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Insight, was blindsided


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I need insight. Simply "get over it" won't help because I'm already trying to. So it's a little complicated but I met someone and we have had a friendship over a year and a half now. He was mostly my type but I know no one can be perfect. Seemed nice enough and was understanding. However, he'd talk about us in a future tense then months later will say things that contradicted this.

 

Fast forward he brings up if we'd meet other people, he'd be crushed and more than jealous, I told him I wouldn't be thrilled but I did feel our age difference made me untreatable to him.

However, I wanted to have a conversation with him about the whole thing and reach a clear understanding. Before I could I was busy with class and my jobs. The last conversation we had was us not wanting to meet other people. Then I wasn't hearing from him as much. All of a sudden he up and tool a trip and sent texts that didn't even sound like him. So I was confused because right before he swore it would be highly unlikely he meet someone, was just bringing up the topic then he made plans for us to spend the holidays together, then became distant.

 

So he ends up telling me he met someone else, we could still hang out, he cared about me in a quick conversation before we had to head to our destinations. It hurt because he assured me not to worry about where we were, yet pills this. I feel as though he was trying to best me to the punch when all I wanted was to get more understanding between us not see other people. I need insight on what this says about his personality because would a really good guy switch up like that in a matter of weeks. To me I feel as if he had met whomever when he brought it up, they got busy and he was probably given the ultimatum. Yet Im crushed but wouldn't want to be with someone who knowingly would pull that after assuring me. I'm not even sure if he's been seeing this person longer than he says.

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In the beginning he was in the position of what is called "The Beta Male Orbiter". Maybe after those conversations he began to realize this and didn't like it and sought to break free of it. Many guys know what that term is, they don't actually want to be one, but things can sneak up on a guy and he finds himself an Orbiter before he realizes it. Men in this situation may seem contradictory at times because they are trying to figure it out and gain their footing, and it takes a little time. Sometimes it is two steps forward and one step back for a while.

 

I told him I wouldn't be thrilled but I did feel our age difference made me untreatable to him.
Let me translate that into "man-speak".

 

"You're not getting in my pants. You don't have a chance, so forget it. Go find someone else if you want to be romantic"

 

What would you do as a guy if you were told that?

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I need insight on what this says about his personality because would a really good guy switch up like that in a matter of weeks.

 

Who knows? Who cares? All that matters is this:

 

Yet Im crushed but wouldn't want to be with someone who knowingly would pull that after assuring me. I'm not even sure if he's been seeing this person longer than he says.

 

This is your gut - the real YOU - trying to tell you something. Honor it always!

 

You are just wasting your time trying to gain assurances from this guy, trying to nail him down on "where he stands." Romantic head games during courtship should never be taken seriously. It's the essence of the fine art of flirting: it should remain light as air and delightful as a hot fudge sundae, a pleasant interlude... and mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Don't invest anything in him emotionally!

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Romantic head games during courtship should never be taken seriously. It's the essence of the fine art of flirting: it should remain light as air and delightful as a hot fudge sundae, a pleasant interlude... and mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Don't invest anything in him emotionally!

 

There is nothing romantic. This was a completely platonic situation. There was no relationship. If the guy wants to start dating someone he is well within his right to do that,...and I congratulate him for getting out of a Beta Orbiter situation and getting into a real dating situation (if that is what he has done). The guy did not do anything wrong. She told the guy the age difference was too much to have anything between them, and so he went elsewhere,...kudos to him.

 

It sounds like the OP got what she said she wanted, and just regrets it now that it happened, and regrets that he "beat her to the punch" [her words] and started seeing someone else before she started seeing someone else.

 

If that is not the situation then the OP needs to re-explain this whole thing more accurately and honestly. You can't be just friends and at the same time say that neither should be able to see other people.

Edited by PRW
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