Mixed Messages

[Bryony999]

Need some advice please on a recent break up from you wise folk!

 

Met a girl 8 months ago through a dating concierge service. Her baxkground is that she was married 6 years ago, divorced her husband when she realised she was gay after 18 months of marriage, then started a relationship with a woman at work who was married with kids. This woman strung her along for 4 years, then left her husband and it came out that she was cheating on my ex with another woman.

 

3 months later, we met, she told me that she was over it and wanted a serious relationship.

 

The first 5 months were great, I couldn’t believe my luck, she told me she loved me, wanted to be with me long term, we talked about moving in together etc. I was very excited as I felt the same.

 

Some cracks did appear, she wouldn’t introduce me to her family, despite saying she would and to be patient. And then out of nowhere, she suddenly became very uninterested in physical contact. I thought it was me at first, but the problem continued. She also told me she wanted a baby and I said I was neither yes or no but wanted to be in a committed relationship first. Sometimes when we spoke about it she’d say if I wasn’t sure it wouldn’t work and other times she said it was ok and not a showstopper as she wanted to be with me. She also stopped saying she loved me, although she was never really big into saying it, but I still noticed and then felt awkward saying it myself.

 

We went on holiday in August, had a great time but had a conversation one night where she admitted she wanted a baby in 5 months and this was really important to her. I said I couldn’t do that as we weren’t in a stable enough place after only dating ourselves for 7 months, she also told me she doesn’t find anyone sexually attractive ( she stopped having sex with her husband and had another year long relationship with a guy at college who she never slept with ). I put this down to the fact that she was gay, but this was now happening to us too.

 

I was very upset as she kind of said that if I wasn’t onboard it wasn’t going to work.

 

The next day we didn’t discuss it as it was the last day of the holiday and I think we both needed time to digest. We had an amazing day, even had sex albeit very functional and quick and then went out that evening, drank wine and she was all over me in public. Taking couple selfies, asking me to dance with her, calling me baby and finished by kissing me when back at our hotel.

 

The next week back home, things felt uncomfortable. We didn’t live with each other, nor that close by so would text and call each day. There felt like an elephant in the room and a few days later she cane over and said she wanted to break up as she really needs to have a baby ( the timelines were pushed back to 8 months ) and she can’t give me what I want sexually. She was incredibly upset and asked to be friends. I said I needed time to get over it first and asked if she would not contact me and I would reach out when I felt better. She told me she loved me, kissed me on the lips and left crying.

 

We haven’t spoken in 3 weeks and it has been so hard as I do love her but I just don’t undertstand any of this behaviour.

 

What do you guys make of it? Is it someone messing around? Not over their ex? Commitment problems? Embarrassed to be gay? Or something completely different?

 

Thanks!!!

[Bufo]

Did you remind her it normally takes 9 months to have a baby?

 

Get yourself some cross country spikes and use them to run as far and fast S you can. There are more red flags in your post as there are are in a Soviet May Day parade

 

IMHO she has some serious problems with her priorities. And for some reason sees you as her sperm donor and nothing else. Don’t volunteer for that role.

[spiderowl]

She seems more focused on having a baby than having a relationship with you. She has pretty much said she doesn't enjoy a sexual relationship any more. It may be that she is uncertain of your commitment because you don't want a baby until you are in a committed relationship, but I think you are being wise in not being pushed into bringing a third person into this very confusing and changeable situation.

 

I'm sorry but her sexual interest in you has fallen off and so you would be better off in the long run detaching yourself from this woman and finding someone who has the same desires as you.