Should It Feel Normal To Feel Still Feel The Original Pain From A Really Bad Break Up

[broken1x]

I read through an old e-mail I sent an ex-boyfriend after a really ****ty falling out almost 7 months ago . I remember being such an an inconsolable mess at the time. Feeling completely disposable, betrayed, everything ... I just couldn't get back to being me. The way he left broke my heart in two, and left me completely devastated, and shattered to the point that I didn't know what was what. I remember being such a sweetheart when I met him and throughout the duration and end of it all ... I was just cold. Just gone. I just wasn't me.

 

Fast-forward to tonight, I read the last email I ever sent to him. I just started to bawl. I felt the pain from when it all happened again, you know. To this day I still have flashbacks to it all like some sort of war veteran. Then I have bouts where I miss him so terribly that I yearn to reach out to him. I feel completely neurotic. There are days where I still feel he was the one for me- and wish it would've worked out, then there are days where I hate his guts and everything he did to me. I wish I could be the sweet wide-eyed girl I was before I met him, he was my first and only partner and I feel like my dating life is kind of taken a hit in light of everything that happened.

 

I've been meeting men casually, but haven't felt a sliver of the electricity that I felt with him- I wonder if I ever will.

 

Are these thoughts normal?

[glows]

It's normal because you were very naive. Forgive yourself and be gentler with yourself. Let's start with the old email: delete it forever and then go to your delete folder and delete it forever. Re-reading toxic letters or emails from the past can trigger emotions from the past. You're asking too much of yourself to not feel or remember anything or be impervious to it. Practice more kindness to yourself.

 

You have to make the decision to move forward and stop these self-sabotaging actions like dredging up old items, old mail, old anything. Acknowledge that the past happened but don't let it rule or control the rest of your life.

[broken1x]

It's normal because you were very naive. Forgive yourself and be gentler with yourself. Let's start with the old email: delete it forever and then go to your delete folder and delete it forever. Re-reading toxic letters or emails from the past can trigger emotions from the past. You're asking too much of yourself to not feel or remember anything or be impervious to it. Practice more kindness to yourself.

 

You have to make the decision to move forward and stop these self-sabotaging actions like dredging up old items, old mail, old anything. Acknowledge that the past happened but don't let it rule or control the rest of your life.

This spoke to me. - never thought to just delete it. - done.

[guest569]

Definitely seems normal especially given that you have re-read this email. I'm assuming those words are powerful and emotive. I had flashbacks too from my previous relationship. At one point it was like I was there again. Even a year or two after the breakup I can still feel those emotions from time to time but this frequency and intensity is much less now. Now I just feel ticked off from time to time and sometimes disbelief.

 

Don't feel like that person you were before is gone forever. Experiences do change us a little and we learn from them. You're still the same person you were before, you're just struggling at the moment.

[TeddyPSmith]

it sucks but seems totally normal. I break down and cry when I see pics of her or read the last texts we sent each other. Its been 6 months for me. In fact, every emotion you've described sounds just like me.

 

You might look into EMDR therapy to help you work through the emotions.

[d0nnivain]

You picked at the scab & all the hurt came back. You were actually doing somewhat better since the original break up. It all came flooding back when you re-read the email.

 

One of the reasons your healing is taking so long is that you haven't done the important step of purging him from your life. You keep painful reminders like that email around to torture yourself.

 

Go get a flash drive, a big box & a lot of packing tape. Now take all the mementos -- stuffed animals, favorite shirts, gifts etc. & either throw them out or put them in the box. Get your phone, you computer & your cloud. Either delete all the pictures, texts, & emails permanently or store them to the thumb drive. Put the drive in the box. Now tape the heck out of that box . . . multiple times, round & round so it's a complete p.i.t.a. to reopen the box. Put the box in the attic, garage or the back of the deepest closet you have.

 

Now go have a good cry & start tomorrow fresh without all those reminders.