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Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 5th January 2019, 8:25 AM   #1
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Drive-by's

As I've said before, I went no contact with my ex but lately he's been driving past my house to an excessive degree, in fact every time I look up his truck is sliding past my windows.

Yesterday it started early in the morning and he was still doing it as late as six p.m when I finally closed the curtains for the night. Who knows how much longer it went on after that.

I tried to ignore it at first but as the day wore on I started feeling tense. We live in a very small town together and at times he was just circling the block, crawling past my house at a snail's pace.

Why is he doing this? It's been five weeks at least, since I cut off all contact. He knows I want nothing to do with him. Therefore this seems like an act of aggression, unless I'm overthinking it.


All I know is I'd like to feel comfortable leaving my house without having him stop me on the street or to be put in any position where I have to speak to him. I just want to be left alone. I'm still battling anxiety and him making me feel like I'm being spied on now isn't helping. He didn't want the relationship and he didn't treat me well. So why doesn't he just stay away from me? He did these drive by's all the time just before we got together and once we were in a relationship admitted he'd been jealous wondering if I already had a boyfriend.

Anyway, Should I let him catch me outside and confront him about it or should I just ignore it and hope it stops? It didn't just start today, he's been doing this for a few days now until today it was over the top.

It's funny how upsetting something like this can be, but then I have anxiety. Maybe that's why I'm feeling tensed up about it. Thoughts?

Last edited by Fair; 5th January 2019 at 8:28 AM..
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Old 5th January 2019, 9:22 AM   #2
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That would be enough to cause anyone anxious feelings so don’t beat yourself up for feeling that way!

He’s effectively entering your personal space and checking up on you when you’re both supposed to be moving on with your lives without each other, it’s creepy and stalkerish behaviour on his part.

Having been in a relationship where I’ve experienced this and worse forms of stalking, I would always take these signs seriously.

I would firmly tell him that you’ve noticed this, you don’t want it to keep happening and if he doesn’t listen you will not be happy.

There are a lot more decisive steps you could take for stalking behaviour but if he already has a screw loose and a lack of respect for your wishes and boundaries, threatening that at this stage could trigger him further.

I would test the waters by firmly telling him you want him away (if he hasn’t shown signs of stopping himself) and then take further steps based on his next actions and response.

Let us know what happens and takecare!
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Old 5th January 2019, 9:34 AM   #3
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It seems obsessive on his part. It's stalkerish behavior, although I think intent to threaten has to be there to meet the criteria for stalking, and it probably depends on how the statute is written for your state or locality. It could be either his intent or whether you feel threatened.

I would start by trying to ignore it and see if he gets tired of it. The next step would be asking him to cease and desist. You could do that in person, via email, text or through an attorney. If he still doesn't stop then a restraining order might be appropriate.

As for your reaction, yes, I think you have the right to live in peace, and having anxiety is not very relevant. Anyone would be annoyed at a minimum. If you are not afraid of him then ignore if possible. Put sheers over the window and quit looking, let him wear himself out.
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Old 5th January 2019, 1:30 PM   #4
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As for your reaction, yes, I think you have the right to live in peace, and having anxiety is not very relevant. Anyone would be annoyed at a minimum. If you are not afraid of him then ignore if possible. Put sheers over the window and quit looking, let him wear himself out.
I'm not afraid of him. He's proven himself to be a louse but I don't think he's dangerous which is why I was surprised when I felt as wound up about it as I did at the end of the night. I'm sure he meant it to annoy me or to send me a message that he's not happy with the no contact. He's just not a nice guy. But if it keeps up I'll have to do something.

He's kind of always been stalkerish, even when we were dating. One morning I woke up and went outside in a red outfit to water my flowers. I was wearing pigtails which I never normally do. The next time I saw him he casually mentioned something about pigtails asking if I ever put my hair like that and I think he even somehow managed to throw in something about the color red. I knew then he'd seen me and I still can't figure out from where he would have been watching. Creepy, yes. But we were kids together growing up in this small town and it's a place where everyone knows everyone else. I brushed all these things aside even though inside I was bristling. I never said anything because I knew he'd deny he'd been spying on me even after subtly letting me know he was doing just that.

In any case I hope he gets tired and leaves me alone. I don't have the strength to deal with anymore b.s right now.
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Old 5th January 2019, 1:34 PM   #5
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I'd file a police report.
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Old 5th January 2019, 1:39 PM   #6
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I agree file a police report... don't play around with your safety.
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Old 5th January 2019, 1:44 PM   #7
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That's scary. You need to keep a log of when he does anything like this. Take photos if possible. If you haven't already got it down in writing that you told him you want no further contact, do that and then block him from responding. Do it email or something you can keep. Put that in your log. It's on record you've told him no more contact. He is already stalking you, but you have to prove you've told him not to and make this log to prove he's doing it anyway. At that point, you can get police involved and get a restraining order so he knows you mean business and also so if he doesn't it again and comes near you or your home, he can be arrested.
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Old 5th January 2019, 3:51 PM   #8
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Or how about just call the police, advise them you've been broken up for some time and he has continuously driven by your house and you would like it to stop. They will more than likely talk to him about his behavior and that might be all that is needed.
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Old 5th January 2019, 10:20 PM   #9
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Thinking the cops is a bit over kill at this stage.
Could you text him and just ask him to stop driving by your effg house?
Maybe add that if he doesn't then you'll have to talk to the cops , or something.


Anyway yeah agree , anyone would be anxious over that so ease up on yourself.
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Old 5th January 2019, 10:45 PM   #10
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Thinking the cops is a bit over kill at this stage.
Could you text him and just ask him to stop driving by your effg house?
Maybe add that if he doesn't then you'll have to talk to the cops , or something.


Anyway yeah agree , anyone would be anxious over that so ease up on yourself.
I thought of doing this but then I'd have to beak NC which was probably what he was trying to make me do. I don't want him to think he can gain control that easily, just whenever he feels like it. It's kind of a conundrum though, because calling the police at this point seems like overkill to me, too even though it's upsetting.

I guess I'll just wait and see how long it plays out. Maybe he'll get sick of it. I hope so. The last thing I need right now is for this to balloon into some kind of fiasco.
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Old 5th January 2019, 10:49 PM   #11
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Calling the police and reporting what is clearly stalking behavior is the order of the day.

I'm surprised anyone would suggest otherwise and I'll go further and say you're being very foolish for not having already gotten yourself into family court and request a restraining order.
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Old 5th January 2019, 10:55 PM   #12
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I am a survivor of a stalker situation... there is nothing more scary than to have someone stalk you! Do not play around with your safety! File a report. Like someone said before they will just go talk to him and that might be enough but if its not then it will be easier for them next time to arrest him. Bonus: It provides the best paper trail you will ever need.

Last edited by Rayce; 5th January 2019 at 10:58 PM..
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Old 5th January 2019, 11:02 PM   #13
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I'm not afraid of him. He's proven himself to be a louse but I don't think he's dangerous

You ever see when they interview friends and neighbors and even relatives of a guy who went bonkers and shot up a local shopping mall or his workplace or took out his wife and kids with a shotgun? They all say the same thing. 'He seemed like such a nice quiet guy I never would have expected him to do that'.

Please disregard the dangerous advice that states calling the police is overkill. Not doing so could easily be the worst mistake you will ever make.
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Old 5th January 2019, 11:07 PM   #14
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The last guy I thought wasn't dangerous put me in the hospital... it was also the place that I worked... small town and all.
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Old 5th January 2019, 11:09 PM   #15
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Some people don't handle life stressors all that well. Some of the top life stressors are job loss, medical issues, and relationship breakups where the person was dumped.



They just SNAP.
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