My ex still won't face me

[fireflyingaway]

My boyfriend broke up with me almost a year ago. I wasn't a good break up and it hurt. It really broke my heart.

 

We really haven't talked and we went a good six months with no contact.

 

I dated and I've moved on with my life as best I could, but I still felt like I needed some closure. When we broke up he literally just disappeared.

 

Now that time as passed there are some things I'd like to say. Nothing harsh and I'm not going to bash him or be cruel. It's just I'd like to face him. I'd like the opportunity to just smooth things over and try to gain some final closure through this whole thing. I still have some things that weigh on my heart.

 

I have written countless journal entries and letters, but I felt like just being able to have a conversation with him would help so much.

 

I don't love him anymore and I'm not trying to get him back. So I decided I wanted to reach out to him to see if he'd meet up with me just to talk.

 

He said no. He's going through "emotional turmoil" and "it's not the best time for him". Even after a year, he still won't face me.

 

It stinks, but I guess that was my final sign. Closure is a joke. I need to find it from within.

[drdre]

I hear closure is like throwing up. Only Comes from within and you feel better afterwards?

 

I don't know what I'm talking about though. Looking for it right now.

[basil67]

Sorry this is still bugging you. Closure is really just another word for acceptance. Unless there's something else you're also wanting to achieve?

 

I looked back at the thread you wrote when you'd just broken up. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/635713-my-emotionally-unavailable-guy-my-story Reading through the history you had together, it was pretty clear to you that he wasn't meeting your needs. He was also aware of this and that was the reason he had to end it. I suggest you re-read it - it may help.

 

A little piece of advice for future dating: if a guy isn't meeting your needs and you have to keep raising the issue - don't give your all to try and save it. Instead, learn to recognise when the two of you are incompatible and to walk away.

[BC1980]

Like basil said, closure just means you accept what happened and don't care about it anymore. Your ex doesn't need to be involved. I do understand wanting to face a person to try to get some answers or just speak your mind, but it won't help you feel any better. You will just be rehashing old stuff and will make no progress. It's easy to labor under the illusion that if we can just talk to our ex, say what we have been rehearsing in our head, and hear what we've been imagining they will say, it will all make sense and the breakup will be tied up in a neat bow.

 

In reality, endings are messy. There's never a good way to breakup where both parties feel fine about it and go on without a care. You have to just cut things off and move on. Eventually, you'll get to a place where you've forgotten the details of the breakup, and you have no interest in rehashing any of the events surrounding it.

[Sugarkane]

He sounds like a complete coward and you are better off than being with someone like this. Everyone seems to be a coward these days because it's easier for them?