brought up breaking up again. I convinced her otherwise and told her things were gonna get better and this year had just been the hardest of my life. (It truly had been) i didnt want to loose her but part of me was feeling more and more ..abandoned? I mean they say the person thats meant for you will stick by you through the hardest times right. Her last visit in december came, we bought eachother xmas gifts and she went to some effort for me buying a bunch of diff things, we talked things out and had a pretty good week. We decided we were gonna make things work and be more open again to eachother. She left and sent me a very lovey message saying how she had a great time. The next day she asked had i booked my plane ticket in january yet to see her while they were cheap which i took all as good signs. I booked it but a few days later while i got sick i received a text from her. "Can we talk, its about us?" With my fever i jumped on skype and she broke up with me, i sat there and listened and just said okay fine. I knew id tried my best to fight for us but it still came to this.

 

And so christmas and new years have passed. Ive been emotionally a wreck. Its been almost a month and ive heard nothing from her and made no contact myself. Just a merry xmas and Ny in a large facebook group chat from uni we're in. I wished her happy bday on facebook last week and thats it.

 

Quite honestly i miss her so much and feel like im quite isolated right now. Not many people around to talk to which is another reason im likely typing this. Shes posting on instagram and facebook regular with her friends and about her work. I look at her instagram posts even tho i probably shouldnt and it makes me feel worse. Having days where sometimes i get by and days like tonight where i feel alone and miserable.

Edited January 13, 2019 by TheZigzag

[brent878]

Dude. First off, I'm very sorry to hear about your stepdad. I lost my mom to cancer and I have seen first hand what this does to a family. My sincere condolences, even if the event is remote now.

 

You sound like a very thoughtful and sensitive guy. It doesn't really sound like you did anything wrong here. Your ex sounds a bit self-focused if I can be very honest. It also sounds a bit like she has no regard for the effect of her waffling on your well-being. The incident you described at the wedding - man, that would piss me right off. If I had a girlfriend say that right after I had lost an immediate family member to cancer - I'd lose it. I'd probably lose it more than you did. So you had a few too many drinks at a wedding and acted like a goof, right after someone in your family died. You deserved to let loose a bit. And the reward you got was a judgemental and condescending rip from someone who should be happy to see you at least smiling and getting your mind off of things. Yuck.

 

To then dump you while you were ill with a fever over skype...I mean this individual needs to give their head a shake and I think karma is going to come around. I know you miss her but as an objective person reading this story, it seems like any time you faced adversity she was nowhere to be found or it wasn't convenient for her. This isn't what long-term partners are made of. At all.

 

You're clearly an intelligent and articulate and thoughtful guy - you will find someone to treat you properly. The holidays are awful for everyone. It's a new year. Christmas is over. I wish you healing and a speedy recovery from this trauma. Keep posting here if it helps man.

[TheZigzag]

Thanks Brent. Very sorry to hear about your mum too, cancer is a horrible sickness.

 

She was very self-focused looking back and not the most supportive. Its nice and insightful to hear an objective opinion on the matter that doesn't hold an immediate bias if that makes sense.

 

Im focusing mainly on my work right now and trying to keep in touch with friends.

 

I find the sadness comes in waves, i can have a few days where im ok and days where i miss the relationship and days passed more, but its to be expected i guess.

 

I know in my mind i tried until the end but it feels like a double hit when youve lost a best friend as well as a romantic relationship but what can you do other than learn from the entire experience, good and bad and keep growing as a person.

 

I wouldnt know what to do if she reaches out and messages me at somepoint, whether we could be friends somewhere down the line (conflicting feelings on the matter) or whether thats even a wise option.

 

But yeah writing this stuff down definitley helps somewhat.

[Chi townD]

Sorry dude. LDR do suck and a lot don't survive. But, you just have to give yourself time. You need to heal and move on. Make positive changes in your life. Hang in there, dude.

[TheZigzag]

Thanks Chi townD. LDR are really tough.

 

 

So 5 weeks have gone by since the break up. We haven't spoken since then. That is, until yesterday she sent me a message on facebook.

 

 

 

Asking how i am and that she would like it if we could be friends.

She also said that shes been thinking about messaging me for a while but didnt know how long we both needed to process things and that she thought about things alot but knows that it was the right choice for her to break up and hoped im doing well too.

 

 

It was a fairly lengthy text but that about summarizes it. I haven't text her back as of yet.

 

 

 

On one side it would be nice to be friends still as we both are entering the same field of work, have mutual friends and have a lot of mutual interests. Perhaps a friend I keep at arms length though.

 

 

 

On the other side, I am contuining to feel better as time is going on about the whole situation but there still remains some bitterness in me about how she left at my lowest point. I don't know how easy it would be to be friends with her or whether not to bother.

 

 

Does anyone have some advice on the matter?

I'd appreciate it and be open to hear.

Edited January 26, 2019 by TheZigzag

[Darren87]

Hey mate. Sorry to hear about your situation, especially your step dad, that sounds really awful. I have all the sympathy in the world for you about your break up as my ex dumped me at the end of Nov so I had an awful Xmas & NY as well. It was then her bday after NY so I knew she was out having a great time.

 

If you’re starting to feel better then I would say that you really don’t need her back in your life. Doing so sounds like a huge step back to me as it most likely will bring up past emotions. You’re only on 5 weeks so emoitions can be pretty raw still & can change at the drop of a hat. I was dumped 2 months ago & we haven’t spoken since then, even now I feel positive one minute then suddenly awful the next. So be careful.

 

If I were you I would reply as it’s the mature thing to do and says to her that you’re a guy confident guy with a positive personality who hasn’t allowed the break up to ruin his life. Personally I would say to her that you don’t dislike her, you’re not angry and if you see her you’ll certainly say hello. However that is the extent of what the friendship will be. It’s the old thing, being friends with you ex NEVER works.

[TheZigzag]

Thanks for the reply man. I hear you, but im still struggling with a decision moving forward.

 

Its been quite some time. 3 months have gone by. Ive been getting on with my day to day, mainly just focusing on my work as im currently trying to build a career. Unfortunatley none of my friends live close by right now but i speak to them through skype typically on a weekly basis.

 

March was really tough for me, I found myself thinking about her at least at somepoint everyday, its the same in April and i feel like im missing her even more. So many things remind me of her and I introduced her to things like Game of thrones for example, now the shows back on and i miss having her next to me, sharing and talking about things we noticed. Something small but its an example of the many times this has happened with different things over the months.

 

After i left a post here last i responded to her message. We ended up having a skype call for an hour. I stayed positive and just kept things light, not talking about the breakup at all. We caught up and she seemed really interested in what i had been up to and kept saying 'ohh its so good to talk to someone who i can share this stuff with again' refering to the many things we have in comman. I ended the call after that and that was it for a week. She messaged me a week later on facebook and we had a text convo for 40mins again just asking how we were/been upto until then she said she was headed to bed. After that she kept liking things i posted on social media where as i had to mute her stuff for the time being to try and let myself get over things. In march she stopped liking anything i posted, i think its because she noticed i wasnt looking at any of her stuff, shes observant so i know her personality. Ive given no sign of my sadness and not showing the actual huge feeling of missing her.

 

So now we're at the present time. Honestly i think i still love the girl, i miss her greatly still, i want her in my life and sometimes i think maybe i should send a message. She reached out to me twice in Jan/Feb and ive never initiated a conversation with her since the breakup - i needed time to myself but now i feel like i dont want to loose her completley....

 

Then the other voice in my head says but man, where would this go? I want her in my life still but i know theres a part of me that wants her back, i couldnt bear to see her with another guy and be a 'friend' she talks to while she dates someone else. **** that. But it feels like the wrong thing to do in loosing her completley. I miss her so much.

 

As sad as it is ive had dreams of her still, found myself thinking back on when we were together, knowing i was in a dark place at the time and wishing i could change how i acted then, but i still think she should have been there more for me than she was.

 

Im venting now but I just dont know what to do, maybe i should message her, maybe we could be friends... Part of me the other day was even thinking about calling her and asking her to give us another chance... 4 months after the breakup... Then i snapped myself out of it. Ive never felt like this before over a girl, i was with someone longer than this before this girl yet i didnt feel this way. I felt such a connection with my ex and when i think of those happy memories we had gone, of us slowly slipping from best friends and boyfriend/girlfriend just 6 months ago to almost strangers now it really hits me hard.

 

Please, any advice would really help me right now. My head feels foggy.

[Million.to.1]

don't try and be friends... honestly, you will get through this much easier if you cut the cord, including social media. it's going to keep you stuck and you need a clean break to move forward.

[TheZigzag]

Thanks for the reply.

 

Im really struggling tonight. This is probably one of my worst days of missing her and its 5 months on. I still feel like i love the girl.

I happened across images of her on social media taking pictures with some guys (not a huge deal) but it just it me hard.

I really want to message her right now and talk. Shes reached out to me twice over the months since the break up and ive talked to her and we've had an hour conversation of laughing and catching up both times. Ive never brought up the breakup with her but tonight i really want to talk to her and lay my cards on the line.

Im still struggling.

[preraph]

How old are you both? I'm trying to decide if she's just immature.

[TheZigzag]

Im 29, shes 26.

 

Ive been in relationships before but ive never felt this way 4-5 months on. Ive asked friends for advice and its difficult for me to speak like this in person.

Edited April 28, 2019 by TheZigzag

[TheZigzag]

So im thinking about messaging her tonight to have a video call chat. Shes always quick to reply if i do send a message and i know she'll accept talking if i ask so take that for whatever it may be. I just take it as its the type of person she is and that she does still care about me but nothing more.

 

So the point of the video call. Im thinking about just being blunt and honest. Telling her i still have feelings, i feel some love for her still and i want her in my life but right now i cant just settle for friends.

Then saying that because of this and the way i still feel im gonna have to cut ties with her on social media. Seeing her posts bring back memories of her and seeing her hang out with a new group of friends and pose with cosplay guys with a caption "blushing" at this event she went to yesterday is messing with my head a bit.

 

I spoke to a friend about it yesterday, he seemed to think that laying my cards out there and being honest with her would be the best idea and she'd likely appreciate my transparancy. The idea of exposing my feelings and being so blunt makes me feel really uncomfortable but im starting to think being honest about my feelings right now and telling her thats why i have to cut her out from social media may be the best idea today so i can just focus on myself without her posts popping up.

 

Please, what do you guys think about this? Id appreciate the advice.

[TheZigzag]

No one's responded but this place has become a place for me to post and type out my thoughts when i believe theres no one to turn to.

 

I went through with that call tonight. Spoke to my ex in a video call over skype. We talked for about 2 hours. I made an effort to keep things positive and stay cool. The first part of the call was us just talking about random stuff, smiling and joking. Then she asked what did you want to talk about?

 

I tried to articulate as best i can, could feel the emotions inside. Started with this isnt easy for me to say, im gonna feel pretty exposed but theres something i need to do and i felt it right to talk to you and get things out there and id appreciate if you could be open and honest too. She agreed.

 

I told her about how im gonna have to cut social media ties with her... At least for a while, that i still have feelings for you and.. I think i still love you. I noticed a quick jerk in her facial expression as i said the last part. She replied saying how she really respected me for being so honest and that it impressed her but said she'd be honest as i asked - then she told me she doesnt have any feelings for me.. She still cares about me, thinks im smart and wants me to succeed but she doesnt think of me in that way anymore.

 

Of course it hurt but i just nodded and toke it in my stride.. at least in this conversation. Told her ok and said i appreciate you being honest.

 

We then reflected on the relationship a bit, I told her how as she knew my stepdad died of cancer 2 months before our breakup, some other bad things also happened that put me in a dark place and at the time i felt bitterness and despair and i think it led itself into the relationship and my day to day mood. How i thought if certain things didnt happen we couldve potentially been happy together for years to come.

 

She said she disagreed. That she thinks that we eventually didnt fit up personality wise and it would have ended this way regardless. I said i felt like she put up an emotional wall near the end that i couldnt get past and she told me it was due to me being unsure at the start of the relationship. You see, 2 years ago at the beginning i had ended a previous relationship 2 months previously to meeting this girl. We met by chance and instantly hit it off but because i had come out of a relationship not long before i was unsure. I really liked her, told her i loved her after a couple of months but took it back a week later. I said it again soon after. (my mistake but i was trying to be cautious and hold back feelings.) I held back my affection somewhat at the start because i have a tendency to be cautious of the girl im dating at the very beginning which is fairly normal i think.

 

I said i thought this was fine as a fair few couple of months later we were happy together and honestly very close. She told me not to dwell on it, whats done is done and we both made some mistakes.

In my mind i still think things couldve ended differently, we could have been happy in the years to come, but i couldnt help the things that happened around me at home and i dealt with all of it the best i could at the time. I just wish i could have shown more affection to her at the very beginning as that seemed to set up some initial wall apparently... But quite honestly i REMEMBER how close and intimate we were, for a long time im sure there was no wall, only until the end and when the relationship became long-distance.

 

When we talked further i said my instinct was that she was okay with how things are but still had some feelings. She said no, shes a cold bitch (with a bit of laughter) and said she gets over things fast. The first month after was tough for her but after that she was moving on. She then went on to say she wants to be friends but doesnt know if we can be close friends ever, like speaking on a daily/weekly basis but who knows some time from now. I agreed and said yeah it would be nice to be friends and i want you in my life but right now i cant settle for "just" friends. She said okay, she understood and told me to take as much time as i need and send her a message when i think we could be friends.

 

She also said she doesnt plan on dating anyone anytime soon. That she isnt in that mindset right now. I told her it was hard for me to be so open in this conversation, that my natural reaction is to keep this inside and not talk about it but i wanted to let her know why ive temporarily removed her on social media. She said she was glad we had this talk and was happy i reached out.

 

Thats the long-story short of it even though i still wrote a fair bit. I dont know if i did the right thing, everything ive read about "getting your ex back" or "maintaining attraction" has stated that a move like this is a bad idea, opening up to a girl, especially after a relationship is over destroys attraction. Maybe its right i dont know but i played hard to get at the very beginning and held back some affection which could have caused a rift so who knows.

 

I put myself out there and let her know how much she meant to me tonight. Accepted her decision and said i need to cut her off from social media to help myself move on. I think this honesty took more courage than bottling it up and giving in to resentment but thats just my opinion.

 

We said goodbye for now, i made a joke at the end and she laughed. We ended the call smiling, i couldnt see emotion in her face but i knew emotions were hurting in me.

 

And so its 3am here now, my forum posts may not show it but im typically a manley guy, obviously i just open up more on here as mr anonymous. But right now, im on the verge of tears. Things feel final, I feel like ive lost my best friend and my girlfriend. I find myself thinking back to the earlier days of the relationship. I remember how happy i was, how much we shared and how id never felt that way with any girl before. I cant believe shes already moved on and over it.

I find myself sitting here wondering, when things did start to go wrong, i tried harder to fix it. I opened up more over time. Did this kill attraction and slowly bring the end? Would it have been better if i always kept some of an emotional wall up myself? I dont know. I tried to follow those rules before the end as i was trying so hard to fix it and try anything before it was over. I pulled away for a while near the end but that only caused more distance. I hope that being strong, genuine, honest and willing to expose your emotions is the right path and not these online dating 'experts' advice you see so often.

 

I miss her so much but ive done all i can right, im trying my best to follow the right path and all i can do now is focus on contuining to better myself. I feel really alone at the moment. I have done for months, even when around friends.

[TheFinalWord]

Hey buddy,

 

I guess you can be glad that you got to have closure with her. A lot of people don't get that at all.

 

But she was honest with you. She does not have feelings for you, never will, and if you want to be in her life as friends, she's okay with that. But if you don't, she's okay with that too.

 

I know this is tough, but you have to abandon hope and begin the healing process.

 

It doesn't sound like she did much work to reflect on went right or wrong. That tells me she's in her party years and not really worried about finding Mr. Right at the moment.

 

Women have different phases in their lives. In their early to late 20s, they are in their party years. They look the best they ever well and have a natural abundance mindset. If she's attractive, all she has to do is post a selfie and all her male orbiters will DM her asking her out. If she posts a dating profile, she'll have 300 matches within an hour. That's why Bumble is so popular. Women control who writes them and it helps them to filter out being bombarded with hundreds of messages asking to take them on a date. Women in this stage have lots of options and they don't stress much if one guy doesn't work out. It's not until they get older, late 20s early 30s that they reach the epiphany stage. Some never do. Most get tired of being in the sexual market place, realize their looks are declining and they can't compete with the new crop of 20 somethings, and they seek to cash out and have a family.

 

This woman sounds like she's had her heart broken multiple times and knows what she needs to do to get over a guy. That's how they get cold. Look at how she barely cared about the cancer incident. True colors. Tells me she doesn't really care about you as a person. She was distancing herself from you to the point a family member dying of cancer was not enough for her to show love. Sometimes women act like that to get you to dump them, because they don't want to have to be the one to do it. They don't like to look like the bad guy. But you're a kind man so you gave her grace, even though I know that had to hurt a lot. She may not know how to really love someone. You don't really want someone like this long-term. You think you do now, but trust me, you don't. She has some emotional damage somewhere. But, even then, a lot of women have break-up experience, especially if she's attractive, whereas a lot of men don't. A lot of women these days are sexually active at 14 and 15 and have had their heart broken multiple times by the time they're 20. By the time they're 25, they've had 10 to 15 sex partners (some a lot more) and probably been in 4 or 5 heart-breaking relationships They learn how to move on. They have a system. Over time they don't learn the skills of self-reflection and how to work through problems. They just learn its more convenient to break-up and find a new guy. Women like this aren't LTR material. On the other-hand, most men have 2 or 3 girlfriends all through their 20s, if they're lucky, and when they land a girl that is pretty and into the same things as them, they get hooked. They are destroyed when she walks away and gives up. It's tough man, but every guy goes through this.

 

It sounds like she wanted to break up a while back, but probably stuck around because of all the personal issues you had going on. She didn't treat you right at all. But, it was LDR so it wasn't hard for her to pretend to be your girlfriend. But her heart was not in the relationship for a while.

 

TBH she sounds kind of immature, but you are also not really established yet yourself and you're not in a good place to really build something solid. In general, for her, this was a relationship of convenience. I don't think she ever had it in her mind to find her husband at school.

 

You had a fun relationship with her while it lasted, but I do agree with her that it wasn't going to last. It was convenient because you were near by, a fun guy, attractive...but with the distance, personal issues, and her age, just eroded over time. It was a relationship of convenience.

 

What you are having a hard time with is the fantasy of her that you created in your mind. It's not the real her. The real her was mentally out of the relationship a long time ago. Besides cheating or abuse, all other obstacles and misunderstandings can be worked through if both want. If only one wants to and the other doesn't, there's nothing you can do to fix things. Nothing you can say, nothing you can post, no action you can take. She is 100000% over it.

 

I do agree you need to cut off social media, get rid of any pictures, everything. Don't look at her social media. You have to resist temptation. All you're going to see is disparate bits of information and try to create stories in your mind. Or maybe you'll see her with another guy. Brother, eventually IT IS going to happen. But if you don't look at her social media, you'll never have to see it. That's the only way you'll know, so don't look. I know it's like a drug addiction, but you have to stop because all it's doing is ripping the bandage off every time you look.

 

You have to keep busy to move on. She is not coming back, there's nothing you can do to change anything. You can't fix this my friend. Sorry for being blunt, but you did nothing wrong. No words or actions are going to make her second guess. There is nothing you can do. Don't worry about being her friend. It's impossible anyway, especially since she has no feelings at all for you and all that's going to happen when you contact her is you're going to be re-opening all those emotions and trying to figure out how to win her back. It isn't going to win her back and it isn't going to help you heal. Your healing is all that matters now. Not her opinion of you. Not a friendship. Not any of that stuff. So, please stop trying to figure out how you can fix things. Instead, focus on healing yourself.

 

Time heals all...and what's funny is in a year when you look back, believe it or not, you'll be glad it didn't work out with her. Many more women out there, much better than her. Women that will treat you right when a family members is dying of cancer, won't mock you in front of other people, and won't want to give up when times get tough. That's always the true test of a relationship. Anyone can have a relationship when its convenient and easy. But when life gets in the way, are they there with you to stick by your side? Or do they give up and walk away?

Edited April 30, 2019 by TheFinalWord