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I'm so broken...


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I know this is a little long, but want to explain a little bit about my previous relationship, so please bare with me!

 

I (24) was truly in love with this girl (23), our relationship lasted 6 months and was long distance, I've met this girl when I was overseas on holiday through friends over there. During our relationship she was sweet, caring told me she loved me, said everything to me that made me feel loved, and she told me to promise her that I would love only her, so I did. I did genuinely loved her for real.

 

During the first week of the relationship everything was fine until she asked me to buy her something, to buy her a new phone. I rejected telling her that we have only just been together for a week, why would she ask for such a thing and she replied "Ok, if you dont want to buy it, then I wont ask anymore", I told her that I want to buy her something that was more meaningful than just a phone, like a hand bag that she could carry around and think for me, she agreed and said I gift her anything.

 

After that, our relationship continued for a month. I had introduced her to my family (I had family overseas), she was nice to them and my family loved her and thought she was a good girl. Since my family wants me to meet someone who is genuinely good and not someone who wanted to be with my for anything relating to money, I also hoped that she was true, but seeing how she was good to my family I let the whole phone thing slide. I bought me and her a couples ring.

 

Another month had past, and it was nearly time for me to say goodbye to her, since my holidays were almost over and I had to go back to country. She started crying saying she will be sad without me and will miss me a lot, seeing her cry made broke my heart, I held her tight and said that I will be back for her, told her how much I love her and please to wait for me. The time came and she went with me to the airport with my family, she cried again in front of my family and me, i hugged her so tight, felt really sorry for leaving her and ensured her that I would give a call every day and talk to her.

 

I message her as soon as I returned to country. she message me back, we were apart from each other. I was here and she was there. We talked and did video calls a lot and would talk on the phone like a normal couple in a long distance relationship would do, we would talk every single day for the past 3 months. 2 months forward. she said she had to go back to uni and that she would have less time for me since she will be busy with uni and look for work since she needed money and wont be borrowing from her parents anymore. I respected that and was considerate of her using her time to study for uni and whenever she was free that she would give me a call.

 

(This is where the problem began)

 

I just began working a new job, she argued with me and told me she gets really jealous and would hate me talking or even looking at other girls. I respected her wishes and remained loyal to her, because I didn't want to worry her, so I didn't do what she did not like, I kept my promises.

 

A few months had pass, she said she had damaged her phone since she dropped it and would be borrowing her sister's phone (they both live together in a flat) to message me since she had no money to buy a new phone and would only text me not video call anymore. I asked her why couldn't she use her sisters phone to call me, and she made up excuses that her sisters phone cant do internet calls so I asked her how was work? She said that she had no time to go to work and focused on uni only. During this time period we had a lot of arguments, it was about trust issues and I had a gut feeling that she had been lying to me about some things and wasn't totally honest, since some things did not add up. The relationship just went down hill after this.

 

We had only been talking by text after this, very rarely was there any video calls or even phone calls. I was trying to piece some things together about our relationship and the way she is acting, and some things just didn't not quite add up or made any sense. I would confront her about these problems and she kept lying and making up excuses. Every time she uploaded a picture of herself, the ring I gifted her wasn't even on the right finger or she wasn't even wearing it at all, I question her about it, but she just kept making up excuses. So I asked her directly had she cheated on me or was seeing someone else, she denied the claims and that I was the only one and one was enough and then she accused me that I lost feelings for her and does not trust her, my feelings had and always had been the same since I met her, we kept on arguing about this and that then she said she was tired and that I didn't care about her when I truly did care, it went on like this for a month or two.

 

At this stage I had a hunch, I had a feeling in my gut knowing that something was up, but I just kept continuing with the relationship hoping it would get better, I lied to myself that she would be more honest and truthful when she wasn't.

 

Later on I found out through friends that she had 2 facebook accounts, 1 that she was using to talk to me had all our pictures and moments we shared together on it, and the other she used, blocked me from it so I had know idea that she had another facebook account. So I made a fake facebook account and went into her facebook and saw that she was seeing someone else behind my back for the past 2 or probably even 3 months. When I had evidence to support my claims and confronted her about it, she just said "then lets break up", those words only hurt me a lot, and so I built up the courage told her that I had always been true and faithful to her and she betrayed me and broke up with her, and blocked her from communicating with me again, I was devastated and shocked, even I met her friends before when I was overseas and they probably knew about this but none of them even told me.

 

Word had come out and my family and friends knew what she had done, everyone told me that I should forget about her, because this girl wasn't worth it and the only thing she cared about was money, she didn't respect me and was materialistic, so went and cheated on me. This happened 6 days, I have the support of family and friends, but its still not enough with what im going through right now. I just wanted to post this here so that I could have some peace of mind and share my story. Even right now I am trying to forget about her and move on with my life, but its rather difficult when you gave so much to someone this much, only to know that they probably did even not love me from the beginning, even her sister knew she was seeing some else behind my back when I did EVERYTHING for her.

 

After a few days of the break up she unblocked me with the 2nd facebook account she had initially hid from me, I saw because her named popped up on my suggested friends, why did go through the trouble of even unblocking me, is she playing more games???

 

Will she ever regret this? :(

Edited by ignis
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ExpatInItaly

Oh dear. There were a million red flags right from the beginning that should have sent you running:

 

1) Asking you for a phone within a week of dating. This is someone who saw you as an ATM that she could use for material gain. What part of the world is she in?

 

2) Declaring love within a month. You barley knew her, and vice versa. Given the above request, you should have taken claims of love with a big dose of skepticism.

 

3) Demanding that you not even look at another girl. Bowing to that was not demonstrating loyalty, but a complete lack of a backbone. It's an immature and controlling dynamic.

 

4) Pretending she couldn't make internet calls anymore. You already know something was off with that claim. My guess is that she wasn't living with her sister but possibly with her other guy.

 

Unfortunately, you got played. Hard. I am truly sorry you're so hurt, but you need to use this as a lesson. Do not rush into a whirlwind romance with a girl you don't know, who lives far away and has previously tried to get something (ie a phone) out of you. Please, be more careful with your heart in the future and don't overlook the glaring warning signs that something is not right.

 

No, I don't think she will regret this. Why? Because she wasn't with you for the right reasons to begin with. She follows dollar signs (or euro signs, or what have you) I can just about guarantee her new guy is providing her money or material comforts, so that's the path she took. For her, this wasn't about love but about what she could use you for.

 

Never have any contact with her again, friend.

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You are young, so I think you should give yourself a pass for making rookie mistakes.

 

As ExpatInItaly already stated:

 

A girl who asks you for something as expensive as a phone at the beginning of a relationship is simply gauging how far she can sucker you in for. The fact that you even brought up the possibility of buying her a handbag simply "bought" you more time with her.

 

I know how you feel about love. I can't lecture you on weather you were in love or not because I believe that is entirely subjective. What's important is that you felt strongly about her and it hurts now that she's gone. You had a fantastic 2 months. Be grateful for that experience. As ExpatInItaly said, learn from that experience. I will say this though, I hope this taught you to NEVER buy your way into a woman's heart again. Because , my friend, if you do win her over with gifts, then she WILL leave you for the highest bidder.

 

And if it wasn't clear enough, let me summarize your lessons for you:

 

a) Again , never buy gifts as a means to gain a woman's attention for the first time.

b) Discussions about financial struggles come way later in a relationship. You have no business discussing that with a partner in a relationship that's practically starting. She was preparing you for the "Could you send me $" speech. And I have a gut feeling she actually did get to it.

c) Trust your gut. You knew this was wrong on so many levels but I will logically assume she was so pretty that she warranted the risk.

d) You are hurt but believe me it could've been worse. You could've been suckered in for way more $. Be grateful that is over.

 

She is not worth your trouble. She is not worth your anguish. She is not worth your retort.

 

You are probably asking yourself "Why would she do this, after everything I did for her" ?

 

Answer: Because she can, and because your let her do it to you.

 

Don't fret though, life catches up to people like her. Once again learn from this, and walk out of this with your head held up high. Don't do anything stupid beyond this point and let that girl walk her own path. Believe me, years down the road , she will be working a lot harder for those $ favors, once her reputation catches up with her.

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I'm sorry you are hurting.

 

This girl used you & played you. While you cared about her she only acted like she cared about you. She was all about what you could do for her & what you could buy for her. When you didn't fork over the expensive phone, she ended things.

 

You are better off without her. Do grieve the loss of what you thought you had. Then pick yourself up, dust yourself off & find a genuine local girl to date

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is she playing more games??? - I think the question you really have in your head is "is she showing me that she may want me back".

 

 

She may be playing games, but the worst games are the ones we play out in our own heads. Get out of her head and give your own head a break. Stop looking at social media for a while. Communicate with friends by going out with them and connecting in real life. Start enjoying yourself and date lots of nice women who are mature, honest and know what they want.

Edited by Redhead14
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