drdre Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 As I'm going through mine, I started wondering how long, on average, people take to get over a break up. From there, I'd love to gather some data: - how long was the relationship - how long did it take you to get over the break up? I'm defining "over it" as a place where you could see that person at a party, have a conversation and genuinely wish them well and walk away with you mood unaltered (or great because you dodged a bullet) - how long from the break up before you dated another person - was the new person better than the break up person I'd love to compile averages and try to infer whether dating after a break up has any effect on healing as well as, whether that has to do with the feeling that you found something better (or haven't found someone as good again). Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
planb1973 Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 (edited) We were together for 9 months when things abruptly came to an end. Two weeks later, heart still broken, met someone out of the blue. The next day I saw her for the first time since the breakup, knees got weak and I felt sick to my stomach. We talked, I wished her well. I warned the new woman that I was very recently out of a relationship. But within another couple of weeks realized how much had been missing for me in the previous relationship. To answer all your inquiries: 9 month relationship I'd say about a month to be fully over it 2 weeks before I dated someone (honestly I was not looking and taking a break from dating) The new woman is the absolute best ever, way better than the previous one. Edited August 22, 2018 by planb1973 typo Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 In my case I am the one that did the break up. I was over it before I even pulled the trigger. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 -My previous relationship ended after about a year, give or take. He was not a stable person, and I finally had enough. I was the one who ultimately ended it. -I was over it before I actually ended it, so seeing him thereafter wouldn't have stirred any longing or sadness. It was high time for me to move on and my romantic inclinations towards him were gone. -As he could be emotionally and verbally abusive, I took probably a good year off dating to just focus on me and have fun. Get to know myself again and enjoy the single life. Recover the emotional energy I'd lost in dating someone like him. I met a couple guys in that period, but I was not looking for a boyfriend and didn't pursue anything. -Maybe 1.5 years after I had broken up with my ex, I met my current partner. He is a far better man and partner to me than my ex ever was. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 From my most recent breakup (my threads here contain details) - how long was the relationship 6 years. - how long did it take you to get over the break up? Probably 2-3 weeks. To be fair I was checked out of that relationship for months before I actually pulled the trigger. I was just more nervous about seeing her upset/angry... but she also recovered really quickly (about a month). We're pretty good friends now. - how long from the break up before you dated another person Again, 2-3 weeks. I didn't expect it... we just hooked up after a few drinks and eventually found ourselves to be compatible with each other after a couple of dates. - was the new person better than the break up person A lot better. Sex is better, our personalities mesh a lot better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Young mind Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 2.5 years "dumpee" Took me about 9-10 months to be over it, it will be a year in Sept. Feel a lot better, a proof that time is all that is needed, focusing on my goals, couldn't feel any less fulfilled without a relationship. Dated after about 6 months, but that didn't work so well because I saw the same patterns in my ex and the break up really made me realise what I wanted in a partner, wasn't just looking for anyone or anybody! Can't really say better because all honeymoon stages are the same generally speaking. I believe there is no YES/NO answer to date after a breakup, the most important thing lies in self assessment, dumpers are quick to say I was over it in 2 seconds, only because they have the power in that situation like any other situation, but anyone who believes he/she is completely absolved of error or blame is wrong. In most cases, dating speeds up the 'healing' because nothing can substitute our ego being stroked by someone else 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 the end of my fifteen year relationship about seven years.my family grieved for a very long time.....my recent six month relationship ended a couple of years ago....but i was over it while in it.....we were way too different people on different paths...i guess it really depends how your heart is invested and how much of yourself you put in.....to the relationship.... deb Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyPSmith Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 Dated for 2 years. Been broken up for 6 months. I am still not over this one. I am expecting at least a year for this one. It was the first relationship after a divorce (together 11 years). I went all in on this one and it hurts like a SOB. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 - how long was the relationship Dating and married - 7 years in total - how long did it take you to get over the break up? I'm defining "over it" as a place where you could see that person at a party, have a conversation and genuinely wish them well and walk away with you mood unaltered (or great because you dodged a bullet) I'd done most of my processing while still in the relationship. I was in shock for a few weeks after leaving, but always wished him well. - how long from the break up before you dated another person Two months. I wasn't looking, but we met and the rest is history. - was the new person better than the break up person Soooo much better. We're still together 26 years later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 As I'm going through mine, I started wondering how long, on average, people take to get over a break up. From there, I'd love to gather some data: - how long was the relationship - 24+ years - how long did it take you to get over the break up? I'm defining "over it" as a place where you could see that person at a party, have a conversation and genuinely wish them well and walk away with you mood unaltered (or great because you dodged a bullet) - as soon as I decided to leave - but that process took a few years to reach the point where I could actually leave; at that point I was done and ready to move on ASAP - how long from the break up before you dated another person - 2 weeks after I moved out; I was ready for a year or so before I actually moved out - was the new person better than the break up person - immensely better; I dated many great women right after I left, but among those was the one who eventually became my second wife, now - very happily - in year 19 of our relationship I'd love to compile averages and try to infer whether dating after a break up has any effect on healing as well as, whether that has to do with the feeling that you found something better (or haven't found someone as good again). Thanks! IMO, healing and how soon you're ready to date depends mostly on two factors: who made the decision to split up, and how long before actually moving out you had time to adjust to facing a new reality. Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyPSmith Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 Dated for 2 years. Been broken up for 6 months. I am still not over this one. I am expecting at least a year for this one. It was the first relationship after a divorce (together 11 years). I went all in on this one and it hurts like a SOB. Forgot about the last 2 questions... Ive dated (more accurately hooked up) with several girls since. None of them could take my mind off of my ex. I did meet a girl that is a friend that I developed a crush on recently. She is the only thing to shift my heart a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author drdre Posted August 23, 2018 Author Share Posted August 23, 2018 - how long was the relationship Dating and married - 7 years in total - how long did it take you to get over the break up? I'm defining "over it" as a place where you could see that person at a party, have a conversation and genuinely wish them well and walk away with you mood unaltered (or great because you dodged a bullet) I'd done most of my processing while still in the relationship. I was in shock for a few weeks after leaving, but always wished him well. - how long from the break up before you dated another person Two months. I wasn't looking, but we met and the rest is history. - was the new person better than the break up person Soooo much better. We're still together 26 years later. Wow! Hope my story ends like this one! Keep the answers coming folks! I want to put them all in excel at the end and share back the numbers with everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
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