totallyconfused Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 Ughhhh I did it again, I'm relapsing... I looked at his stupid website online. That ****ing jerk has pics up of himself but pics he took with me. But he cuts me out of it. How messed up is that? I told him before I left, if your gonna put up pics of u being single, take pics of yourself not the ones with us. The only reason you were smiling and look good in those pics b/c u were with me. Its such a slap in the face. Whyyy is he doing this to me. GAWD it hurts so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Moai Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 It must really be a drag to break up with someone who has a website. I wouldn't know, thank god! I do things like that, too. Like I am almost over it and don't really care, then go to a party, get hammered and call her and leave a cryptic voice mail, and then she calls and blah blah blah. It sucks that the bar she loves to frequent is right by my house, on the way home. Super Duper! He is putting up those photos because he knows it would bother you and as a vain attempt to show that he is "over" you. He isn't. He wouldn't do that if he wasn't feeling bad, too. Trust me. But, he is being "cool guy" with his new whore or whatever so he has a distraction--a distraction that will cost him so much in money, time, and emotional health it is UNBELIEVABLE. It's too bad he isn't a member of these forums so we can all read about the hell he is going to experience. And it is coming SOON.... Try not to beat yourself up for being human. We all do dumb things because of relationships. You have done a lot less than most people I know, and most people who post on here (me included)! Allow yourself to feel like you are and you will get through it, I promise. Just don't compound feeling stupid on top of it, as that just makes it worse. Easier said than done, sure, but you can do it! Link to post Share on other sites
Opium Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 You're hurting yourself and causing yourself more pain by looking on his website. What do you expect him to do, you're NOT together? It seems as if you're looking for some type of sign to see if he's missing you or suffering for you, well sorry but he's not. Sorry for being so harsh but you need to wake up and smell the coffee, do something for yourself now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author totallyconfused Posted July 19, 2005 Author Share Posted July 19, 2005 harsh, yes, but is defenitely in the realm of possibilities. who knows, i need to stop caring. and i am trying to do something about it, so many things it makes me tired...which includes flirting shamelessly with this one co-worker...oh yeah and cardio kickboxing Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 If it hurts you why do it ? Don't look at his website anymore . Why does it even matter what pics HE puts up on HIS website.. You are no longer together Link to post Share on other sites
Author totallyconfused Posted July 19, 2005 Author Share Posted July 19, 2005 well i guess i do need a slap in the back of my head from u guys to wake me up to reality eh? Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 omg, i did the same thing with my ex and it was awful. there were pictures of when we were together up that the girl (and since she is 24 i can call her a girl) he left me for wrote comments about, pictures of them kissing, public love notes to each other....and it drove me CRAZY. i finally made myself stop looking for a long time....they say it takes 8 weeks to break a habit....and you know what, I don't give a crap anymore, he's an idiot. I strongly suggest you do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
zena Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 my ex has a website too and i am SO tempted to look, which is why am posting because i dont want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that i've been there and that i'm thinking about him. its only been a few days since we last had contact and i miss him but know that NC is what i need to do to move on, but i really miss talking to him and just finding it so hard Link to post Share on other sites
ChuckDee33 Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 I can relate. The internet is a double-edged sword for us heartbroken ones. On one hand we can come to a site like this a get help. On the other there is the evil AIM and picture hosting sites. I knew my ex gf's AIM password for some reason I remembered it from a long time ago. Anyway, I was fooling around late one night and signed on with her name. I never had before even though i knew the password but I must have been drinking or something. But I found what I thought to ber her new bf's screenname (it had his first name as part of it which i knew) So i checked the profile and it had a link to some pictures of his...of course lo and behold there is the girl I love on this other dude's website. He even put up a pic that I had taken with MY own camera like it was his or something! Needless to say that really got me feeling crappy again and that sinking heart feeling. It SUCKED. So long story short, I have to force myself to not check it anymore. People say oh just block their name and delete it...but if you really want to check someone's profile you will just add it back on so that doesn't work. I think the only thing you can do is delete AIM off your computer altogether. I never talk with anybody one there anymore anyway since I left college. Point is, find any way possible to keep yourself from seeing anything having to do with them online. It only hurts that much more. Link to post Share on other sites
ForsakenSoul Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 I'm recently coming to grips with the fact that checking my ex gf's blog is absolutely slaying me, emotionally. I last spoke to her April 9th, to ask if the relationship was really over. She "took a break" from me as she let her ex husband back into her life to "see his kids". Well, she never said to me," FS, Hey, I need a break for a while, let me contact you." She just disappeared. She wouldn't reply to emails or phone texts. But she still updated her journal.. every day... and talked about "uncomplicating" her life. This went on for two weeks, and it absolutely broke my heart and tore me up inside. I eventually wrote an email to her saying, hey, if you're pushing me out of your life, I guess I have to accept it, but I don't want to, I miss you, and I wish you'd talk to me. Goodbye. She then went off in her journal about how I was paranoid too much, and how "highly charged emotional men" don't mix with her. Then proceeded, over the next few weeks, to absolutely twist the knife deeper into my chest. Somehow I became the bad guy, and the ex was the good guy. Essentially, she broke up with my by livejournal... And I've spent the next three months reading it almost daily, seeing how she's been... Just stop. I KNOW I have to stop. I AM going to stop. I haven't looked at it today. I went three days last week. If you're reading their journal or blog, they're in your life. And they need to no longer be in your life. Period. They do NOT deserve you. The one who you are meant for will be the one worth your tears, and your time. And they will NOT desert you. Cliche, but I have hope that it's true... But now I'm becoming very bitter towards her, and I find it's helping. Now I just have to quit reading her journal... for good... -FS Link to post Share on other sites
sanne Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 As soon as I got serious about NC, I was surprised at how easily I could avoid communication and how little urge I had to go online at all. The one thing that kept me going was knowing that by contacting her or going online it would only set me back. The home that you once knew, you can never go back to, and you must remember that and remind yourself of that. The only piece of advice I can give is to stay as busy as possible, and find some way of doing physical exercise. You'd be surprised how much calmer and relaxed you are after a 2 hour gym session, it does wonders. I momentarily relapsed when she contacted me out of the blue. Looking back, I was surprised at how strong I handled the situation. NC makes you a stronger person, and believe me it screws with your ex's head like you wouldn't believe. Link to post Share on other sites
Moai Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 Damn. Go figure, computers making breaking up even harder...who would have thought? I hacked an ex's email once, and it was so boring I never did it again. The fact that these ex's know you know about their journal has a lot to do with what they are writing. I mean, come on! The only people who read them are people who know them--which includes you, right? It is a great way to communicate passive agressively, it would seem. To continue to read them is to continue to torture yourself, and that's it. Doesn't make it easier not to look, I guess... Link to post Share on other sites
Author totallyconfused Posted July 20, 2005 Author Share Posted July 20, 2005 I know u told me not to go look at it, but I did. SHE comments on his page all over the place, thank gawd he is does not. That helps me alot. It goes to show how immature she is trying to make me jealous. Thank goodness he doesnt have a blog/journal, just comments on his pics. I do plan to take you guys' advice and not look at it anymore or hers. Its just hard, I was with him for 4 years, so I'm sure its still very fresh in mine and his mind. We never ever had a falling out like this, we were always very close and affectionate, even right up until the break up. It's not like our relationship was worsening at the end or we were arguing. It was like the moment I caught his cheating was the moment he stopped the affection, which was 8 days ago. This is the longest we've ever NOT talked (9 days). The longest was like 3 or 4 days. So its hard for me. It wouldnt hurt so much if he hadnt cheated on me, and just told me the truth. I would've been out months ago then. But that trust was just shattered to pieces, I dont think I could ever see him as a friend. Let alone a bf. Alot of it deals w/pride, but most of it is geared towards respect. I feel so much disrespect from someone I really cared about. Thats what bothers me and eats me up the most. In my mind, I have realized that we are no longer together, but that part of my heart and body still wants something there... i know all my thinking needs to get off him and focus on me, but my body still calls for him. i just gotta balance myself out - mind & body and take some self-control... Link to post Share on other sites
l2hvn Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 i know how it feels to be cheated on. i got cheated on twice in the past. and it hurts. it makes you question about yourself. and your self-esteem right now is really low. i've been there... and i might actually be in it right now. im not sure yet as i don't have a solid proof he's been cheating on me. if you want, you can read my thread where i find out my bf has a profile on an online dating site: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t67273/. at first i was sad, but now im angry. and i just want to get even. i didn't take a revenge on those 2 jerks from my past as i felt extremely guilty and im a firm believer in karma... but now i figured, wtf! i'll just get even. im so tired of being the nice girl here who didn't do anything wrong but to love them... so... im mad.... well actually, i'll get even.......... take a comfort in knowing that you didn't marry the guy. at least you find out sooner rather than later what a total jerk he is... he actually did you a favor. Link to post Share on other sites
moon Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 My ex also just started a blog. The last time I saw him, about three weeks ago, he told me he'd started one. He told me the webpage name really quickly. I haven't talked to my ex since then. After I was online and trying to remember what website he told me his blog was on. For the life of me I couldn't remember. I am not familiar with the names of different blogs because I don't have one. For some reason the name just poped out at me and I went onto the site and searched my exes name and no webpage came up. I tried a few other combinations and it came up. He has an online blog you must subscribe to........I didn't do that, but I saw on the exterior page all this information about him and that he was single and looking to date. I looked on it for a couple of days and then had to stop myself. My ex IS single and is looking for people to date...........so sooner or later there will be someone online whore responding to his pathetic pleas. I am sure very soon indeed. Who would do that is my question? Who would post their real name and lots of pictures online and their livejournal and ask for dates? It's totally not in my character to do that. Anyway, my ex and I have been broken up a long time now....since last October, so I am basically over it now, but I think if your ex has one of those sites then you'd better steer clear, especially if it's for the intention of dating or meeting people. I don't think my ex knows that I saw his webpage, because he knows I am really bad with names and it was crazy that I even found it.......but I think my ex is going to turn into quite the wanna be player with this, so I'd say it's best to not look. It could cause a lot of harm if you allow that into your life. So I just forgot all about it and say to him......good luck wanna be player. Besides my ex isn't for me anymore anyway.....that I know now. We left things on good terms the last time I saw him, so I don't worry either way. He gave me the opportunity to re-kindle out relationship and I wasn't a taker.....so he can do as he pleases now. Link to post Share on other sites
moon Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 My ex also just started a blog. The last time I saw him, about three weeks ago, he told me he'd started one. He told me the webpage name really quickly. I haven't talked to my ex since then. After I was online and trying to remember what website he told me his blog was on. For the life of me I couldn't remember. I am not familiar with the names of different blogs because I don't have one. For some reason the name just poped out at me and I went onto the site and searched my exes name and no webpage came up. I tried a few other combinations and it came up. He has an online blog you must subscribe to........I didn't do that, but I saw on the exterior page all this information about him and that he was single and looking to date. I looked on it for a couple of days and then had to stop myself. My ex IS single and is looking for people to date...........so sooner or later there will be someone online whore responding to his pathetic pleas. I am sure very soon indeed. Who would do that is my question? Who would post their real name and lots of pictures online and their livejournal and ask for dates? It's totally not in my character to do that. Anyway, my ex and I have been broken up a long time now....since last October, so I am basically over it now, but I think if your ex has one of those sites then you'd better steer clear, especially if it's for the intention of dating or meeting people. I don't think my ex knows that I saw his webpage, because he knows I am really bad with names and it was crazy that I even found it.......but I think my ex is going to turn into quite the wanna be player with this, so I'd say it's best to not look. It could cause a lot of harm if you allow that into your life. So I just forgot all about it and say to him......good luck wanna be player. Besides my ex isn't for me anymore anyway.....that I know now. We left things on good terms the last time I saw him, so I don't worry either way. He gave me the opportunity to re-kindle out relationship and I wasn't a taker.....so he can do as he pleases now. Link to post Share on other sites
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