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Going NC, but my ex stops at my house


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 13th November 2018, 9:20 AM   #1
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I did something stupid **Updated**

My ex and I broke up at the end of August. We were together for almost 4 years. I started seeing someone pretty quickly (about 2 weeks later). Things were going pretty good. I liked him. But I thought I might be moving too fast and trying to fill a void. Then the new guy told me he has a STD. I was nervous and I havenít slept with him. I am not sure I want to.

I have been thinking about my ex a lot lately. A family friend just passed away last weekend and my ex texted me the same day as the funeral. A lot of emotions were messing me up. Grief over my friend, excited to hear from my ex, uncertainty about this new guy. My ex and I met to talk and we slept together. I feel so mixed up. I know what I did was wrong, but a part of me still loves him.

He is dating someone and is sleeping with her. That hurts. I know all the advice is going to be to block him. We arenít on social media anymore. I just donít know what to do.

I know I need to talk to the new guy. I need to tell him that I still have feelings for my ex and I am not over him.

I know I am a bad person for doing this. How do I live with myself? How do I move forward?
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Old 13th November 2018, 9:35 AM   #2
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My ex and I met to talk and we slept together. I feel so mixed up. I know what I did was wrong, but a part of me still loves him.

Research shows the main reason men keep in cotact with exes is for the possilibiity of sex, so stop writing that fairy story in your head...
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Old 13th November 2018, 9:36 AM   #3
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You can always live with yourself mate. That part is the most important.


Priority number one is to go to your primary care provider to get tested for STDs.


Priority number two is to seek out emotional healing with your girlfriends. Right now you are in a vulnerable state and liable to make more bad decisions. Grieve all you need to. Ponder a little about why the relationship went sour. Write down lessons learned. Do things that really make you happy apart from seeing more guys. Then you will be able to do the healthy thing and seek out better relationships.
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Old 13th November 2018, 10:03 AM   #4
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Research shows the main reason men keep in cotact with exes is for the possilibiity of sex, so stop writing that fairy story in your head...
Thank you. I believe he keeps contacting me so if this other girl doesnít work out he has me on the back burner. Kind of the same as I feel like I am doing with this other guy. My ex does say he has feelings for me, but that could just be talk. I am not sure what to believe.
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Old 13th November 2018, 10:07 AM   #5
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You can always live with yourself mate. That part is the most important.


Priority number one is to go to your primary care provider to get tested for STDs.


Priority number two is to seek out emotional healing with your girlfriends. Right now you are in a vulnerable state and liable to make more bad decisions. Grieve all you need to. Ponder a little about why the relationship went sour. Write down lessons learned. Do things that really make you happy apart from seeing more guys. Then you will be able to do the healthy thing and seek out better relationships.

The day after he told me about the STD I called my doctor and got myself tested. I am clean. Now the issue becomes so I want to sleep with him and put myself at risk? My feelings arenít there yet so right now the answer is no. Plus I feel like I am leading him on. I still am not over my ex and I am scared to sleep with him. Big signs I should be single.

I have been going to see a therapist. Ever since my ex and I were on our break. So I will continue doing that.

I think I am scared of being alone forever.
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Old 13th November 2018, 10:17 AM   #6
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Then the new guy told me he has a STD. I was nervous and I havenít slept with him. I am not sure I want to.

He is dating someone and is sleeping with her.

I know I am a bad person for doing this. How do I live with myself?
(1) Say goodbye to "new guy"... You don't need the worry of an STD.

(2) As for the old boyfriend with a new girlfriend, ask him to make a choice... New girl or come back to you.

(3) You are not a bad person. Sex is fun!! You were down and needed an escape for a few hours. I've slept with ex-girlfriends that needed to feel "wanted". That doesn't make me a bad person or any of my exes, just makes us human.
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Old 13th November 2018, 4:41 PM   #7
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You are not a bad person. You are a human person who sought comfort after a funeral. Sex as proof of life is very common. on a sub-conscious level you needed to connect.


You do need to break up with the new guy.

But as for the rest of it, my condolences on the death of your friend. Spend some time healing. You have had a lot of negative loss in your life in the past few months.
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Old 13th November 2018, 5:02 PM   #8
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Neither of them are right. Don't worry about what you did. Don't assume you're getting back with your ex. They always try to find a reason to sleep with you or lean on you again, but it doesn't mean anything. Well, it means sex.

Be single for awhile.
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Old 13th November 2018, 7:25 PM   #9
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Thank you for the condolences. It was a tough weekend.

I am feeling guilty for breaking it off because of the STD. When he told me about it my gut reaction was shock and I thought I was going to end things. But I felt like I would be an awful person for doing that. So instead I talked to my doctor and my therapist. My doctor talked to me about the risks. I was still scared after that appointment. I told him I was nervous and he said I can go as slow as I want. My therapist asks me if he is worth the risk. I donít have those strong feelings for him yet. Even if I did, I am not sure I would want to move forward. If I put myself at risk, what if I got it and things didnít work out. Every time we would have sex I would be wondering if this would be the time I got it. I donít want to go through a relationship like that. And I feel completely and utterly terrible for not wanting to continue things with him. Because he is a great guy, super sweet, same interests, puts me first. Completely opposite of my ex.

I also feel guilty because I donít feel the same way as he does. I think about my ex sometimes when we are together. Part of me wants my ex back, but maybe that is because I am so scared about being by myself. My ex and I had such great times the past 4 years, and if we would have communicated more to each other about our feelings and what we wanted and needed I wonder if things would have ended differently. I miss him and I miss out time together. And I really hate thinking about him dating someone else and sleeping with someone else. I wish we could have worked things out. I wish we were still together. But I know that isnít going to happen. So I need to move on.

I just seem so lost right now.
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Old 13th November 2018, 7:56 PM   #10
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I am feeling guilty for breaking it off because of the STD. When he told me about it my gut reaction was shock and I thought I was going to end things. But I felt like I would be an awful person for doing that.
Why? Itís unfortunate he has an STD, but you didnít cause it, and you have no obligation to stay because of it. And think of it this way, odds are that relationship wonít work out. Do you really want to subject yourself to getting it, which would make dating someone else in the future much more difficult?
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Old 13th November 2018, 10:40 PM   #11
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Why? Itís unfortunate he has an STD, but you didnít cause it, and you have no obligation to stay because of it. And think of it this way, odds are that relationship wonít work out. Do you really want to subject yourself to getting it, which would make dating someone else in the future much more difficult?
I donít want to contact it and have to tell future partners. I have a feeling that many people would walk away if that were to happen. I am scared to tell him how I feel. I hate hurting people and donít like conflict. But I know that is no reason to stay with him.
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Old 13th November 2018, 11:13 PM   #12
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That's a lifelong gift. At least he was honest enough to tell you.

It's Short term. I'd walk away you aren't ready to date it sounds like anyway.
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Old 14th November 2018, 12:48 AM   #13
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My ex and I broke up at the end of August. We were together for almost 4 years. I started seeing someone pretty quickly (about 2 weeks later). Things were going pretty good. I liked him. But I thought I might be moving too fast and trying to fill a void. Then the new guy told me he has a STD. I was nervous and I havenít slept with him. I am not sure I want to.

I have been thinking about my ex a lot lately. A family friend just passed away last weekend and my ex texted me the same day as the funeral. A lot of emotions were messing me up. Grief over my friend, excited to hear from my ex, uncertainty about this new guy. My ex and I met to talk and we slept together. I feel so mixed up. I know what I did was wrong, but a part of me still loves him.

He is dating someone and is sleeping with her. That hurts. I know all the advice is going to be to block him. We arenít on social media anymore. I just donít know what to do.

I know I need to talk to the new guy. I need to tell him that I still have feelings for my ex and I am not over him.

I know I am a bad person for doing this. How do I live with myself? How do I move forward?
Sounds simple do me. Break up with the new guy because he is damaged goods. Block the ex because he is using you. Find someone new for a fresh start.
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Old 14th November 2018, 1:43 AM   #14
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Donít break up with the new guy because heís damaged goods. Heís a good person, not just a disease. Break up with him because you arenít ready for a relationship.
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Old 14th November 2018, 8:35 AM   #15
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I wouldnít say he is damaged goods, but the STD is a big deal for me.

I think the main reason I need to end this relationship is because I am not ready to move forward with him or anyone right now. I donít have the same feelings he has hinted towards me. My feelings are the primary reason and the STD is the secondary reason.

This daughter is having surgery tomorrow and I donít want to say anything before that. I have been somewhat avoiding him because I know I canít pretend everything is fine when it is not. I donít want to hurt him, but I know in my heart this is for the best.
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