sythlaracal Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Hi friends. So my girlfriend ended things with me yesterday. The reason was because she felt that we were incompatible and that her feeling faded. She felt we were incompatible because we have different love languages and that we come from different family backgrounds and were basically raised differently and thus, our perceptions and interpretations of love were vastly different. The catch was that during the time when her feelings faded, she didn't tell me at all, and she acted as though nothing was wrong when i was with her. So as much as i wanted to pick those up, it was hard to tell. She couldn't open up to me and i guess she was afraid that letting me that her feelings faded would hurt me. But i feel more hurt that i didnt have the chance to offer a solution we could both work on together. What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 I think that's code for, you'll be finding out about her new boyfriend soon. Don't understand why people can just say, hey I'm digging someone else so time for us to move on. Its still painful, but it's not blaming the dumpee for things ending. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sythlaracal Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 Even is she has a person in mind, is there anything or anyway i should respond in order for her feelings for me to rekindle? What should i do at this moment? Wait? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 How long were you together, OP? How old are you both? The truth is that if she didn't voice her concerns, it was because she didn't have any interest in fixing things. Link to post Share on other sites
OngoingThoughts Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 (edited) Hey OP, I'm sorry to hear. A few weeks ago the exact same happened to me. I kept holding on for 6 weeks hoping I could somehow convince her that her feelings for me weren't gone and that our relationship was worth it. And that we should talk about it and work it out. She kept me in limbo for these 6 weeks because she wasn't sure if she wanted to work it out. I don't know what to advise you, but know that those 6 weeks have been torture. We ended up in NC for the coming 2 months anyway. So that she can figure out what she wants and if she will miss me, and I can work on moving on. Edited July 19, 2018 by OngoingThoughts Link to post Share on other sites
Author sythlaracal Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 How long were you together, OP? How old are you both? The truth is that if she didn't voice her concerns, it was because she didn't have any interest in fixing things. We were together for 8 months. We're in our younger 20s. I felt as though she didn't have the confidence in us to pull through and she shouldered everything on her own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sythlaracal Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 Hey OP, I'm sorry to hear. A few weeks ago the exact same happened to me. I kept holding on for 6 weeks hoping I could somehow convince her that her feelings for me weren't gone and that our relationship was worth it. And that we should talk about it and work it out. She kept me in limbo for these 6 weeks because she wasn't sure if she wanted to work it out. I don't know what to advise you, but know that those 6 weeks have been torture. We ended up in NC for the coming 2 months anyway. So that she can figure out what she wants and if she will miss me, and I can work on moving on. Sorry to hear that man. Thanks for the heads up Link to post Share on other sites
OngoingThoughts Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 We were together for 8 months. We're in our younger 20s. I felt as though she didn't have the confidence in us to pull through and she shouldered everything on her own. Same here. Young 20s and together for about a year. I guess you have to think about if you want to go through the same limbo as I did for 6 awful weeks. Sometimes it's worth it, sometimes it is not. I guess I'll be able to tell you in 2 months. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 The way she handled this is pretty common, even for men. There could be someone else she has in mind, but probably not. She just decided over time (not even consciously, I think) that things weren't working for her, finally it came to a head or became a conscious realization, and she knew what to do - end it. I've done the same. There's a feeling of things not being quite right, but not clearly identifiable, so there's nothing to say. It's just that you aren't a great match. One person may be fine with things as they are, but that does not mean the other person is or ever will be. Once they realize that, they make a decision. Once the feelings gone, they're almost never regained, because they realize the incompatibilities can't be overcome, for them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 We were together for 8 months. We're in our younger 20s. I felt as though she didn't have the confidence in us to pull through and she shouldered everything on her own. If you have to convince a woman to stay in a relationship with you, she is simply the wrong woman. If she didn't even attempt to talk or work on it she isn't that interested. Maybe not what you want to hear, but energy best spent elsewhere. Give her 0 energy, if she regains interest she will let you know, if not you've already started moving on. Don't waste time waiting for someone who isn't matching your commitment. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 We were together for 8 months. We're in our younger 20s. I felt as though she didn't have the confidence in us to pull through and she shouldered everything on her own. That doesn't make a lot of sense, really. If she'd wanted to try to work things out, believe me when I say you would have known. I know it hurts, but when a girl really likes you, she is going to try to make things work so you can continue dating. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 I think you can't put much stock in the stated reason anybody ever gives you for a break up. The person who wants out, just wants out. The reason is usually designed to be unassailable (meaning you can't talk them out of the decision) while being as kind as possible, trying to soften the blow. So stop analyzing. Accept her reason & move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Estuaire Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Go no contact. It's win win. This happened to me with a 6 year relt recently. Compared to my previous breakups where I didn't use no contact, the recovery has been expedited albeit more intense. Going no contact gives her time and space to miss you. She likely won't come back, but you either heal much much faster or she does. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted July 20, 2018 Share Posted July 20, 2018 Sorry to hear OP. Others here will say she has someone else waiting, but I'm going to be optimisitic and say that's not the case. I think that there were little things that she didn't like about the relationship, and over time her feelings faded, but she felt too guilty/anxious to bring it up (I did that... never again, I will always be honest even if it's brutal!). Unfortunately when feelings fade, there is not much you can do to bring them back because they won't be interested in putting in the work to fix the relationship. It really sucks, especially because it isn't anyone's fault. But in that circumstance, it's best to leave sooner rather than later so you can both move on quicker. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sythlaracal Posted July 20, 2018 Author Share Posted July 20, 2018 Do you think that by leaving (for my own sake), that it will begin to re-attract her? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 20, 2018 Share Posted July 20, 2018 Do you think that by leaving (for my own sake), that it will begin to re-attract her? No. I think she wanted out & there probably isn't anything you can do to get her back. Walk away anyway to preserve your self respect. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted July 20, 2018 Share Posted July 20, 2018 Do you think that by leaving (for my own sake), that it will begin to re-attract her? Unlikely. Her feelings had faded for some time before she decided to break up with you. The whole point of leaving and not contacting her is to allow yourself to heal and move on. It sucks to hear, but there's no other way than to go through this process. Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted July 20, 2018 Share Posted July 20, 2018 The only way reconciliation can ever happen, is for you to agree that she is right to break up. Look at what happened: you were blindsided, does that not tell you she may be right about the incompatibility? You broke up because you were not on the same page. You see that now. If the relationship had been good, you would have seen the break up coming. Don't you want someone you can get close enough to, that you have the confidence you know where she's at? After you are on the same page, that is, you both agree it didn't work. Then maybe in the future you can try again when you're both older. People change. When you're young, you're still learning what you need in a relationship. Very few people find their forever partner in their 20's. Most split up after awhile, and most often the two people don't exit at the exact same time. You might leave her next year. Don't take it too hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts