Boyfriend broke up with me because he "lost feelings" after over 2 years

[grl]

I'm honestly in shock and will try to keep this as short as possible.

 

Last night, my boyfriend of over two years and best friend of 5 broke up with me because he "lost feelings for me". He just started college a month ago while I'm a college sophomore. Our schools are very close together so it wasn't long distance. We were always such a good match- happy, laughing, same music taste, same politics, hobbies, etc. Everything was almost always just fun and easy. I've absolutely loved him for almost 5 years now. He was always such a huge support in my life and my go-to.

 

Since the beginning of September, we'd been having pretty severe issues. I have an anxiety disorder and for some reason it ramped up severely, while he was struggling to balance school/friends/me. Time and time again we would get in disagreements each week but I didn't really think much of it because over the years we've always come out stronger from any kind of difficulty. I admit that I probably pushed him away to some extent between anxiety and issues I was having being trusting (my own personal issues).

 

Anyway, we had gotten in another disagreement yesterday over the phone because he cancelled plans on me. I noticed he started to ramble and finally said that he'd been crying himself to sleep a lot the past month when he normally never cries, and that he can't keep feeling sad like this and that he doesn't think this is best for either of us. I told him that if he was going to break up with me for good he owed me the decency of coming and doing it in person so after some coaxing he came and did it in person. He told me over the past month he lost feelings for me and initially wasn't sure if it was just an adjustment to college or not but that it's not and it's over. Just two days ago he was over and we were kissing, cuddling, etc. A few weeks ago he broke down crying to me telling me he loved me so much and was afraid to lose me and that he had thoughts of marrying me someday, etc. Yesterday he told me he still loved and cared about me but not like that and that this was the hardest thing he's ever had to do. He told me a part of him will always love me because I was his first everything, etc. We talked for about an hour and he finally told me to get out of his car because the longer we spent together the harder it would be.

 

I feared that things were being cut off way prematurely since we have been going through this rough back but he just said the feelings were gone.

 

I think what cuts the most is the fact that not only is my relationship gone, so is my best friend. He told me he doesn't think this will ever work in the future. We broke up once for a few months my junior year of HS and quickly got back together. Our anniversary was next month and I just feel like everything's down the drain and there's nothing I can do at all and I hate that helpless feeling. He said we could be friends after I lose feelings for him but I just know things will never be the same. But he made it clear that it's over. All the memories just keep rushing back. I woke up this morning from a dream where I was with him.

 

I'm so heartbroken and honestly still in shock I think. It doesn't feel real but this real and major change is happening, he's gone. I haven't contacted him and don't plan on it for the time being. I'm not going to beg or plead. I know this is wrong but a part of me just hopes he comes to a realization and comes back but I just can't do that to myself. The thought of moving on, being with someone else who isn't him, it hurts so much. We were so happy. We could've been again. I really didn't sleep at all and overall feel pretty awful.

 

Everyone is shocked- my friends, our friends, his family, my family. I know that he won't reach out to me because that's how he thinks and I know he wouldn't want to hurt me more.

 

 

What should I do? Should this really be over after 5 years of being such important pieces of eachothers lives? I know I can't make someone love me but this hurts so much and I don't think I ever would've been ready to let go of him and never thought I would have to. If I'm being honest I know deep down I still want a future together. We still have eachother on social media and all and I don't plan on blocking him or anything. Thanks for any advice, I could really use it. I know that I need to focus on me and I will but it's so hard.

Edited September 23, 2018 by grl

[d0nnivain]

I'm so sorry. Any break up is difficult but when the person has been an important part of your life for so long & you didn't really see it coming, it's like a double whammy.

 

Although you managed to get through your 1st year of college with your relationship to the boy back home in tact, his first forays into college life have shown him there is a whole new world out there filled with new interesting people & he no longer wants to be tied to the girl from high school. He wants the freedom to explore.

 

The small sliver of a silver lining here is that he broke up with you rather then cheat on you. I know that is no consolation to you, but it shows that you pick good guys. It will help you in the future.

 

Hang in there. Do grieve for the loss of something that was so precious to you. Surround yourself with supportive friends. Keep up with your school work. When you are feeling a little better, reinvent yourself. Join a club. Take an interesting class just for fun. Find out who you are as an independent adult.

[grl]

I'm so sorry. Any break up is difficult but when the person has been an important part of your life for so long & you didn't really see it coming, it's like a double whammy.

 

Although you managed to get through your 1st year of college with your relationship to the boy back home in tact, his first forays into college life have shown him there is a whole new world out there filled with new interesting people & he no longer wants to be tied to the girl from high school. He wants the freedom to explore.

 

The small sliver of a silver lining here is that he broke up with you rather then cheat on you. I know that is no consolation to you, but it shows that you pick good guys. It will help you in the future.

 

Hang in there. Do grieve for the loss of something that was so precious to you. Surround yourself with supportive friends. Keep up with your school work. When you are feeling a little better, reinvent yourself. Join a club. Take an interesting class just for fun. Find out who you are as an independent adult.

 

Thanks so much. It hurts so bad, almost physically, I can't even really describe it. Every time I think about the fact that something so important to me is now gone I feel sick. I'm going to try my best to do all the things you said

[d0nnivain]

Do take care of yourself. Eat properly. Get enough rest but don't spend all day in bed. Shower. Go to class. Push yourself. In time the acute pains will subside.

[stillafool]

What you are feeling is normal as breakups are extremely hard when you love someone. You will feel physically ill and have some sleepless nights but this will pass in time. Try not to be alone too much. It helps to have someone around at meal times to help you eat as your appetite will be poor as well. Just take it one step at a time. I actually think it would be best to block his social media so you aren' t tempted to spy and potentially find things they may hurt you.

[ExpatInItaly]

Although you managed to get through your 1st year of college with your relationship to the boy back home in tact, his first forays into college life have shown him there is a whole new world out there filled with new interesting people & he no longer wants to be tied to the girl from high school. He wants the freedom to explore.

 

Yes, I agree with the above. It's not fun to go through, but most high-school relationships don't survive through college.

 

It doesn't mean you've done anything terribly wrong, OP. He's just beginning a new phase of his life and doesn't want to lead you on when he knows he's not committed to it any longer.

 

Be patient and kind to yourself as you heal. It will take time.

[elaine567]

Why is everyone so "shocked"?

HS romances rarely survive college, new jobs, growing up etc. and those that do can end up in nightmare marriages when one or both realise all the life experiences they missed out on by marrying their HS sweetheart...

 

I know he was your rock, but the world is actually full of rocks...

Grieve, heal and move on to the next, is my advice.

[grl]

Do take care of yourself. Eat properly. Get enough rest but don't spend all day in bed. Shower. Go to class. Push yourself. In time the acute pains will subside.

 

Thank you, I'm trying my best to do all of that. I ate as much as I could muster to, I went to work, I showered, I hung out with friends. But getting to sleep now is the issue

[grl]

Why is everyone so "shocked"?

HS romances rarely survive college, new jobs, growing up etc. and those that do can end up in nightmare marriages when one or both realise all the life experiences they missed out on by marrying their HS sweetheart...

 

I know he was your rock, but the world is actually full of rocks...

Grieve, heal and move on to the next, is my advice.

 

I don't know, I guess just because we survived 5 years of being in eachothers lives at such a strong level, between long distance, me going to college, etc. A lot of people would tell me that there's no way we weren't meant to be and now I just want to erase that all from my memory.. I'm scared to take the time and effort needed to find someone who will know me and comfort me as well as he did.

[grl]

What you are feeling is normal as breakups are extremely hard when you love someone. You will feel physically ill and have some sleepless nights but this will pass in time. Try not to be alone too much. It helps to have someone around at meal times to help you eat as your appetite will be poor as well. Just take it one step at a time. I actually think it would be best to block his social media so you aren' t tempted to spy and potentially find things they may hurt you.

 

Thanks so much. I'm just laying in bed trying to relax. Luckily I have roommates so I'm never by myself and they of course know what I'm going through. I'm just going to try to take this all day by day.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't know, I guess just because we survived 5 years of being in eachothers lives at such a strong level, between long distance, me going to college, etc. A lot of people would tell me that there's no way we weren't meant to be and now I just want to erase that all from my memory.. I'm scared to take the time and effort needed to find someone who will know me and comfort me as well as he did.

 

Believe me, he's out there somewhere. And when you have healed from this, you will find him.

 

First loves are always so tricky because we have nothing else to compare them to, but usually, they are not the greatest loves of our lives. They are significant, in that we learn about dating and relationships with them, but in my experience the best is yet to come for you.

 

This is also what makes the break-ups from first loves so hard, because it's new territory and we have no frame of reference for it. You will grow a lot from this, even if it seems insurmountable now.

[Reels]

I have been going through a similar problem. Though it is all online, I was talking with this girl for like 3 years and now she says that she don't want to talk at all.

 

I think that people changes, but we fail to realize it and we keep trying because we think that we are not going to find someone better.

[BC1980]

I'm so sorry. At least you don't go to the same college. I think it's great that you are not talking to him anymore. You're way ahead of the curve if you've already figured that out.