Lilllyb Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 I've been with my boyfriend for over 11 months and it's coming to the point where I can't take his behavior anymore. Whenever we are with each other, it's decent. I feel happy. But we don't see each other often. There are times when we don't see each other where he doesn't give me much attention. He knows I need attention but sometimes he doesn't reciprocate with me. I feel like I do most of the work with the texting, genuinely wanting to talk, etc. I get it we both have lives outside of the relationship but I feel like it doesn't mean you have to completely shut out your partner on days you are busy. You should at least say something. But with him I always get the vibe of "oh the gym first", "oh work first", "oh responding to friends first"... when it comes to being in a relationship, yes you make all of those outside things a priority but you also should give your girlfriend a chance to be high in the list as well and balance everything out. And I feel like I do more for him than he does for me. For example, I'm naturally a loving and caring person. I love saying goodnight I love you but then last night he didn't respond to it. Guessing he was busy... but still it hurts. And I want to do so much for his birthday and I'm trying so hard but for my birthday he just said happy birthday and didn't give me anything, making me feel quite ****ty... So what should I do? I've discussed my issues with him beforehand but it seems like nothing seems to be fixed and he can't change. He tells me he loves me all the time though and he would love for the relationship to grow. But words are just words, you know. What should I do? I need some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lilllyb Posted October 16, 2018 Author Share Posted October 16, 2018 Also, we are sexually active. Whenever we have sex, it's usually always in his truck because we are too busy to go over to his house or my house and there just isn't much time. We are both 19 and in college. Whenever I see him, it always seems to be me giving him oral at least.. not that I mind it. We do have an occasionally good conversation and we talk on the phone sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 Also, we are sexually active. Whenever we have sex, it's usually always in his truck because we are too busy to go over to his house or my house and there just isn't much time. We are both 19 and in college. Whenever I see him, it always seems to be me giving him oral at least.. not that I mind it. We do have an occasionally good conversation and we talk on the phone sometimes. Personally, I think your boyfriend is with you only for convenience. "Busy" is just an avoidance tactic. And you are right -- action, not words. The bold -- but there is time. There is time to go to the gym. There is time to work. There is time to meet with friends. There just isn't enough time for you. A man that is interested in you will make time. If you want a relationship or partner that is emotionally and mentally present, then you need to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 I think it's very valid that you want more personal time and heart to heart with him. I understand the frustration too. What you could try, is to say you need to have some time for a good talk. And then express your concerns. It sounds like you have been wanting to be heard as a person for a long time. If he's too stubborn to see your need to be heard as another human being, I think he's not going to change. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 I once worked with a guy who's girlfriend would have been saying what you are saying. Meanwhile, he would openly admit to us that she was about number 10 on his list of priorities. In the end, they broke up. After a little while, he found a new woman who went straight to number 1 on his list and they are now married. What it came down to is that he wasn't into the first woman enough to put her at the top of his priority list. Move on from this guy. When you meet a new guy and are getting to the point of being exclusive, do not do so if he's not giving you a high priority in his life. Draw a line under what you want and do not accept less. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 It would be a shame to settle for a relationship that doesn't meet your needs at 19. You're at the perfect age to get out there and explore the world and learn more about what you want out of life and the type of guy you want to be with. You are your boyfriend clearly have different communication styles and that is isn't going to change. You have already tried to discuss this with him, but it is getting you nowhere. Breakups can be tough, but sometimes they are necessary. Only you can decide what is right for you though. It has to be your choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 Ask yourself what you are getting out of staying with him? When you know that answer you will know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 I don't know what you're getting out of being with him. I mean, I don't think someone should have to text every single day and reassure someone, but it's kind of an agreement you have to come to how that's going to go -- and he's not willing to talk. And giving him oral in his truck isn't exactly a great thing for you, so I'd have ditched this guy the second time he wanted oral in his truck because it was too much bother to go home. Also, if he can't be bothered for anything more than a quickie -- a quickie that only benefits him -- that says it all. Plus he's probably seeing whoever else he wants to. At your age, I can assure you you can do better, though I will admit it's hard to find a guy who is focused on only one girl at that age. But I still think you can do better than this. Link to post Share on other sites
ElKay Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 Dated a guy like that once and it's because he doesn't give a damn about you in comparison to his other "priorities". If putting time into it isn't something they want, then why do you stay with him and be his lap dog? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 Ask yourself what you are getting out of staying with him? She gets the pleasure of giving him a blow job in his truck ever once in a while.. when he isn't too busy to see her... Link to post Share on other sites
SouthernIslander Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 Also, we are sexually active. Whenever we have sex, it's usually always in his truck because we are too busy to go over to his house or my house and there just isn't much time. We are both 19 and in college. Whenever I see him, it always seems to be me giving him oral at least.. not that I mind it. We do have an occasionally good conversation and we talk on the phone sometimes. I was giving dude the benefit of the doubt that he just may not be a texter until I saw this part. College is not busy to the extreme that he can't find time to take you somewhere decent and private. This is not right or respectful to you at all. There is too much fun to have and people to meet in college. Break up with him and go live life. Even for a 19 year old, he sounds awful. There are plenty of men out there who will treat you better but even single life would be an upgrade. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHippo Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 (edited) I put up with this for four years. I flew my ex on a helicopter for his birthday one year and other years I spent hours making him very sentimental gifts. He got me a Dairy Queen Blizzard for my birthdays. He probably won't change and you'll never feel happy or satisfied. Your relationship will always feel like the least important thing in his life. You'll always feel less important than work, than the gym, than his friends, everything, and he will make excuses. It doesn't matter how busy someone is, they will make time for you if they care about you. I was so miserable for four years, then another guy approached me at work and I agreed to go to dinner with him and I informed my ex before going. My ex broke up with me because of this months later and tells people I cheated on him. Please don't ever make this same mistake. So please end it before you are so unhappy that you make stupid mistakes. Edited October 17, 2018 by ConfusedHippo Link to post Share on other sites
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