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My ex girlfriend humiliated me through mutual freinds how should I feel about this?


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We were together for 3 years. I'm 26, she's 28, and has a 5 yr old that stays with her grandmother. We had a horrible violent break up. She lied, and went around and told everyone that I broke up with her, when she slowly let me down to where I was traumatized. Here's what happened: with me being so heartbroken and sad, I kept texting her and stuff trying to get her back. Out of no where her co-workers boyfriend calls me talking **** to not contact her anymore, to fight me if I did, and threatening me he was going to pull up at my house and stuff (i didnt take that too well, and wanted to beat his ass) and he also told me how his brother was gonna **** my ex.

 

All this happened at post break up. I felt enraged and even more heartbroken when this happened. So we agreed to fight, and I left out to meet up with this guy so we can fight. I showed up, and he didnt I waited and waited still no show. So I went back home. On my way back home he called me again and told me he was on his way to the spot so we can fight. I did a u-turn and went back to the spot to meet him again, I waited a while hour, and he still doesnt show up. So I threw in the towel, and headed home for good.

 

When I get home he texts me a specific address for a place for us to meet up and fight. My brother warned me and told me not to proceed as it sounds like a setup. And the next morning he threatens me again to come at my house to fight. He still doesnt show up. Its been 8 months and every now and then it gets me highly upset, and wanting to get revenge back on him and my ex. And it's possible I can run into these guys again in my area. What should I do?

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What should you do?

 

You should learn to thrive less on drama, and spend time reflecting so you can mature.

 

Making appointments to fight someone is what high school kids do. Not grown men. A lot of childish immaturity all around here. You're too old for this nonsense, OP.

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What should you do?

 

You should learn to thrive less on drama, and spend time reflecting so you can mature.

 

Making appointments to fight someone is what high school kids do. Not grown men. A lot of childish immaturity all around here. You're too old for this nonsense, OP.

 

 

So true, but the pain of another guy saying he will **** my ex that just broke up with me was horrible. I couldn't handle it too well. I'm just glad I was able to walk away. Because I think most guy wouldn't have. I could be wrong, but from other friends, they told me they would have done something. It still bothers me though. And what exactly do you mean by "spending time to reflecting"?

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Grow up and move on. Women really aren’t worth all this stress.

 

I did learned alot. As of now, I been in a relationship with another woman for almost 3 months now. We are doing great together, and have found a better paying job since then. Keep in mind this break up was like 8 months ago, and it was traumatic. It sometimes still strikes in the mind every now and then.

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So true, but the pain of another guy saying he will **** my ex that just broke up with me was horrible. I couldn't handle it too well. I'm just glad I was able to walk away. Because I think most guy wouldn't have. I could be wrong, but from other friends, they told me they would have done something. It still bothers me though. And what exactly do you mean by "spending time to reflecting"?

 

I mean you need to take a step away from this drama and ask yourself why you choose to engage people like this. You are wrong that most guys would stoop to that level. If you are hearing from your friends that they wouldn't have walked away and would have "done something", then I hate to break it to you but you're running with an equally immature crowd.

 

Ask yourself if this is where you really want to be, as a 26-year-old man: going through violent breakups and driving around meeting for fights. Is this what manhood looks like to you?

 

Because I can tell you, as a woman, if I knew that the guy I was dating was doing crap like this, you'd immediately be crossed off my list. it's that much of a turn-off. When you participate in lowbrow behaviour, you're going to only be able to attract lowbrow women.

 

If you want to someday find a truly quality woman, you first need to learn to conduct yourself like a quality man.

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I mean you need to take a step away from this drama and ask yourself why you choose to engage people like this. You are wrong that most guys would stoop to that level. If you are hearing from your friends that they wouldn't have walked away and would have "done something", then I hate to break it to you but you're running with an equally immature crowd.

 

 

Ask yourself if this is where you really want to be, as a 26-year-old man: going through violent breakups and driving around meeting for fights. Is this what manhood looks like to you?

 

Because I can tell you, as a woman, if I knew that the guy I was dating was doing crap like this, you'd immediately be crossed off my list. it's that much of a turn-off. When you participate in lowbrow behaviour, you're going to only be able to attract lowbrow women.

 

If you want to someday find a truly quality woman, you first need to learn to conduct yourself like a quality man.

 

 

I understand. The only reason it got to this level because he threatened to show up at my mother's house. I was enraged. When it comes to family that's crossing the line. But it's weird cuz we never ended up fighting, and he didnt even show up after multiple threats of showing up.

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Manhood is not only defined by how well you can fight another man. There's places for that, but generally not in the world of dating. You are living the life of drama and TV shows. This is the woman equivalent of being addicted to Desperate Housewives and being shoulder deep in the catty arguments that women do with each other to fight over men. Rise up over this drama mate.

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I understand. The only reason it got to this level because he threatened to show up at my mother's house. I was enraged. When it comes to family that's crossing the line. But it's weird cuz we never ended up fighting, and he didnt even show up after multiple threats of showing up.

 

Of course. Anyone would be enraged by that.

 

It's how you chose to respond that's immature. This is what the police are for, OP.

 

You are focusing on all the wrong things here. Whether or not the dude chickened out is irrelevant. What's important is that you focus on growing up so you don't get sucked into such stupidity in the future.

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Manhood is not only defined by how well you can fight another man. There's places for that, but generally not in the world of dating. You are living the life of drama and TV shows. This is the woman equivalent of being addicted to Desperate Housewives and being shoulder deep in the catty arguments that women do with each other to fight over men. Rise up over this drama mate.

 

Bahahahahaha you are spot on with how you described her. She was a drama queen. Still hurts how she did me, but I'm moving on tho. It's just thoughts still play in my heard because that night was brutal for me.

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Agreed that it is emotionally brutal to experience female rejection in the beginning stages. But what doesn't kill you makes you a stronger bloke.

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You were the one crossing boundaries and continuing to contact her once you knew you weren't welcome to anymore, so I don't know why you want revenge on her. Depending how far you went, it could have scared her and made her feel you were stalking her, and that can be dangerous. So she's trying to get you to stop.

 

 

So you need to stop before they come arrest you for harassing her. When a woman tells you she's done -- leave. Sorry it makes you feel bad, but we've all felt bad and you need to move on.

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No, don't try to get revenge on your ex or her friend. (You will not ever be able to prove anything positive about yourself to idiots.)

 

When/if he contacts you again, simply tell him that you are no longer interested in meeting up with or fighting him.

How to turn it around and make him look and feel stupid and immature, is to say something like, "Yeah...no...I came to my senses. I realized that I was acting like a two-year-old,

and getting dragged into drama." (It doesn't have to be true, but now he knows how you view his behaviour -- he was the stupid and immature one, and if he keeps on contacting you, then he's still 'it'. :).)

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Listen to Ronni_W, this is spot on advice. The best way to show someone that you're over it and REALLY get revenge? Indifference. Nothing they do, their friends or new boyfriend bothers you. If you really want to stick it to this woman (which is a marginal description based on how you've described her), move on, focus on your current relationship, and avoid these idiots. If she knows she can still push your buttons and get you wanting to fight someone, she has the upper hand here.

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If I was your new girlfriend and found you were plotting revenge on your ex and friends, I'd break up with you. Not only would your behaviour tell me that you were over invested in her, but also that you're a vengeful person.

 

Devote yourself to your new love and leave the past where it belongs. As for the guys making threats, if there are any more threats, document it and report it to police.

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healing light

Don't ever mess up your life over this kind of drama. If you actually met up for a fight, you could get yourself in a whole lot of legal trouble, if not pay for it indefinitely with your health and possibly life.

 

All because someone said some smack.

 

Not worth it.

 

 

And, yes, this will turn-off any woman or person, really, who has much to offer.

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healing light

To agree with the other posters, that you're still ruminating over this to me shows that you aren't fully over the ex, either. I wouldn't want my boyfriend to be preoccupied with thoughts of his ex, nor with thoughts of revenge. Once you've fully moved on from someone, you won't wish them this kind of ill-fate.

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You were the one crossing boundaries and continuing to contact her once you knew you weren't welcome to anymore, so I don't know why you want revenge on her. Depending how far you went, it could have scared her and made her feel you were stalking her, and that can be dangerous. So she's trying to get you to stop.

 

 

So you need to stop before they come arrest you for harassing her. When a woman tells you she's done -- leave. Sorry it makes you feel bad, but we've all felt bad and you need to move on.

 

Lol wrong. Im not that type of person. Its Alot more complicated then you think. She was a drama queen. Even after all that rah rah with this guy as i explained in the story, the damn girl texted me and said she missed me and wished the well for me. She was even trying to have sex for the last time during the breakup (which I declined), and plus was trying to lure me back to our old apartment for bull****. Such as left over mail, some tool I left at the apartment, etc, u know that kind of ****. When she was reaching out to me I went NC. and have been NC since then, and that was 8 months ago. You see, this was an immature woman that dropped a baby at 18 years old in high school. She was a HS dropout, currently her mother which is the childs grandmother is taking care of the child. The damn baby was not with us the entire relationship and she signed her LEGAL rights away as a parent to her mother because she was not self sufficient enough to provide for her. After 3 years with me she did NOTHING to better her situation as a parent. Instead, I heard through rumors that after the breakup she already had another man., and told her friends she was not READY to go back home in Austin and be a mother to her child. All this happened in houston Texas. I was disappointed in her myself. I can go all night long write a book about this, but I choose not to. And for the future, there's always 1-3 sides of the story. And of course I'm going to beg for her back, I loved that woman and tried to lift her up, but she didnt want to help herself. Point blank period. So of course I'm going to want revenge or feel the way I feel for the stunt she pulled during post break up.

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We were together for 3 years. I'm 26, she's 28, and has a 5 yr old that stays with her grandmother. We had a horrible violent break up. She lied, and went around and told everyone that I broke up with her, when she slowly let me down to where I was traumatized. Here's what happened: with me being so heartbroken and sad, I kept texting her and stuff trying to get her back. Out of no where her co-workers boyfriend calls me talking **** to not contact her anymore, to fight me if I did, and threatening me he was going to pull up at my house and stuff (i didnt take that too well, and wanted to beat his ass) and he also told me how his brother was gonna **** my ex. All this happened at post break up. I felt enraged and even more heartbroken when this happened. So we agreed to fight, and I left out to meet up with this guy so we can fight. I showed up, and he didnt I waited and waited still no show. So I went back home. On my way back home he called me again and told me he was on his way to the spot so we can fight. I did a u-turn and went back to the spot to meet him again, I waited a while hour, and he still doesnt show up. So I threw in the towel, and headed home for good. When I get home he texts me a specific address for a place for us to meet up and fight. My brother warned me and told me not to proceed as it sounds like a setup. And the next morning he threatens me again to come at my house to fight. He still doesnt show up. Its been 8 months and every now and then it gets me highly upset, and wanting to get revenge back on him and my ex. And it's possible I can run into these guys again in my area. What should I do?

 

Sounds like violence is part of your personality.

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People will hurt you intentionally and unintentionally all your life. It just gets more and more subtle the more you grow up. Going with the flow is the grown man's approach to this. She was immature to have a baby at 18 but one can't change other people's behaviours. In the end the anger that you hold is eventually going to hurt you the hardest.

 

I used to be the angry college student who always hated women for not dating me. I even slammed doors shut and attacked bagels with the bagel slicer in the cafeteria. I yelled in the phone once about some story I saw on CNN, and the next day my bicycle tires were slashed. The next day I was shocked as hell. There was no evidence, no security cams, I just had to buy new wheels for my bicycle. Currently, I am in a city where people are so poor, they regularly hold up hospital staff (I am one) for money even right under the noses of police. I can't get angry at every poor person for wanting my money otherwise I would be in jail. My point is, use your energy for something else. It's not worth it being a vengeful person. Take it from a man who totally wasted four years of his life never learning the most important thing in college - emotional intelligence for women and social skills. I had to take a bigtime remedial course in life - which was being rejected by hundreds of women. No need for you to go down the same path.

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I wasnt really going to do anything at all really, I just felt if it's on my mind like this, then maybe I should do something about it to get it off my mind..if that made any sense..and that was all. No I haven't made any physical attempts or plotted on getting revenge at all..its just I'm starting to get mentally tired and frustrated about thinking of this break up. I just want to move on from the break up already.

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Its been 8 months and every now and then it gets me highly upset, and wanting to get revenge back on him and my ex. And it's possible I can run into these guys again in my area. What should I do?

 

It's been 8 months. At this point you have to let it go. To still be hanging on to that level of violence is incredibly unhealthy. Get some therapy.

 

 

What you needed to do was this: when she got violent you should have called the police & filed criminal charges against her. Newsflash, men can be the victims of domestic abuse too. Second when this other guy showed up at your work & threatened you & your family, you needed to call the police again & report him for terroristic threats & to report her for inciting him. You showing up twice to fight him was both immature & indicative of your need for anger management. Violence is no way to solve anything.

 

What you need to do now is rise above all of this. Do get revenge on her in the best way possible: Living an extraordinary life without her. Living well is the best revenge!

Given the fact that she is too selfish & immature to be a good mom & all the drama she put you through, frankly you dodged a bullet. If you stayed with her she would have dragged you down. If you had gotten her pregnant do you really think your child would have fared better then the kid she already had. I mean your kid would have had you but that child still wouldn't have a great mom.

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Hello I'm 26 yrs old, and she's 28 and has an 7 year old daughter. We were together for 3 years. The relationship was abusive, and she was quite unstable, i mean no hs diploma and no car unstable, so you guys already know what the relationship was like. And what's worse the child didnt even live with us (thank god), and she ended up signing the legal rights away to her mother (childs grandmother). Anyways she broke up with me in a very immature way, and I was highly heartbroken, it was traumatic for me. So being in that state of mind, yes guys I begged and pleaded for her back. Nothing dramatic like stalking her and stuff just sending her a bunch of messages and stuff, and constantly talking to her in Hope's to get back with her. I gave up and successfully been on NC with her for 8 months now, and actually been in a new relationship for 3 months now. Recently, i found out through a mutual friend that when she broke up with me, she had already got with another guy during the break up and was just making fun of me and had her freinds laughing at me all along the time when I was begging for her back and all that stuff and told everyone and mutual freinds that I was bad in bed to her (which I beleive was a lie) and basically just saying horrible stuff about me. How should I feel about this? It's been bothering me a little bit since I heard about this.

 

 

My current situation: found a new job, and been in a relationship 3 months now.

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