I feel so rejected

[rejected1]

In April my fiance dumped me.

 

Rewind back to November I was offered a job across the country. It was an amazing opportunity which would have jumpstarted our future together. My ex had a good job, but nothing he couldn't secure in the new city if he chose too. When I brought it up, at first he didn't like the idea. He had other commitments around that time that he didn't want to skip on. So, in the end, we made a compromise and I would move the following month for the job and he'd join me in May when he had fulfilled his obligations. It wasn't ideal but I thought compromises could be made.

 

In March I noticed he started to text me less during the day. When we faced time he seemed preoccupied. I asked him what was wrong. He told me he was stressed at work, that he was trying to snag up some employment where I was. I didn't bring it up again.

 

On April 4th in the evening, he told me we needed to talk. He told me that he wanted to break up. That he has been battling these feelings for a couple months and thought he was just nervous. But he finally admitted he didn't want to move to where I was and that our goals in life weren't aligned. I told him I'd quit my job and come home. But he told me that he couldn't let me do that, that I'd resent him if I did.

 

Six weeks later he got into a relationship with someone else. Our mutual friends say that he met her at a bar. He told them he just wanted to have some fun and was trying to get over our break up.

 

I thought after a couple weeks, he'd realize he missed me and we could work on our relationship.

 

Fast forward today, they are still together. He had unfriended me on Facebook. Last week he took her on a vacation to New York City. I made the mistake of texting him ranting and raving. He told me that he was sorry our relationship didn't work out, that he didn't mean to hurt me but that we needed to have no contact.

 

I feel so rejected. If our mutual friends didn't witness him meeting this girl in the bar, I would have thought for sure he had been having an affair. I can't believe I was replaced like this. It's like our six and half years together meant nothing.

Edited October 12, 2018 by rejected1

[Haru-no-yuki]

Sounds rough.

 

Years ago I was dumped by an ex after 2.5 years before some.important exams. She came back a month later and then dumped me again a couple of weeks later right before another set of important exams. She was in a new relationship within weeks - probably already had a backup sorted out.

 

Frankly, I was glad she left the second time. Once you've been dumped I think it rarely works second time around. Too much bad history.

 

My advice is to concentrate on yourself and forget this guys. He may or may not have had a backup sorted out but it doesn't make much difference. Either way sounds like the relationship is done.

 

I'm sure it must feel terrible, and after six years it's probably daunting being single again. The good news is that if you put in the effort you can find a new bf easily I'm sure.

 

Think selfishly and start trying to enjoy your life by doing things you enjoy.

 

I recommend deleting this guy's photos, number, email etc from your phone. Quit social media so you don't see his posts etc. Then you'll forget him in no time.

[brigit87]

In April my fiance dumped me.

 

<snip>

 

I'm so sorry. This sounds horrible. You will need time to get over this breakup and it's going to suck for a long time.

 

Get a good therapist.

Edited November 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[rejected1]

I just don't know how he could move on so quickly. I knew he wasn't keen on moving across country, but I didn't realize he was this unhappy, and that he didn't want to move that badly. Up until last week, we had some contact. He asked me a few times how I was doing. I had asked him to tell me the full truth. He told me that he had considered breaking up as soon as I moved across the country. He didn't want to move, change jobs or uproot from his friends and hobbies. That he had stability and wanted to stay by family. On the other hand, he didn't want to force me to turn down this job, so he hoped that he'd change his mind, but the closer the day came, the more he wanted to stay, and by April he had detached so much, he pulled the plug. After I ranted and raved, he told me that he wanted his new relationship to work out and that I was too hurt and angry for us to have any further contact.

 

He replaced me 6 weeks after he broke up with me. Six weeks. I know he said he had been detaching from me, while he was acting, for the most part, that he was happy but how could I miss all the signs.

Edited October 12, 2018 by rejected1

[Magicmontazzle]

I am so sorry this has happened to you.

 

Rejection is Gods protection.

 

It was better for you to find this out before you married him and children were involved. As for his hook up and NY holiday girl let him run on. Any woman with any intelligence would know to avoid a men very soon after a breakup.

 

For your own sanity you have to close this chapter yourself, you do not need him for closure. You need to focus on yourself and have a think about getting a therapist to support you through the next few weeks and months. Make sure you are eating and get outside every day.

 

In a few months you might realise on reflection the relationship was peppered with issues.

 

Nothing takes away the hurt of a breakup. Take care, hugs.

[SouthernIslander]

I just don't know how he could move on so quickly. I knew he wasn't keen on moving across country, but I didn't realize he was this unhappy, and that he didn't want to move that badly. Up until last week, we had some contact. He asked me a few times how I was doing. I had asked him to tell me the full truth. He told me that he had considered breaking up as soon as I moved across the country. He didn't want to move, change jobs or uproot from his friends and hobbies. That he had stability and wanted to stay by family. On the other hand, he didn't want to force me to turn down this job, so he hoped that he'd change his mind, but the closer the day came, the more he wanted to stay, and by April he had detached so much, he pulled the plug. After I ranted and raved, he told me that he wanted his new relationship to work out and that I was too hurt and angry for us to have any further contact.

 

He replaced me 6 weeks after he broke up with me. Six weeks. I know he said he had been detaching from me, while he was acting, for the most part, that he was happy but how could I miss all the signs.

 

 

I am very sorry that you're going through this. Don't contact him anymore. If you need to come on here to vent/cry, write him letters that you don't send, block him etc....do it. Getting over him will take time and every time you contact him..the clock starts over.

 

I think it is very crappy to parade a new relationship in front of an ex right after a break up and its not healthy to jump from one relationship to another. But he has to learn that on his own and there is nothing you can do to speed that up.

 

You take time to work on you and moving past the relationship the right way. It doesn't seem that way now, but it will help you tremendously in the long run.

[rejected1]

Thanks. It still hurts even six months later. I thought I'd be in a better place. But the whole taking her to New York City, after knowing her five months triggered me. I blocked him on Facebook and will work toward fully accepting it's over and that it's for the best.

[brigit87]

Thanks. It still hurts even six months later. I thought I'd be in a better place. But the whole taking her to New York City, after knowing her five months triggered me. I blocked him on Facebook and will work toward fully accepting it's over and that it's for the best.

 

You should start dating. Just to get out of the house and have a guy tell you nice things will help. It's therapeutic.

[rejected1]

You should start dating. Just to get out of the house and have a guy tell you nice things will help. It's therapeutic.

 

I might go out and make some new friends. The last thing I need is a rebound relationship. I don't want to dump my feelings on another guy.

[brigit87]

I might go out and make some new friends. The last thing I need is a rebound relationship. I don't want to dump my feelings on another guy.

 

You sound like a nice person. OK. Go out with friends. Buy some new clothes and makeup. Date when you're ready.

 

I have a feeling you're going to fine someone amazing and then you'll say "OMG if I married that other guy I wouldn't have met my soul mate."

[BusyBD]

You are a successful woman. Dont let any man's insecurity take that away from you. Focus on yourself. Its honestly his loss for letting you go. Stop keeping tabs on him cause it will only prolong the moving on process. I too am heartbroken and still on the road to healing. I believe we all find the person who deserves us, who will be there through thick and thin, and supports us. Who knows, with this job opportunity of you moving across the country you will find that person. Stay strong.

[preraph]

He wouldn't be the first man who was about convenience, sad to say. He was probably ready to date other people for some time and just didn't want to bad enough to break up and go do it. Then it happened and he didn't mind.

 

Just sounds like his love didn't run that deep. So sorry.

[elaine567]

I guess the seven year itch.

Probably nothing to do with your job in reality but it did provide a convenient break in proceedings long enough for him to solidify his desire to leave.

Once out of the habit of the relationship, any bonds that were there, were easy to break. Once "free" it was then easy to take the next step and end it.

A chapter closed and he wasn't prepared to start the next chapter with you.

 

Hard to take, but I guess the same thing would have happened had you stayed at home, so do not beat yourself up about it. It was not meant to be.

As for finding a new love in 6 weeks I guess that is probably par for the course. Dumpers can move on fast as they did the dumping, it was their idea, they decided they wanted someone else, so they tend to go out and get someone pretty quick.

NC is your friend here.

[AT15]

I had a friend this happened to as well. She basically had to be escorted out of their shared apartment. She cried everyday for 6 months.

 

Then, one day she forced herself to start dating. She dated who ever asked her out. Finally within a few months she met a really great man...and then guess who comes crawling back?

 

Yup, the ex boyfriend that she spent four years with, who had no problem kicking her out of their shared apartment a year earlier.

 

He showed up at her job with a love letter, eyes brimming with " I miss you" tears.

 

She showed him the door this time around and never looked back. Lol. We laugh every time she tells the story, because she was beyond devastated when this originally happened.

 

You are actually lucky you live across the country. You are going to meet a brand new batch of men. I know you don't see it that's way now, but you will see.

[rejected1]

Thanks for all the kind words. I'm looking into signing up for some hobbies to make new friends. I don't want to date yet, but getting out and meeting new people is just what I need.

[d0nnivain]

Healing takes time. You & he were together for a long time & you thought you were building a life together. You were engaged after all.

 

The opportunity you had with this job was a good one. It was right that you took it & your EX was equally right that moving wasn't for him & he couldn't let you throw away your future for him. Had he been more committed to you, the move would have been easier for him. He knew there were cracks but he wasn't telling you. Your move was the impetus he needed to come clean about what he wanted / needed. As much as breaking up sucks, better now then after you had been married for 1-2 years.

 

It's good that you disconnected from social media. You don't need his activities in your face.

 

Now you need to focus on building a life where you are. Throw yourself into work. Get to know your neighbors. Make some friends.

 

You will be OK. Hang in there.

[rejected1]

I joined weekly yoga and a monthly book club.

[rejected1]

Why does he do this to me? I've been doing better since I went no contact with him a few weeks ago. Now he texts me from some unknown number and asks me if I'm still mad at him because I've blocked him. My first thought is he broke up with his "new" girlfriend, so I have my friend who doesn't have him blocked check his Facebook and she says that they are still together, and asked if I wanted screenshots and I said no. I never responded, instead I blocked this new number. But I'm feeling so angry, sad all over again.

[d0nnivain]

Anger is a more productive emotion then sorrow. Use it to propel yourself forward.

 

He's trying to soothe his own conscience. he doesn't like knowing he's the source of your pain.

[rejected1]

A few hours later he did text again from his original number which I had thought he had blocked asking if I got his text from his other number and then sent a long text about how he wished things would have been different, that he missed me but were too different, and a bunch of other bull****. I gave him crickets and haven't heard from him since. I just sit here but processing my feeling and then moving on. I realize no contact is the easiest solution to moving on.

Edited November 4, 2018 by rejected1

[d0nnivain]

Take his messages as a victory. You were right. He was wrong but now that you are apart, stay that way. He wasn't strong enough when it counted & LDRs are too hard.

 

Hang in there. Keep going to yoga. What book are you reading for bookclub?

[rejected1]

Take his messages as a victory. You were right. He was wrong but now that you are apart, stay that way. He wasn't strong enough when it counted & LDRs are too hard.

 

Hang in there. Keep going to yoga. What book are you reading for bookclub?

 

Thanks I do wish things could have been different and that he could have just been honest with me from the start. But I know I'll be all right. In the book club were reading "I Am Watching You" So far I'm enjoying it and it had been on my to-read list since it was released.

[MermaidNat]

Made my heart hurt to read this....

Honestly, I think it’s the best the you are moving on because when you look at this a marriage is a pretty long commitment you’re supposed to be making... can you imagine having a child, being married and then he follows his “second thoughts” or the “convenient option” or whatever it is that he did?

Even if it is the 7 year itch, I’m starting to think that if two people don’t have a commitment to the longevity of love... even if it’s not that burning desire feeling anymore... then how can they spend a life time together?

Eventually that burning love feeling does fade as you spend years with eachother and if you’re not prepared to push through how can you look at that person like a marriage will last with them....

 

Maybe I’m seeing it from my own perspective but how can you be with someone if they don’t communicate before they get to that point? How can you do anything about it.

 

I personally think over time he is going to have huge regrets over this but I honestly think you should find someone better that would never risk it... and that’s coming from someone who would’ve given her soul to have him back less than a month ago....

 

Always hear if you want a chat

[rejected1]

It's been two months since I last text him or had any contact. Everyday it is getting easier. I started hanging with this one guy from my book club. We are really close, and we are taking it slow and we both like each other. He is tagged in a few of my pictures. Anyway, my ex caught hold of this and in the last week, he has been texting me again from yet a different number. He asking who he is, and if I loved this new man, and on and on and on. Yet he's still with this girl and last I heard they are living together. I find it ironic he told me we couldn't talk anymore, yet he is the one who keeps texting me. I haven't responded. Tonight he finally texted me before I finally blocked him, that he loved me. Like what the **** is that. Did he forget what he did to me? How easily he replaced me? Anyway, I'm flying back home for Christmas, and I risk running into him because on the 26th and 27th I plan on visiting old friends. But I won't let him ruin my vacation.

[nolanola]

I just finished reading your whole thread and I'm so happy for you that you've gotten to a better place about everything. I can totally relate to the feelings that you were sharing in your earlier messages about feeling rejected. Although I didn't spend as many years with my ex as you did, I've had so many of the same feelings. I've started NC almost 8 weeks ago and it has been pretty rough. I was able to ignore his lame text message about a month ago, but have been doubting myself a lot. Seeing your progress has inspired me again to keep going. I woke up this morning feeling sad and mopey, thinking about how it seems that he is moving on with his life and that I meant nothing to him. Just being able to read that you had so many of the same thoughts, fought through them, and came out happy. And the fact that he came back like they always do and you were able to ignore that baloney is awesome. I admire your strength and progress. I hope I'll get there someday soon.

 

Keep us updated on how things go when you're at home. I would not be surprised in the least if this guy shows up when you get home.