Silence for 3 weeks - Should I affirmatively end it?

[maestrok]

If you haven't heard from your boyfriend after argument for 3 weeks, I guess you should assume the relationship is over.

 

Should I affirmatively end it - i.e. send a message ending it. I'm very upset so I would probably also say that "You abandoned me for weeks and that's really selfish/irresponsible/cruel of you."

 

 

I don't even know what to do to be honest.

[Sadyyy]

You should do things for yourself now. I know it is hard to always question whether or not he will contact, but it is a waste of time. I’m living the same thing right now and decided that if he really wanted to contact me, he would.

 

So take care of yourself and do things to change your mind!

[basil67]

I'd assume that the relationship was over and move on without a word. If he suddenly reappeared, I'd tell him that I had assumed the relationship had ended and move on.

 

Thing is, your parting words won't have the effect you want. He either won't care or he'll think you're a lunatic. But if we're talking about the guy who gave you such low priority in his life, he won't see what happened from your angle.

[Giraffe-A]

Depends on the argument. Is there a possibility that he may be waiting for you to reach out first? Why send yet another hurtful message? My opinions seem to be unpopular, but if a text is to be sent, it would be me starting with an apology over the things I said and hope they are doing well. Leave it at that and if it goes unanswered for another week, tou’ll have your answer.

[maestrok]

Depends on the argument. Is there a possibility that he may be waiting for you to reach out first?

 

 

Argument is not about anyone's fault. We were trying to resolve some issues/differences where I kept demanding to find a resolution and he kept refusing to talk and avoid meeting up if we were to talk anything about the issue. And both getting exhausted.

 

 

So not sure if I was supposed to reach out first in this case.

[Purepony]

Yes it depends how you feel about the situation do you still care for him? Do you still want him ?

[Purepony]

This just happened to me and it’s almost going to be a month I just wrote it off as a loss

 

She did text me the next day but it was just a cold good morning and she knew I was bothered over something she had done the night before that constantly keeps happening

 

 

I haven’t heard from her in almost a month so I’m assuming it’s dead and I’ve moved on

[maestrok]

Yes it depends how you feel about the situation do you still care for him? Do you still want him ?

 

 

I still do care/want him yes. I really really like him. I wish we weren't in this situation.

 

 

But it did happen. And we still have issues. I don't know if I can really trust him anymore after him not talking to me for weeks (which makes me feel abandoned). Above all, I'm way too exhausted. I'm inclined to end it to be honest (Despite my feelings for him) because there's just too much to overcome.

[Purepony]

Do you think you both can resolve the issues ?

 

I guess were kind of gets me is that you both have issues and I see that you’re willing to work on it it sounds to me like but he doesn’t want to work on them

[Art_Critic]

Seems it's already been ended, the catch will be do your reply when he wants to have sex again ?

 

I wouldn't send a text formally ending it as that will set you back some, he already ended it..

I would however make sure you do not reply to any contact her tries with you in the future as it will only be him looking to wet his noddle....

[Gretchen12]

Sending a text to end it is actually trying to restart it again. If you really want to end it, you can just hope to never hear from him again. But you don't want to end it? Then you should have said so and not be silent for 3 weeks.

 

I had a fight with a guy also 3 weeks ago. Differences really surfaced. I did not contact him because I think it's best to end it. I assume he feels the same way.

[preraph]

You shouldn't contact him at all. Any contact is just going to make you look like the needy pathetic one. Sorry it happened but just start going out with your friends and don't accept calls or anything from him.

[Ordinaryday]

No you shouldn't. Any message like that will just give him the satisfaction of knowing you are upset. Silence sometimes just speaks louder than words. Block his number block him on social media block him from your life without saying anything . Nothing could send a louder message than that

[maestrok]

Is there a possibility that he may be waiting for you to reach out first?

 

 

I think he probably is but then I've kind of lost hope at this point that this relationship can continue especially if he's ok not communicating for weeks (even if he may have expectation/want for me to reach out first).

[maestrok]

Seems it's already been ended, the catch will be do your reply when he wants to have sex again ?

 

 

It's really not that. I know he really tried to make this relationship work as much I as I have but he's quite incapable of dealing with emotions at all.

[Giraffe-A]

I think he probably is but then I've kind of lost hope at this point that this relationship can continue especially if he's ok not communicating for weeks (even if he may have expectation/want for me to reach out first).

Don’t know what this issue is but it was big enough for him to quit talking altogether. You’ll have to decide if that issue is worth losing him. Second is the silent treatmenr itself. You may expect him to act this way when he complely shuts down. It sucks, but that’s his way of dealing with things. You dont need to text him. Just let the silence be closure itself, unless you want to send a text saying you will not bring up the topic anymore.

[maestrok]

I've moved on at this point, but I still feel bit sad about how it ended (without proper goodbye). I'm also bit bothered that he probably doesn't even really know why we actually broke up (but has all the incorrect reasons). I don't want to get back with him. But I also don't want him to remember me that way...

I guess it's weird/pointless to clarify things?

[brent878]

Contacting someone doesn't make you needy and pathetic if you haven't spoken in THREE WEEKS!

 

My god, this is childish. Be the bigger person, call him or text, and get the closure you want or work out your issues. If you really like the guy, suck up your pride and reach out.

 

However, a guy who stonewalls you for 3 weeks sounds like a disaster and a man-child so tread carefully. That's garbage.

[preraph]

I've moved on at this point, but I still feel bit sad about how it ended (without proper goodbye). I'm also bit bothered that he probably doesn't even really know why we actually broke up (but has all the incorrect reasons). I don't want to get back with him. But I also don't want him to remember me that way...

I guess it's weird/pointless to clarify things?

 

You wouldn't be wanting to contact him if you didn't hope to reunite. You're hoping for some miracle. It only makes you look desperate and you will just end up humiliated. It will tell him, See, you don't speak to me for three weeks, but I still love you enough to want to speak to you even after you've treated me this bad and if anything, will open the door to him just coming and going as he pleases and taking what he wants from you with no reciprocity. It's a BAD idea. Just know he doesn't want to be with you and leave it alone and don't degrade yourself!

[stillafool]

I agree with peraph, if a guy went 3 weeks NC on me there would be no doubt in my mind that he had ended the relationship and moved on. I don't see a need to write him anything just as he didn't see the need to contact me but just let it drift away. Sometimes the arguing and fighting and trying to work it out becomes too much for a healthy person to go on. When it gets to that point it is best to say goodbye.

[bathtub-row]

If you think there are too many issues in the relationship, then it's probably best to end it. Personally, I wouldn't let the silence just hang out there like a white elephant. I would address it and end it officially.

[Twizzlestick]

Agree with the above. All this not talking to each other is downright silly. As is worrying about what you look like. Ghosting after an argument is no way to conduct a relationship, even during the ending. It also may delay the healing process.

 

 

Send a polite, non accusatory message hoping he’s well but then go into formally ending it, finalising with wishing him well. That’s it. Nothing else. Don’t give reasons, all that malarkey. There’s no such thing as closure. It’s a myth. That comes after coming to terms with loss. Especially for a dumpee. It’s like chasing rainbows. All the reasons just give rise to more unanswered questions.

 

Formal Goodbyes in relationship breakdowns are another myth. It’s like screwing down the coffin lid tight. Might be ok for the dumper but hideous for the other party if it wasn’t entirely mutual. Trust me, been on the end of it. All that needs airing is a statement that it’s over and given the ghosting it does not need to be face to face. It just needs stating.

 

 

If he starts back up, just say you wish to be left to come to terms in peace.

[manfrombelow2]

An ending message would seem very needy and desperate even coming from your end, because it communicates that you are hurt and upset.

 

If you want to send that text, go ahead, but bear in mind that it would only serve to satisfy your bruised ego for a very brief moment.

 

If I were you, I would DO NOTHING, which means not trying to break the silence that your partner created. After all, nobody owes us a relationship, and everyone has the right to end their relationship anytime they want.

[maestrok]

OP here.

 

 

 

Am less worried about him knowing that I was/am sad and upset about how things ended. Isn't it obvious any normal person who goes through a breakup after a somewhat serious relationship will feel that way?

 

 

I'm not trying to get back with him.

 

I just wanted to say (like a poster above suggested) something like .. It's sad that we just stopped talking to each other and wish we could have worked things out but maybe it's for the best and wish him well.

 

 

Only reason is that I know we argued a lot towards the end and he went silent on me instead of resolving the issues, but I know we both really tried to make it work during half year we were together and I think we both deserve some proper goodbye.

 

 

Maybe I'm just being dramatic lol

 

 

If you receive a message like that after 5 weeks of NC, would you feel like I'm being a drama queen?

[Melrose78]

Stuff the "he will think you're needy, desperation etc" crap.

Your relationship ended due to his inability to effectively communicate. If you feel to get closer you need to message, do it.

BUT what type of response are you looking for? If you are hoping for a 180 degree change in how he approaches things, you will be again hurt and disappointed. If you want answes, you will get more heartache. You need to keep a logical brain if you make contact!