Alw5756 Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 (edited) My ex and I split back in February breakjng off our engagement but decided a few months ago to try and work things out. After I moved back to his state, we were hooking up and when I asked what we were, he said we didn't have a title, that we're just "hanging out". We were spending time together, he, myself and my young son. There were pics of us all over Facebook and Instagram previously but in June he deleted his Instagram. Yesterday I was approved to launch a global marketing site for my company so I started up a second Instagram. Curious, I went to see if he still had IG and look and behold, he had. He blocked me and took down all of our photos. I went to Facebook and saw he did the same. Upset, I confronted him asking why would he do that and it made me feel like I was just a back burner until something else came along. He offered no explanation, said he wasn't going to fight with me. After I stopped responding to his messages where he was asking if we should just be friends, he officially dumped me. I don't understand what happened. I'm 31 and he's 38. It seems really suspicious to me, like he was trying to hide something by hiding us. I can't believe that somebody would want to be with my son and I when they erase pictures of us, captured memories. I don't think I did anything wrong so I don't understand why I'm being punished. Immediately after dumping me, he blocked me on Facebook. Title is accidentally misleading. I was dumped because of social media. Edited July 16, 2018 by Alw5756 Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 He was telling you that second time around it was just a hook up, you didnt want to hear that. He told you there was no "title", just hanging out. ie. hooking up. The only thing you did wrong was expect more out of hooking up than he did. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 My ex and I split back in February breakjng off our engagement but decided a few months ago to try and work things out. After I moved back to his state, we were hooking up and when I asked what we were, he said we didn't have a title, that we're just "hanging out". We were spending time together, he, myself and my young son. There were pics of us all over Facebook and Instagram previously but in June he deleted his Instagram. Yesterday I was approved to launch a global marketing site for my company so I started up a second Instagram. Curious, I went to see if he still had IG and look and behold, he had. He blocked me and took down all of our photos. I went to Facebook and saw he did the same. Upset, I confronted him asking why would he do that and it made me feel like I was just a back burner until something else came along. He offered no explanation, said he wasn't going to fight with me. After I stopped responding to his messages where he was asking if we should just be friends, he officially dumped me. I don't understand what happened. I'm 31 and he's 38. It seems really suspicious to me, like he was trying to hide something by hiding us. I can't believe that somebody would want to be with my son and I when they erase pictures of us, captured memories. I don't think I did anything wrong so I don't understand why I'm being punished. Immediately after dumping me, he blocked me on Facebook. Title is accidentally misleading. I was dumped because of social media. He isn't punishing you he's seeing someone else and doesn't want her to see anything about you and your son. He made it clear you two aren't together. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 My ex and I split back in February breakjng off our engagement but decided a few months ago to try and work things out. After I moved back to his state, we were hooking up and when I asked what we were, he said we didn't have a title, that we're just "hanging out". We were spending time together, he, myself and my young son. There were pics of us all over Facebook and Instagram previously but in June he deleted his Instagram. ... I don't understand what happened. I'm 31 and he's 38. It seems really suspicious to me, like he was trying to hide something by hiding us. I can't believe that somebody would want to be with my son and I when they erase pictures of us, captured memories. I don't think I did anything wrong so I don't understand why I'm being punished. Immediately after dumping me, he blocked me on Facebook. Title is accidentally misleading. I was dumped because of social media. So ... sorry to hear of your pain and your confusion. A few points ... You yourself used the phrase "we were hooking up" when you guys started to see each other (literally see each other--not commitment-see-each-other) again ... So you agree that this was hooking up, not dating. There is a HUGE difference. The bolded section in your quote is what really got you into trouble. You misread the situation ... and this is a lesson you can use in the future. Until someone tells you, "I am dating you and I am dating you exclusively," it does not matter if you spend two years hanging out with them. Until you guys say to each other "So we're back together and we're going to be exclusive" you are NOT back together and not exclusive. You fell for the hoper's delusion ... The hoper is hoping that the other wants to get together .. .and so the hoper interprets every positive contact as evidence that other person really does want to reconcile. Now, he messed up as well .. He could have noticed your feelings and taken a moment to say, "Look we are NOT dating. I am not dating you." He could have done that. But he didn't. And you didn't protect yourself. Clearly to me ... he is hiding you ... and the only reason people hide other people is because they are seeing someone else. That's pretty straight-forward to me ... You went into your head and created a dream world. Maybe he's not saying we're dating. But he's treating me like we're dating. We're spending time together and he seems to be enjoying things. Good so far ... until the mistake: Therefore we are dating. No. You aren't dating until both partners tell each other so. You're not alone in getting confused by him. There are exes all across the world who have sex with their former partners and start to imagine that this means the relationship is back on. Sex with a former partner means NO SUCH THING! Time with former partner, even pleasant time, means NO SUCH THING. Until the other person tells you you're dating, you aren't dating. Sorry to you had to learn this the hard way. Again, he could have been better at keeping distance ... and noticing that you were feeling more than he was. But you don't want to rely on the "goodness" of the other partner. You want to protect yourself in the future. And I assume you know that having sex almost never changes someone's mind about wanting to date you. People enjoy having sex with other people all the time. Doesn't mean that they want to date the other person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 My ex and I split back in February breakjng off our engagement but decided a few months ago to try and work things out. After I moved back to his state, we were hooking up and when I asked what we were, he said we didn't have a title, that we're just "hanging out". We were spending time together, he, myself and my young son. There were pics of us all over Facebook and Instagram previously but in June he deleted his Instagram. Yesterday I was approved to launch a global marketing site for my company so I started up a second Instagram. Curious, I went to see if he still had IG and look and behold, he had. He blocked me and took down all of our photos. I went to Facebook and saw he did the same. Upset, I confronted him asking why would he do that and it made me feel like I was just a back burner until something else came along. He offered no explanation, said he wasn't going to fight with me. After I stopped responding to his messages where he was asking if we should just be friends, he officially dumped me. I don't understand what happened. I'm 31 and he's 38. It seems really suspicious to me, like he was trying to hide something by hiding us. I can't believe that somebody would want to be with my son and I when they erase pictures of us, captured memories. I don't think I did anything wrong so I don't understand why I'm being punished. Immediately after dumping me, he blocked me on Facebook. Title is accidentally misleading. I was dumped because of social media. I'm sorry this happened. But from your story, it doesn't seem like you ever truly got back together. You were hooking up with no title...that's not the same as having a serious second go round at a new commitment. I'm not gonna beat up on you, we all make mistakes, so let this be a lesson learned: don't put your heart and child on the line in the future before having a solid understanding of what's going on. If you want a relationship don't hook up without a title and hope it becomes one or sort of tell yourself that it is one. It will only end up hurting you. This seems like a case of hooking back up with an ex who wasn't in it for a future, just an in the mean time scenario. That said though, I don't believe he is punishing you. I believe you two just had very different understandings of what was going on and it seems since you aren't actually together he might have deleted pictures of you guys as people do when a relationship is over. Again, don't take it as I'm blaming you, because I've been there, where someone was loud and clear in action and word or inaction and no words what something was, but I didn't listen or believe them and ended up being hurt...but if I was honest, they didn't lie or pretend, they did enough and I was willing to fill in the rest with my fantasies. He was wrong for leading you on when he knew you wanted more, but he also was honest that you weren't anything so you also had a responsibility to listen to what he was saying and walk away if it wasn't what you wanted. It hurts but it's normal for people to delete ex's on social media. It's not a punishment but a way to detach and move on. I know it sucks and is shocking because you had a different perspective, but I'd write a letter to him (but DON'T send it) getting out all your feelings and then proceed to accepting that you'll have a much better future with someone who wants to be with you rather than hanging on to this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
ThreeRainbows Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 (edited) Just as a quick aside... Make sure your son is OK. Make sure he knows about protecting himself from unwanted touch. It cannot hurt to have a direct talk with your son. Edited July 16, 2018 by ThreeRainbows Link to post Share on other sites
N2017 Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 I think blocking someone on multiple social media and deleting pictures of you and him are a pretty strong sign... i don't believe you should have created a new instagram and confronted him about it. You're 30 years old for God's sake this isn't high school Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 OP, I realize this hurts, but why were you permitting him to post photos of you two and your kid when he was clear you two were not an item? Or was this you posting these photos? It sounds as though, unfortunately, you weren't really accepting what he was telling you when he said you were not back together. I don't think he's necessarily punishing you but he's realized he cannot continue seeing you. It sounds like he has met someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alw5756 Posted July 17, 2018 Author Share Posted July 17, 2018 He was telling you that second time around it was just a hook up, you didnt want to hear that. He told you there was no "title", just hanging out. ie. hooking up. The only thing you did wrong was expect more out of hooking up than he did. He told me we were just hanging out but he wanted to work things out. We just needed to wait and see how things go. I said we were hooking up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alw5756 Posted July 17, 2018 Author Share Posted July 17, 2018 I think where I'm confused is according to him, we were "hanging out" but we were still going on dates, he was inviting me to social gatherings with his family and told me he wanted to work things out. He also told me we didn't have a title and we were just hanging out. We weren't supposed to see other people or pursue other people. That was his idea. So now I'm really confused. It wasn't just hooking up. It was like everything involved in a relationship but the title. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alw5756 Posted July 17, 2018 Author Share Posted July 17, 2018 OP, I realize this hurts, but why were you permitting him to post photos of you two and your kid when he was clear you two were not an item? Or was this you posting these photos? It sounds as though, unfortunately, you weren't really accepting what he was telling you when he said you were not back together. I don't think he's necessarily punishing you but he's realized he cannot continue seeing you. It sounds like he has met someone else. We were together for three years. The photos were from when we were together. And we were keeping them up because we were trying to work things out. He told me he wanted to work things out several months back. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 We were together for three years. The photos were from when we were together. And we were keeping them up because we were trying to work things out. He told me he wanted to work things out several months back. Sadly, his words and his behaviour were not lining up, as you now know. It is better you discovered this now, much as it hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alw5756 Posted July 17, 2018 Author Share Posted July 17, 2018 I think blocking someone on multiple social media and deleting pictures of you and him are a pretty strong sign... i don't believe you should have created a new instagram and confronted him about it. You're 30 years old for God's sake this isn't high school I created the second IG for my marketing job and I wanted my personal IG and business IG kept separate. And of course I would confront him about it when he told me that we were working things out and we would only see each other exclusively. He kept me on a short leash, logging into my FB and IG accounts and checking my phone when we were together. But weren't in a relationship so I don't get it. I didn't put everything in my post, I tried to keep it summarized best as possible. He officially dumped me after I didn't respond to him for an hour. The whole thing feels high school. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alw5756 Posted July 17, 2018 Author Share Posted July 17, 2018 (edited) I created the second IG for my marketing job and I wanted my personal IG and business IG kept separate. And of course I would confront him about it when he told me that we were working things out and we would only see each other exclusively. He kept me on a short leash, logging into my FB and IG accounts and checking my phone when we were together. But weren't in a relationship so I don't get it. I didn't put everything in my post, I tried to keep it summarized best as possible. He officially dumped me after I didn't respond to him for an hour. The whole thing feels high school. And the only reason I found out was because my FB was being accessed from my old laptop at his location on a daily basis and unread messages were being read. I hadn't changed my passwords yet and when I asked about it, he confessed. He never checked my phone in front of me but he always asked me about things later on. And then there was always the fight about invasion of privacy. The whole thing feels toxic. Edited July 17, 2018 by Alw5756 Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 And the only reason I found out was because my FB was being accessed from my old laptop at his location on a daily basis and unread messages were being read. I hadn't changed my passwords yet and when I asked about it, he confessed. He never checked my phone in front of me but he always asked me about things later on. And then there was always the fight about invasion of privacy. The whole thing feels toxic. Right on! At least now you know. Sad, but true. Link to post Share on other sites
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