The grieving breakup **Updated**

[lostandconfusedsoul]

So here’s a short story on how we’ve been first.

My gf and I have been dating for 4 years... hard times and good times...

we’ve both made several mistakes some that were unforgivable (cheating on both ends)

We’ve been off and on but we’ve been inseparable.. I love her so much but I am treated like a dog by her family for my mistakes. They don’t like me and won’t have me around.

 

Recently her father passed away.. tore her to shreds..

the funeral was on a Sunday and I said I didn’t think it would be a good idea for me to go as I wanted to be as unselfish as possible thinking by my being there would cause anger and awkwardness for her family. Ultimately making an already hard gathering more hard by me being there, I didn’t want her family feeling anymore pain because they didn’t want me there...

She eventually told me she understood where I was coming from.

Fast forward to the day of and I got home early and brought up that I was done early in a sense saying “hey like if you need me there I’ll go for you still” but she rejected it and told me she didn’t talk to her family so don’t worry.

So I went to work, I contacted my sports team and reached out to start a donation for a charity in her fathers name, we collected over 300$ which i knownisnt a crazy amount, drew up a letter signed by all of us and was going to give it to her to show she had me as her rock as always and the support of my team!

That night she ended up at the bar no messages no calls didn’t hear from her for 2 days... and then bam she dumped me..

Her reasoning

(I left her alone on such a hard day.. I should have been at the funeral and because I wasn’t I clearly didn’t care... and that she felt guilty being with me because her dad didn’t approve)

 

I lost it.... I was so angry at how Narcassistic that was because I tried to make such a selfless decision out of respect for her and her family, I even tried to make it a point to say “hey I’ll come if you need me”

 

What the hell did I do wrong here?

I feel like such a **** person but I only wanted to show respect, and make the right decision..

[Gretchen12]

Probably the main reason was that her father did not approve. But she felt stupid stating that as the reason so she added stuff like you didn't go to the funeral. Or maybe that day her family mentioned you not being there, so she changed her tunes. Anyway it is her decision to choose her family over you. You can't win this one. She felt she had to choose and she did.

[FMW]

Sounds like the relationship was already sitting on sand and one hard wave (her father's death) was enough to wash it away. If it hadn't been this, something else would have ended it.

 

You probably should have just left it up to her about whether you went to the funeral or not and told her you would be ok with whatever her choice was, given the nature of your relationship with her family. But - you did what you felt was best at the time, no good comes of second guessing it now.

[Ralph79]

So here’s a short story on how we’ve been first.

My gf and I have been dating for 4 years... hard times and good times...

we’ve both made several mistakes some that were unforgivable (cheating on both ends)

We’ve been off and on but we’ve been inseparable.. I love her so much but I am treated like a dog by her family for my mistakes. They don’t like me and won’t have me around.

 

Recently her father passed away.. tore her to shreds..

the funeral was on a Sunday and I said I didn’t think it would be a good idea for me to go as I wanted to be as unselfish as possible thinking by my being there would cause anger and awkwardness for her family. Ultimately making an already hard gathering more hard by me being there, I didn’t want her family feeling anymore pain because they didn’t want me there...

She eventually told me she understood where I was coming from.

Fast forward to the day of and I got home early and brought up that I was done early in a sense saying “hey like if you need me there I’ll go for you still” but she rejected it and told me she didn’t talk to her family so don’t worry.

So I went to work, I contacted my sports team and reached out to start a donation for a charity in her fathers name, we collected over 300$ which i knownisnt a crazy amount, drew up a letter signed by all of us and was going to give it to her to show she had me as her rock as always and the support of my team!

That night she ended up at the bar no messages no calls didn’t hear from her for 2 days... and then bam she dumped me..

Her reasoning

(I left her alone on such a hard day.. I should have been at the funeral and because I wasn’t I clearly didn’t care... and that she felt guilty being with me because her dad didn’t approve)

 

I lost it.... I was so angry at how Narcassistic that was because I tried to make such a selfless decision out of respect for her and her family, I even tried to make it a point to say “hey I’ll come if you need me”

 

What the hell did I do wrong here?

I feel like such a **** person but I only wanted to show respect, and make the right decision..

 

Ok, just my own very personal opinion, so don't take this as fact:

 

Funerals are an opportunity to bury the hatchet with the family of the deceased. That's why it's a social norm to say some nice words of the recently departed, even if they were lousy people in their lifetime.

 

Now, based on what you have shared with us:

 

Do you really think the family of your GF was going to give a damn about weather you went or not? I think they were preoccupied with more pressing concerns at the funeral. This was an opportunity for you to support your GF and stand with her , because she has stuck with you despite her family's advice.

 

What you tried to portray as an unselfish act by missing the funeral, was actually perceived as a selfish act because you didn't want to bother with the "awkwardness" of it all. Who cares if they didn't want you there. She needed you there.

 

You don't leave these decisions up to your GF. You should've just flat out gone and not tried to rationalize your way out of something very important to her. It's like telling her: "Hey, if you want me to, I'll surprise you with flowers, just say the word". Some things you don't ask. You just do.

 

Having said all that, if you guys were able to overcome cheating on each other, I think this will be a temporary breakup until things settle down.

[Lotsgoingon]

Oh man, sorry to hear that she ended things ... after you tried your darnest to be super-sensitive and respectful.

 

I am (unfortunately) very experienced with funerals. My other died in 2009 ... and then in a 22-month period from 2014 to 2015, my father died, my oldest brother died, and my next oldest brother died.

 

Your gf did not ask for what she wanted ... and blamed you later for not giving it to her. I would see this as less a "mistake" on your part and more of a mistake on her part. She could have stepped up and said, I don't care what my family thinks, I want you there.

 

But I'll share some funeral psychology with you.

 

the funeral was on a Sunday and I said I didn’t think it would be a good idea for me to go as I wanted to be as unselfish as possible thinking by my being there would cause anger and awkwardness for her family.

 

OK, the problem here: you quickly volunteered to NOT BE THERE. Now, very kind thinking on your part ... except. You're working too hard! ... and you're too much in your head.

 

So before you ask yourself what would be the most unselfish, you want to first state how you feel. And what you FEEL like you want to do. If you felt you wanted to go to the funeral ... but were worried that going would make grieving worst, then say all of that! ... If you don't say all of that, people don't feel your heart and your love. People will just think you're cold and distant.

 

I speak from experience ... as I for most of my life would think of "how to be most unselfish." But that thinking is focused to much on YOU. Instead, you want to focus on the obvious--and on her! What obvious thing does she need at this time?

 

Funerals are strange, as one person already noted ... in that even enemies will attend funerals ... Attending a funeral is a sign of respect for the person--and family members are touched by the presence of ANYONE! See, what people feel when a family member dies ... what they most worry about ... is that the family member's life may not have meant anything. So almost the more people who show up at the funeral, the more lives the family feels their loved one has touched.

 

People are terrified about death! ... So your gf was probably scared as well as sad ... scared about whether she could handle the funeral. So having you there would have been extremely comforting.

 

Now I know there's no clear way for you to have known this all ... We don't speak smartly about death in this society. But most likely she wanted you there to be beside her ... to hold her hand ... to talk to her ... just to be a live friendly body next to her at her time of terror. And you weren't there because you were off trying to be super sensitive. Forget being sensitive! Your idea of sensitive, like mine, is way too heroic, beyond the imagination of most people.

 

Ironically, what probably happened was that her family noted your absence, and they most likely asked her why you were NOT there. They probably assumed that meant you were broken up again. And when she said you wanted to respect them, they didn't believe her and told her you were making a bunch of excuses. What kind of person doesn't come to a funeral for the father of the woman he's dating?

 

There's only one category of people not accepted at a funeral: the person who murdered the deceased person ... or the family members of the person who married the deceased person. (And even family members of the killer--if they knew the victim--will often contact the deceased person's family and pay respects--might show up at wake a time when others aren't there.)

 

Bottom line: drop the super-hero, perfectionism, "I need to be most unselfish" thing. That's not helpful.

 

Next time think about the most OBVIOUS thing other people need and do that ... Family members are frightened by the death of a loved one ... shocked even when the death has been long in coming ... they feel alone, cursed, that the world is cruel ... they are terrified ... they don't know if they can get through the funeral without passing out. They are desperate for love and support during that time. Focus on that truth first ... and worry about whether they will be "offended" later.

 

Ironically you would have won major brownie points from the family by attending the funeral. Wow, he's here ... wow, he's really not that bad. Wow, he looked sad. Great that he came.

 

Finally, if she dumped you for this, I would say she doesn't really understand your sincerity ... So ... the relationship was going to have problems.

 

But drop the super-hero stuff. Instead, in emergencies, be a friend--flaws and all. Show up and be a friend! BTW: I would go as far as to say you had a right to be with your gf at this time ... and it wasn't your business to worry about what other family members felt. Let her tell you that you aren't wanted at the funeral. Actually she would have needed to tell you that SHE didn't want you at the funeral for your move to make sense. If she had told you that, then that's a different story. Instead, you volunteered not be present.

 

There is a huge difference.

Edited September 7, 2018 by Lotsgoingon

[MountainGirl111]

Wow. Ralph and Lots covered this really really well. Don't know that I have a whole lot to add.

 

I have a lot of experience with death, dying, grief and grieving. Don't know if that's good or not so good, but it is what it is.

 

When it comes to grief it's never segregated into perfecting deliniated good/bad or set rules. It just IS. I've needed to somehow find ways to comfort people in grief. And, one thing I have found is I need to throw the "technicalities" out the window sometimes when it's not clear what I should do.

 

You said you were actually making an "unselfish" decision not to go to the funeral. But, I wonder if you communicated that to her or is SHE just didn't get the right message simply because she was in a state so soon after losing her dad.

 

Look, you guys had had previous issues before this...and it makes me wonder if one of your biggest problems was COMMUNICATION. Were there times you felt like you could not be HONEST with her? Were there times you thought you knew what she would want or were unsure of what she wanted, so made assumptions....how clear have you been with one another in your communication? In her mind, you chose that day to do something you felt it was more important to do. Not saying that's what you felt. But that's likely how she took it. In her mind, there was no other function that WAS important to be at other than her dad's funeral. So, the two of you were NOT on the same page....so, is this just a communication problem?

 

I agree....about the 'unselfish' super hero comments already made. When someone dies...there is no place for super hero...that person is already dead.

Edited September 8, 2018 by MountainGirl111

[lostandconfusedsoul]

Wow. Ralph and Lots covered this really really well. Don't know that I have a whole lot to add.

 

I have a lot of experience with death, dying, grief and grieving. Don't know if that's good or not so good, but it is what it is.

 

When it comes to grief it's never segregated into perfecting deliniated good/bad or set rules. It just IS. I've needed to somehow find ways to comfort people in grief. And, one thing I have found is I need to throw the "technicalities" out the window sometimes when it's not clear what I should do.

 

You said you were actually making an "unselfish" decision not to go to the funeral. But, I wonder if you communicated that to her or is SHE just didn't get the right message simply because she was in a state so soon after losing her dad.

 

Look, you guys had had previous issues before this...and it makes me wonder if one of your biggest problems was COMMUNICATION. Were there times you felt like you could not be HONEST with her? Were there times you thought you knew what she would want or were unsure of what she wanted, so made assumptions....how clear have you been with one another in your communication? In her mind, you chose that day to do something you felt it was more important to do. Not saying that's what you felt. But that's likely how she took it. In her mind, there was no other function that WAS important to be at other than her dad's funeral. So, the two of you were NOT on the same page....so, is this just a communication problem?

 

I agree....about the 'unselfish' super hero comments already made. When someone dies...there is no place for super hero...that person is already dead.

 

 

Yes a lot has been said, and the majority of it makes me feel like a bag of crap BUT nevertheless I guess the truth stings... I guess I just thought I was making the best decision at the time. And with her agreeing with me the next day it kind of solidified my decision... I’m not sure what else to say at this point, should I blame my own actions for this breakup then? Is it my fault?

Should I have tried harder? I just felt that even the day of, my making a means to point out that I was available to be there was an extra push for her to tell me yes...

yes communication has ALWAYS been a big issue between us. She is super stubborn as am I at times and she does have a tendency to expect me to read her mind with what she wants and if I don’t make the right choice I am made out I be the villain.

I’m just so hurt because I did all I could to be her rock during all of this, I tried my best to be her shoulder to cry on. And now it seems from all these replies I simply failed where it mattered the most.

[MountainGirl111]

Yes a lot has been said, and the majority of it makes me feel like a bag of crap BUT nevertheless I guess the truth stings... I guess I just thought I was making the best decision at the time. And with her agreeing with me the next day it kind of solidified my decision... I’m not sure what else to say at this point, should I blame my own actions for this breakup then? Is it my fault?

Should I have tried harder? I just felt that even the day of, my making a means to point out that I was available to be there was an extra push for her to tell me yes...

yes communication has ALWAYS been a big issue between us. She is super stubborn as am I at times and she does have a tendency to expect me to read her mind with what she wants and if I don’t make the right choice I am made out I be the villain.

I’m just so hurt because I did all I could to be her rock during all of this, I tried my best to be her shoulder to cry on. And now it seems from all these replies I simply failed where it mattered the most.

 

Dang! You shouldn't feel like a bag of crap because you aren't! That's ludicrous...You tried to read her mind and do the right thing ... but shoot ... none of us are too good at reading minds. So, in those cases, we have to do what we want to do and if you wanted to be there for her, it's too bad you missed that. I mean, it sounds like you really wanted to be there...so you in turn are grieving about now, which is so ironic. If it makes you feel any better, you and her broke up a time or two before, right, and probably for something less than a parents' death.

 

My dad died a few years ago...and you know, I still draw on his wisdom. He had a special brand of wisdom and he wouldn't want anyone to feel obligated to go to his funeral. That's just the kind of man he was. As it turned out his funeral was huge....much bigger than he would have ever expected for himself. And maybe that just endeared him to people all the more.

 

 

So, we live, we live with things we wished we'd done different. I know I have needed to live with things I wish I did differently...reconcile it somehow...because it I allow it to fester it creates a nasty inner wound. You got to forgive yourself and also forgive her, for she wasn't perfect in it all either. You aren't the bad guy.I hope you didn't feel accused of that.

[Lotsgoingon]

Let's be clear: she COULD HAVE TOLD YOU she wanted you there. She messed up by trying to be nice and understanding to you. After a death of a parent, the griever has the right and the duty to be selfish and demanding of others. She showed every bit the poor judgment that you are now blaming yourself for showing. She should have said, "I want you there."

 

Indeed, she could have called you after the wake and told you to attend the funeral. She could have woken up the morning of the funeral and realized she wanted you there and called you then. She could have called you after the service, to meet them at the cemetery (assuming there was a body and not a cremation) ... or wherever the after-funeral reception was.

 

Frankly, and my mother used to say this ... and here I will amend my earlier remarks. The worst time around a death isn't necessarily the funeral ... but the days and weeks after the funeral ... And this might be an opening for you. The funeral gives you a focus ...you see people ... but then people go back to their lives and you're left with your grief and a lot of isolation.

 

One of the emptiest moments of my life was after my oldest brother's funeral ... I was visiting from out of town ... (I usually stayed with him) ... and after the funeral reception at the church, there was no place to go, nothing to do. I was single at the time so there wasn't anyone with me or anyone specific to call.

 

I ended up going to a diner with my nephew ... and I walk in and see my sister and one of my brother's friends ... slumped at nearby table. BTW: my sister, my brother's friend and I ... we were all single. Right then we would have all wanted to be able to call a partner and go spend time with them.

 

So consider calling her now! ... and offering your support now. Right about now she needs to talk and be listened to ... and hugged and fed and given lots of TLC. And let her curse you out if she needs to do that in order to accept your love.

 

I don't know your relationship or the history, but seems to me she accepted your offer to stay away ... she didn't challenge you ... she said she understood your thinking. Any chance you guys have had recent conflict? Because she really might be using the funeral as an excuse.

 

If she was thinking of breaking up with you ... she might have unconsciously been relieved you weren't coming to the funeral ... and then found a way to use your absence to reject you.

 

Seriously, she needs you right now ... so despite what I said earlier, this is a perfect time to offer support. See if she is mature enough to accept it this time. Oh and if you do call her, do NOT hide your tears ... or justify. Let her feel your hurt and how you want to be with her. Show her you have deep feelings.

Edited September 8, 2018 by Lotsgoingon

[Ralph79]

Yes a lot has been said, and the majority of it makes me feel like a bag of crap BUT nevertheless I guess the truth stings... I guess I just thought I was making the best decision at the time. And with her agreeing with me the next day it kind of solidified my decision... I’m not sure what else to say at this point, should I blame my own actions for this breakup then? Is it my fault?

Should I have tried harder? I just felt that even the day of, my making a means to point out that I was available to be there was an extra push for her to tell me yes...

yes communication has ALWAYS been a big issue between us. She is super stubborn as am I at times and she does have a tendency to expect me to read her mind with what she wants and if I don’t make the right choice I am made out I be the villain.

I’m just so hurt because I did all I could to be her rock during all of this, I tried my best to be her shoulder to cry on. And now it seems from all these replies I simply failed where it mattered the most.

 

I sincerely apologize if any of my comments made you feel worse. My intent was not to point the finger at you and blame you for the breakup.

 

My intention was to provide you with her possible viewpoint of this situation, in hopes that it could provide you with an answer of why this happened, when in your mind , you did no wrong.

 

You came here looking for answers, I simply wanted to share my opinion on possible answers based on your facts and my own personal experience.

 

I agree with both of the previous posters in that:

 

You aren't the bad guy.I hope you didn't feel accused of that.

Seriously, she needs you right now ... so despite what I said earlier, this is a perfect time to offer support.

 

And I will reiterate that I think this shouldn't be a cause for a permanent breakup, specially if you guys overcame other unforgivable transgressions already in the past.

[lostandconfusedsoul]

I sincerely apologize if any of my comments made you feel worse. My intent was not to point the finger at you and blame you for the breakup.

 

My intention was to provide you with her possible viewpoint of this situation, in hopes that it could provide you with an answer of why this happened, when in your mind , you did no wrong.

 

You came here looking for answers, I simply wanted to share my opinion on possible answers based on your facts and my own personal experience.

 

I agree with both of the previous posters in that:

 

 

 

 

And I will reiterate that I think this shouldn't be a cause for a permanent breakup, specially if you guys overcame other unforgivable transgressions already in the past.

 

 

Sorry I know that sounded as if I’m hurt quite a bit, but I think what I mean in a nutshell was “it sucks to hear that i didn’t do the right thing, even though I thought I did”

And in that decision I lost my relationship.

We have been on rocky terms for a while just because of the fact that her family doesn’t approve of us because of my mistakes in the past. My family is more forgiving and has accepted her after her equal mistakes.

Our biggest issue throughout the 4 years is communication, BUT I’ve felt for years that I’ve made so many changes in myself to better our relationship especially after I cheated (consoling, character improvement, etc etc)

And I’ve gotten nothing in return from her.

I just wanted to do the right thing by her family and as you said the “superhero” approach was the wrong choice and now I regret it... but can’t change it.

I highly doubt she’ll be back as it’s been a week already and the only thing I’ve heard from her about is to get her things back...

[Lotsgoingon]

I used "superhero" because I understand your thinking and as I used to do the ultimate unselfish thing and my actions only confused people because my ideas were so outside the box, as was your offer to stay away from the family during the funeral.

 

Your offer was so unselfish ... that actually people would not believe you were sincere.

 

There are all kinds of people in the world ... and we all are trying to find a balance. Is it possible that you're one of the people out there who would benefit from thinking more "selfishly"? There are people like that. Just a thought ... I know people like this ... and what would happen is they would eventually act out ... because they never gave themselves permission to do the obvious, "self-interested" action on the front end ... so they ended up doing the selfish stuff on the sly.

 

You sure you don't want to call her?

 

I really don't think this is a breakupable offense ... sure she could scream and yell ... but as long as you were kind, I don't think your action was worthy of a breakup ...

 

Sorry to hear about the cold ending.

[lostandconfusedsoul]

I used "superhero" because I understand your thinking and as I used to do the ultimate unselfish thing and my actions only confused people because my ideas were so outside the box, as was your offer to stay away from the family during the funeral.

 

Your offer was so unselfish ... that actually people would not believe you were sincere.

 

There are all kinds of people in the world ... and we all are trying to find a balance. Is it possible that you're one of the people out there who would benefit from thinking more "selfishly"? There are people like that. Just a thought ... I know people like this ... and what would happen is they would eventually act out ... because they never gave themselves permission to do the obvious, "self-interested" action on the front end ... so they ended up doing the selfish stuff on the sly.

 

You sure you don't want to call her?

 

I really don't think this is a breakupable offense ... sure she could scream and yell ... but as long as you were kind, I don't think your action was worthy of a breakup ...

 

Sorry to hear about the cold ending.

 

I totally understand, I may have to give it a try and see, I just wanted to do the right thing lol

I would love to call her and see her... it’s all I want to be honest but she’s stubborn and she puts on a act when we split up (I’m better off) and it kills me because I don’t know if it’s true or not lol

Plus we got into it when this all went down.. I was nasty out of anger and she wasn’t the nicest either... I have no idea what direction to go, my gut is telling me NC but I wish I didn’t have to.

[lostandconfusedsoul]

Her (23) and I (29)

Just split up.. her father passed away and destroyed her mentally.

We’ve had a rough relationship for 4 years.

Cheating on both ends... arguing and even though I’ve put my trust back in her she never did the same for me.

Her dad passed away and she split up with me telling me she doesn’t want

A relationship anymore.. that we are too broken and none fixable.. that she wants to be on her own now.

The most painful words came out of her mouth, she wants me to move on... she doesn’t want to get back together and be in that relationship anymore that’s so stressful...

I can’t live without her... I’ve built my life around her, I’d rather die than be without her...

she said she still loves me... we spent the night video calling but then today it’s back to nothing... except that she is done, and doesn’t want to be with me anymore..

I offered to do therapy together but she doesn’t want to...

 

I’m so ****ing lost... I quite literally don’t see anything worth living for at this point.... what can I do here? Is it really over?

[Garcon1986]

If you genuinely feel that there is nothing worth living for anymore you need to see a physician immediately, drop everything you are doing.

 

 

The next best thing is to see your trusted friend.

 

 

Alternatively if that was you being dramatic, we can talk. I'll start with - a failure is only a failure if you learn nothing at all. Winners are distinguished by being the people who are willing to fall on their face in the mud in the rain, and still be willing to get up and keep on running.

[BC1980]

You won't always feel that way. The first thing you need to do is stop talking to her. Do you feel like you can do that anytime soon?

[lostandconfusedsoul]

Honestly... I don’t want to.. the thought of not being able to talk to her makes my heart stop... hearing her tell me she is done with us right now breaks me in a way that none of our other breakups have before...

Unfortunately I have very little friends and my family don’t offer much support... I can’t do this

[lostandconfusedsoul]

If you genuinely feel that there is nothing worth living for anymore you need to see a physician immediately, drop everything you are doing.

 

 

The next best thing is to see your trusted friend.

 

 

Alternatively if that was you being dramatic, we can talk. I'll start with - a failure is only a failure if you learn nothing at all. Winners are distinguished by being the people who are willing to fall on their face in the mud in the rain, and still be willing to get up and keep on running.

 

A part of me knows I’d never be able to do something like that...another part of me says hat would you do to her if you did given her father just passed... and the other part of me just has nothing else to think about because I can’t come to terms with it...

[BC1980]

Honestly... I don’t want to.. the thought of not being able to talk to her makes my heart stop... hearing her tell me she is done with us right now breaks me in a way that none of our other breakups have before...

Unfortunately I have very little friends and my family don’t offer much support... I can’t do this

 

I understand where you are coming from. It can be overwhelming to think of never taking to a person again. That's asking too much in the beginning. What if you tried to take a step back and not talk to her for 30 days and then reevaluate where you are after 30 days?

[lostandconfusedsoul]

I’ve done it before... we’ve split up on several occasions before

But never like this... I went 30 days NC and we got back together but I was in so much pain until the last day... without her I am devestated

[Normm]

Lets try to find some positives here, and I think I've got one for you, although I had to reach for it.

 

 

You cheated on her, more than once, with more than one girl, correct?

 

 

So clearly you have no problem a) meeting other women b) being intimate with other woman and c) being without your girlfriend. Certainly when you were screwing them she was the furthest thing from your mind.

 

 

You did it before, you can do it now.

[d0nnivain]

Your relationship may be over but your LIFE is not. Do not make a permanent decision to solve a temporary problem.

 

Yes, breaking up hurts. The pain is immense. That is no reason to stop living.

 

If you are feeling suicidal go to an emergency room, call a hotline, visit a friend but hang in there.

[Young mind]

Your relationship may be over but your LIFE is not. Do not make a permanent decision to solve a temporary problem.

 

Yes, breaking up hurts. The pain is immense. That is no reason to stop living.

 

If you are feeling suicidal go to an emergency room, call a hotline, visit a friend but hang in there.

 

Says it all, keywords HANG IN THERE, when someone says “I know how you feel”, you will never understand it till you have to say it someone else.

 

We’ve all been there, the girl of our dreams left, life seems to turn upside down, true but it’s not the end, one thing is certain, you had a life before that relationship and you certainly have a life after it, give it time and you will see the wonders of healing.

[MountainGirl111]

lost: I'm so sorry you don't have good face to face support. It sounds like perhaps she was your main support? Correct me if I'm wrong there. She's going to have to find a way to let her resentment go....that's all there is to it. Yes, losing a father is hard...depending on what type of man he was it might be harder....he may have played a HUGE part in her life. So, anyways....she'll miss him....

 

I miss my dad even though he died 5 1/2 years ago I still miss him, I miss his wit. I miss his encouragement with my music. He never held back in encouraging me and he would often say, "Stick with it and never give up." Well, that kind of advice can apply to so many things in life, really.

 

Never Give Up.

 

The main thing for YOU right now is to NEVER give up on yourself. You are worth it, you really are, even if you feel like crap right now. Forgiveness is a BEAUTIFUL thing, it really is...............................

 

I think perhaps if her dad knew how much agony you were feeling right now, he'd be dismayed.

[lostandconfusedsoul]

Recently had a nasty breakup (again) with her(23)

I(29) have been a total ****ing mess.

 

She told me she doesn’t want a relationship anymore after her father passed away.. she doesn’t want to be in a stressful relationship with me anymore..we’ve both made **** mistakes we’ve both done stupid things.

But she came over the other night... we cuddled, literally had some crazy sex, cuddled all night until the morning... the following night slept over again... next night slept over again........

 

What the **** is going on?!?!

In all fairness I’m happy as ever! I don’t feel sad... I’m not in pain because I have her around again!

But she told me (nothing has changed) meaning she still isn’t into a relationship thing.

 

Any advice?

 

Also I should add she’s just started really high dose of anti depressants.

Last night and this morning she’s been kinda cold with me while she’s at a wedding with her brother and friends...

Edited September 22, 2018 by lostandconfusedsoul
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