Transplant, struggling to move on. Next step?

[Sharp200]

Good afternoon everyone, I wanted to share some details about my situation and see if anyone could offer me some advice or even just some ideas to think about. I am 3.5 months post-breakup and am still struggling with my situation on a daily basis.

 

After college graduation, I accepted a job offer in a city that I had never been to before and in which I did not know a single person. I was able to transition into my new life much easier than I ever could have hoped...career was going great, I formed a very close friend group, I was casually dating regularly & more successfully than ever before, I was enjoying exploring my new city, staying physically fit, and so on. About a year into my time here, I met my now-ex.

 

Our relationship lasted 2.5 years & we lived together for about 2 of those years. Many aspects of our relationship were a dream come true for me – I got to experience my first love, something I longed to find for so long (this was my first serious & exclusive long-term relationship as an adult). I got to come home every night after work to a physically beautiful, affectionate, funny, and passionate woman and share an emotional and physical bond with her. I got to travel the world with my partner by my side, in love with one another. On the other side of the coin, many aspects of the relationship have traumatized me and things happened that I never want to experience again. We had volatile arguments regularly. I was emotionally abused and manipulated. I was constantly pressured to increase the pace of our relationship. I was isolated from my friends. My boundaries were not respected. I was betrayed.

 

With my relationship no longer a part of my life, I feel that I have very little left to fall back on in this city, other than the memories of the last few years. Because my city attracts so many transplants, the close-knit friend group and social circle I formed here slowly got smaller and smaller as my friends moved back home or to new cities over the course my relationship. Before my relationship I had about 10-15 good friends in this city that I could socialize with, and now it is down to 2-3. Career wise, I am no longer feeling fulfilled with the industry I work in and do not see my future in it. Because I was so swept up and all-in on my relationship and being with my first love, I did not actively seek to replace lost friends with new connections, or look at making a career change, and now I am facing the perfect storm from all angles and I basically feel like I am back to square one in this city.

 

It is clear to me that I have to re-build my life, and I have decided I want to move out of this area and start the next chapter of my life back closer to home where I already have roots, ,my original friends, and family. I want some input on if you feel that I am doing this for the right reasons. My ex and I were not right for each other, and breaking up was for the best, but I’d be lying if I told you I don’t still love her. Because of my feelings, the loss of my support system (local friends, career fulfillment) and the vast majority of my experiences/memories in this city having been with her, it has been nearly impossible for me to disassociate the link between her/us & this city – every time I go to a bar, or a restaurant, hell even a ride through town, my mind doesn’t think about the future or some new great woman that could be waiting to meet a guy like me here, it goes back to the times that the ex & I went out there, or did that thing at that place. It has been making it impossible for me to move on and focus on my future and be all-in on meeting new people here.

 

 

Do you think that a move would be the best single thing for me right now? Or do you think there are deeper issues at-play inside myself that would continue to haunt me wherever I go next? If you think a move is best, do I want until I’m completely over my feelings for her, or do I move ASAP and not delay my future any longer?

[Thingsfallapart]

Wherever you go, there you are